~SONGBIRDS~

It's Ova.

2005-10-20T02:11:00.000-07:00

We're leaving on a jet plane, Don't know when we'll be back again.........

(Against my better judgment) My blogmates and I have decided to jump ship and move to blogsome (with everyone else) so from now on you can find us at http://songbirds.blogsome.com. Chops (our resident html specialist) did such a wonderful job setting it up I guess I really can't complain.

Off to greener pastures..... See you over there!

MOVING DAY FOR MY BROTHER

2005-10-18T10:36:00.000-07:00

Well, I know it's been a long time since I wrote something but I've been very busy. My kids have been doing extracurricular activities, and one of my brothers got married on the 15th of Oct. but that is a whole other story. The tale I'm going to tell is about my oldest brother that came from New York to stay with us. Now my brother came out here two years ago, he was suppose to be on his own within six months to a year. Well as you probably guessed he's still here. Now let me give you some background on my brother. We will call him Senior Scorpio (his b-day is the day after mine). Ok since we were young he has had a problem with keeping himself and his room clean. Now you would expect that of a growing boy going through puberty. Well S.S. is now in his mid-thirties and he still needs to be told to wash his body and his clothes. Not to mention change the dirty clothes he has on. He shares my sons' room and the smell that comes out of there is awful. I have done all I could, from telling him he stinks, to going in there and cleaning it myself. I even bought my son a new bunk bed set. The old one had a full size bed at the bottom and this one has a futon chair that pulls out into a twin size bed. Well, he was suppose to move into a 2 bedroom apt with his girlfriend, but the week before, he got drunk and spent about $400(that wasn't his, from they're joint account) on bulls*it. She got mad and got their deposit back from the apt. I was so mad because he is still here. Well now he is suppose to be moving again. With the same girl, about 15 minutes away in her mothers apt building. Can we all jump for joy!!! I am counting down the days (it's now 2 days to go). Hopefully he will get out and stay out. He is so childish, and when my son who is eleven can take a bath and clean up after himself better than an 33 year old there is a big problem. Well now it is his girlfriends problem. I hope she likes cleaning up after a grown man.

I will be writing later to tell you guys about my other brother's wedding. You will get a good laugh from that one.

The Birthday Monkey

2005-10-07T00:38:00.000-07:00

It's 12:38am and I am still at work....bleh!!!!!!

......365 more days till 30 (and Puerto Rico!)

(No special reason for the picture, I just like it.)

LAZY WAY OUT (another meme)

2005-10-04T09:42:00.000-07:00

*Stolen from this blogger*

Accent - California (I like guess, like, that is like, like, what you would hella call it.)
Bra size - 36D.
Chore I hate - Washing dishes
Dad's name - Franklin
Essential make-up - Anything by Mac or Nars.
Favorite perfume - Burberry Weekends (at the moment)
Gold or Silver? - Both
Hometown - San Francisco Ca
Insomnia - Well if sleeping all day and not at night counts then yes.
Job Title - Cop sitter.
Kids -Not yet...maybe never.
Living Arrangement - ALONE!!!!
Mom's Birthplace - Shreveport
Number of Sexual Partners - Yeah, like I'm gonna answer that.
Overnight Hospital Stays - When I was 6 I had my adenoids (sp?) removed...Do they even do that anymore?
Phobia - Missing out on anything (events, food, sales, gossip, concerts, life, you name it) oh, and spiders!
Favorite Quote - (it changes on a daily bases) Don't fall in love with someone's potential. ~Marama. I have a wee problem with project dating but I'm working on it.
Religion - Christian. I'm a bible thumper.
Siblings - Two younger brothers.
Two I'm tagging - Coley and Ja-me.
Unnatural hair colors I've worn - Purple, Blue, Red, Green...highschool was a bad time for me.
Vegetable I refuse to eat - All vegetables excluding asparagus and broccoli.
Worst habit - *sigh* Sleeping to much and passing gas in public. (I'm working on the 2nd issue).
X-rays I've had - Dental.
Yummy foods I make - Steak and most meat's (although Chops might have other opinions about my fish)
Zodiac sign - Libra (October 7 to be exact.) but I don't believe in all that astrology crap.

Catch Up.

2005-09-28T12:59:00.000-07:00

*This is the follow up to the previous post about my home buying nightmare.*

Sooooo where did we leave off? Oh yes, the fire. I found out the day after I had all the locks changed that a fire had destoryed half of the building the night before. The fire stopped about 10 Ft from my front door. Luckily the smoke smell killed the stench that the the squatter left behind. With all of his crap out on the deck I painted, cleaned, packed, cleaned, had the carpet ripped out, cleaned, changed the fixtures, cleaned, oh and did I mention cleaned. (I had lots of help from my blogmates, Coley, Dana, Sassyx, and several family members.)

After playing phone tag with the squatter's brother I was able to get authorization to dump all of the crap he left behind (which cost me$400). They agreed to pay for the removal costs if I would allow them to go through the storage unit (which I did). I finished painting and planned to officially move in the following week.

The day before the move I stopped to drop off a few items and found a note on the front door. It said that the city would be doing asbestos abatement (due to the fire) and that my hallway was off limits for the next week. I had already hired movers and changing the move date was out of the questions. Damn! Damn! Damn!

The next day the movers arrive (5 1/2 hours late) and begin loading my furniture. Only one of the three movers spoke English and he had the nerve to have an attitude because he thought my bedroom furniture was to large. I have no idea how he planned to fit and entire apartment into a truck the size of a large van but I guess you get what you pay for. Half way through the loading process he asks me "What would you rather have...your couch or your bed?" I. Lost. It (for the 12th time). What would I rather have??!!!! I want both dumb ass!!! He then offers to take my bed and half of my couch (it has a lounge attached to it). WTF am I gonna do with half a couch. He ended up charging me and extra $25 to take my bed apart and left the dresser mirror behind. I tried to give him directions to the new address but he asked if he could follow me instead. I agreed without knowing that the trucks top speed was 40 mph (going downhill). Anytime I exceeded that speed I lost the movers. I have never been cussed out so many times while driving in my entire life.

We arrived at my new place and found the hallway entrance covered in plastic with toxic agent warning signs hanging everywhere. Thank God my door was just outside of the quarantined area and the unloading went smoothly. After an hour the mover tells me that they were having a problem getting the top of my bed up the stairs (the canopy section). I said fine and assumed that they would continue to try. Another hour later he (the english speaking one) comes to the door and say "All done!" Whoo-Hooo! I was exhausted and ready to call it a day. I walked around to make sure everything was accounted for and noticed that my bed was missing. I asked him:

Me: "Where is my bed?
Mover: "Oh, I think it's out front."
Me: "Okay, so are you gonna get it?"
Mover: "No."
Me:"No?!!!"
Mover: "No".
Me: "Well why not!?"
Mover: "I told you we were having a problem getting it up the stairs."

I was to tired to fight and didn't know what else to say so I walked away to sulk. I gave some thought to trying to kick his ass but then I realized that perhaps that wasn't the best idea since he was quite a bit larger than I am. Eventually Coley and the others took over.

Coley:"So what are you gonna do? Leave it in front of the building?"
Mover: "Yep."
Coley: "You have to try to get it up here another way."
Mover: Getting into his buffalo I'm gonna kick your ass stance, "Are you saying that it's my fault that it doesn't fit?"
Coley: "No! But you have to try getting it up another way!"

Mover: (yawning) "I don't have the equipment, maybe I'll come back tomorrow."

Coley: "No you won't, you'll try now! Come on I'll show you how to do it."

Mover: "It's not gonna work but whatever."

After a lot of persuading the movers pushed the railing up to the balcony and we pulled it up to the 2nd floor. The movers grudgingly re-assembled the bed and left. After all of that they had the nerve to look surprised when I didn't give them a tip.

Think that's the end of the story? Of course not! A couple of days ago I left for work and found 6 police officers in the hallway. After some snooping I found out that my next door neighbor decided to end his life in his living room. (I wondered why his TV had been on non-stop for the last 4 days). Apparently he had been there for several days before anyone found him. Ewwww! Also, the squatter has decided not to reimburse me the $1007.58 he owes me. I guess I'll be taking a trip to small claims court.

In other news I got a kitten that seems to like swimming in the toilet. Yep, that's about it.

*Birthday countdown!!!!.....9 days to go!*

The Joy Of Being A FREAK MAGNET!

2005-09-25T01:33:00.000-07:00

And the party never stops....

Seein' as how the other birds have been stricken mute, I'll go again.

As per my last post, I have just recently moved into a new apartment that I absolutely LOVE! The longer I'm here the more I adore it.

I was really blessed with the moving process and I met the tenants on both sides of me and they were all very cool. The neighbors on my left side are 2 gay men in the mid to late 40's bracket who live together, but I dont think they're really out of the closet since one of them refers to his mate as his "brother". I dont know, maybe this is a new term for life partner, or significant other in the gay community. Either way, they seemed really cool.

As a matter of fact, the first one that I met was Que-ball (the bald one). He happened to be coming down his stairs when I was moving a large piece of furniture up the 3 flights of stairs with one of my dearest gal-pals, Moe.

On Que's way down he stopped and asked if we needed his help. We both said, "sure!" and dropped the large item on the ground so that he could carry it on up the stairs for us (hell, if he was offering we were takin'!). His heart was really in the right place, it really was, but unfortunately his body wasn't cooperating.

As soon as Que laid both arms around the furniture, he let out this blood curdling, girly-I'm being chased by the zombie dancers in the Michael Jackson thriller video- scream! My girl Moe and I were startled, and asked him if he was okay. He just replied, "Tendinitis".

We told him to forget about it and picked up the large furniture again and started up the next flight of stairs. He stopped us again in our tracks expressing how much he wanted to help us, and um...maybe his "brother" could help..."Oh, no. That's right, my brother has a broken foot." (Lovers spat maybe???)

We told Que not to worry about it, I mean, we had made it this far, we could certainly make the move on our own. He insisted on guiding us up the stairs. I'm still trying to understand the point of this. We both have eyes, we both have feet that function, our motor skills are top notch at this point in our lives, why the hell would we need someone to tell us we're about to come upon another flight of stairs, or that my front door is directly behind me??? Pointless.

Anyway, Que "helped" us with that item and then left. A few hours later I met his partner (brother), who introduced himself. He came up and told me his name and the name of his son. Then he said, "Um, I think you already met my, um, um...."

"BROTHER?" I finished for him.

"Uh, yeah." He replied. Then he waddled on up the stairs (broken foot) and left me to complete my move.

Now I wont lie and say that I wasnt a bit glad that my closest neighbors were gay (= not interested in me!). I'm a naturally paranoid person (which I'm working on) and I'm always sure that most guys have ulterior motives when feigning friendship with women. When you least expect it, the catch you off guard by going in for the kill (=sexual innuendo, unsolicited attempts at fondling body parts!). Needless to say, I was quite pleased!

So imagine my surprise today when I walked up and found a yellow note stuck to my door (which is directly across from theirs). Ja-me just happened to be with me helping me move yet another load of crap into my already cramped apartment.

I read the letter to myself then passed it on to Ja-me to experience for herself. I'll let you do the same (word for word with a couple of personal thoughts that I had while reading it, as well as interpretations, reading between the lines):

"Hello Chops,
I'm Que, your neighbor across from you. Just dropping a line to say hello. I hope you are settled in by now. (***Chop's thought: "He really should have stopped right here"***)

When I first saw you I could not help but notice how beautiful you are and it made me want to get to know you to see how equally beautiful you probably are on the inside (=You're cute. I want to screw you and see if you're still cute afterwards).

If you are not presently involved in a relationship, I would like to take you out to dinner or go to San Francisco and enjoy it's beautiful (***Chop's though: "No, this isnt a typo, I write it how I see it"***) while we walk talk and get to know each other (=If you want, I can spend some money on you, you know...wine and dine you so you realize how great I am, then we can screw or I'll take what I spent on you out of your a$$.)

My number is 1-800-psycho-undercover-stalker. Have a blessed day!(= I can hear you playing Christian music through the wall and I think this'll probably get me to first base.)

And by the way, you have a very nice Volvo.... (***Chops thought: WTF??!!!!"***) (=I've been watching your every move. Dont think for a second that you're alone. I'm making a people coat out of human skin, and may or may not be interested in trying out yours, while I quote: "It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again!" from the movie "Silence of the lambs")

Que"

So I guess my initial impression was completely incorrect. I suppose he's not gay and that his "brother" is really his brother. Hmmmm. My bad. This really sucks. It really sucks because now I realize that this fool has been watching me. He obviously knows my comings and goings. Somehow he knows the car I drive (which he so freakishly brought up for no logical reason other than to freak me the hell out), and he obviously knows I'm single since I just moved in and havent had many men over (which is going to change immediately for appearance sake).

Unfortunately we share a few walls too. My bathroom wall is also his bathroom wall I think, and my living room wall is another one of his walls. It also sucks because now I'm really paranoid about this fool watching me come and go out of his doors peep hole, and listening to my conversations. I never noticed how thin the walls were until now! I can hear him walking around!!

Well if I run into him I plan on just being up front. "I got your letter, and I'm flattered, but I'm not interested. I think you're really cool though and like I said, it was really flattering! Ummmm I gotta go walk my friends chia-pet now, so ummmm, bye!" We'll see how this all turns out.

Why the hell do I attract such freaks and weirdos??!!! I swear, I must have a sign that illuminates whenever a freak comes my way that reads, "I love freaks! Please come stalk me, harass me, be my big ol' suga-daddy!!"

That's it. I'm moving to Tibet.

Always in love...unless you're a stalker freak with tendinitis who doesnt have the back bone to be a man and approach the stalkee head on. Instead you lurk in the shadows like a sissy prick. Freak!

Lambchop~

Not Dead....Just Moving!!!

2005-09-16T15:40:00.000-07:00

TAKE THE NEW SONGBIRDS POLL 9/16

We hear ya Grasshoppah!! Please calmly place the shank on the ground and slowly back away from the weapon!!

No, we're not dead, or sick, or in rehab (except for maybe one of the songbirds)!

Beg and I have been moving, and Ja-me has been looking for a place to move...ScorpioK has been taking care of her 30 common law kids. But I think the hiatus is finally over!!

A Quick Stale (old and dated news) Update (note that I'm rush typing so it's gonna be choppy):

Beg has been getting settled in her new condo. The squatters stuff is finally gone and she just bought a kitten which she's named Napoleon Dynamite (she can go into details on how she was told by ScorpioK that the kitten was a girl, but turns out it's either a boy or a hermaphrodite).

Ja-me has been working like a big dawg, finally admitted to her shopping addiction, and is almost ready for the next step...doing something about it!

ScorpioK has taken on what seems to me to be about 30 kids in addition to her one natural born...you're better than me girl!

And me...well, I've moved to a new apartment and I LOVE it! I now live only 5 minutes away from work and about 20 minutes away from Beg.

Other Stale News:

A few weeks ago I went to the circus with Ja-me and her 2 little ones. My, oh my, what a time we had!

We saw all the animals first, and it was so cute the way her kids were so amazed by the elephants! Adorable! Then we went into the arena early to see the acrobats and the pre-show Ring Master do their thing up close and personal.

As soon as we made our way down onto the arena floor I noticed that the pre-show ring master was all up in my grill. For a minute I thought maybe he wanted to induct me into the circus life as one of the circus freaks, but he soon made it clear he was just enamored.

Every time I glanced behind me to where he was commentating he was gawking at me. Next thing I know I started noticing the circus midgets staring at me!! I thought I had outgrown midgets!!!

As I was experiencing the clown show with Ja-me's youngest I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and this decent looking tall black man was standing there. Our conversation:

TBM: "Excuse me beautiful. I think that man with the microphone is trying to get your attention. I thought he was looking at me, but now I see he was actually looking at you."
ME: "Oh. I see." (giving a quick glance in the direction of the pre-show ringmaster)
TBM: "Is she your sister?" ( motioning at Ja-me)
ME: "No, we're friends."
TBM: " She's GORGEOUS!!"
ME: "I know!"
TBM: "I just wanna grab her hair and pull it!!!"
ME: (a bit startled and concerned that he may be an escaped mental patient prone to hair pulling and biting strangers) "Ummm. What's your name?" (so that I'd have plenty of details to provide to the authorities)
TBM:"Oh! I'm Knott. What's yours?" (his name has been altered)
ME: "I;m Chops and that's J" (He introduced himself to Ja-me)
TBM: "Where are y'all sitting?" (I pointed it out) "Oh. I'm sitting near you guys I think."

We said our goodbyes and then moved along.

When we had gotten back to our seats I noticed that the pre-show ringmaster kept saying happy birthday to someone with the same name as me, but I paid him no mind. Ja-me finally informed me that every time he wished a "very special happy birthday to Chops" he was staring dead in my face. I looked up and lo and behold he was! I just laughed and pointed in his direction that I "got it". How the hell did he know my name????

Finally the show started and the parade of animals came trotting out with all of the Other performers and here comes pre-show ringmaster trotting down the path on his horse looking like a black Will Rogers! LOL! He just had to stop right in front of our section and do a special side step and wave with a big ol' cheese! LOL! I was just laughing my arse off!

Once the show was underway the new ringmaster appeared and it took about a good 15 minutes for me to realize that the new ringmaster was actually Knotts!! Apparently they were tag teaming us. I guess it's what they do... in every new city seek out cuties in the audience and hope that they're ringmaster groupies.

At intermission I dragged Ja-me and the kids out to the concession stand to avoid a chance encounter with the pre-show ringmaster. At the condiments table I noticed once again that everyone was staring in my direction. I turned around and yup, pre-show ringmaster was standing there behind me in all of his glittery ringmaster glory.

I was immediately mesmerized by the beautiful greyish-red hue of his caked on makeup (it's so sexy when you feel like you could cut it with a knife), not to mention the way the long chunky strands of his S-curl laid waxed to the side of his head. I tried to keep my composure, but I admit it, I squirreled a little.

He told me that he'd been trying for so long to get my attention but that I wasnt paying him any mind. Then he asked if the kids were mine, I said no. Then he told Ja-me that Knotts sends her a big fat sloppy wet kiss on the back of her neck!!! Ja-me kind of laughed it off, but I could tell she was disgusted!!

He then asked my age and if I was single. I didnt want to lie so I answered honestly. The problem with this is that it makes it very difficult NOT to hurt peoples feelings one way or another. Anyway, then he asked if I had a number, and I said yes. He waited a beat or two then asked if he could have the number. I said, "Umm. I guess so."

I know you're wondering why I gave my number even though I was obviously not interested. This is the deal. I was interested in finding out how he ended up in the circus and I was also trying this new "thing" where you go out with ALMOST anyone at least once. I began to rethink this new "thing" as soon as the digits were in his hands.

He asked if I was busy after the show at about 945pm. I told him I didnt know. He said he'd call. And he did, at 1140 pm (notorious booty call hours). Of course I didnt answer the call. That's soooo disrespectful! He called again at 12am, then again at 1245am.

The next morning he called at 10am, then again at 12pm, then again at 4pm. After the 4pm call I think a few of the midgets gathered together, tackled him, and wrestled the phone out of his hands, cause he hasnt called since.

New dating lesson>>>
It's best to inform the person that you arent "available" if you arent interested. That way you arent lying - you really arent available...to him. Plus, if you blatantly say that you arent attached but you dont want to give them your number you'll have to deal with the follow up inquisition and run the risk of being called a b*tch.

Yup. Next time I wont even give the number cause now I'm stuck screening phone calls for the next month and feeling horrible that his ego may be bruised. After all, he's a ringmaster! A woman would be crazy to pass on that!!

In a rush so more lata.

Always in love unless you're a man with an extra long S-curl that you have the tendency to flip around like a horse thereby spraying innocent bystanders in the eye with your curl activator.

P.S. The pre-show ringmaster did seem cool from our 2 second conversation, but honestly the worst turn off was that he and his friend were so cool with talking dirty-ish to Ja-me right in front of her kids. That's a no-no. Common sense must be lacking.

Lambchop (Chops)~

Pics I love:

Please peep the guy in the background who posed with us for this picture and came up afterwards to see how he looked!!! Can anyone find Waldo?

Us at the Raheem Devon concert in SJ, CA

KATRINA

2005-09-02T01:57:00.000-07:00

Hurricane Katrina Relief

I am so overwhelmed with emotions for the victims of hurricane Katrina that I don't know what to say. You can donate to the red cross online here or make a donation by phone at 1-800-HELP-NOW. Please be sure to specify that you are donating to hurricane relief.

I'm sending my prayers and lots of love to everyone affected by this tragic event.

....I'll update about the house drama on my next post.

Momma don't Play....

2005-08-31T13:40:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Shawn for providing this wonderful display of active parenting!!

Welcome Home?

2005-08-20T16:00:00.000-07:00

THE GOOD NEWS: Praise God!!!! I am finally a home (condo) owner!!!! Thanks for all of your nice thoughts and prayers.

THE BAD NEWS: In some strange way he was right...I either have a roommate or a squatter, you decide.

ARE YOU CURIOUS ABOUT THE PICTURES? First I have a question for you... Do you think that a man who cuts up his boxers with a pocket knife, then leaves them in the middle of the living room floor should be allowed to roam the streets freely or should someone give him a nice white jacket (with very long sleeves), a mask, and a padded room?

SHORT EXPLANATION: The above pictures are what I was greeted with as I walked into my new residence for the first time. The top picture is the filthy couch I talked about in the prior post, the one on the left is a picture of a tire and a vacuum left in one of the hallway closets, and the one on the right is a pair of the previous owner's boxers that I think he either left as a threat or a gift...I'm not really sure.

LONG EXPLANATION: By the grace of God I was able to get all of the missing paperwork in by the deadline and close escrow on time. I arrived fifteen minutes early for my walk through (which is a miracle in itself according to most of my friends). As I walked towards the door I got the feeling that things were not going to go as smoothly as my realtor originally led me to believe. The first thing I noticed was that the blinds were closed (in the middle of the day). As we walked through the door I was once again overcome by that terrible odor. As I went into the kitchen I was surprised to see that the previous owner had made a pitiful attempt at cleaning. All of the garbage was picked up off the floor and most of his tattered filthy furniture was gone. My realtor was under the impression that the previous owner was finally gone but....Of course not! He was once again asleep on the nasty couch (see above picture). When his realtor arrived he got up and stated that he was in the process of moving out and that he would be completely out by 9am the next day. He also made sure to point out everything that needed to be repaired (it was an as-is sale) in a somewhat coherent manner. So, the walk through wasn't all that great with him as a shadow but I figured it could have been worse right???

IT GETS WORSE: The next day my realtor calls and says the magic words, "Come get the keys it's yours!" I filled out the last of the mountains of paperwork, got my keys, and excitedly headed to my new home. Problem #1: None of my keys fit any of the door locks. Problem #2: I didn't get a remote to the gate. Problem #3: I didn't get a key to the mailbox (and have no idea where it is). To say that I was upset would be an understatement but instead of freaking out I called a locksmith and went shopping for new flooring. An hour and $300 dollars later the locksmith picked the door lock, replaced several locks and let me in.....or should I say broke in. Welcome home.

IT GETS WORSER (yes, I know that isn't a word) : The first thing I noticed when I walked in was a tire and a vacuum cleaner stacked in the hall closet (see above left picture). Then I walked into the bathroom and found a wet towel on the sink, open deodorant (I'm not sure why it was open because it's evident that he never used it) and a plugged in electric razor. I looked in all of the cabinets and closets and found out that the garbage I thought he had disposed of was simply hidden in new spots. He had actually moved more of his belongings in since my walk through instead of moving things out. Idiot! I also started getting nervous because I thought he was possibly hiding somewhere in the area. As I walked into the living room I saw that his couch (see middle picture) was still there but he was nowhere to be found. I. WAS. FURIOUS. I called my realtor and lost it.

IT GETS WORSER-ER:I won't bore you with all the details but I will say that I have one huge mess on my hands. According to my realtor the previous owners realtor can't seem to find him. He took his money and ran. She has been able to contact one of his brother who says he will pay for the costs of disposing of the crap that was left behind but he refuses to put it in writing. I wanted to dump it all but according to the local police I have to store that jackasses belongings for a minimum of 30 days and make reasonable allowances for him to pick it up if he so chooses. I planned on painting, pulling out the carpet, and remodeling the bathroom before moving in but that is going to be hard with all of his crap laying around. I'm also nervous that he will show up again once I actually move in. I feel like my whole life is up in the air right now so I guess only time will tell how this all works out......Off to the gun store.

YOU'RE KIDDING RIGHT?????- Today my mom called to tell me that she and my uncle were going to bag up all of the crap that the freak left behind and put it on my deck until I figure out what I'm going to do. She said that when she arrived a fire fighter advised her that half of the building burned down last night but the fire stopped right before it reached my unit. I wonder if Mr.Cranker set the fire. I also found out that I have a storage unit that I was never advised about. Apparently it was padlocked and he has possibly been living in it. Somebody pinch me please......

I asked for it.

2005-08-16T00:32:00.000-07:00

After (another) very long hiatus this gifted blogger's post has inspired me to start writing again.

So, a while back I mentioned that I was trying to decide if I should buy a home close to my job, further out, or not at all. The biggest problem was that it is almost impossible to purchase a house in the bay area (in a decent neighborhood) for under $500K. Even the smallest hole in the wall studio is just under $300k. I have terrible road rage so a 4 hour (round trip) commute was out of the question. I finally decided that any city within 30-40 minutes of my job was acceptable.

I won't go into detail about the homes and condos that my realtor showed me but suffice it to say that most of the places within my budget were crap, crap, and more crap. Anyway, after a whole lot of searching I found a place that looked like it had potential. My realtor and I let ourselves in to what was suppose to be a vacant unit. The first thing I noticed was a terrible odor (kind of like burnt Bologna and Mayonnaise) that I attributed to the lack of ventilation but boy was I wrong. Stretched out on the dirtiest living room couch I've ever seen was a naked, fat, greasy, pasty white man sleeping the day away. Once he was up and dressed my realtor asked him a series of questions regarding why he was there. He looked at her grunted, scratched himself and walked out the front door without ever saying a word. I suppose the average person would consider a naked fat man a bad omen or some other crap but hey this is California and affordable property is hard to come by so... let's just say I put in my offer immediately after leaving.

(perhaps I should clarify...Strange things happen to me on a daily bases so I took the dirty naked man as a good sign... No Chops I was and am not sexually attracted to fat naked white men.)

I'd heard so many horror stories about problems with loans and other first time buyer issues that I was expecting the worst but oddly enough I hadn't experienced any problems until today. My realtors assistant called (and woke me up) all upset and said that I had to submit several documents that I've had trouble tracking down within 14 hours. Ummm Kay so I'm suppose to get all this shit together in the next 14 hours (it was 6pm when he called) and I'm on my way to work a 10 hour shift so you do the math. Yeah, that's gonna happen. NOT!! He then called two additional time to reiterate the importance of my compliance in this matter.

Later that evening (or I guess I should say a few hours ago) my realtor called to inform me that the reason for her assistants frantic state was that the freak I'm buying the condo from is a cranker (meth-user). During a drug induced stupor he convinced himself that my realtor is actually with the DA's office and is conducting some type of investigation on him. He thinks that when we viewed the residence we were actually looking for drugs and drug paraphernalia (which is funny because the only things in his house were the filthy couch four tires and a whole lot of garbage). He even claims that he saw her at the local court house following him around. He has also decided that if my loan does not fund by tomorrow he is going to pull the unit off the market and cancel the entire deal(even though he can't really do that).

Somehow in the next few hours I've got to figure out how to get the necessary paperwork (without leaving my job), fill it out, get it to my agent, sleep for a few hours, and do a walk though at 1:00pm (even though I don't get off work until 5AM) BLECH!!! Hopefully that wack- job of an owner won't be there for the walk through but with my luck....

Anyway, please send your prayers and good thought my way cause I'm gonna need um. Thanks.

Young And Stupid Aint Just A Phrase

2005-08-13T02:41:00.000-07:00

I guess you've noticed that we've been on a bit of a blogger break lately. I personally haven’t wanted to look at a computer outside of work!!

The other day my cousin brought up an incident that occurred back when I was a young fool in the Army and I guess I'll share.

You know the drill - read the bold if you dont have time to read it all right now.

Army Dayz~
I went into the army right out of high School. I guess it was mainly because almost all of my family had been in the military and I was next in line. It wasn’t anything that I particularly thought about, it was just something I knew I was going to do...sort of expected.

Anyways, it was rough being away from home so long, but I got used to it. My first few days in boot camp I met a 40 year old sergeant - let's call him Sgt. Pops. Prior to my going into the military my mom and ex-stepfather had went through and ugly break up (more on that lata), so when I met Sgt. Pops, for some reason (I'll blame it on my youthful ignorance) I was convinced they would be GREAT together! I had even shown him a picture of my mom and he commented that she was gorgeous!

Sgt. Pops was always looking out for me. Whenever I'd get into trouble he'd offer to bail me out. I didn’t get into trouble much, but if I ever did he was always there to offer to help me out (I never accepted though).

He was always doing stuff for me that I'd never gotten from a father figure before. He was just a really cool guy and I saw him like a father. On one particular occasion he told me that I could come down to the Sergeants office in order to get a quick TV fix (we weren’t allowed access to TV's). I was sooooo excited I almost soiled myself!! LOL!

So after lights out, at approximately 11pm, I snuck my silly ass down there thinking I would get to watch a few shows and have some cool conversation with my "Pops". I can honestly say, thinking back on it, that was one of the stupidest decisions I've made in my life (a fact that Beg reminds me of often).

So I skipped my happy little naive butt down there and met up with "Pops". He gave me a hug and told me to sit on the couch. I sat down and immediately turned towards the TV. I remember asking him why the TV was on mute, and he just looked at me and smiled. I really started to feel uncomfortable at that point, but I just shrugged it off thinking I was being paranoid.

Sgt. Pops sat down beside me and put his arm around my shoulder and hugged me deep. I swear, at that point I began to freak out inside. I couldn’t believe what was happening, but then I kept second thinking it and trying to rationalize out why he was being so touchy feely.

Then the sergeant started to lunge at me. I pulled back but he was much stronger than me, and I was quickly realizing that he was easily going to overtake me. Tears started to fall and I wanted to start to scream but I was petrified, and when he saw this he told me to “Relax”. Just as he had started up again, God happened.

I tell you, God is sooooo good. As he was lunging at me about to do God knows what to me, there was a sound in the hall outside the door. Sgt. Pops got up, and went to the door to check it out. When he came back he told me to go up to my bunk and wait for him to come and get me, since he thought another sergeant had arrived early.

I ran back up to my bunk, covered my head under my blankets, and began to weep. I cried like a baby and I prayed like mad woman until I passed out from exhaustion.

I believe it was about an hour later that I heard someone moving around in the room. I peeked out from a crack in my blanket and saw Sgt. Pops waking up the private across from me (there were about 8 or 10 girls to a room – I was part of the last all girl Company). He thought it was me!!!

My fellow private (who I affectionately called Pooty-Booty, due to excessive flatulence) woke up and asked the sergeant what he wanted. He realized he had the wrong person and couldn’t risk her seeing him with me, so he told her to go back to sleep and he left the room.

Now a lot of you may say that I should've run to the top of the food chain and sung like a freaking canary on his sick ass, but consider this. I was a young, naive, emotionally jacked up kid. I was hella far from my family, I wanted to go home, and I didn’t believe that anyone would believe me if I told them what had went down. What's worst is that I really thought it was my fault. I thought that if I told anyone I would've gotten into trouble, and I would've ended up stuck there for much longer than I was already assigned to be, or maybe even go to jail (it was against the law for Sergeant to get with Privates).

The next day (and from that point forward) I avoided Sgt. Pops like the plague. He would try to corner me sometimes, but I always made sure I was with another private whenever he was around. At one point he asked me to be the mother of his kids (he had a 5 year old, 8 year old, and 15 year old!!) in front of another Private!!! I told him “HELL NO!” and he really didn’t bother me much after that.

Eventually Sgt Pops got his. Apparently he was screwing quite a few privates in my Company. Girls talk, so it finally got out and he had to go to court or something over it. I'm not sure what became of Sgt. Pops, but I'm sure he was removed from the base and reprimanded. There were just too many girls with too much dirt on him (I hear some of them thought they loved him and that he loved them...sad).

Always in love...unless you target and take advantage of extremely young naive girls, and in the process damage their self-worth and self-esteem.

Chops~

2005-08-09T21:48:00.000-07:00

I'LL FIGHT A KID....

2005-07-28T11:34:00.000-07:00

Please do not be alarmed by the title, but for those of you who do have children, I'm sure you can relate.

My oldest daughter soon to be 6 (Sept. 2 for any1 who would like to send gifts) has been in summer school (not summer camp, big difference) for the month of July. It was important to me that she get some type of academically structured curriculum throughout the course of the summer. This was really hard to find because at that age everything is geared towards activities. I was so happy when I found a school that was reasonable (let the church say Amen!) and nice. Now for anyone familiar with the Bay, that's a rarity. If it is reasonable it's in the ghetto or if it's nice you may as well cut off a leg and an arm and hand it over.

Any-who to make a long story even longer….he he he. There of course has to be some type of stipulation. Unfortunately my child was the only child of color. This is not a BIG issue for me, but I do prefer some diversity. The first week or so things seemed to be cool, then one day my daughter advised me that a few girls were being mean to her. So naturally I asked her what the issue was. She went on to tell me that they were saying mean things to her and would block her from playing on the monkey bars. One girl in particular, Danielle, from what I gathered was the ring leader.

Now being the good mother that I try to be, I asked her what she did when all of this takes place. She said that she would ignore them or say "whatever!" and keep it movin'. So I told her she was doing the right thing and that if they continue to bother her that she needs to tell the teacher. I also told her that the only reason they were treating her that way was because she had something they wanted which made them mad and to remember that every time they got ignorant with her. Plus Daddy made sure he had a one on one with the teacher the next morning.

Now understand this about me. My first thought was, what do they look like cuz I'll come up there on lunch and take of bidness, cuz….I'll fight a kid! Then my second thought was to tell her just to beat her azz and be done with it, but I am trying to raise civilized children which is why I held back…….Until last night.

As I mentioned my daughter has a birthday coming up. She also knows that on her birthday she will be getting a new bike. The kids are allowed to bring their bikes or scooters to play with at school. 'Miss Danielle' & the other kids apparently are …scratch that….were making fun of my daughter's bike. Don't worry I will spare you the details. Now again, it's taking everything in me not to go up to the school and have a few "choice" words with this child because she really seems to be JUMP ROPING on MY BABY'S spirit! Plus she tells me that the little girl P U S H E D (O no she didn't) her out the way to get by….okay y'all, I could not take it anymore. So my baby asked me to show her how to be mean (whole 'nutha story). Don't get me wrong, my baby is no punk (not that it's anything to brag about) but she knows that there is a time and a place for things and she did not want to get in trouble. So I advised her that she could most definitely knock the little girl out and if any of the teachers had a problem with it they could call ME. We took all the proper steps to begin with & evidently they were not working.

To top it off, after she went to sleep I decided to strike to Wally World a.k.a. Wal-Mart to buy my baby her bike because she deserved it. And yes I did wake her up so she could ride it just to make sure all the settings were okay. Then I told her to make sure when she got on her bike to look that little heffa in the eye & say "NOW WHAT!". I reassured her that we aint no punks & that mommy will….fight a kid and sent her off to bed with a smile.

Holla atcha gurl!

Ding! Fries Are Done!!!

2005-07-27T14:28:00.000-07:00

There are some folks out there whos insanity truly exceeds ours! Here's proof!

CLICK ON THE LINK BELOW:

DING FRIES ARE DONE

Child Support (or lack of)

2005-07-25T11:24:00.000-07:00

Now I will start this out by saying that I know there are a lot of people that don't even get child support from the other parent but I just have to vent. Please note that I am grateful for receiving anything.

Now for the last six months I have been receiving $150 or so. Nothing less than $100. Now this month I look in the mail box and I see that familiar envelope. Well of course I know that it wasn't "big bucks" so I opened all the other bills, oh I mean "letters" first. When I finally opened the "child support" check I damn - oops (I'm try'n to stop cursing) - darn near choked. Now before I tell you how much it was let me tell you about my son. He is 5ft tall, 108lbs and he (just recently, like last month) wears a size 7 1/2 shoe in men. Oh yeah, he starts school in less than a month. Now the grand total of his "child support" check was $47.02. As Chops would say "Aww hell to the naw!!!!!!!!!" What the hell am I suppose to get for him with that! Now this man says he is working two jobs. His payments are only $220 a month so why am I only getting money that can bearlly pay for his backpack? His shoes alone are at least $70, so what the hell am I suppose to do with $47.02? Now I know times are hard but what does he expect me to do with that, buy my son one shoe? Well like I said before I am greatful but damn. I'm glad my son doesn't live with him. (I shutter at that thought). Now I am really happy that my mom told me to go down to the child support division and get a set amount by the courts (which needs to be raised) because without them taking it out of his checks, I wouldn't get anything. So like I said I am grateful but DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Meet Me With No Panties On....Audio Post

2005-07-23T03:46:00.000-07:00

This is the Songbirds first ever audio post! It was pre-recorded some months ago with all four Songbirds on the line (all talking at one point or another), and has now been transferred onto our blog!

Pretty much, if this post doesnt make you laugh, it'll scare the hell out of you because now you'll hear with your own ears just how insane we can get! And it's only the beginning....

"Original Lyrics"

I was layin in the bed just as nice as you please

When I heard a knock at the door

I reached around and I put my robe on

And I said, "This my house!

I aint got to wear no robe!"

So I took the robe off

I got on up out the bed and walked over to the door

And opened it just as wide as you please

And you know what I told that boy?

I said, "Meet me...meet me...meet me with no panties on!"

Okay I know this post sounded waaaay too crazy, but realize that we warned you in our title, "Four lovely (and utterly insane) caged birds...."

I really doubt that you'll be able to figure out who the "main" Songbird is on this post! You'd be surprised! LOL!

A ~SONGBIRDS~ Collaboration

AWW HELL TO THE NAW!! (Chops Date File #1)

2005-07-19T17:53:00.000-07:00

SPECIAL NOTE: PLEASE TAKE MY SONGBIRD 7/19 POLL ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE BLOG! A friend posed this question to me regarding her boyfriend of 6 months. He has never displayed any "gay" tendencies, but he is very very affectionate with everyone. Recently after dinner with him and his long time guy buddy (also straight), she witnessed her boyfriend giving his buddy a warm hug and a quick peck (kiss) on the lips. She made it very clear that he always gets aroused when in intimate settings with her, so much so that she cant even really fathom that he may not be fully straight. She's pretty convinced that he's just an affectionate guy! Please let me know what you think and if possible add a comment in the polls "comment space" or our chat box after you vote so I can understand where you're coming from. THANKS!!!
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Okay lovely people, you know the drill. I've highlighted the main points for those of you with a short attention span. Feel free to read the whole thing if you like :-)

**Please note that I have coined the phrase, "Aww Hell To The Naw" from the lovely and eloquent Mrs. Whitney Houston on the new reality show "Being Bobby Brown"**
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It was a very hot day on Saturday. I met up with a group of friends at the Greek Theater in Berkeley to enjoy a 9 hour Jazz Festival, with top artists such as Rachelle Ferrell, Laylah Hathaway, Kem, and Boney James!

Now, I dont want to sound pompous...what the hell! I was looking Goowd (better than good)! I had my hair all did up in spirals with a flower to the side, my pretty Aztec looking knee length skirt with my semi-dressy brown wife beater shirt on! Beg, can you say HAWT!!

So, at a certain point I headed down toward the bottom level near the stage (our group was sitting at the very tip top of the theater -closest to the hot blazing sun). I had to watch Rachelle Ferrell do her thing up close!

After watching her performance I began to make my way back up to the grassy area a billion miles away from the stage area. On the way up I noticed that the only men I seemed to be attracting were of the "geriatric era". You know, the ones 10 minutes away from needing you to bathe them and change their poopie diapers.

Anyways, I was blocking attacks all the way back to our set up on the hill when I saw someone I thought looked interesting. He had a nice frame (physically fit), nice face (which was partially covered by his hat). He had on jean shorts, tennis shoes, and this nice looking sleeveless sweater vest deal. He and his friend approached me and we all started to laugh about silly stuff, and of course I entertained them with my off-kilter wit.

The guy's friend's name, well, let's call him Brown. Well, Brown was really cool. He looked to be in his mid-30's. He happened to know all of the women I had met up with (they're all African American bay area lawyers) because he too is a lawyer.

His friend (the one in the hat), let's call him Slippery-G (you'll see why later) started to try to holla, so since I was beginning to get back out there on the "scene" I decided to throw the digits his way. We hung out the rest of the day, talking and laughing. It was fun! He told me how much he loved the movie, "Groundhogs Day" (one of my favorite movies EVER) and I told him how much I loved Whiskey. I'm just kidding. I wouldnt tell him that on the first day!! LOL!!

During our conversation he showed what a funny guy he was! He was telling me about how he didnt think anyone should ever mix wine and punch. He then started listing out all of the different drinks someone COULD mix, but not wine and punch. Then he quickly added, "Not that I'm a wino or anything." I must've laughed soooo hard! He was so good that he pretended with a straight face like he didnt know why I was laughing! I said, "You didnt say, 'not that I'm a drunk, or alcoholic'! No, you said, not that I'm a wino! Who says that today??!!! LOLOLOLOLOL!!!" He then started laughing along with me! Classic!

He could make his voice sound like he was from the south. He made it sound like an old southern preacher. I could see how it could get annoying if it was real, but I loved how he would clown around and start preaching in the middle of his sentences! What a jokester!!

So at the end of the festival we said our goodbyes and he promised to call me the next day in order to see when we can hook up before Tuesday (he had to fly to Europe for a week or two on business).

The next day I received Slippery-G's call. I'm not going to lie, his "funny" preacher voice was becoming a little annoying, but I let that go. He called to see if I wanted to hook up with him and go to the movies or something. I said cool. We ended up meeting up (a few cities away from my own) at Starbucks. I got there first so I ordered myself a Refresh tea and called Beg for some company.

As Beg can recount, I began to get a little nervous. I was really starting to get cold feet for obvious reasons. I started to panic, but Beg calmly reminded me that if he ended up being a freak I never had to talk to him again after today. Comforting enough.

As her reassuring words began to truly sink down into my subconscious, I looked out the Starbucks window to my right and I saw someone that closely resembled Mr. Slippery-G. I had to look a few times because this guy really resembled him, but it COULD'NT be him! I mean, for one thing, this guy was dressed like a 50+ year old man "trying" to look "hip". He was wearing a long silk shirt, tailored silky slacks, and the tipper...with shoes that closely resembled moccasins! You know, those soft leather slipper-like shoes that many of the 50+ generation wear? Yeah, well this guy was wearing the hell out of them.

I looked out the window at the guy a third time as he slowly approached the Starbucks and to my surprised the guy waved at me! What the HELL??? I went into shock, and started rambling into the phone, "Oh my goodness! It think that's him! How old IS HE????" AWW HELL TO THE NAW!!

Beg did what she could to calm me down before he walked through the door, then she hung up. Slippery-G walked up to me and gave me a big hug. We sat for a minute and talked about what we would do next. We decided to go to the movies to see "Wedding Crashers" (funny flick!).

As we walked to the theater (a few blocks down) I noticed that he walked with a limp. Not the hip replacement type of limp, but the, "I used to think I was a pimp" type of limp. I let that go too...for the moment. I had already made my mind up that I was ready to end the date because he was absolutely the opposite of what he portrayed the day before!

Anyway, on the way up the stairs to find a good seat, Slippery-G fell face first onto the stairs! His slippery slipper shoes were obviously not cutting it! LOL! Now I know it's mean to laugh, but if you would've seen how that man went down you would've been howling too!! The rest of the theater did! He was fine though, he made just one comment, "You werent supposed to see that." DUHH!! LOL!

We settled down in the theater and the flick started. It was cool for a second until the first funny incident occurred in the movie. Have you ever been annoyed by that ONE person in the audience right behind you that cackles like a doped up hyena, or maybe they sound like a cracked-out baboon? I have a good hunch it could've been my date "Mr. Slippery-G." He was so annoying that I wanted to take him out back and flog him.

Let's see if I can explain the laugh. Um. Okay. So it started out high pitched, like a little girl screeching at the top of her lungs, then it lowered into a kind of belching/shivering sound. It was one of the most horrendous sounds EVER!! People kept turning around and staring at us. I tried to pretend I wasnt with him, but every time he screamed...I mean, laughed, he would put his hand on my knee and pat it like he was close to falling down again and needed my knee to keep him in an upright position. I honestly felt violated and wanted to put that drink holder arm down between us as a barrier.

After the movie, as I was making my way towards the stairs Slippery-G asked me to wait up because, "Wow! I've gotta get the circulation back in my legs!! Ha Ha Ha!"

I laughed at that and kept walking thinking it was a joke, but when I turned around this fool was actually doing mini-squats in the movie theater isle to get his blood flowing again!! AWW HELL TO THE NAW!!

Now some people may say I'm just way too nice, but I just didnt see anyway to leave at that point without hurting his feelings, so when he asked if we could get something to eat at TGI Fridays, I said, "Um...okay I guess."

At TGI Fridays we got a booth that he said was, "Too soft and cushy for me!" I laughed, but at this point I was sick of pretending to be amused by him. In order to avoid the uncomfortable silence I asked him a few questions about his life and he went on a tangent for at least 2 hours talking about himself. I think I could have actually soiled myself, fallen asleep, and disappeared under the table and he would've kept on talking about how wonderful he was and how bay area women are so sadidy and how they keep thinking they're "Champagne", but not realizing they're actually "lemon water." Whatever the hell that means!

Next we started talking about relationships and he asked about my last serious relationship. I told him a little about my ex, Mr Jacka$$ Circus Midget (for details go HERE , then go HERE for P2)I asked if he had ever been married before. He told me that he had been married for 3 years before divorcing. I asked why they divorced and he said it was because they married when they were, "Really, really, really young." I asked how old he was when he had gotten married and he said "26."

Now, I thought it was odd that he considered 26 to be "really, really, really young." I think it's young but not that young! That's only 3 years younger than m...er...I mean Beg. This comment sparked my ultimate curiosity.

I continued my probe and asked if he had any kids in that marriage and he got really uncomfortable. He answered that he had a daughter before getting married. I asked how old she was. He completely turned his head and looked guiltily in the other direction. I repeated my question and he finally answered..."TWENTY-FIVE YEARS OLD!!!" AWW HELL TO THE NAW!!

I nearly gagged on my lemon water!!! I found a way to choke out the question, "Well how old are you?????????!!!!!!"

Once again I had to ask him twice before he would look me in the eye and tell me. "I'M FORTY-FIVE YEARS OLD!!!"

Now anyone who's dealt with the "OG-TBY-AHOG-TDA" (Old Gangstas Tryna Be Young And Hit On Girls their Daughters Age) crew, you know that when they say 45 years old they really mean between 50 and 55 years old. AWW HELL TO THE NAW!!

Now my eyes were bugging out of my head at this point and I was really about to lose my lunch. Somehow I found the strength to keep it down though. I was out with a guy just a few hairs younger than my own father!!! The more I looked at him I was noticing #1 It's totally possible to have mistaken him for much younger (most African American people age very gracefully) and #2 How much I wanted to kick him in his basket head for being so deceiving!!

I pushed my anger aside and I asked him a very important question, "HOW OLD DO YOU THINK I AM???" To my relief and dismay he answered, "Mid to late twenties."

I say to my relief because I was beginning to think I was starting to look much older than my years, and I was dismayed because his answer meant that he was really on the prowl for young tenderoni's the same age as his daughter!!! Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

Dinner ended shortly after his "coming out", and when he walked me to my car he handed me his card so that I could email (aww) him (hell) while (to) he (the) was (naw!) on (ew) his (ew) business (ew) trip (ew) in (ew) Europe (ew)!!! I told him I'd be in contact and gave him a "C" shaped hug (intended to keep any body part -except the arms- from touching the other parties father-like body), and we parted ways.

Overall I had a very horrible date and it really has me apprehensive about ever doing it again! I'm still grossed out and I dont know how to make this creepy feeling inside go away! Ewwwwww!

So any-who, at least I know now that when he said "wino", when he needed to push the blood back down to his lower half after the show, when he started sounding like an old southern preacher, that he wasnt kidding around. So I guess he's not funny at all.

I dont know if I'll have any other dating files after this one for awhile. I'm pretty grossed out. We shall see. Excuse me. I have to bathe again to wash the old daddy-dirty off.

Always in love...unless you have the nerve to try to learn all about the younger culture, dress like the younger culture, hang with the younger people, hit on the younger women, and cant seem to make it up the stairs at the theater because you're wearing women's moccasins!! They have orthopedic shoes that work much better and you'll have the security of knowing that your feet will remain firmly planted on the floor...unless that hip goes out again! LOL! Jerk.

P.S. I apologize to any "mature" men or women that may have been reading this post and were inadvertently offended. 55 really isnt that old. But if you're 55, lurking around in the shadows, preying on younger women, while intentionally being elusive about your age and pretending to be a MUCH younger man, you deserve to be called a dirty old geezer, and you should have your jello privileges revoked for at least a year, and only one diaper changing a month. That'll teach you! But for the rest, I have nothing but love and respect for you!

***REMEMBER TO VOTE AND COMMENT ON THE SONGBIRD 7/19 POLL!!! THANKS!****

Lambchop (Chops)~

SELF LOVE ADDICTION

2005-07-15T14:30:00.000-07:00

I don't really have a problem in this area but just in case you do I thought these tips might be helpful (lol). This is just part of a list that came from your friendly neighborhood Mormons on overcoming masturbation additction. I found it here.

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A Guide to Self-Control:

1. Never touch the intimate parts of your body except during normal toilet processes.

2. Avoid being alone as much as possible. Find good company and stay in this good company.

3. If you are associated with other persons having this same problem, YOU MUST BREAK OFF THEIR FRIENDSHIP. Never associate with other people having the same weakness. Don't suppose that two of you will quit together, you never will. You must get away from people of that kind. Just to be in their presence will keep your problem foremost in your mind. The problem must be taken OUT OF YOUR MIND for that is where it really exists. Your mind must be on other and more wholesome things. Ja-me I don't think we can be friends anymore...Sorry.

4. When you bathe, do not admire yourself in a mirror. Never stay in the bath more than five or six minutes -- just long enough to bathe and dry and dress AND THEN GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM into a room where you will have some member of your family present.

5. When in bed, if that is where you have your problem for the most part, dress yourself for the night so securely that you cannot easily touch your vital parts, and so that it would be difficult and time consuming for you to remove those clothes. By the time you started to remove protective clothing you would have sufficiently controlled your thinking that the temptation would leave you. Guess I better invest in some pajamas.

6. If the temptation seems overpowering while you are in bed, GET OUT OF BED AND GO INTO THE KITCHEN AND FIX YOURSELF A SNACK, even if it is in the middle of the night, and even if you are not hungry, and despite your fears of gaining weight. The purpose behind this suggestion is that you GET YOUR MIND ON SOMETHING ELSE. You are the subject of your thoughts, so to speak.

7. Never read pornographic material. Never read about your problem. Keep it out of mind. Remember -- "First a thought, then an act." Oh, you better stop reading right now then!

The thought pattern must be changed. You must not allow this problem to remain in your mind. When you accomplish that, you soon will be free of the act.

Suggestions:

1. When the temptation to masturbate is strong, yell STOP to those thoughts as loudly as you can in your mind. It is important to turn your thoughts away from the selfish need to indulge.
Chops if you hear me yelling "stop" at anytime during the next few days don't wonder why.

2. Follow a program of vigorous daily exercise. The exercises reduce emotional tension and depression and are absolutely basic to the solution of this problem. Double your physical activity when you feel stress increasing.

3. Change in behavior and attitude is most easily achieved through a changed self-image. Spend time every day imagining yourself strong and in control, easily overcoming tempting situations.

4. Be outgoing and friendly. Force yourself to be with others and learn to enjoy working and talking to them. Use principles of developing friendships found in books such as How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.

5. Be aware of situations that depress you or that cause you to feel lonely, bored, frustrated or discouraged. These emotional states can trigger the desire to masturbate as a way of escape. Plan in advance to counter these low periods through various activities, such as reading a book, visiting a friend, doing something athletic, etc.

6. Make a pocket calendar for a month on a small card. Carry it with you, but show it to no one. If you have a lapse of self control, color the day black. Your goal will be to have no black days. The calendar becomes a strong visual reminder of self control and should be looked at when you are tempted to add another black day. Keep your calendar up until you have at least three clear months. Yes, avoid "black" days at all costs! Better yet, avoid everything black.

7. A careful study will indicate you have had the problem at certain times and under certain conditions. Try and recall, in detail, what your particular times and conditions were. Now that you understand how it happens, plan to break the pattern through counter activities.

8. In the field of psychotherapy there is a very effective technique called aversion therapy. When we associate or think of something very distasteful with something which has been pleasurable, but undesirable, the distasteful thought and feeling will begin to cancel out that which was pleasurable. If you associate something very distasteful with your loss of self-control it will help you to stop the act. For example, if you are tempted to masturbate, think of having to bathe in a tub of worms, and eat several of them as you do the act.

9. During your toileting and shower activities leave the bathroom door or shower curtain partly open, to discourage being alone in total privacy. Take cool brief showers.

10. Arise immediately in the mornings. Do not lie in bed awake, no matter what time of day it is. Get up and do something. Start each day with an enthusiastic activity.

11. Keep your bladder empty. Refrain from drinking large amounts of fluids before retiring.

12. Reduce the amount of spices and condiments in your food. Eat as lightly as possible at night. huh?

13. Wear pajamas that are difficult to open, yet loose and not binding.

14. Avoid people, situations, pictures or reading materials that might create sexual excitement.

15. It is sometimes helpful to have a physical object to use in overcoming this problem. A Book of Mormon, firmly held in hand, even in bed at night has proven helpful in extreme cases.

16. In very severe cases it may be necessary to tie a hand to the bed frame with a tie in order that the habit of masturbating in a semi-sleep condition can be broken. This can also be accomplished by wearing several layers of clothing which would be difficult to remove while half asleep. hmmmm, ties...great idea!

17. Set up a reward system for your successes. It does not have to be a big reward. A quarter in a receptacle each time you overcome or reach a goal. Spend it on something which delights you and will be a continuing reminder of your progress. I guess that means a porn mag would be a bad idea.

****************************************
This post was written in humor and is not intended to offend anyone. I thank God that unlike the Mormon faith my salvation is not based on my own merits, failures, achievements, or shortcomings. If it was I would be on a very short one way trip to the "hot place" as Chops calls it.

GIRL FIGHT!

2005-07-13T01:36:00.000-07:00

***First of all I suppose Ja-me and I owe Chops a very small apology for not announcing her birthday to the blog world (bad blog-mates!) but she seems to have handled it quite nicely herself.***

Chops has already talked about the beginning of her birthday so I'll cover the end....

Sunday, July 3rd (late night)

So after singing for a few hours and going to dinner(Chops will talk about that later..I think) we headed to "da club". In our usual fashion we arrived and hour later than originally planned at 12am (or right on schedule in CP time...LOL) Normally this particular club wouldn't have been crowded but it was the day before the 4th of July so it was packed. Luckily we knew one of the bouncers at the door and with a little encouragement and a small bribe (that chops has sworn me to secrecy about) we convinced him to let us all in. As soon we walked through the doors we realized that going to a club that was filled to capacity may not have been the brightest idea. After 15 minutes of pushing and shoving drunk, nasty, sweaty people we found the bathroom. We then had the pleasure of waiting another 15 minutes to get to the bathroom door (keep in mind clubs in CA close at 1:30-2:00 am and we had already wasted 30 minutes).

(Sidenote #1- Can someone please tell me when butt cleavage became the hot new thing? Half the females in the club had there cracks out for all the world to see. Guess that's just more proof that I've outgrown the hip-hop club scene.)

Okay, back to the story... While Je-Me and I stood in line the rest of the group went to get drinks. The two chicks in front of us were kissing and having a competition to see who could get their a** to shake the fastest while the guy behind us practically fell over trying to see the show. When it was finally my turn to use the bathroom a group of girls walked into the (single stall) bathroom ahead of me. I'm usually not a confrontational person but I had some (bathroom) business to take care of so I walked in with them. I tried to nicely encourage them to leave the but they were drunk and weren't trying to hear it. At this point I was thinking I haven't had a fight since I was 12 years old, there are several of them and only 2 of us, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna ruin my outfit fighting in a bathroom. Suddenly the guy in line behind us came into the bathroom talking s**t to the group of girls. I though that it was rather odd that a guy was in the women's bathroom but I was glad that I didn't have to deal with them anymore. As the drunk girls left I realized that the person I though was a male was actually a female. The rest of the girls I came with were also back from the bar and standing in the hallway (sans earrings and any other jewelry that could have gotten in the way during). I slammed the door (because I was in a hurry to get to the toilet) and then I heard screaming and banging. Apparently the drunk girls were mad that I had slammed the door and were arguing with the girls that I came with. By the time I exited the bathroom everything had settled down and one of the drunk girls came over and apologized.

After narrowly avoiding a fight we walked directly into another one. Two guys and a bouncer were fighting near one of the exit door so we ran down a flight of stairs to a blocked off hallway to avoid being crushed by the crowd upstairs. When the fight was over we found the (less crowded) Reggae room and sat down near a window. One of the guys who had been fighting was passed out in the middle of the street surrounded by cops. We though he was dead but after a few minutes he got up. We spent the rest of the night dancing with vertically and aesthetically challenged men (most of the cute men were more interested in the other guys at the club than the women).

(Question #2- Why are so many reggae songs just remakes of hip-hop/ R&B songs that have been played to death on the radio?)

Since no one was hungry after leaving the club we decided to find something else to do. One of Chops' co-workers suggested that we go to her cousins house party. My last house party experience was not a positive one but since everyone else wanted to go I went along. When we arrived someone noticed that all of the vehicles parked in front of the house were old school- low riders or Harleys. As we walked inside we noticed that most of the people in attendance had tattoos (on their necks and faces) and were wearing scarves. The only furniture in the house was a fold up chair, a big screen TV, and a China cabinet with a 40 oz. of Budweiser prominently displayed on the top shelf. Needless to say we were all a bit nervous and ended up leaving after 15 minutes. The whole experience made me wish I had paid closer attention during Spanish class.

Anyway....Happy 25 for the 4th time Chops!

R.I.P

2005-07-12T02:40:00.000-07:00

REST IN PEACE J.SPENCER

Chop's Birthday File #1...Gay On My Birthday

2005-07-08T16:20:00.000-07:00

QUICK QUESTION: I really would like to know what happened to Curvy's blog. Anyone with details please let me know!!

On to the post.........................

I'm going to break up the events/exploits of my birthday in separate files, otherwise I'll never get to it!! So this post accounts for the morning of my birthday (July 3rd). I've appropriately labeled it "Gay on my birthday". You'll see why....

Sunday, July 3rd:

My attempts to go to church at 8:30am failed since I didnt get to sleep until about 5am (the night before I celebrated my birthday early by going Salsa dancing in the City with my girl Moe, Kris and Jrod. We had so much fun!!)!

My mom and H (step-dad) got to the house at about 11am to take Kris and I to breakfast. As soon as my mom walked into the house she was nagging me about running late (she should be used to it by now!).

When we got to the restaurant everything was cool. She talked to Kris about life and I talked to H about my cousin. Then it happened. What always happens. She brought up my NOT being in a relationship.

reenactment of the conversation:

Chops: "Yeah, It's really cool that TT (cousin) is traveling a lot even though she's not really happy with the amount of time she's away from home...."

Mom: "So speaking of that, why aren't you dating anyone Chops?

H: "On that note I'm going to the bathroom." (He gets up swiftly with a look of utter discomfort on his face)

Chops: "I gotta go to the bathroom too."

Mom: "No you dont, Chops! We have to talk about this!"

Chops: "Yes, I do. Bye."

I stayed in that tiny bathroom as long as I possibly could, knowing that mom would drill the hell out of Kris before my return. I wanted to tell Kris not to say anything, but I thought, "screw it"!

When I got back it seemed like the moment had passed, everyone was cool again, and it was time to go. But of course, once we got back into the car it started up again....

Mom: "Chops, why dont you want to date anyone? Why aren't you dating? Are you gay?"

Chops: "You know what? Yes. I'm gay. Now can we move on?" (Kris laughs out loud)

Mom: "Really Chops. What's the problem? Dont you like guys? I cant imagine why you aren't dating anyone. You dont want to be alone and barren...tons of cats and all that. You know, H and I wont be around forever to keep you company."

Chops: "I told you. I'm gay. I dont want to date men. I only want women." (Kris' really howling now!)

Mom: (flustered and upset) Fine then! Fine! You're gay! I'll hook you up with Mari then! She's gay and she'll be glad to hear that you are too. You can be together...all gay and doing gay stuff! (H turning up the radio in order to disperse this craziness. He looks as though he's having a very unprofessional enema.)

Mom: "TURN THAT RADIO DOWN NOW!!"

Chops: "No. Mari is way too old for me. I like 'em young and tender."

Mom: "Age isn't important Chops! I'm going to hook you and Mari up since you're GAY!" (mom just about screaming at me)

Kris: (joining in to make light of the situation) "I could hook you up with a friend of mine. She's gay too!"

Chops: "Cool, Kris. Is she cute? I only like 'em cute!"

Mom: (beyond pissed off) "Fine then, Fine!!! You're gay! Fine! Be gay!!" (turns her head, and refuses to speak to me for the rest of the ride home)

Back at home when she left she gave me this half ass'd hug and then went to Kris and gave her this big loving hug. LOL! She was pissed all day. H kind of apologized under his breath. LOL! No worries though. I thought it was funny! At least she didnt bring up Beg's name again! LOL!

My mom thought Beg and I were lesbian lovers since we started going to "Salsa" lessons and all these other clubs together. She once asked me if Beg and I go to clubs where they let, "Girls dance with other girls real close like." My mom is seriously in need of help!

To clear it up, my mom really doesn't think I'm gay. She just wants to push me to a point where I'll go out and date someone...ANYONE!! But once I do what she wants, she'll have a fit because the guy I settle for isn't good enough! Crazy! She also knows Beg isn't gay. She's known Beg since we were in Jr. High and knows that she isn't gay...and knows if she was gay she wouldn't be interested in me, and vice versa.

Needless to say, my birthday morning was not the highlight of my day. It does get better though so keep an eye out for follow up birthday files!

*** SPECIAL NOTE: Let me just state for the record that I am NOT gay. Beg is NOT gay. Ja-me is NOT gay. Kris is NOT gay. Also, my mom is really a sweet woman overall. She's just very adamant about my being happy, and is convinced that I cant be REALLY happy unless I'm with a man. She just doesnt realize that I'm happy now! ~~~ Oh! No noodles were harmed in the making of this post.

Always in love...unless you keep hounding me about being gay, then wont accept it when I tell you what you obviously want to hear (whether it's true or not)!!!

Lambchop (AKA) Chops~

Monterey Files - Exhibit #1 - "Sugar Bear"

2005-07-06T17:24:00.000-07:00

Okay I know this is sooooo late, but I wanted to give some excerpts from our Monterey trip! I'll try to do a new one every few days. This is #1...the Sugar Bear incident.

So the main reason I had suggested we go to Monterey for our Meatfest Getaway is because I had to sing at the Monterey Blues Festival that Friday. The performance went really well and I had a blast!

After we left the stage I said my goodbyes to my band members (this was the last time we'll ever perform together) and then went out to find Ja-me and Beg. We walked around a bit and I had a lot of folks coming up to me and saying hi and how the band did such a good job!

Then an older black kat came up to me and shook my hand. He was tall, dressed in ancient gear, and was missing about 85% of his teeth. He told me his name was Sugar-bear from the Chi-lites. He was hilarious. This was pretty much how the conversation went:

Sugar: "Girl you got natural talent. I can help you. I dont know if you know who I am, but I'm Sugarbear from the Chi-Lites"

Me: "I know the Chi-Lites! You guys are great!"

Sugar: "Yeah. I used to be in there but we broke up over some bullsh*t! Anyways, I can help you. I'm going back out to Amsterdam soon I can get you out there. I'm doing it big. You know I hate to admit it but I used to date Chaka Kahn back in the day and we broke up over some bullsh*t! But that's another story. But yeah, I can get you to Amsterdam."

Me: "So are you saying you need a back up singer?"

Sugar: "You aint listening to what I'm telling you!!! I told you, I dated Chaka Kahn! I'm saying I been to Diana Ross' house!!! Daina Ross' house!! You hear what I'm telling you??? Do you???"

Me: (a little frightened at his outburst) "Uh...yeah. I hear you."

Sugar: "So take this number and call me cause I can get you out in Amsterdam. I got connections all over. This number is to my place in Santa Barbara though."

Me: "So you live in Santa Barbara?"

Sugar: "You aint listening to what I'm telling you!!! I said I'm from here to Amsterdam, baby!! Here to Amsterdam!!! Amsterdam!! I'm a writer, producer, artist. All of that! I've been in Diana Ross' house!! AMSTERDAM...!!!"

BEG & Ja-Me insited that I mention that above his phone number he wrote his name and right beneath it he wrote in chicken scratch, "Ex Chi-lite". LOL!

Hmmm. Now is it just me or is he overly excited about Amsterdam?? Anyways. That was Exhibit #1. More lata.

Always in love...unless you get really close to my face while you're talking and you're missing hella teeth so you have absolutely no spit control!!!

Lambchop~

FYI>> I call our outings Meatfests because we all have meat nicknames that no one uses but me. Beg is Bacon, I'm Lambchop, Ja-me is Porkchop, and our silent member Kris is Veal. Now you can all wash your dirty little minds and start out fresh and clean! LOL!

July 3rd...Happy Birthday to ME!!!!

2005-07-04T15:39:00.000-07:00

Yippie! Made it to another birthday! Another year older! I had a great birthday weekend. I'll tell you about it lata. Just wanted to thank Ja-me and Beg for coming out yesterday and hanging with me and my other friends to celebrate my b-day! Hope you had fun, and I'm glad we didnt have to fight them girls in the bathroom after all!

Always in love...unless you try to run up on one of my girls and we have to scuffle!!
Lambchop~

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEEEEE!!!!

R.I.P. Luther!

2005-07-03T09:59:00.000-07:00

**originally posted on 07/01/05, but under the wrong setting**

I just heard on KBLX that Luther V. has died.
I'm very saddened by the news. He was one of musics greatest icon's in my book. I grew up on Luther, so this really seems surreal. He will truly be missed.

"If this world were mine I would place at your feet All that I own You've been so good to me If this world were mine"

There will never be another Luther....RIP :-(

Holla atcha gurl

Monterey Meatfest Pics Part 2

2005-06-29T07:22:00.000-07:00

And More Pics....

Pictures from our Monterey Meatfest!

2005-06-29T00:10:00.000-07:00

This is the first of many photos we took in Monterey! It was soooo much fun. I'm sure you can tell from our pictures! Enjoy....

Everyday Blessings

2005-06-17T16:50:00.000-07:00

To be honest I really did not know how what to name this blog. As I sit here watching Oprah, it not only is bring tears to my eyes, but it is also reminding me that my problems are not so big.

Her first guest's were three sisters who were sexually molested and raped by their minister/father for years. They repeatedly try to share what was going on with their mother only to be slapped around and threatened by her. Here they are now grown women with the courage to face the world & tell their story. To hear how the youngest girl was raped right on the alter and then receive communion and told that it "had" to be done to get rid of her evil. The father has recently been removed from the ministry (where he was the head of the youth department) and is currently awaiting trial. Their mother needless to say is pissed because she will no longer collect alimony since her ex-husband is unemployed thanks to her children has taken it upon herself to condemn her children even further.

The second guest's was a women who was molested as a child by her father who impregnated her at the age of thirteen. As she told of how this repeatedly took place not only to her but all of her sisters and her mother always looking in the other direction. She spoke of how her mother would come home from work to see one of her children run out of a bedroom naked and never ask any questions. At the age of fourteen, this woman gave birth to her father's daughter. She went into labor, and was dropped off at the hospital by herself to deal with the ordeal. Can you imagine?

By the end of the show I was left scratching my head to find out that there are more animal shelters across the country than there are battered women shelters. Or even to hear how America slaps a child molester (when it involves women) on the wrist and pretty much turns the other cheek.

Don't get me wrong. I am fully aware that this is happening everyday in many households. Too many to count I'm sure. But to hear these stories so openly not only had me thinking of my two daughters, but also how we are so quick to think we have the short end of the stick when our day to day problems could NEVER measure up to the horrible tragedy most people have to endure especially at such a young and innocent age.

Wow! I am just really at a loss of words right now. Forgiveness is already difficult enough. I understand that eventually you have to forgive in order to live life. Look at how merciful God is with us on a day to day basis. It's easy to 'say' you forgive someone for something that they did to you, but the actual 'process' is a completely different story. It just makes me wonder, how do you forgive or begin to let go of the anger inside when forced to deal with situations such as these?

Thanks for listening.

Holla atcha gurl!

Yea Boi!!!!

2005-06-16T17:43:00.000-07:00

**singing** I saw youuu and him, walkin' in the rainnnnnnn. You were holding hands and I, will never be the sameeeeee.....

Can some one PUHLEZ help me understand how we went from 90 degree weather on Monday, and here it is Thursday, and it is pouring down outside???? I'm so confused. This is the month of June correct? Last I knew we were approaching the official day of summer, right? So if anyone has Mother Nature's digits programmed in their cell, give her ass a call and see what's up for me.

Got me all excited pulling out tank tops, skirts and shorts, and for the past few weeks the teasing has been non-stop. A little sun this day, A LOT of rain the next. A skirt and sandals with no coat and fresh mani/pedi this day. A damn PUFF coat, boots and umbrella the next. No wonder my ass is sick!

But anywho, I did not log on today to be the local weather girl, I promise. I wanted to share the good news........I FOUND MY MONEY!!!!!!! Or as Dave Chapelle might say....I'M RICCHHH BIOTCHHH!!!

Now I know $40 dollars does not exactly make me "rich" according to society's standards. But it makes me richer than I was when I woke up this morning. Plus I had an extra dollar tucked between the two lost $20's. I'd like to think of that as a little extra for all my heart ache and pain :-)

Where did I find my money you ask? Hmmm, that's the interesting part. It was tucked under my 5 1/2 year old t-shirts in her underwear drawer....go figure.

****sigh of relief****

Until next time,

Holla atcha gurl

Have You????

2005-06-11T17:34:00.000-07:00

Have you ever lost any money? No, I'm not talking about the occasional dollar or two here and there....I'm talking about lots of dollars.

I have NEVER lost any money. I have forgotten about money and found it days, weeks, maybe even months later like a lost treasure of sorts. That always makes my day, even if it's just $1. It's one dollar more than what I started out with.

However, I have been wrecking my brain, room, house, purse, car, clothes, etc... looking for the $40 that mysteriously got a mind of it's own & decided to dissappear into thin air, at least at this point that's what had to have happened.

Granted $40 may not seem like a lot, but for the life of me, I can not seem to wrap my mind around the fact that it is GONE! When I try to let it go, I can't. I try one more time to re-trace my steps from the ATM at lunch yesterday, to me taking it out of my pocket a few hours later to put in my wallet ( at least I think that's what I did) to no recollection of anything else after that point.

I even called my boss to make her look through my desk for me today. No luck. I'm one step close to going down to the dayum job myself just to be sure she did not over look it. But I keep thinking, how could it be at work when I am certain that I put it in my wallet. Or did I?

Meanwhile 'you got me hanging on strings now...i'm not your play thang' keeps playing over and over in my head. I can't shake that dayum song for anything.

*argh* I am just disgusted. I know that it is around here somewhere. Maybe I'm over-looking it? I've even tried the thought process of... Well if I did drop it, I'm sure whoever found it needed it more than I did, or...I'm sure I'll find it when I really need it. But see, none of those really apply as far as I'm concerned because well....I really need my money & I need it now!

Okay, I dont think I checked my purse or my wallet to well so I'm going to try again.

Until next time,

Holla atcha gurl!

Perception

2005-06-07T04:24:00.000-07:00

Cloud 9

We live from the head down and not the feet up
And I'm adorned with the crown that's making this up
And I'm fine under cloud 9

Yes I wear the lamb's wool, the feet of burned brass
And the wool defies gravity like the nature of a gas
And I'm fine under cloud 9

Twist my cloud and it rain
And when it rains it pours
And the energy will absorb
Power for the metaphysical one

Happy to be nappy, I'm black and I'm proud
That I have been chosen to wear the conscious cloud
And I'm fine under cloud 9

I be a chameleon and wear it bone straight
But it's so much stronger when it's in its natural state
And I'm fine under cloud 9

Twist my cloud and let it rain
And when it rains it pours
And the energy will absorb
Power for the metaphysical one

-Donnie-

About 5 months ago I drastically changed what I look like. I cut off all of my permed hair and went natural. Prior to the "big chop" I'd had hair styles ranging from weaves to pixie cuts, braids to bobs, and everything in between. I'd never had any problems with men (specifically black men because I don't date anything else). I guess I still don't have any problems (with men) but since the first day of my big change I've attracted a completely different type of person. I'm generally attracted to the conservative yet well rounded type. Kind of your middle of the road guy. The type that is comfortable in a conservative jazz club or at a hole in the wall bar. Most of my previous guys have been financially and (somewhat) mentally stable. Prior to the change I didn't realized how much my hair was affecting who I attracted.

Lately it seems that every weed smoking, starving artist, laying down tracks, my car is in the shop, vegetarian fool on earth wants to hook up. I have no issues with any of those lifestyles however they aren't my cup of tea. I don't smoke weed , I respect anyone who is perusing a dream but let's be realistic you need to have a job until your dream takes off! I love meat...Live cows make me hungry! And if you don't have a car how are you gonna take me out??? (Yes I have a car but I do have some expectation of a man) It pisses me off that people automatically assume that I am a poetry writing, incense burning, tie-dye wearing, coffee shop addict simply because of my hair style. Once again I have no beefs with those types of people either but it is so frustrating!!!!! Interestingly enough I also seem to be attracting a lot more non-black men lately. I have no idea what that's about.

I expected things to change a little when I changed my hair but damn!! I didn't realize that embracing who God made me by not chemically altering my hair would affect my social life so drastically! A decision to simplify my life has opened my eyes to a whole realm of issues that I never realized existed. All of that said, I love my hair and have no intentions of changing it.

Blehhhh!!!!!!!!!.........I'm tired of ranting but I'm far from done so I'll revisit this issue when I'm a little calmer.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Actually, I have one more thing to say since we're on the dating topic. I helped a friend sign up for one of those online dating services a few days ago. (I already tried that and it's really not for me...Anyway) While browsing through the available men we notice an irritating trend. Several of the men's profiles showed that they dated every race accept African American/Black. Even more irritating were the black men who dated every race accept their own. WTF is that about! How and why would you exclude members of your own race as potential mates. Self hatred is so ugly! One even had the audacity to say that the reason he is not interested in dating black women is because we are overly aggressive, gold diggers, conniving, and not feminine. He was at least 6 shades darker that I am so I know both of his parents are black (yes, I know that really doesn't mean anything but his profile confirmed my belief). I wonder what he thinks of his mother. Actually I don't give a damn. If I ever run into him I think I'll take my non-aggressive, not interested in your money b**ch, not into game playing, very feminine self and slap the shit out of him. Just kidding! (kind of)

Wow, *sigh* I feel so much better now.

People are SO crazy!

2005-06-05T17:53:00.000-07:00

Strange things I've heard at work this month:

- (from a female caller) Help! My balls are stuck in my Vagina and I can't get them out! ( In case you're wondering she wasn't talking about the toy kind...Not that I would know anything about that anyway)

- Get out here right away, a moose just pooped on my front lawn and I think it's coming back.
(FYI....I work on an island so needless to say there are no moose in the area)

- I need an ambulance...Someone threw bleach in my refrigerator and now my throat and my twat are burning!

- Help, My heart just exploded!

- (caller on 911 ) I need help immediately! My right contact is stuck in my eye.

I could go on but I think that's enough for now.

Just sumthin' good to read...

2005-05-31T10:41:00.000-07:00

Wife Woman or Friend - Part 1

~By Dana Gilmore

Def Poetry Jam

I guess I should not be surprised that my beginning was his end.

After all, we were just friends

Although in my world I was his girl

So in my mind I pretended to be his wife

Saying sh*t like, "there's only so many years in a woman's life" Right, so I gave him three

Yet he had the audacity to step to me on this Donnell Jones "I don't knowwhere I wanna be" type sh*t
It wasn't supposed to be like this
He hit me with the forehead kiss
He told me life was a journey and he was ready to explore this sh*t
And I was pissed
I start pullin' out Tupac hits telling me to keep my head up and R. Kelly picks about when a woman's fed up
Cause I was down with him for so long, that I didn't think I could get up
Till one day I got tired of sleeping on pillows my tears had wet up

and Realized that life goes on
And no he didn't choose me and that doesn't make him right nor wrong
And just because he was the epitome of my life that doesn't make me wrong nor right
Like I said I was his friend and not his wife And I should've acted within that capacityAnd then this breakup would've been "just one of themthings"And not a f**king tragedy

And all the time I spent mad at himI should've been mad at me

After all I was the one that gave him the key to my house

Let him hang clothes in my closet just in case we go out

Washing all his dirty clothes to make a "full load"

And let him finish all the leftovers just so the food don't go old

For the times that we raw-dogged just cause he "lost all the rubbers"

And though I showed him more support than his father,brother, sister, and mother

And just 'cause those same people dial my number when they're trying to stay in touch

And he received mail at my address "cause he sleeps here so much"

Got total control of the remote control to the TV,DVD, and radio

And even though his name is not on my lease got sh*t in my house that is off limits to me

Like his side of my bed and his stash of w**d

And I better not touch his shoebox, Fruit Loops, mouthwash or toothbrush
He even had his own set of towels
But none of this obligates him to me because not once did we exchange vows

And If I knew then, what I know now, I probably would've listened
When he said it was some sh*t that he needed to getout his system

But I was too busy b*tch*n',

jumpin' bad like I was gonna hit him

And in the back of my mind all I could fathom was how much I was gonna miss him
And just because I'm cryin' don't mean I'm the victim
It's just that I was too scared to let him go 'cause some other chick might get him
And that was my fault, it was my decision

I should've never put my heart in my mind's position
But I couldn't shake him--he was like a bad habit

And all this for a ni**a that was just average,

doing average ni**a sh*t

Like talking out the side of his neck and thinkingwith his d**k
But, I must admit he's the one I wanted to commit to

Either I wasn't living up to my potential, or I was just the average chick

But I chose to believe that I was a woman caught up in a feeling
Both physical and emotional, who was way too willing to give her all to a man

And though it may sound stupid I would do it all again
Just next time for my husband and not a ni**a I call my friend.

No more lists!

2005-05-29T19:55:00.000-07:00

Well, I thought we were done with the list thing but apparently not....Thanks Coley.
Without further ado...."10 things I love list" (in no particular order)

- Sleeping for hours in a big bed on 1000 count Egyptian Cotton sheets
- Calla lilies
- Listening to Jazz during thunderstorms (preferably in front of a fireplace)
- God
- Hot nights
- That tired/relaxed feeling after a hard workout
- Strong Black Men
- Singing/playing guitar by candlelight
- Spending time with family and friends
- Sushi and Sake at Yoshis

Ja-me Completed

2005-05-26T14:20:00.000-07:00

ManNMotion:
What are your real names? J-m--a
What are your addresses? 123 Sesame St.
What are your credit card numbers and expiration dates? 12345, 678910, 11 122222222 (from sesame street)

Dee:
what keeps the friendship going? In addition to the meds, lots of good times 2gether. Lots of laughs, tears, and openness.

Call 2 Arms:
What's the longest any of you have fallen out and/or not spoken to each other?
I would have to agree with BEG. For me, it was at least the 1st year of marriage. We did speak, but it just wasn't the same. It was really hard in the beginning learning how to juggle everything.

Who will be each of your maid's of honor? my maid of honor was my sister.

Do you like girlfriends? Absolutely

If so whose character are you? Hmmmm, a little of Joan because she is a neat freak & kind of a perfectionist. Definitely Maya with the whole married & kid thang (yea & she & Darnell are back 2gether!), a sprinkle of Toni due to her shopping fetish, and a dash of Lynn because she's mixed & other reasons :-)

Jez Chill:
What is your SSN?
What is your bank's routing # & checking account #?
What is your pin #?
**to sum up all three questions. I don't have any money or good credit, so u may not want/need that info!**

The Saga:
What could porn actors possibly do for fun during their time off? Bathe
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest? Because all ignorant people like to be heard for some strange azz reason
If women ran the Pentagon, would missiles and submarines be shaped differently? C'mon now, we're women, whatchu think? I bet that was not the answer you were looking for though hehehe...

Proactiff:
What's your favorite snack? CEREAL!!! Flamin' Hot Cheetos or Orange Cupcakes

Which do you prefer: Ann Taylor, Banana Republic, BCBG or another designer in particular? I do not discriminate when it comes to shopping! I love them all (cuz I can make anything look good..j/k...no I'm not) Butttttt if I had to choose one, it would be BCBG.

What are your shoe sizes? 8 1/2 my foot grew half a size with each child :-(

TIA.Bonus Question: How in the world does one AFFORD to live in California if not on a movie star's "Black Card" budget? I was born and raised out here so I don't know anything different. And to be honest, not sure if I would want to live anywhere else.

A.H.ROSTAMI:
Do marry a man who does'nt believe in God at all, but he loves you very much? My husband is a man of God. If I was not already married than NO. However, let's keep in mind, there are many people who believe in God, for me you would also have to have a relationship with him, and not just the ability to quote scriptures.

What is your opinion about the movie "the passion of Christ" Wow. I'm not even sure I can put what I felt into words. I think the movie did an excellent job in it's portrayal of Jesus Christ and what He endured just for me. I cried through the whole movie because it's all I could think about, that it was for me. I don't say "for me" in a selfish way, it's just how I identified with the movie. It's one thing to read about it in our word, but to get a visual of it, brings about a completely different perspective of things. It's truly honoring,

Lambchops Answers PART 2 (FINAL)

2005-05-26T09:50:00.000-07:00

ManNMotion asked...
1. What are your real names? My name is Peaches n'herb

2. What are your addresses? 555 Peaches n'herb lane

3. What are your credit card numbers and expiration dates? 54545555 n'Herb

Dee asked...
1: how did you 3 meet? I think this was covered in Part 1 of my answers.

2: how long have you been friends? Oh Lawd! I think Begs right...about 16 years

3: what keeps the friendship going? Once again, Begs right, definitely medication.

Call 2 Arms asked...
1. Have you already told us why you tried to kill each other in college? Hmmm. I remember that we just had this really weird love hate relationship...like siblings. I remember Beg trying to drown me, and then I remember attempting to push her down a flight of stairs (I caught her before she actually went down though). There wasnt any one thing in particular, just two crazy kids who've known each other waaaaay too long growing up together.

2. Were you dormmates? Yup. In summer bridge. Then when I went off to Basic Training she got an apartment with the psycho. I ended up moving in with them until the whole attempting to kill each other deal started up again. Then I moved into the dorms.

3. Was being dormmates being fun? When it was fun, it was REALLY fun. When it was bad, it was REALLY bad.

4. What's the longest any of you have fallen out and/or not spoken to each other? See Beg's answer cause I cant even remember. I do know that the longest time that Beg and I didnt talk was due to our deciding (okay, me deciding) that we shouldnt sing together anymore.

5. Were you bridesmaids in Ja-me's wedding? Yup! Of course!!

6. Who will be each of your maid's of honor? I dont think I'll have a maid of honor, but if I did I'd have to be my dear friend Moe (whom I've known about 17 years). I honestly couldnt choose between Beg, Jame and Kris (the quiet songbird).

7. Do you like girlfriends? I LOVE Girlfriends!

8. If so whose character are you? We all discussed this at great lengths and I think I'd be a cross between Joan and Lynn (80% Joan and 20% Lynn). Like Lynn I jump around from hobby to hobby and I'll probably only be there for a minute, then I'll move on to the next. In all other ways I favor Joan (her neurotic behavior, boyfriend drama's, etc)

Jez Chill asked...
1> What is your SSN? 555n'herb

2> What is your bank's routing # & checking account #? 555n'herb & 555peaches

3> What is your pin #? PNH (numerical values)

The Saga asked...
1) What could porn actors possibly do for fun during their time off? Vacation in a monastery (LOL!!)

2) Why do people who know the least know it the loudest? To illustrate what bad breading can produce.

3) If women ran the Pentagon, would missiles and submarines be shaped differently? Too easy. Women would've invented a whole new bread of war artillery. Most likely invisible with a powerful punch.

Proactiff asked...
1. What's your favorite snack? Svenhards Butterhorns!!

2. Which do you prefer: Ann Taylor, Banana Republic, BCBG or another designer in particular? I'm not really into brands, hell, I'm not really into clothes in general (until late) but I guess since I've actually bought clothes from Banana Republic, I'd have to say that would be it.

3. What are your shoe sizes? 9 1/2 (yes, I'm the black Olive Oyle)

4. TIA.Bonus Question: How in the world does one AFFORD to live in California if not on a movie star's "Black Card" budget? I'm still trying to figure this one out - see Begs answer. I have a question for you (which may be a stupid one), what does TIA mean???

A.H.ROSTAMI asked...
1. Do marry a man who does'nt believe in God at all, but he loves you very much? My answer mirrors Begs answer exactly.

2. What is your opinion about the movie "the passion of Christ" - I thought it was amazing. In my opinion it stayed to the point, that Jesus Christ bore the weight of our sins/transgressions for the sake of our salvation. I thought it was tasteful and I was crying like a baby by the end. Like Beg said, I felt so loved and so unworthy. The movie visually showed me what I've read in the Bible and brought a whole new perspective evoked so much emotion.

Thanks for the questions! I'm glad it's over though, cause I've got stuff going on that I wouldnt mind blogging about right about now.

Always in love...and that's it!

Lambchop~

B.E.G'S ANSWERS (THE REST)

2005-05-22T06:35:00.000-07:00

ManNmotion

What are you real names? What are your addresses? What are your credit card numbers and expiration dates? Okay, It's official you have issues!!! We have one answer for all of your questions....If you tell us yours we'll tell you ours. :-)

Dee

1) How did you meet? I met chops in a Jr.High math class. I met Ja-me in a gymnastics class a year later. They will elaborate later.

2) How long have you been friends? Almost *gulp* 16 years.

3) What keeps the friendships going? A lot of insanity, and medication.

Call2Arms

1) Why did you try to kill each other in college? Well, after watching a documentary on unusual ways to die I decided to pour water up Chop's noise while she was sleeping to see what would happen. I'm sure she had done something to piss me off but I can't seem to remember what it was. As you can see, she woke up during the process and foiled my plans. Chops will elaborate on the why part....or should I say she will tell you what her warped little brain remembers about it.

2) Were you dorm mates? Yes, during a one month transitional high school to college program we were dorm mates. The experience taught me an invaluable lesson which is, if we value our lives we will never live together again. I also realized that I couldn't stomach living in a room the size of a shoe box. After the program ended I promptly moved off campus into an apartment with someone I later realized was a psychopath. (another bad decision on my part).

3) Was being dorm mates fun? Yep, we had a great time...when we weren't fighting.

4) What's the longest you've gone without speaking? During Ja-me's first year of marriage we rarely heard from her. She was doing the bonding with her husband/ newlywed thing I suppose. She actually called us a few time to tell us not to call because she was having a "special" weekend with her husband and she didn't want to be disturbed. Chops and I went 6 months without speaking after a big fight. I'll let her elaborate on that as well.

5) Where you bridesmaids in Ja-me's wedding? Yep. (pictures to follow)

6) Who will be your maids of honor? If I'm ever blessed enough to find someone I would want to marry I wouldn't have a maid of honor, only bridesmaids (no hurt feeling and everyone could share the responsibilities).

7) Do you like Girlfriends? If so which character are you? When I'm actually off work during the hours the show airs I love it. I would probably be a cross between Lynn and Toni.

Jez Chill

1) What are your SSN's, Bank checking and routing info, and pin numbers? You get the same answer as MNM....Actually,I should give you my checking account number so you can make a few deposits.... Especially since you live outside of Cali now so you should have plenty of money!!

The Saga

Okay...First of all I would like to say great questions! You and MNM are quite entertaining.

1) What could porn actor possibly do for fun during their time off? Well I tried to contact R.Kelly via email but he refused to come out of his closet so I'm not really sure but perhaps you could ask this guy.

2) Why do people who know the least know it the loudest? Hmmm, Once again you got me, but I know someone you could ask.

3) If women ran the Pentagon, would missiles and submarines be shaped differently? I'm not touching that one.....I'll leave it for Ja-me and Chops.

Proactiff

Your welcome!

1) What's your favorite snack? Ohhh, another food question!! Well my favorites snacks are Frosted Mini Wheat cereal and Turkey bacon (sorry, I know you are veggi person) or Asparagus.

2) Which do you prefer: Ann Taylor, Banana Republic, BCBG or another designer in particular? While I love shopping and clothes I'm not really into brand names. If I had to choose from the provided options it would have to be BCBG. I love their clothes and they also have really cute shoes, my favorite thing to shop for!!!

3) What's your shoe size? I wear between a 7 and a 7 1/2 . I will gladly provide my P.O Box for anyone who's interested in sending gifts. :-)

4)How does one afford to live in Cali? I haven't figured it out yet, I'll let you know if I do......Just kidding. I've lived in California all of my life so I'm use to the cost of living. I have accepted that (as a 1 income household/single person) I have to settle for a little less (property wise) if I want to live anywhere near my job. The upside is that I love the ethnic diversity in the Bay Area and would never want to live anywhere that wasn't. I can drive two hours in any direction and find any climate or environment I want (snow, desert, city, country etc...) Also, if I ever decide to move out of state I can buy a good sized home for the same price as a one bedroom condo here.

A.H.ROSTAMI

1) Would you marry a man who does not believe in God, but loves you very much? It is very important to me that the man I marry have a strong relationship with God so the answer is NO, I would not. As old fashioned as this may sound I believe that a women should be submissive towards her husband and for me to take on that role I need to be 100% certain that the choices and decision he (and we) make for our family line up with the principals and morals I believe in. (When I say submissive I don't mean in a whatever you say goes type of way..... I have opinions about everything and I am not the type to hold my tongue and bow down. I simply mean that I would be respectful of his opinions [as he would be of mine] and that ultimately he would get the final say in most situations...Hey I'm trying!) When (and if) I have children I intend to raise them as Christians.....that would be rather hard to do if my husband did not have the same desires. Lastly I believe that most people who have a relationship with God have a good understanding of what love truly is and in turn will love me the way God intended. I could go on but I'm sure Ja-me and Chops will cover the rest.

2) What is your opinion about the movie "The passion of Christ"? It was very hard for me to watch that movie because I don't like to see violence in any form. However, I realize that my salvation is directly tied into the suffering that Jesus had to endure so that I would not be condemned to Hell for eternity. I am usually non-emotional but after watching the movie I felt sad and loved because it clearly shows how much God sacrificed for little ole me.

Thanks for asking!

Ja-Me's Answers Part 1

2005-05-20T18:57:00.000-07:00

G Perspective:

Why do I hate being married so much:
of course it did not start out that way. However, after 6yrs of holding our household down with little to no help 90% of the time has made me just a little bitter,exhausted,resentful, hurt, disappointed, shut down, and at the edge of no return. Especially since it is something that can be fixed but isn't due to one's own selfishness. We did not know much about marriage going into it (who does?) and we have both grown, unfortunately the growth has not been 2gether as one. It has been individually. So my marriage has been stuck in the same place since day 1. Pretty sad :-(

Why did I get married in the first place:
let's see, where to start on this one? I thought I was in love. And I only say that because I do not believe that I had enough of life's experiences to really know better. And that in no way means that I do not love my husband. I was in my earlyyyyy 20's and pregnant with my oldest. We had both agreed that we wanted to be able to give our children something we never had growing up which was a strong foundation with both parents in the household. I did not want to be yet another statistic. And church folks, need I say more on that one?

How did we all come to know each other:
Well it would be pointless for me to reiterate.

Are any two of us closer with each other:
hmmmm, I would not say that any of us are closer than the other. I would say that we look to each other for different things, and collectively it is the glue that holds us all 2gether **sentimental siggghhhh**. As far as jealousy goes, I think we left that behind with the high school years.

Do any of us have separate groups of friends and if so do they get along with our group:
Yes, we all have separate groups of friends. We can figure out who fits and who doesn't. It's rare that an outsider comes in who does not belong. If my memory serves me correctly, it has only happened once thanks to BEG. She introduced us 2 some girl with the ghettoist name that starts with an "M" that Chops and I can not pronounce to this day. And believe me, she was as bad as her dayum name.

Brutha Code:

What was my first kiss like:
oooooohhhh weeeeee......It was all I had day dreamed it to be and a bag of flaming hot cheetos...yummy. Had me re-living it for days. I guess that would be according to the standards of any 13 year old. Not sure if I would say the same now. I may have had one those "experimental" kisses when I was around six, but I can't pull up the memory right now. Must not've been that good **shrug**

Favorite song that came out before 1980:
My favorite song in the whole wide world would have to be Minnie Riperton-Memory Lane! I also love Patrice Rushen- Forget Me Nots & Remind Me, and any of the EW&F and Al Green classics.

Last and next place I traveled/plan to travel to:
Sadly enough I have not seen the world outside of where I live or what I see on tv. I've been local (LA, Tahoe, Monterey, etc..) but that's about it. Not b/c I did not/do not want to. Hopefully the trip to Puerto Rico will come thru for BEG & Chops 30th bash. I am looking soooo forward to that!!! JUST SAD!

Miki:

What turns me off the most in a man:
Lack of confidence, neediness, a lack of compromise and understanding, arrogance & cockiness. A LACK OF SOOOMMMEEE FINANCIAL STABILITY(A job with benefits)! And I have to go with BEG on the hair thing. I don't like hairy men at all. Or short men (no shorter than me).

What character trait is most important when choosing a friend:
Honesty & Loyalty till the very end!

What is my favorite dessert:
Strawberry cheesecake, pecan pie, german chocolate cake, & sherbert ice cream

Coley:

How Come we haven't met:
It's all BEG's fault. Everything is her fault, I was actually at the job a few weeks ago but you weren't there :-(. We'll have to hook up soon.

What is my biggest regret so far:
hmmmm? I don't really like the word "regret". There is so much that I have/continue to learn from in life. If I had to choose something that I would have done differently, I would have waited on marriage.

Where do I see myself in 5 years:
I can't really say. I just hope that I am closer to God and finally doing something for me.

What is my favorite restaurant:
Thanh Long, Red Lobster, and anywhere else that has delicious food!

Lambchops Answers (PART 1)

2005-05-19T15:55:00.000-07:00

Tha G Perspective asked....

Have you ever been married? No, I've never been married (*whew*).
If not what's the closest you've been? The closest was my jack ass circus midget of an ex-boyfriend, "Mr. Circus Midget". He had been hounding me about how he KNEW he wanted to marry me from the day he realized he loved me (a year before we actually started dating) and that he was just waiting for ME.
Shortly after I gave in he started acting up. First off he was going to give me the USED ring that his ex-fiance had been given years prior (there were scratches and dulled platinum on the band from almost a years wear and tear). Then he started acting funny like I was trying to trap HIM into marrying ME!! I didn't even bring up marriage first!! He's completely looney tunes (notice this is present tense). To read up about my last woes with the circus freak go HERE-1 and then HERE-2 for the sequel.

How did you all come to know each other? Beg and I met in 8th grade in our math class. She and I had to sit next to each other. I remember sitting there, disliking her at first sight, watching in disgust as she sat there sucking on aspirin (yes... I said concentrated ASPIRIN) like it was a freaking jolly rancher. I realized then that I could never be friends with a freak. My, how things change!
I met Ja-me sometime in Elementary school. I was in the 6th and she was in the 5th. I don't remember how we met, I just remember her always being in my life. We got closer in Jr. High, then closest in High School. We must've been drawn to each other since we both had messed up home lives!
Are any two of you closer with each other, and has this ever brought about jealousy in the odd one out? I have to lean towards Beg's answer. There's a 4th Songbird who has yet to become part of this blog (maybe soon?) so whenever two are closer the other two happen to also start hanging out more as well.
I do recall a time in High School, though. I think it must've been our Jr. year. We all became cheerleaders and I (being the rebel weirdo that I am) decided I didn't want to be apart of that mindless materialistic bunch of "widgets" so I quit (had something to do with the Captain wanting everyone to buy these expensive a$$ plain white shoes, when I'd already bought some very economical plain white shoes. I yelled at her and possibly threatend her. Shortly after this incident I decided I wasn't the "cheerleader" type).
So I did end up feeling a bit like the odd one out since they (the other 3) had that in common, but I've always been a drifter and would hang out with tons of different people all the time so it wasn't that bad :-)
Do any of you have separate groups of friends and if so do they get along with this group? Oh yeah! We all have separate groups of friends. For the most part, they all know about each other even if they haven't actually met. The ones that have met have gotten along mainly because we pick and choose the ones we think will have something in common and wont be frightened at how psycho we act when we (the songbirds) get together.

The Brutha Code asked...

What was your first kiss like? I had to chew on this question for a bit. See, I wanted to say my first kiss was in kindergarten but Beg said that it really didn't count (hater). So I'd have to say my first kiss was at 17 years old in the high school Science building with my first official boyfriend (whom I would deny knowing if I saw him in the street). It was a great kiss only because I didn't really have much to compare it to, plus I was soooo in "like" with him and excited to have a boyfriend that I think if he had burped in my mouth I would've thought it was cute...odd, but cute (I'm really exaggerating!!).
Favorite song that came out before 1980? Wow. I have a few. I'm glad you asked - The Knack: My Sharona, The Doobie Brothers: What a fool believes, Chic: Le Freak, KC and the Sunshine Band: That's the Way I Like It, Sister Sledge: We Are Family, Marvin Gaye: What's Going On.......and on and on and on.
Last and next you place you traveled: Last place I traveled to was Encenada (go HERE to see a post on it). Next place? Probably to Hawaii to visit my sister.
Plan to travel to? I plan to go back to France and to visit England. I really would like to go to Puerto Rico (I think we're going there for both Beg & my 30th bday!)

Miki asked...

What turns you off the most in a man? Conceit, Bad Breath, Humorlessness, Materialistic, Circus Midget Freakiness, hands smaller than mine, Circus Midget Complex (aka - short-mans complex), Overly sensitive....did I mention Circus Midget Freakiness???
What character trait is most important to you when choosing a friend? A loving personality who loves to laugh, doesn't let the petty things in life deteriorate a good friendship, accepts me for who I am, doesnt try to manipulate others, and is giving (Ja-me...gimme $20 please).
What is you favorite dessert? Chocolate Cake, Dutch Apple Pie, Chocolate Ice Cream, Svenhards Butter Horns, Daiquiri Ice, Chocolate Cookies, Mrs. Fields Cinnamon & Sugar Cookies, Watchamacallit Candy Bar, Pure Cane Sugar on the rocks straight from the box.....
Yes, I know I'll most likely be obese with high blood pressure and diabeties by the age of 35. Beg & Ja-me will have to wheel me to the car and I'll travel everywhere on the hood or maybe on the flat bed of the uhaul. I have no problem with that... STOP JUDGING ME...unless you wouldnt mind helping to hose me down at bath time when I reach 600 pounds and cant lift my own arms!!!! LOL :)

coley asked...

When can I hear you sing? Beg has my cd. Tell her to play it for you. I'll sing for you when I see you again and the opportunity presents itself.
What is your biggest regret so far in life? Hooking up with my ex-Jacka$$ Mr. Circus Midget (still a little jaded)
Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Oh Lawd! Hell if I know. My life is drastically different than what I'd planned. Every time I make a plan I change my mind once I get what I thought I wanted, or I grow and decide that it's not really what I need. So I guess I really cant say. I see myself as being alive, but even that's not promised!!
What's your Favorite restaurant? Love these food questions!! Lemme see... Benihana (Japanese), Red Lobster, Casa Orozco (Mexican), Buca di beppo (Italian).... to name a few from the top.

So this is the first half of my answers. If you have any additional questions let us know! More later.

Always in love...unless you refuse to help Beg & Ja-me hose me down when I'm 600 pounds in need of a serious washing and you call yourself my FRIEND. Jerk.

Lambchop~

B.E.G's Answers (half of them)

2005-05-17T01:01:00.000-07:00

G perspective-

Getting married? I am a private person so unless something amazing happens (dating wise) I usually don't talk about it....Now to the question. I was engaged to a man that I'd been in an 8 year relationship with (mistake #1). After 8 months of being engaged I realized that he was not the person for me, nor was I for him. Over the years we grew into each other but were never truly compatible. He was 12 years older than me and we had different life goals, different expectation of marriage, different backgrounds and several other issues that made marriage a bad choice so I ended it. I do hope to find that special person someday but the clock hasn't started ticking (yet). As I've gotten older my expectations for a mate have drastically changed and to be honest most of the people I've dated thus far have fallen short. I'm happy being single and I don't want to go from happy to miserable just to say that I have a husband.

1) How'd we meet? I met chops in a Jr. High math class, I met Ja-me a year later.

2) Who is closest? We have gone through fazes when we were closer to one person or another. Sometimes it does cause stress but there is never an odd one out because there are actually four of us (the fourth person does not blog with us). We all have completely different
personalities so I guess we deal with whoever matches our mood at the time.

3) Separate friends? We all have separate groups of friends and most of them get along...except Ja-me's friends, they make Chops and I a little nervous.

Brutha Code-

1) First Kiss? One word, "Terrible!" I was 15 and I met this guy at an event called Festival at the Lake in Oakland (that has since been cancelled due to folks acting ignorant). Anyway he came over one day when I was home alone to " hang out" for a few hours. I spent most of the day avoiding him because I knew that I would have to kiss him at some point and was scared shitless. When I finally convinced him to leave he grabbed me and tried to kiss me. Before I knew what was happening his nasty little tongue was darting around my lips like a snake trying to get into a hole. I pulled away and pretended that I had to use the bathroom. When I came out he tells me "You are a terrible kisser! That is the worst I've ever had." He left a few minutes later......I think I've improved since then.

2) Favorite Pre 80's song? It's a toss up, Voyage to Atlantis (Isley Brothers...I think that came out before 1980) or You Are My Starship (Norman Connors)

3) Trips? Last place: Vegas ( doesn't really count as a trip) Next place: Trip from Monte Carlo to Athens.

Miki-

1) Biggest turn offs in a man?....hmmm, lack of ambition, laziness, low self confidence, excessive body hair.
2) Important Character traits in friends? Reliability and trustworthiness
3) Favorite Desert? Cinnamon Bun from Cinnabon yummy! *drooling*

Coley-

1) Why aren't you affectionate? Is there a child hood horror story that I don't know about? Child hood horror story....Well I wouldn't call it that. My father was very sick when I was born and was suppose to pass away by the time I was three. He actually lived until I was 20 and for all twenty years I watched him die. I decided that being emotional was a waste of time so I learned to suppress all emotion and be the "strong one" in the family. For me that meant no displays of emotion (hugging included). I have since learned to be affection with males (probably overly affectionate) but not females. I'm not sure why that is but I'm learning to feel my feelings and all that kind of crap.

1) Any regrets? While my life hasn't been all fun and games my experiences make me who I am today so I really don't have any regrets (except the chili cheese fries I just ate......bleeeech!).

2) Where do I see myself in 5 years? Well I guess I should have a fully planned out scripted response to this question but I don't. I think I'm a go with the flow type person. Perhaps I'll be married with a kid, or maybe I'll still be single traveling the world. I guess I'm open...... All I know is that I will be happy with wherever God takes me in life.

3)Favorite restaurant? Another toss up between MECCA and Thanh Long (Not as pretentious as Crustations and the food is better.) Farallon is a close third..can you tell I luv to eat!

Okay, well blogger just deleted half of my post so I'm gonna go smash my computer now. I'll re-answer the rest later.

Any questions?

2005-05-13T01:04:00.000-07:00

None of us have anything exciting or interesting to say right now so we've decide to follow in the footsteps of several other bloggers and do the 3 questions thing. We will either take a picture (if possible) of what you request or answer most questions so ask away! Also, if we don't get any requests this post will be deleted.... Just like it never happened.

Salsa Files....

2005-05-09T14:20:00.000-07:00

You all must know by now that I'm notorious for lengthy posts! So I'm going to try to make the bolded lines deal a regular thing for all of you with attention spans like Beg & Ja-me! So if you dont really want to read the whole thing, just read the bolded lines for an overview, then come back later to read the whole thing!!

Beg, you left out so much from your last post! Go HERE to read it.

First off Beg is also an excellent dancer (singer, song writer, guitar player, not to mention having the uncanny ability to shop for 4 + hours straight at forever 21!) . She's being way too modest. She seems to believe she's just an average dancer, but one of our fellow students (who I consider to be an expert) told me that we both are pretty good when you consider how long we've actively been learning.

The night we went to tha Down Low club in Berkeley, Beg and I both ended up having to dance with our instructor. It was soooo nerve racking! He kept telling me to relax and have fun. I responded by yelling at him, "How can I relax?? I'm dancing with my freakin' teacher!!! STOP JUDGING ME!!!" He told me he wasnt judging me, but I'm no fool!

Beg told me that when she danced with the instructor he kept turning away from her to laugh! I know that's not true because I was watching and she did great!

Oh! One last note on Club night last week - we both danced with this little hyper guy. When he was dancing alone he was quite impressive. It's when he had to interact with others that we had the problem. I cant even explain how he was dancing! I cant do him justice! All I can say is that he was constantly on his tippy-toes swirling around and doing some sort of jerky "I'm hopped up on X" movements.

It was so confusing that I ended up accidentally scratching him in the eye, stepping on his foot, and hitting him in the head with my elbow. It must've looked like he was being attacked on the dance floor. At one point he yelled, "MY EYE!!! MY EYE!!!"

Now onto my dance partner(s):
(A recount of the events that occurred)

Cuban Salsa Guy~
Beg is completely on the money as far as the fact that my first dance partner is one of the few...lets just say he was probably the only attractive male in our class.

On the last day of class, Beg went to the restroom in order to escape from Chicken Man for the umpteenth time. While she was gone Salsa guy walked over to talk to me. He asked me if I wanted to go out and practice what we've learned sometimes. He mentioned that he had been wanting to ask me since the first day of class but he kept forgetting. Riiiight.

By that time Beg had come back and was sitting with her cell phone glued to her face...now I know that she was faking it!! I turned to her and told her that Salsa guy and I were gonna be dance partners. We then exchanged numbers.

This is the tricky part. He suggested we exchange numbers. I gave him my number, and I told him my name (in case he'd forgotten) as well as the spelling. He turned to look at me intently and said, "I know your name Chops" (of course he used my real name). I was blown. Did that mean I was supposed to know his???

He called my phone so that I could save his number. I began the process of saving his number, and when it was time to enter his name I turned to look at him expectantly. He proceeded to talk about other stuff as though the exchange had been completed. I sat there baffled. I closed my phone without adding his name and continued the conversation.

I realize that I'm a complete and utter dork for not asking him for his name, so constant reminders from blog world friends is not necessary....welcome, but not necessary.

So Cuban Salsa Guy and I began to get a little better acquainted. He told me he used to play guitar in a Cuban band (this is why Beg thinks he's Cuban) and that he was majoring, or had majored in Music. I thought this was really cool since I love music and guitar. I'm thinking he could give me some extra pointers (on the guitar freaks!).

On the way home I saved Cuban Salsa's guys number under "Salsa". Sad, huh? Well the worst part is that he just called me yesterday while I was rushing to go to the Maroon 5 concert. I was excited. I admit it. I was finally going to know this mans name! I let the call go to voicemail since I was running so late and I didnt want to be rude on the phone. Little did I know....my freaking voicemail was full!!! How sick is that!! My voicemail is filled with friends and family (mainly Beg) leaving song telegrams! They're hilarious and I dont want to delete them!!

So now I gotta either wait to see if he'll call again, or call him myself and run the risk of not knowing his name for lord only knows how much longer! I would feel like an idiot asking for his name now!!! It's too late!

Indian Salsa Guy is different because he knew to spell his name out. See! No problems there! I dont know when I'm going to be able to find time to practice with both guys. I just have no clue.

This Sunday was supposed to be the day I go dancing with Cuban Salsa Guy, but I forgot it's Mothers Day, so I gotta let him know soon. I dont know if I should call him to reschedule. I would rather wait till he calls again and let him announce himself. Oh Lawd! What the hell should I do???

I didnt want to end it this way, but there it is. I just wanted to expound on Beg's post.

Always in love...unless you arrogantly think that you're so memorable and important that your name could never be forgotten by semi-strangers! You missed the hint... me telling you my name again is the ultimate hint!!! I miss the days of the pen and the pad, when people would simply shove the pad & pen into the other persons hand and tell them to write all their info down!!

Lambchop~

Dancing Queen

2005-05-06T03:34:00.000-07:00

"You’re a teaser, you turn ’em on. Leave them burning and then you’re gone. Looking out for another, anyone will do You’re in the mood for a dance And when you get the chance.

You are the dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen (twenty eight) Dancing queen, feel the beat from the tambourine. You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the dancing queen..."

-Abba-

It's official. The newly crowned, hands down, dancing queen*/ It girl of the year is Lambchops! *and the crowd goes wild* Not only can she, sing (very well), write songs, play guitar, and hack into a computer systems like nobody's business (but you didn't hear that from me) apparently she can dance too.

I needed a change of pace so I decided to take a salsa class and invited Chops to join me. She was a bit apprehensive in the beginning but with a little coaxing she gave in. The first class was very slow and geared towards what I will call the "rhythmically challenged" so we decided to stick around and take the intermediate class. The 2nd class was a bit more our speed but I felt that we still needed to take the beginning class to learn the basic steps. Chops thought that we should either discontinue the classes all together or find an advanced class. The fact that Chicken Man was in both of the classes didn't ’t help the situation much either.

We decided to take both classes for the first month and then move to advanced later. Not to toot our own horns but we were two of the best (female) dancers in the class (which really isn’t saying much now that I think about it). Then something strange happened. In one of my many attempts to elude Chicken Man I left Chops sitting alone in the dance studio. As I came back from my 4th trip to bathroom (in 15 minutes) I found Chops sitting next to one of the few (attractive) good dancers in the class. I wasn’t sure if they were having a casual conversation or if it was a hook-up type thing. I didn’t want to be a c**k blocker so I sat a few chairs away and listened in while pretending to make a call on my cell phone. Well it seems that “Cuban Salsa” (that’s what Chops calls him because she no idea [to this day] what his name is) wanted her to be his “dance partner”. We still aren’t exactly clear what that means but after trying to wiggle her way out of it she finally agreed.

Fast forward to last week. Another day, another class. Once again I was doing my best to avoid Chicken Man after class. Chops was dancing with this Indian guy and I noticed they were (or should I say he was) talking quite a bit. Chops looked a little stressed but continued to dance. A few minutes later she walks over with a confused look, bites her lip, and says, “I think I have another dance partner.” Isn’t that kinda like two timing? (I think that’s what we called it in Jr. High LOL) No need to tell you that she didn’t know this ones name either. So now I’m baffled because Chops has a problem with commitment (it is rare that she commits to anything) and a very busy schedule yet somehow she plans to fit 2 bands, a full time job, church, and 2 “dance partners” into her life. Interesting.

Okay, so now you’re all caught up. Last night, after a month of classes we decided that it was time to test out our new skills. We went here for salsa night and of course the first person we ran into was the teacher from our class. We decided that avoidance would be the best plan and headed to the bar. After a drink or two for courage we worked our way back toward the dance floor. (I forgot to mention that while at the bar we made friends [and I use that term loosely] with some old fool who said he was going to teach us how to dance. I ignored him but Chops being the social person that she is was chatting away.) Just as I finished my drink the guy from the bar came over looking for someone to dance with. Chops hadn’t finished her drink so she pushed me towards him and laughs. Before I knew what was happening I was dancing with someone who I think was a distant relative of Chicken Man because he did the same strange foot shuffling/scratching thing while dancing. Thank God it was a short song and I promptly sat down once it ended. The next song started immediately and Chops was nowhere in site. I though that she had gone to bathroom so I decided to watch the dancers. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed a very good dancer spinning and twirling around. She looked a little like Chops but without my glasses I’m as blind as a bat so I wasn’t sure. At the end of the song this person walked over to my table and to my surprise it was her. She always did well in class but somehow she turned into a professional when she got up in da club (or perhaps it was just the whisky). Her three additional “dance partner” offers that night seemed to think she was a pretty good dancer too. The rest of the night went well and we both had a great time but you what, I think it was a set up. She feigned disinterest in the begging then let loose when it was show time.

Oh well, at least I’ll be entertained while she tries to keep all her new “dance partners” (or the rainbow coalition as I call them) satisfied and separated.

*Sorry Kell you’ve been de-throwned…for now anyway.

~B.E.G~

An Ode To Black Chicken Man

2005-05-05T11:59:00.000-07:00

The following song is an ode to Black Chicken Man (click HERE to read up on him. It should be sung with the "Oh Christmas Tree" melody (you know the old Christmas carol: "O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree! How are thy leaves so verdant! O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree, How are thy leaves so verdant!
Not only in the summertime, But even in winter is thy prime.
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree, How are thy leaves so verdant! O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree, Much pleasure doth thou bring me!")

My Ode To Chicken Man:

-Oh Chicken Man, Black Chicken Man, I itch when you are near me
-Oh Chicken Man, Black Chicken Man, your body smells like fe-ces (excrement)

-Your hair is wet, and drenched in sweat
-You like to rub, our hands in it

-Oh Chicken Man, Black Chicken Man, You're stinky and you're vi-le

-Oh Chicken Man, Black Chicken Man, You are so in de-nial

-You love to strut, your Chicken dance
-We wish you'd wash, your stinkin' pants

-Oh Chicken Man, Black Chicken Man, your fingers smell like bi-le

-Oh Chicken Man, Black Chicken Man, your dirty hands need di-al

-There's dirt under your finger nails

-There's fungi growing under there

(optional ending: You may well be a nice guy,

but your smell burns my freakin' eyes)

-Oh Chicken Man, Black Chicken Man, I itch when you are near me!

---------------------------------------------

So Beg and I went to our salsa lesson on Tuesday and unfortunately we were unable to escape the Black Chicken Man. I hesitate to speak of it because the very thought makes me want to puke.

Well, I got stuck with him for what seemed like a lifetime. I held my breath the entire time and I tried my best not to look at his hands (which happened to be ridden with dirt and some sort of sludge). I thought I had made it through without any really bad issues until he decided he wanted to try a move from last week.

Last weeks class was a much more intimate lesson where the guy would place the girls arms over his head and onto his neck (all sexy-like). Before I knew what was happening this dirty fool had taken my arms and slid it all through his dirty, stank-nasty, sweaty hair and onto his equally nasty, stank-sweaty neck.

I snatched my hand back and told him I had completely forgotten how to dance entirely and moved away. Luckily it was finally time to switch up partners.

I ran to Beg and told her I had to step out for a few and quickly made my way to the bathroom where I thoroughly scrubbed the skin off of my hands, arms, and for good measure I included my shoulders and neck (just in case the critters on him happened to make their way onto me).

I still think he's in love with Beg since he kept asking me about whether I went to Vegas with her (I think he was trying to corroborate her story). She's in denial about that though.

I love salsa! It's so much fun! Anyone who hasn't tried it should!

Oh! I'm so excited! Tonight is the Maroon 5 concert!!! Yahooooooo!

Always in love...unless you have the hygiene of a diseased wart-hog and have the nerve to touch another living being (animal or human) with your foul smelling, sweaty, stank-funk-nasty hands!! You disgust me!!!

Lambchop~

The Jerk!

2005-05-01T10:14:00.000-07:00

Anyone who hasn't seen the jerk MUST SEE IT! I've loved this movie for as far back as I can remember. Steve Martin is a comic genius in my book.

Martin plays "Navin", a white man who was raised by a southern black family. He doesn't realize that he isn't black until he's an adult and his mom breaks it to him on his birthday (he finally figured out why his favorite meal was tuna fish salad on white bread with mayonnaise, a Tab (the drink) and a couple of Twinkies. LOL!!) . Upon finding out he's white he exclaims," You mean I'm going to stay this color?!!" He then decides to set out in search of his special purpose and to experience the wonders of the world!

Navin's (Steve Martin) first monologue tells it all:
(Our hero, Navin, is sitting at the bottom of a staircase, looking like a bum.)
Navin: "Huh? I am not a bum, I'm a jerk. I once had wealth, power, and the love of a beautiful woman. Now I only have two things. My friends and... uh... my thermos. Huh? My story? O.k. It was never for easy for me. I was born a poor black child. I remember the days sitting on the porch with my family singing and dancing, down in Mississippi."

Memorable Quotes from The Jerk (1979)

Navin R. Johnson: For one dollar I'll guess your weight, your height, or your sex.

Navin R. Johnson: Well I'm gonna to go then. And I don't need any of this. I don't need this stuff, and I don't need you. I don't need anything except this [picks up an ashtray]

Navin R. Johnson: and that's it and that's the only thing I need, is this. I don't need this or this. Just this ashtray. And this paddle game, the ashtray and the paddle game and that's all I need. And this remote control. The ashtray, the paddle game, and the remote control, and that's all I need. And these matches. The ashtray, and these matches, and the remote control and the paddle ball. And this lamp. The ashtray, this paddle game and the remote control and the lamp and that's all I need. And that's all I need too. I don't need one other thing, not one - I need this. The paddle game, and the chair, and the remote control, and the matches, for sure. And this. And that's all I need. The ashtray, the remote control, the paddle game, this magazine and the chair.

Mother: Navin, I'd love you if you were the color of a baboon's ass.

Navin R. Johnson: I was born a poor black child.

[first lines] Navin R. Johnson: Huh? I am not a bum. I'm a jerk. I once had wealth, power, and the love of a beautiful woman. Now I only have two things: my friends and... uh... my thermos. Huh? My story? Okay. It was never easy for me. I was born a poor black child. I remember the days, sittin' on the porch with my family, singin' and dancin' down in Mississippi.
[a sniper keeps missing Navin and hitting cans of motor oil]

Navin R. Johnson: He hates these cans. Stay away from the cans.

[Navin recites some wisdom]
Navin R. Johnson: Lord loves a workin' man; don't trust whitey; see a doctor and get rid of it.

Navin R. Johnson: [singing] I'm picking out a Thermos for you. Not an ordinary Thermos for you. But the extra best Thermos that you can buy, with vinyl and stripes and a cup built right in.
Navin R. Johnson: The new phone book's here. The new phone book's here. This is the kind of spontaneous publicity I need. My name in print. That really makes somebody. Things are going to start happening to me now.

Navin R. Johnson: [Speaking to Marie in bed while she sleeps] I know we've only known each other four weeks and three days, but to me it seems like nine weeks and five days. The first day seemed like a week and the second day seemed like five days. And the third day seemed like a week again and the fourth day seemed like eight days. And the fifth day you went to see your mother and that seemed just like a day, and then you came back and later on the sixth day, in the evening, when we saw each other, that started seeming like two days, so in the evening it seemed like two days spilling over into the next day and that started seeming like four days, so at the end of the sixth day on into the seventh day, it seemed like a total of five days. And the sixth day seemed like a week and a half. I have it written down, but I can show it to you tomorrow if you want to see it.

Mother: Navin, it's your birthday, and it's time you knew. You're not our natural-born child.
Navin R. Johnson: I'm not? You mean I'm gonna STAY this color?

Stan Fox: [Stan Fox's glasses keep slipping off] Damn these glasses.
Navin R. Johnson: Yes, sir. [to the glasses] I damn thee.

Navin R. Johnson: Why are you crying? And why are you wearing that old dress?
Marie: Because I just heard a song on the radio that reminded me of the way we were.
Navin R. Johnson: What was it?
Marie: "The Way We Were."

Navin R. Johnson: First I get my name in the phone book and now I'm on your ass. You know, I'll bet more people see that than the phone book.

Navin R. Johnson: [in bed] You look so beautiful and peaceful, you almost look dead. And I'm glad, because there's something I want to say that's always been very difficult for me to say. [pause], "I slit the sheet, the sheet I slit, and on the slitted sheet I sit." There. I've never been relaxed enough around anyone to say that.

Navin R. Johnson: I'm gonna bounce back and when I do I'm gonna buy you a diamond so big it's gonna make you puke.
Marie: I don't wanna puke.

Navin R. Johnson: Good things are gonna start happening to me now. [Crazy guy with gun scrolls through a phone book]
Sniper: Navin R. Johnson... Sounds like a typical asshole.

Motel Guest: Don't call that dog "lifesaver;" call him "shithead."

Navin R. Johnson: Now be totally honest. You do have a boyfriend don't you.
Marie: Kind of
Navin R. Johnson: I know this is our first date but do you think the next time you make love to your boyfriend you could think of me?
Marie: Well I haven't made love to him yet.
Navin R. Johnson: That's to bad. Do you think its possible that someday could make love with me and think of him.
Marie: Who knows maybe you and he could make love and you could think of me.
Navin R. Johnson: I'd be happy to be in there somewhere.

New Accounts Bank Manager: I will need two pieces of identification.
Navin R. Johnson: ah yes. I have my temporary driver's license - and - my astronaut application form... I didn't pass that though, I failed everything but the date of birth.

Marie: I don't care about losing all the money. It's losing all the stuff.

Sniper: Die, you random son of a bitch. [shoots at Navin]

[last lines] Navin R. Johnson: [voiceover] I was so glad to be going home. I remembered the days when I sang and danced with my family on the porch of the old house. But things change, and with all the additions to the family, we had to tear down the old house, even though we loved it. But we built us a bigger one.

Navin R. Johnson: Good Lord - I've heard about this - cat juggling! Stop! Stop! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Good. Father, could there be a God that would let this happen?

Hilarious!

Always in love...unless you're a sadistic freak who juggles cats!!
Lambchop~

The Script is HERE

The Pope Has A Blog!!!

2005-04-29T10:37:00.000-07:00

So I have to thank Hippolyte for this one (check him out here). In his most recent post he informed us, his readers, that the Pope actually has a blog!! I went to said blog and saw that it was true!!

The Pope appears to be so very down to earth and approachable. He keeps it real, but he may dabble a tad much in the communion wine than I would think a man of his position would, and by the way he talks some may get the impression that thinks he may be greater than Christ which is disturbing, but dont let me taint this for you....

Funny read at any rate. Not meant to offend anyone I'm sure, but it is entertaining!

Go here to visit the Pope's blog - http://askthepope.blogspot.com/

Another Fast Food Tragedy! @ ARBY'S!!

2005-04-27T08:22:00.000-07:00

Hey All! I've been way out of it lately so I havent taken the time to get the random thoughts out. Still working on the post on our friendship. Soon!!!!!! In the meantime, here is another disturbing example on why fast food sucks!!!!

Lawsuit Says Man Found Skin In Sandwich

POSTED: 7:29 am PDT April 26, 2005

DAYTON, Ohio -- A man is suing a fast-food restaurant operator for more than $50,000, claiming he found a slice of skin on his chicken sandwich.
David Scheiding filed the lawsuit in Montgomery County Common Pleas Court on April 1 after rejecting a settlement offer from GZK Inc., his lawyer said. GZK owns the Arby's restaurant in Tipp City where he bought the sandwich.

Scheiding, of Troy, said he realized something wasn't right when he bit into the sandwich on June 18 and found a piece of flesh about three-fourths of an inch long.

"It looked like I was seeing fingerprints on it," he said. "I got sick and went to the bathroom."
Miami County health investigators talked to the restaurant manager, who had a bandage on his right thumb and wore a latex glove, according to a health district report. The manager said he sliced skin from the thumb while shredding lettuce, and sanitized the area but didn't throw away the bin of lettuce, the report said. Scheiding's sandwich contained lettuce.

"Why wasn't the food searched, and why wasn't it thrown away?" said Scheiding's lawyer, Hank Hyde.

Christine Koeller, vice president of marketing and communications with GZK, said what happened was unintentional.

"(The manager) did destroy product that was in and around the slicer immediately, and did everything that he thought was appropriate to do," Koeller said.

WHY ME Part II

2005-04-22T09:36:00.000-07:00

Andddd sooooo the saga continues….

So one day I promise to write a happy post but this will have to suffice for now. Plus I need this outlet otherwise I would go bald.

So, I get a text message from my mom yesterday morning as I am getting ready for work and this is how the convo goes:

MOM: Please call XXXX at 555-1212 or XXXX at 555-1213 they need help.

**??? Shrug, I'm confused**

ME: What r u talking about?
MOM: There's still stuff at apt. XXXX was the only one 2 help me. She got to me @5. Storage closed @7.

So let me brief you on moms so you can get an understanding of what I have to deal with. BEG and Chops can attest to this, they've been around since 4ever.

My mother is very loving and she would give you the shirt off her back if you needed it. However, she has never had ANY stability in her life. She hates responsibility, therefore she chooses not to deal with anything, so at any opportunity to run, that is exactly what she does. Most people would say that I am the mother & she is the child because I have always been the "responsible one". I don't think people ever realized that I was forced into that role. So to her, life is one big party & she'll worry about everything else if she has to later.

Now, she put in her notice to move I would say about 3wks ago. And of course she waited until the last minute to get things together. Not only that, she fussed about how no one was as willing to help, and that's probably because this shyt is getting old. She has found her a new sugar daddy who claims he wants to take care of her, like they all say. But the bonus with this one is, He is even willing to let her travel all over the world. Cool! Go kick one time if that's what you want to do, but can u make sure your business is handled first? So that is what the text message was about. She left for Vegas & dropped the responsibility of getting her shyt 2 storage & cleaning her apt. I was enraged!!!

So my response was: I know u r stressed & doing a lot but I wish u hadn't dropped that on me last minute.

I GET THERE & THE PLACE IS A MESS!!!!!!! SHYT EVERYWHERE!!! She left one of her friends there that morning to help finish up. But eventually she had to go. Now my first mind was to throw that fact that she is my MOTHER out the window, pick up the phone, call & commence to cussing her out. Buuuttttt, I did not do that. I also thought about NOT DOIN shyt, & leaving. I did not do that either. What I did do, was toss half the stuff & took the rest 2 storage. I figure if she really wanted her stuff she would have made sure everything was taken care of when it needed to be.

SIIIIGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH.

The good news is, I refuse to talk 2 her for a few days until I can calm down. If I don’t, who knows what will come flying out my mouth. Plus I know how to have an attitude that's out of this world. Also, husband is leaving for 2 WHOLE weeks on business, WOOO WHOOOOOO. Wish it were longer, but I'll take what I can get!

Holla atcha gurl!

WHY ME!!!

2005-04-19T11:41:00.000-07:00

Well this was a pretty interesting weekend for me, to say the least. I will try my best to give you the condensed version.

-Go to lunch with a few acquaintances & my husband on Saturday. The chicken my husband ordered looked like something that automatically inflated as it cooked in the microwave. I tried to hide the look of disgust on my face as the waiter handed him his plate. A few minutes later I noticed him slowly & bravely trying to eat his food. We were all starving. I asked him if it was good, of course the answer was NO. So you know the food went back & the money was deducted from our tab.

However, a short while later, he started to expel his lunch all over the ground outside of a store we had just left. He went home & rested a few until he thought he was better and we both went on our individual ways. Now, we happen to be house sitting for my father right now. My husband calls me later that evening to let me know he is in back & where does my father park.IN BACK??? Can't park there! We have no genie nor do we have a parking permit to park there. How exactly will we get our vehicle out? But okay, we'll worry about that later. WRONG! By now, my husband is going back and forth from the chills to sweating profusely before he regurgitates everywhere except the right place which would be the TOILET/BAG/BUCKET. I call the on line physician who advises me to get him to the nearest ER.
Simple enough right? WRONG! Truck is locked in the back. So I first call his mother. No answer. Then I call his sister,

Me: Hey girl, sorry to call so late, but husband is throwin up errywhere & shyt, so can you come thru to sit with the kids for me so I can get him to a hospital per the dr.'s request. Plus I need to use your car, cuz HA mine is locked in the back.

Sis: Awww gurrllll, I just laid down. Where is momma?
Me: tried her already, no answer.
Sis: O, well I know she up, I just got off the phone with her. Keep calling her & I will too cuz I don't feel like getting up.
Me: ? (WTF) click.

***After calling his moms a few more times, I finally get her. Now me knowing how much she LOVES, no, you dont hear me thoughL O V E S her son, I know I'm in there***

Me: Hey, I been tryin to reach you for a minute
Moms: I know, I just got off the phone with Sis
Me: O, Okay, so u know the situation then?
Moms: wellllll, yea, butI'm so tired & I did not get home till after 9 and I just laid down to go to sleep
Me: OKAYYYYYwell you know whattttt, I will try to find someone else. (trying my best to keep my cool)
Moms: well who
Me: Don't worry about it, I WILL work it out.

So by now I am beyond pissed! So who do I call to release on, Chops of course.I am walking around in back knocking on people doors so I can get my truck out, cuz phuck it, I will take my husband AND my dayum kids & 4get errybody else! So I finally get the truck out but guess whatI LEFT THE KEYS FOR THE FRONT GATE IN THE DAYUM HOUSE!!! So now, I am standing in front of the house trying to figure out if I can jump this dayum gate.and guess who pulls up.MOMS, u know why, cuz she knew she was WRONG! And that I was PISSED! Well needless to say we finally get in the house and we get to the hospital a little after 2a , released around 715a and yes he had food poisoning.

No sleep for me because my girls are up looking for me when we get home. So I decide to let him rest & go on about my morning. After service, I make a quick run to Target to get my daughter's classmate a b-day gift. Because it is Sunday, it is packed! As I slowly drive along to find a park, unbeknownst to me some young azz town ni**a is cussing me out.

Now let's think about this for a minute.I have been awake since 730a Sat. morning, it is now 215 Sunday afternoon, I just got out of Church and both my babies are in the back.Nope, none of it crossed my mind when I realized he was talkin to me & I started cussin his azz out right back. Then the little ill mannered ni**a had the nerve to call me an U G L Y BIOTCH!!!! Awww naww playa, I ain't the one. I was ready to fight his azz untilllll reality sunk in that, YES, I did just Get out of church. Yes, my babies were in the back seat. Yes, I had not slept yet. & Yes, these yougsta's really don't give a dayum about anything in life, & I really am just some broad at TARGET. So as he was opening his car door, I drove off. I'm still a little unclear about the whole situation because after all...I WAS JUST LOOKING FOR A PARKING SPACE@!!!!@ I had never seen him before, I did not cut him off, & I was not in his lane. Juuussstttt looking for a parkthat's all. Even his friends looked a bit confused.

The rest of my evening was pretty normal, untillllll, my drunk azz daddy called me from Texas, and THIS is how that conversation went,
Pops: Hey, I was callin to make sure you guys were okay (he knew husband had to go to the hospital already)
Me: Yup, we straight. His moms came through & stayed with the girls
Pops: O, so she stayed at my house (in a strained voice)?
Me: yessss
Pops: O, hunh
Me: Why, was that a problem?
Pops: Well it's a little late now, but I GUESS I trust your judgment
Me: (brushin him off) hmmm, ok, well we did not get there till bout 2a & he was discharged 'round 715a
Pops: O, So She spent the night at my house???
Me: I gotta goCLICK!!!

****I will spare you the details as to how much of a baby/tyrant/pain in the azz husband was acting the whole time**** Let him tell it, he was at deaths door.

Holla Atcha Gurl!!!

LAMBCHOP vs. BEG....The Verdict Is In!!

2005-04-13T13:15:00.000-07:00

If you've missed the previous case notes, please click for Lambchop's Accusation, and click for BEG's Argument.

The 17 anonymous jury members have completed their deliberation and made their final decision. The verdict is...GUILTY!!! BEG is trying to kill Lambchop!!

Here's the tally:

Definitely 5 (29%)
Probably 5 (29%)
Not Likely 4 (23%)
Definitely Not 3 (17%)

BEG is thereby charged for this reprehensible act.
This case is closed.

A special thanks to Rainmayun for validating the results.

The Prosecution Rests.
The Defense Eats Dirt.

???????????

2005-04-10T06:27:00.000-07:00

What the heck?

Rebuttal/Defense

2005-04-08T09:48:00.000-07:00

*********Before reading this please read prior post by Lambchop: "Murder Attempts & Rhythmless Salsa?"**********

Rebuttal / Defense
April 7, 2005

To Whom It May Concern,

First and foremost I categorically deny any and all accusations made by my accuser (AKA Chops). Furthermore, I demand that any further defamation of my character cease and desist or legal action will be taken. At no time have I attempted or considered assaulting, molesting, hurting, murdering or otherwise harming my accuser. I would also like to present evidence substantiating my innocence in this matter.

Prior to the accusers arrival at my residence she called and demanded that accommodations be made for her sleeping arrangements. She stated that she was very tired and needed a nap. She also said that the her “tape worm” was screaming, “It burns! It burns!” (in the voice of Smeagol from Lord of the Rings) because it was hungry and needed food. Chops then left her place of employment with a 20 minute estimated time of arrival. Being the good friend that I am, I defrosted some fish in preparation for this event. Chops has a history of tardiness and in her usual manner arrived 1 hour and 20 minutes after the conversation (at 6 pm…the exact time I planned to leave for class). She stormed into my residence without a hello, walked directly to the kitchen and yelled “Where’s my food women!” I explained that I didn’t want her food to get cold so I delayed cooking until her arrival. She then stomped off to my bedroom and slammed the door. Due to her tardiness I was forced to cook the meal at an accelerated rate causing a slight oversight on my part (baking would have taken longer than steaming). This factor is solely to blame for the under cooked condition of her fish, not any type of foul play or lack of cooking ability as originally indicated by my accuser. The girth around my mid-section should attest to my cooking abilities. Furthermore, I wish to submit that I never stated that I wished to kill my accuser, only that I was not totally opposed to the idea.

Next I wish to address the event in question at the Salsa club. I am not to blame for the unfortunate occurrences that evening. At no point did I sign a contract accepting responsibility for the welfare of the accuser. As stated by Chops I was dancing during the alleged assault perpetrated by “Mr. Galactic Enterprise”. I was unaware of the accusers disturbing situation and therefore unable to render any assistance (besides laughing). Chops also failed to mention the “Mr. Galactic Enterprise” weighed less than 105 lbs. soaking wet. My accuser is small but strong and wiry. I believe that if she was uncomfortable with the level of contact with “The Acorns” as she calls them she could have made good use of her knee (or foot/heel)as suggested by Kashasta. I submit that Chops possibly enjoyed the activity, then later realized she had been victimized. After this occurrence I ushered Chops to a couch where she did in fact proceed to curl into a ball and rock for the next 15-20 minutes. I interpreted this action as an attempt to come down from the orgasmic level of ecstasy she achieved during her “dance of love”. I did not at the time realize that she was in some strange form of shock.

Chops my dear, I owe you nothing! Nada! Got it. From this day forward your incessant demands for food shall go ignored. In fact…if you were starving and I had a full plate of uneaten/ unwanted food I would sooner throw it away than give it to you. Also, to ManNMotion…I think the torture of dancing with smelly, dirty nail/rough hand having, possible parole, “Chicken Man” more than makes up for anything I could have ever done to Chops (my feet still haven’t heeled from that terrible experience!).

This correspondence should address all topics covered in the accusers defamatory statement. Any further questions or comments should be directed to my legal team
C/O: I’ll sue your a**! At 111 You Suck Dr., Looser, Ca 55555.

Respectfully Submitted,
(Chops you know I luv ya!)

~B.E.G~

Murder Attempts & Rhythmless Salsa??!!!

2005-04-06T11:25:00.000-07:00

Okay I know this is way too long, so if you have a short attention span (like Beg & Ja-me) please feel free to only read the bolded lines to get an idea of the post.

Yesterday evening Beg and I went to our first Salsa lesson!

First off let me say that Beg is a great friend! I told her I would come to her house before the class, but she better make me something to eat before we leave for the lesson. To my surprise, when I got to her house she had pulled out the salmon (that she caught herself) and a baked potato just for me!!

When I woke up from my minute nap to her screaming at me, I had a full plate! The potato was excellent (great job Beg!), but the salmon tasted a little…different. I usually broil my salmon and she steamed hers so I figured I was just not used to the steamed taste. Then I reasoned that since I usually buy my salmon in nice neat little frozen blocks from Costco, it could just be that I’m not used to the taste of “fresh” salmon.

Never did it enter into my mind that Beg was actually trying to kill me until I decided to stop picking at the top layer of the fish and just slice down the middle. To my horror the fish was totally raw!!! When I inquired of her why she would serve me ‘not even half cooked’ salmon, she just grinned and said, “I’m trying to kill you”. Okay well maybe she wasn’t that blunt, but she didn’t deny that her motive was to kill me when questioned further!!!

SALSA!!
At our lesson we noticed right off that there were no people of the Latino heritage in the class. Straight away I began to doubt his ability as a teacher. If you go into a Mexican restaurant and there are no Mexicans, wouldn’t you be hesitant to eat there? Better yet, if there are absolutely NO black folks eating in a soul food restaurant, shouldn’t you high tail it outta there so that you don’t run the risk of hurling the flavorless collards into the owners face? The only exception I think is Chinese food. If you go to a Chinese food restaurant and there are ONLY Chinese people there, you better not even sit down. It’s quite possible that you’ll be served something with boiled eyeballs and toes in it.

Back to the class-
The teacher was okay. We went over the basic steps then partnered up. This was the worst part of the class. Beg was coupled up with a bona fide black chicken man. This is a rare breed of black man that has the rhythm of a chicken…shuffling his chicken feet across the room at an uneven pace…jerking his head haltingly back and forth in true chicken fashion.

Beg wasn’t the only one who had a horrible partner. Almost every man in that class had no rhythm, with the exception of (now get this) the white guys in the class!!! Every single white guy (though a little stiff in movement) had more rhythm than the black, Pilipino, and unidentifiable men in the class!! I was beyond shocked, mostly because the black men happened to be the absolute worst in the rhythm department!

I have a new theory: Many people, born for whatever God given reason with no rhythm, have the impression that they can go to a class and learn the technical steps, thereby voiding out the fact that they have absolutely no rhythm. This is simply not true!! The fact is that the rhythmless male dancer is the most dangerous! They prowl the night clubs for unsuspecting rhythm having lady dancers, appearing to be “the real rhythm deal”. The female has no idea what hit them. One minute they have their hopes up that this dance will be the dance of a million fires, the next minute they’re stuck on the dance floor looking like a dayum fool!

See, in Latin dance the man leads and the woman follows, thereby leaving the woman to suffer an entire song dancing off beat if the man is in denial about his rhythmless nature. It’s truly not fair. I think there should be a rhythm test before you can enter a club. This test will result in either a green wrist band (rhythm approved), or a red band (WARNING>>>Rhythm deficient!!). This way the rhythmless dancers can couple with each other and the rhythm having dancers can dance together…OR the rhythmless male with the red band will know that if he asks the woman with the green band to dance, that SHE will need to lead in order to keep the beat.

Anyways, Beg and I have paid for 4 consecutive lessons so we have to keep going. Maybe it’ll get better. Maybe more men will come and they will miraculously have rhythm! Maybe not. Either way, it was cool to get started learning more SALSA and laughing at all the people in the so called “advanced” class. Keep your eye out. Beg and I may be coming to salsa in a local dance club near you!

P.S. I know this is long but I have to recount my first experience in a Salsa club a few weeks ago with Beg and my friend J.

I love salsa clubs! It was so different from the mauling you usually receive at regular dance clubs. There’s structure and sexiness, and lots of spinning!! The only bad experience I had was with this African guy. I still have a problem with retelling it because I was sooo traumatized...hell I’m STILL traumatized!

I had just finished dancing with some really fun guys and then this African guy comes up to me and asks to dance. I was having a ball so I was glad to try all of the moves again. It started up cool. The live music was fast paced and kicking! He took us through the basic steps and then into a quick turn.

Next thing I knew he had me in this tight embrace. My arm was pinned to his chest. I guess you could say we were dancing cheek to cheek. I tried to pull back but he had a really firm grip on me. The more I pulled the tighter his grip got. I figured that I could deal with it for just one song…that is until I began to feel something sliding up and down on my leg. This fool was actually grinding his “Galactic Enterprise” (I’m writing this at work) on me!

Not in a discrete “oh this is just my way of getting into the music” type of way, no! This fool was out and out molesting my leg. I immediately pushed my butt out so that his “acorns” could no longer attain pleasure from my leg.

I caught the eye of Beg who was dancing near me. I kept motioning with my eyes and mouthing for her to please come help me. That bastard girl refused to help me!!! She just looked at me and started cracking up laughing at me!!! She looked as though she was going to bust a gut. I gave her the finger with my free hand and told her where she could go (she later told me that the guy she was dancing with told her that he thought I may need some help, and she told him that she thought it was funny and started to laugh! Bastardo!!!).

Finally the song ended and he thanked me for offering up my innocent leg for him to sodomize and walked away. THEN Beg ran up to me and grabbed my arm. She said she wanted to make sure that he didn’t try to dance with me again…what a jerk!! Now that I was out of that fools Kung-Fu Grip I didn’t have any need for her sorry-ace help! He’d already finished doing his bid-ness on me. Too late now, I was already tainted.

What a friend! She continued her brutal laughing as she watched me walk over to our seat…curl into a ball…and rock slowly back and forth while trying to forget the feeling. Ha Ha Ha. Very funny Beg. Very funny.

You know what? After revisiting that incident, the fact that you baked me a potato means nothing! NOTHING!!! If anything you OWE me a lifetime of potatos!!!

Always in love…unless you’d leave your friend to be molested on the dance floor by an obvious rapist while she’s calling out to you in angst for help. Bastard!

Lambchop~

Random

2005-04-02T23:10:00.000-08:00

"I was just awakened by unfamiliar African American footsteps outside my window!" -anonymous citizen-

WTF kind of stupidity is that? What exactly do African American footsteps sound like? Is each step accompanied by a chorus of Little John's screaming "What!" Does the smell of chicken and watermelon waft through the air prior to said African Americans arrival? Common sense should tell you that it's normal to hear footsteps if you live in an apartment building...Some people are so ignorant!

Another short work story.... Apparently an elderly female (in her late 80's) has been spotted (on several occasions) choking and kicking ducks. Yep, you heard me right. Somehow she's been able to run them down, catch them, and then she chokes the shit out of em'. Maybe she's just catching dinner.

Last one (I promise), Some guy (who happened to be hospitalized and confined to a wheelchair) decided that he needed a drink...so what did he do? Call his nurse? Nope, to easy. Go to the bathroom and drink out of the faucet? No, wrong again. He decided to climb into his wheelchair, roll down to the nearest liquor store, and buy himself a bottle of Remy. Oh, I forgot to mention that he was wearing a grey jacket, his backless hospital gown, and nothing else. When approached by authorities he refused to go back to the hospital. Nice.

If you want to hear a dumb ass in action click here.

I'm stuck. I feel like I've been in a holding pattern for the last four years. Nothing changes. Same people, same places, same job, same shit I guess. I'M SO BORED!!! I'm not really complaining...Well I guess I am but damn, is this it? Anyway, to break up all the monotony I have decided to take salsa lessons. After my last attempt at salsa I don't harbor much hope for success but I guess I've got nothing to loose. I'm also starting marathon training this week.

Exactly how many times do you have to tell someone you're not interested before they get the point?

I think I've forgotten how to flirt (or perhaps I never knew how in the first place). I guess I should work on it since I've decided that my dating hiatus (scheduled to last until the end of the year) is officially over. I think spring fever is kicking in.

I may have mentioned at some point that I'm in the process of locking my hair. Well, four months have passed since I began this process and my hair refuses to lock. According to my not so knowledgeable loctician it's not coarse enough and he claims that he needs to add some synthetic hair for it to lock. That is utter BS! That would defeat the whole purpose of going Napptural. I decided that I was fed up with his incompetence and found another stylist. She's a little strange in an "all natural/ juices and berries" kind of way but from what I've heard she's good at what she does. Here we go again.

I am lovin the newest Zapp Mama Ancestry in Progress, Tweet It's Me Again (although not as much as the first), Teedra Moses Complex Simplicity, and Donnie The Colored Section CD's.

I'm considering moving almost 2 hour away from work (each way) so that I can afford to buy a new house. If I stay in the bay area all I can swing is a VERY very small older 1 bedroom condo. If I move outside of the bay I can afford a brand new 3 bed 2 bath.... decisions , decisions ...What do you think?

Part of the reason I haven't been writing much lately is that I don't have anything important to say. Can't you tell?

THE OFFICIAL SLAP YOUR CO-WORKER DAY!

2005-03-31T19:10:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is the official Slap Your Irritating Co-workers Holiday:

Do you have a co-worker who talks nonstop about nothing, working your last nerve with tedious and boring details that you don't give a damn about? Do you have a co-worker who ALWAYS screws up stuff creating MORE work for you? Do you have a co-worker who kisses so much booty, you can look in their mouth and see what your boss had for lunch? Do you have a co-worker who is SOOO obnoxious, when he/she enters a room, everyone else clears it?

Well, on behalf of Ike Turner, I am so very very glad to officially announce tomorrow as SLAP YOUR IRRITATING CO-WORKER DAY!

There are the rules you must follow:

You can only slap one person per hour - no more.
You can slap the same person again if they irritate you again in the same day.
You are allowed to hold someone down as other co-workers take their turns slapping the irritant.
No weapons are allowed...other than going upside somebody's head with a stapler or a hole-puncher.
CURSING IS MANDATORY! After you have slapped the recipient, your "assault" must be followed with something like "cause I'm sick of your stupid-a$$ always messing up stuff!"
If questioned by a supervisor [or police, if the supervisor is the irritant], you are allowed to LIE, LIE, LIE!

Now, study the rules, break out your list of folks that you want to slap the living day lights out of and get to slapping.....and have a great day!!

A Sad Day For Us

2005-03-29T16:17:00.000-08:00

Oh Lawd, say it aint so!

Attorney Johnnie Cochran dies at the ripe young age of 67. It is said that he was suffering from a brain tumor.

Best known for his defense in the history breaking O.J. Simpson trial. I know I am not the only one who remembers where I was & what I was doing the day the police chased that white Bronco down the highway, and the day the jury declared O.J. 'NOT GUILTY'.

What were you doing?

Let's all have a moment of silence…….

RIP Johnnie.

Holla atcha gurl!

My Favorite Day of the Week...

2005-03-28T11:29:00.000-08:00

I'm mainly doing this post because chops reminds me at every possible opportunity that it is my turn. So because I am sure that by now she has that itch to post again, here it goes. Also, if you happened to read the chat box, you will know that my computer at home crashed. This is a MAJOR problem. So No, I am not in hiding, I just need a new desktop/laptop. (I would prefer a laptop this time around.) So I have decided to take any donations of $20 or more toward the 'Ja-me needs A Laptop Fund'. This would be considered a tax write off of course.

If you read ja-me's 101 things, you would know these two things about me. Sunday is my favorite day of the week, and I love scary movies. But before I start, just a brief update to Chops Finger in the Chili at Wendy's fiasco. Apparently, the finger was due to a possible crime, NOT an accident! Things that make you go hmmmmm.

I would like to say that this Sunday Morning started off like any other, NOT the case. I felt a little off this Easter, I think because it came a little earlier than usual. Or it could be because I did not feel the need to get into the commercial aspect of the Holiday. Who in the hell invented the Eater Bunny anyway?? For most this may not be an issue, but for me & the fact that I have two small girls it was. After a busy day of running around & washing/combing hair to prepare for Sunday I was ready to call it a night Saturday evening. However, my mother in-law had this ingenious idea to dye Easter Eggs at 11:45P. When I finally went to bed, I told myself that I could get up early enough to throw two Easter baskets together. Well needless to say, it's the thought that counts because it just didn't work out that way. So as I tried to hide & put them together Sunday morning, I got caught by the girls. I won't bore you even further with the minute details of trying to get to service on time and failing miserably.

Now, Easter is probably the one Sunday that attracts all the home worshipers to their local tabernacle/church home for prayer, praise, and their yearly word. Trust when I say I'm not mad. What I am upset about is the fact that I sat right behind a family who had an unruly child, kept talking across and over pews to one another, as well as getting up to continuously go in and out of the sanctuary during the message. Between them & all the Easter hats blocking my view of the pulpit, I missed the word. I'm sure the message had something to do with the resurrection of Christ, but the details of it all is a blur. At one point, my Bishop sounded like Charlie browns teacher, wanh wanh wanh wanh. When the choir closed us out I felt a little better, let's just say, there was a small possibility of hope for me to truly enjoy my day.

Because of the many distractions during service, thoughts of fried chicken, greens, green beans, mac & cheese, corn bread, etc started floating through my head. So when I found out that we were going out to dinner I was ecstatic.Untillllll, we sat in the car for about 30min waiting for my mother in-law to stop bumping gums. When it got to the point that I had enough, I took it upon myself to rescue the poor church go-er that had fallen prey to her yacking. She is sweet as pie, but I WANTED FOOD! Just when I had her, she dropped her things off in the car & ran back to tell the Bishop about her car woes, sighhhhhhhhh.

We finally got to Nellie's, a soul food restaurant in the Bay Area. Why is it that we can throw down in the kitchen but have no business ethics whatsoever? After a good 1 1/2 hrs. of waiting to be seated and another 30-40 min waiting on our food, I was ready to throw the towel in. Sitting here now, I don't even have the energy to re-live that experience. Let's just say that when we got there, the restaurant was not packed. I'll leave the rest to your imagination.

Relieved to be home finally. The rain coming down something fierce, I decided to relax. I popped in School Daze for an oldie but goodie moment. Then I had this bright idea to go see The Ring 2. That turned out to be a NOT so good idea. The movie just did not live up to it's fullest potential. I'm scary, and the movie only scared me a little bit. I knew I should've got it on boot leg.

After a long, tiring, and crazy Sunday of madness & hearing the Michael & Jesse Jackson interview ("Elizabeth Taylor would hand feed me") all hope of enjoying my day or enjoying a really good scary movie had pretty much gone out the window.

UNTIL.dun dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn, A new episode of Desperate Housewives came on to save the day!!!!!! Can you hear the angels singing from the heavens?

My apologies for the boring post, but hey, I got it done!

Holla atcha gurl!!!

Extra! Extra! Chili Finger Discovered! Fast Food Horror!!!

2005-03-24T00:17:00.000-08:00

NOTE - PLEASE TAKE THE SONGBIRDS POLL IN RED ON THE RIGHT - THANKS!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I know that I said I wouldnt blog until after Ja-me next posts, but I had to get this off my chest. I saw on the channel 7 news that a human finger was discovered in a bowl of Wendy's fast food chili today in San Jose, Ca!!!
Go Here To View The News Video: ABC7 News Top Stories
Here's the run down: a lady in her 20's was happily eating her chili (just as I do almost daily). She got a really good spoon full and stuffed it into her mouth. She tried to chew the savory meat chunk and noticed she couldnt bite through it. She promptly spat the thickness out into a napkin and peered at it. And there, in her napkin, lay an inch long finger complete with an intact finger nail! She thrust the napkin onto another patrons table and told them what she had been chewing and sucking on and they began to gag (they too were eating Wendy's delicious chili). When they went to the counter to inform the employees, they were told that it was just a large vegetable and continued to sell the chili to other patrons. Police eventually came on the scene at which point all chili sales halted.
I am disgusted and appalled!!! I loved that chili!!! Ja-me & Beg can attest! It was just so rich and tangy, so flavorful and meaty! Now I just dont know if I'll ever be able to look at that little red headed girl the same.
WHO THE HELL GETS THEIR FINGER RIPPED OFF AND DOESNT TELL ANYONE ABOUT IT???? Currently the health folks are doing the whole investigation deal by making rounds to all the factories and having the employees show that they arent missing any fingers...so far nothing.
Now I'm thinking...if this could happen to my beloved chili, it could happen anywhere! I know this goes without saying, but it never hit home like this before! I think I finally got the jolt I needed to start a healthier lifestyle.
Goodbye Wendy's chili. We had a good run. Gas be dayumed! We had such a good thing! But now it's over. It's just all over....
Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why Why????!!!!
This reminds me of an incident I had with my ex boyfriend Mr. Pillsbury Dough Boy (before the circus midget - Click Here To Read About Him: Attack of the Jack ass Circus Midget and The Empire Strikes Back Agains The Jackass Circus Midget) about 7 years ago:One morning I was watching a honey nut cherrios commercial and I was really craving it (BEG & I used to eat cereal all day, every single day...frosted flakes remember BEG???).
I asked Mr. Pillsbury Dough Boy to go to the store and get me some (it's not like he had any other responsibilities). I explicitly told him NOT to go to the ghetto store on the corner that always had rodents and crack heads hanging around it. He promised...PROMISED!!!
He came back with my cherrios and I dug in. I was shoveling it like a big dawg (I was fresh out of the Army and that's just how we ate). I wasnt looking at my bowl, I was just going at it. For some reason I decided to look down before the next spoonful hit my lips, and I saw them.
Millions of little larva maggots hibernating inside each and every O with some furry *ish surrounding them!!!! I threw up right there. I was sick for days. We almost broke up over that *ish!! He told me he was too tired to go the extra 2 blocks to the "clean" store for me so he LIED and said he did!
I didnt eat cereal for 4 years straight, and when I first started to eat it again I always-ALWAYS checked it out before I ate...and I mean emptied the entire contents into a large bowl and sifted through it with microscopic vision.
I'm traumatized again. Oh Food Why Cant They Just Let Us Be Happy???
Always in love...unless your sick a$$ will allow a shipment of meat to go out with your detached finger in it without alerting someone, thereby ruining the relationship I have with my local Wendy's establishment...sick bastard!!!
Lambchop~

"Beat Them Kids!" My Reply To Your Comments~

2005-03-23T09:43:00.000-08:00

Y'all are way too much! I loved reading your comments! My replies were getting kinda wordy so I decided to make them into a new post.

Unfortunately kids dont come out understanding that they should revere authority/parental figures...it must be taught!!!

Praise to all you parents out there that have not crumbled every time your kid cries and tells you they hate you because you wont give in to ridiculous requests that will hinder their growth....

Like my Pastor says, "you either pay now, or you pay later...with interest!"

A Quick One or Two:
My friend actually almost got into a fight with a lady in a grocery store because she saw that the womans little boy was knocking items off the shelf onto the floor. When my friend commented to her about her child, the mother had a fit and started cursing her out! How sad is that? I guess that old saying, "it takes a village to raise a child" doesnt apply anymore.

I believe we (the community -AKA- village) should have the right to beat the hell out of YOUR kids in public if YOU (the parent) wont. There is a fine line between "child abuse" and "discipline". The difference is that with discipline the parent would explain to the child in a loving way why they have to beat the bejeezes out of the kid so that the kid will understand their part in the situation. This way if the kid passes out you shouldnt feel too bad (you know I'm joking!).

Did anyone see the Nanny on Monday night??? Crazy! There was a little 3 year old boy who only pee's outside (on the lawn, bushes, plants on the side of the house, curb...etc). The mom actually walks him outside like he's a freaking schnauzer to do his business on the lawn!! Then she tells the little boy she's proud of him since he's making the plants grow!!! The mom & dad have also been sleeping with their kids since birth (the eldest was 7 I think)! I'm telling you, some people are sick.

REPLIES:

Hey Dee:
Girl your usernames are killing me!!LOMAO @ "...and they wonder why lil Shaniqua is failing all her classes and Devontaye jr. stole part of the rent money...."

ManNMotion & BEG:
You know what? If you guys DO have kids I WOULD watch them...as long as they dont act up like BEG's little brother used to ;-)

Youtoldharpotabeatme:
Girl you are too funny! A military chick like me and my family! Oh, and Tiki...please dont kick the kids! LMAO!

Miki:
I'm scared of you! "Give me 30 min with those unruly kids. I would have them scared to breath wrong"!

Shirazi & Courtney Eliza:
Thanks for visiting our blog! Come back now, ya hear!

call2arms:
That's real. It isnt until their kids are on trial for some horrible crime that they begin to wonder if maybe they should've been just a little bit more strict on them.

Singing:
Needless to say, society would probably frown down on beating someone’s kids till they pass out...but if it's necessary, it's just necessary :-)

The Saga:
That's a trip. When I was little (about 7) my cousin, sister and I got our a$$ beat for stealing ALL the tea and sugar packets out of a doctors office. When she beat us, my sister and I knew to cry after the first snap of the belt like our skin was going to fall off, but my cousin had to be a hard a$$ and hold back on the tears!! That caused our beating to go on for a longer than necessary (I guess because my mom had to make sure we really felt it!!)...I still get on my cousin about that!

Ja-me:
On "Beat'em till the white meat show" - I know how you do! I can hear you beat'n them kids over the phone!!

Rainmayun:
I gotta see that video clip! Send it to me if you still have it: lambchops_101@hotmail.com

Tweety:
Girl, you know that woman wasnt trying to sit in the front. She was conveniently sitting in the middle, far enough from the front not to be noticed, but close enough to see. I wish the Pastor HAD said something! That would've been hilarious!

Jez Chill:
Toys are good tools, but I think you should just put your rugrat in children’s service to avoid any sporadic outbursts of pleasure while playing with said toys!

Eb:
As Napoleon Dynamite would say, "Luckyyyyy!"

Shawnqt:
You were a counselor at a youth center? You had to have a very high tolerance level! I dont think I could've done that - strike that - I KNOW I couldnt have done that!

Dakelzz:
LOL @ "...those will be the ones we see in upcoming episodes of C.O.P.S"! Sad but true!

Always in love...HAVE A GREAT DAY!!
Lambchop~

Just Leave Me Alone With Your Bad A$$ Kids For Like 5 minutes…

2005-03-21T10:58:00.000-08:00

Oh the wonderful blessing that is technology! It’s Sunday afternoon and I’m at a gig waiting for my turn to sing. To pass the time I’ll write about my issue this morning at Church on my handy-dandy PDA.

I love my church! I love my Pastor, the diversity, the fellowship, the Praise and Worship team , the staff, and seeing all of the wonderful ways God is using this church and the lovers of Christ in it!

Today I learned that there is one small element that I do not like. I DO NOT like rowdy a$$ kids and their insensitive ass parents. (This is not restricted to church, but to ALL public facilities such as movie theaters, restaurants, etc.)

If you happen to be one of said insensitive parents, I do not apologize for this rant. Rather, I’d like for you to use this post as an overdue wake up call.

It’s okay for you to bring your well behaved kids to “big folk” service on occasion. It is NOT okay to bring your loud a$$, bad a$$ kids to “big folk” service EVER!

In service today I ended up sitting in front of 3 very out of hand kids. At the start of every service the Pastor informs any unknowing parents of the Sunday School services, as well as advises everyone that the sanctuary is a “ring free” zone (no cell phones), and to take fussy babies to the sound proof baby area - so in my mind there’s no excuse for ignorance.

Right as the guest Pastor began his sermon the kids started acting a dayum fool. Talking all loud and playing around in and out of their seats. I’d like to believe that the mom couldn’t hear them, but I know she could. She would have to be 99.9% deaf and 97.5% blind to be unable to observe every single annoying antic.

Now some people may chose to believe that experienced parents have the ability to use the parental “mind mute” method to filter out any sounds coming from their kids. I can see how this should be possible while in your own home, but not in public. If you use the “mind mute” in public you’re just plain insensitive. Everyone doesn’t have kids and therefore everyone will not have the ability to practice the “mind mute” method while your kids are running around screaming at the top of thir lungs.

So after shooting about 5 stern looks over my shoulder at the kids and being totally ignored I decided to throw the looks at their momma. I know it’s not very polite to throw dirty looks at folks, but I’m sorry. She was pretty much saying FU to all the people in ear shot of her kids, and if that doesn’t warrant a dirty look then I don’t know what does.

The guest Pastors message appeared to be outstanding, but I wouldn’t know because I was too busy praying that God would continue to restrain my arms to keep them from swinging back there and knocking the bejeezes out of all three of them little bad a$$ monkeys.

Finally they had pushed me to my limit. I actually had to turn and give them the full 1 fingered “shushing” motion, power packed with the loud “shushing” sound, accompanied by the evil, “I’m gonna beat your little a$$ when your momma aint around” look. That shut them up for a few minutes, but of course it started back up again!

What the hell is wrong with parents today? I cant really blame the kids as much as the adults condoning the bad behavior. My mom would’ve beat my a$$ with her mind and then beat my a$$ within an inch of my life with a stick on the way home if I had acted up the way those kids had! These will be the kids who don’t respect anyone when they get older. Who’ll walk up to elderly people and shank ‘em just for asking the belligerent bastards to quiet down in the library. This is an awful state of affairs!

An insensitive parent should be the poster child for condoms. If you don’t have what it takes to raise them right, please…DON’T HAVE THEM!!!

Always in love…unless you let your bad a$$ kids run amuck in public disturbing everyone around them, and you haven’t the common decency to acknowledge my evil eye stare by quieting them down so that I can be fed by the Pastors message too.

Lambchop~

blah, blah, blah

2005-03-19T04:00:00.000-08:00

What it is yall, Whatzup, (whatzup) Can a playa just keep in (in touch) Sorry blame it on the late night BET (uncut) videos (note to self dont ever watch this isht again) I have seen some chicks do some things I didn't even know were possible (okay so maybe I did know about some of it). Anyway, after a 60-hour 6-day work week my version of Sunday afternoon has finally arrived. Its Thursday night at 4:20am and as usual I am wide awake (even after two glasses of winewhich may explain this postNo J, drinking alone does not make you an alcoholic).

I dont know WTF is up with blogger tonight. I cant seem to comment on anything.

So Ive been reminiscing about things I miss and would like to experience again (probably a result of the wine) so I figured Id share.

I Miss

- Saturday morning cartoons. Especially The Street Frogs which no one seems to remember. I also miss "The Smurfs and how they exchanged regular words for the word Smurfy. For example: Its a smurfy day! Translation: Its a lovely day. Or Im gonna Smurf the Smurf out of Smurfette (the only female smurf). You can translate that one yourself.

- The debt free days of my youth.
- Paden leather Mary Janes. I still have Paden leather shoes but now they are stilettos. (We be rocking stilettos!) Sorry videos are still on.
- Cotton Candy Now N Laters. (SP?)
- The Above the Rim soundtrack.
- Lionel Ritchie. Im not ashamed to admit I used to be a closet Lionel Ritchie fan.
- Pre Crack Whitney, or perhaps I should say pre Cocaine because as she said I dont smoke crack. Crack is cheap!
- Being naïve.
- Size 2.
- Sleeping at night.
- The smell of leather and peppermint. (dont ask)
- Soul train with Don Cornelius and that Asian girl with the long hair.
- My grandmothers banana pudding.
- Listening to my parents record collection.
- My mother, grandmothers, or aunts, washing and pressing my hair in the kitchen. (I dont miss the burns that happened when I forgot to hold my ear)
- My dad.
- The smell of greens cooking (guess I should learn to make them myself).
-Intimacy.
-The theme songs from Taxi, Dynasty, and the Love Boat.
-Good Times.
-Riding my bike in Golden Gate Park with my brother.
- Sunday school/church.
-The days of delayed gratification.
-What do you miss?

.So gimme your number and I'll call (Ill call) And I'll follow that *ss in the mall (in the mall) ...

~B.E.G~

How To Crush A Crush?

2005-03-18T00:44:00.000-08:00

Let me start by saying that Curvy's post was hilarious! Check her out if you dont already know...click here - "Powerful Curves".

So lately this new vanilla guy (a tall one!!) at work has been diggin on me (and this is not scabby upper lip midget guy who happens to still be sporting the red ring around the lips). I dont know what it is. Around spring/summer I usually attract men of Middle Eastern decent so this is something new.

I work with the guy and he came by during the week I was moving on up, (movin on up) to the east side, (movin on up) to a deluxe sized rat cage in the sky....oopps! Jefferson flash back (take this Jeffersons' quiz).

Anyways, I was moving up to the "better side" of the office into a "larger" rat cage with a "view", when the guy comes up to me and starts talking to me. I've seen this guy around the office before and always give the polite half nod when passing in the hallway, but in no way do I KNOW this man.

After a few conversations in my new rat cage I figured he was pretty cool so he's been promoted from total stranger to office acquaintance. Over the last week he's been stopping by more frequently and acting a bit school boyish around me. In addition, he's begun sending me odd emails throughout the day.

I am in no way interested in him for anything more than a friend for many reasons (for one - he reminds me of a middle aged Shaggy from Scooby Doo, and two - he sometimes twitches when he talks...I'm not surprised as I tend to attract the crazies!) and I thought I was sending the right "let's just be friends" signals, but I think I may be getting my wires crossed cause he doesnt seem to be getting it.

How do you send the message that you're not into a person when they havent blatantly come out and admitted their crush on you?

I've always had a problem in this area. Growing up I was the "cute" one...you know...the little sister type. Back then if you couldnt sit a glass of water on your backside, didnt have trouble sliding a hoola hoop over your curvy hips and didnt have the tendency to knock items over with your freshly grown frontal ornaments, you were just "cute" and not "FINE". And since I didnt meet any of these requirements, I never really had many guys vying for my attention.

So now when I get guys sending all of these passive signals instead of being upfront about their feelings I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place, never having the consistent experience in dealing with these types of situations. I wish they'd just be upfront instead of trying to sneak the love on you. Then I could just give them the "let's just be friends" talk.

I'd like to be cool with this guy at work, but I dont want to lead him on in any way. Lord knows another stalker would be the end of me! Any suggestions? Oh, let me add that I dont want to be needlessly cruel or rude either.

Always in love...unless I dont like you like that and you dont get the hints I'm throwing!

Lambchop~

Attention All Squirrels

2005-03-15T15:56:00.000-08:00

After reading Ja-me's post I can tell that this week is going to be a challenge. I'm feeling sooooo out of it. I've been stuck in this whirlwind of emotions and I'm sick of it. I've been brooding over past expectations for my current life. I cant help but feel very disappointed.

How the hell did I get here? I wont get into any deep details, but let me tell you that I cant allow myself to believe that my purpose in life is to rot away in this rat cage. Dont get me wrong-I truly do appreciate all of my blessings, but so much is missing.

I wanted....hell, I WANT more for my life. I dont care to be a billionaire (though I wouldnt complain if I were), I just want my job to be my passion, to be financially comfy and if possible meet someone who isn’t completely deranged. I dont think I'm asking for too much.

I know that 28 isn’t very old, but I just get older and older from here, and I cant imagine my life like this for another 10+ years. I'd like to get out of this rat box full of the living dead and LIVE the life I dream! Alas, my pocket book reminds me that my youthful mistakes have stolen my future. Dayum. That sucks.

Well I'm sure that eventually God will reveal the reason I'm still doing basically the same thing 9 years later, why I'm not fulfilled, why I cry sometimes just visualizing my future.

The upswing is that I have my friends. I thank God for them. But life has a tendency to get more and more hectic. I'm finding that more of my few close friends are getting married, having kids, and moving away. They rarely have much time for their single friends (as it should be), so I find myself fearing life long loneliness (I know that I'm never truly alone with God, but these are my thoughts and feelings for this moment).

At this very moment I'm imagining myself at 45. All of my friends are busy with their large loving families - And there I am, devastatingly gorgeous, sitting at a park talking to the squirrel I've named Mr. Snappy. Mr. Snappy and I will have our daily walks in the park and long talks about life and love. We'll have the occasional fight over food sharing...you know, normal stuff - that is until he decides that I'm too dependant on him and he runs away, forcing me to chase him down and barbecue him. The future's looking bleak y'all.

Always in love...unless you tell the animal rights organization that I may or may not barbecue a small squirrel in my demented and lonely 40's.

Lambchop~

P.S. Please note that these are fleeting thoughts and feelings. I do not have any intention of really barbecuing squirrels...this afternoon. But if I ever did it would totally be in self-defense. Go here for more information....KILLER SQUIRRELS. Please look at all of the links to discover the truth!!!

Call It what You Want

2005-03-15T10:02:00.000-08:00

I Guess this would fall somewhere between The Truth Hurts & BEG's blog.
I'm feeling a little emotional today and I'm not even PMS'ng. Where to start…There is a part of my life that I choose not to discuss here which is my marriage. This is probably why some of you found "The Truth Hurts" to be a little confusing due to the lack of detailed content. It's not that I'm trying to hide anything (well maybe just a little) it's mainly due to the fact that my marriage is so draining, mentally, physically, emotionally, and even spiritually that most times I just want to forget that it exists. Now I know that may not be the best way to handle any situation, but it's the only way I get any peace of mind, which is why I look forward to coming to work. Sad, I know…but the truth.

When you have certain situations going on in your life there should be, in my opinion 3 entities that you should be able to depend on. First and foremost, God. Secondly, your family (if they are not too dysfunctional). And last but not least friends.

Now, I'm not really sure how it works for men. But from the outside looking in, they don't seem to have the many issues that women face concerning friends. We would like to believe that those we choose to trust and confide in (after a thorough evaluation of course, we don’t just trust anyone) would bring about some loyalty. But just when you think that you've done your best to weed out the bad one's, the mask is pulled from over your face. Yup, you've guessed it, there were still some imposters in the group. Don't get me wrong, God has truly blessed me with lifetime friends, BEG, Lambchop, and a FEW others.

Because I am not really a open/social person, I tend to deal with only certain individuals whether it be at work, church, etc… If you are one of the few that I choose to deal with, then I can be an open book. I have always believed that honesty is the best policy. Plus you never know how much of a testimony you can be to others. I don’t like bullshyt or mess. So if we are friends, miss me with that nonsense, I don’t have time for it. Ok, I feel like I'm rambling now, so I'll wrap it up.

Bottom line is this...I am PISSED!!!! Why is it that my personal business that I choose to share with "close friends" is getting back to me???? Because, there is an imposter in the group & now I have to figure out who it is.

If people still want to play these elementary azz games, play them elsewhere because I AM NOT THE ONE!!!! It pisses me off even more because I give a lot of myself, and I don’t think wanting the same in return is too phucking much to ask for. I would Never do anyone like that, I'd rather tell you to your face, only because that's what real friends do!!!

Sigghhhh…I guess I could sum this up as another one of life's repeated lesson's. I think I will stick to the friends that I know for sure will be there through it ALL.

Holla atcha gurl!!!

Venting

2005-03-09T07:30:00.000-08:00

I can’t sleep!!! After tossing and turning for the last three hours I decided to give up the fight and just get up. It’s 7:30am and I’ve been up since 12:00pm yesterday. That bastard Mr. Sandman has left me in bed alone, awake, and bored once again. The control freak in me seems to think that she can change my schedule and make me sleep at night on my off days (and during the day on work days)but I guess it didn’t work tonight.

Anyway, I got to see my favorite comedian Paul Mooney at a small comedy club in SF with Chops, Jame and my mom (which was a bit odd because she is very conservative) last night. I can’t even begin to tell you how funny he was but that was really no surprise. Not much else to say about that (plus I’m sure one of my cohorts will elaborate) but I do have one question. Why is there always at least one drunk MF that has to act like a Ni**a (Mooney’s word not mine)? The fool tonight started off mildly enough yelling out the occasional “ I love you Ni**a!” Then progressed to a full on Turrets fit jumping up and down, beating his chest like a baboon, while cussing out Paul Mooney who up until that point was trying to ignore him. Of course Mr. Mooney let him know what was up but unfortunatly the show ended right when it started getting good. Oh well.

Now, on to the actual reason for this post. A recent event in my life has caused me to question the people I allow in my circle. Specifically the friendships I develop with people. I think that most people come into my life for a specific duration of time to fulfill a need, a desire, or a purpose (or for me to fulfill a purpose in their life). I have some friendships that I believe will last a lifetime like Jame and Chops. I have other friendships that have existed for short intervals then fizzled out like friendships with past co-workers. In all friendships (and relationships) I try to determine what access level I feel comfortable granting someone in my life. This is usually base on what I know about the person and how comfortable I feel with them. That may sound distant or sterile but it’s for good reason. When I open myself up to someone in any capacity I open up myself to a whole range of emotions, experiences, and feeling including being hurt. As a friend I try to be open, honest, caring, selfless, supportive, etc…all the usual friendship expectations and in turn I expect the same treatment. I guess sometimes I set my expectation to high.

Recently someone I consider a friend did something that I felt was…well…I guess just WRONG! I’m not going to go into pointless detail but suffice it to say that it’s something I wouldn’t (and couldn’t) do to my worst enemy. This person totally disregarded me, our friendship, and made a decision that could have possibly impacted my life. To add insult to injury when confronted they acted like it was a trivial laughing matter. I am very forgiving and until now I didn’t realize that I had the ability to stay mad for more than 30 minutes. While I have told this person that I forgive them (and I do) I just can’t seem to get over the anger and outrage I still feel. Perhaps I’m being a bit dramatic but I feel like I’ve been victimized and I no longer have the desire or ability to open myself up for further hurt. I don’t think that this person has the capability to understand the effect of that bad decision. I have a very hard time opening up to people and this experience has made me feel like I don’t ever want to open up again. So what’s the point? Well from now on I plan to make a conscious effort to surround myself with people who are on a similar life path. I want people in my life who are not only respectful of me and who I am but of themselves as well. I can’t expect someone who does not understand their own value to understand mine.

To you, I do not write this to insult, embarrass, belittle or hurt. I write this to work through my own anger. While I do completely forgive you and do not judge your decision you need to realize that every action has a reaction and I guess this is just mine. I just need some time and space. I hope that “Time heals all wounds” thing is true.

Guess I'll try that whole sleeping thing again now that the sun is out.

~B.E.G~

Ja-me's 101 Things

2005-03-08T07:57:00.000-08:00

Just know that I am doing this against my own free will. If BEG were not the "law", she would not have that much power over me, but since we all KNOW that they like to play dirty, I figured it would be in my best interest to do this & get it over with. This task will be very hard because I am not really one of those people who likes to open up that much, but here it goes,
1. I love God
2. Although I am very frustrated/confused with where my life is currently
3. I am soooo thankful for His grace and mercy
4. I love my children...
5. If I had to do it all over again I would
6. however, I DO NOT want anymore (BEG & Lambchop)
7. I am unhappily married
8. Most days I wish I could press the rewind button on my life to un-make that decision
9. But then my two daughters would not exist so that idea wouldn't work
10. Sunday is my favorite day of the week
11. I always cry at the end of "Extreme Makeover Home Edition"
12. I love to see black love because it is so rare, especially when I see that old black couple who look like they've been together for 50+ years…and they look like they can stand each other
13 .I am not thrilled about the music of this generation….it seems like during the mid to late 90's something drastic happened & it has not been the same since…should I even call it music?
14. I barely listen to the radio these days
15. S H O P P I N G…woooo whoooo
16. especially SHOES and jackets
17. I truly enjoy the simpler things in life….next to shopping of course
18. I love to sit and watch my kids play…outside of the house
19. I love to sit and listen to my thoughts and watch the water
20. I love to take in the beautiful things this world has to offer, a beautiful sunset, or all the city lights on a clear night
21. I'm not sappy at all, I promise
22. I'm Closter phobic
23. I love a good movie
24. I love being out with friends
25. especially those you can have a good laugh with
26. I have a very low tolerance level for needy people
27. I miss "Soul Food"
28. I miss "Sex and the City"
29. I love to people watch
30. I think I'm a bit of a perfectionist
31. I loveeeeee bacon and eggs from Whole Foods
32. My favorite candy is Rolo's and Hot Tamales
33. I'd rather buy a fashion magazine than eat
34. I'd rather buy clothes than eat
35. I hate to depend on anyone
36. I have a VERY hard time with trust
37. I always start a journal and never finish it
38. Then I end up shredding it
39. I'm loyal
40. I'm not a social person
41. I think I give too much of myself
42. Then I get mad when I don't get the same in return
43. I hate when people stare at me
44. I get that a lot
45. I do not like the term 'Pretty Girl'
46. I do not like the term 'good hair'
47. My mom had me young, so I had a lot of responsibilities early in life
48. I guess that's where my "strength" comes from
49. I don't like the fact that I am labeled as "the mother" of the group
50. however, I'm not prude
51. I love the sound of the rain
52. Chitterlings and Pig's Feet are the most disgusting things ever!
53. I'm still trying to figure out what my calling in life is
54. My favorite ice cream is sherbet
55. I get migraines and they suck!
56. I believe in my children's education
57. Most females don't like me….for no reason
58. I PMS reallllyyyyy bad
59. I want to go shopping right now
60. Shopping is my temporary escape from reality
61. I realllyyy want to go back to school
62. I regret missing the whole college experience
63. I miss my grandmother
64. I feel bad when I think about her because I feel like I did not cherish the time I had with her when she was here
65. She raised me because my mom was still young and wanting to do her thing
66. to this day, my mom and I still have more of a sister relationship than a mother/daughter one
67. I hate that I've always had to be the responsible one
68. My dad is cool
69. until he starts complaining about his woes
70. When I'm bored, I get snacky
71. mmmmmm seafood, I'm bored right now
72. Sometimes I think Bu$h is the anti-chri$t
73. I get a little worried when Lambchop does not call me
74. Only because she calls me about 5-8 times/day
75. I am very insecure about the current state of face
76. My skin was clear up until I had my 2nd daughter
77. I want to travel
78. This is a lot harder than I thought
79. I don’t like to see people unhappy
80. I always wanted to be a dancer-NO, not the video vixen!!!
81. I don't like being in the spotlight for anything
82. If I had to, I know how to fake it :-)
83. I like when people keep it real, I hate when people sell me BS!
84. I want to watch "I'm gonna get you Sucka" at this very moment
85. I truly believe that I was meant to have money and not live pay check to pay check
86. I don't have to be rich, I just want to be comfortable
87. I have two tattoo's
88. I used to have a tongue ring
89. I want to stop cussing so much
90. I love to hear a song come on the radio that brings up good memories
91. I miss being a kid
92. I miss long summer days, playing freeze tag, picking cherries, eating icee's, and those huge azz pickles
93. I sooo want a new job
94. I'm happy I only have 7 more to go
95. I have a tendency to get annoyed easily
96. I don't like being pregnant
97. it's too scary
98. Scary movies scare me
99. But I watch them anyway with all the lights on in the house
100. I hate washing clothes
101. I hate nosey azz old women
Dayum that was the hardest thing ever!!!!
Holla atcha gurl!!!

Lambchops 102 Things

2005-03-05T18:52:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure why anyone would be interested in these personal details, but since BEG's been bugging me about it, I've decided to do it. I suppose there may be more to me than my issues with my ex-midget :-)

I love God!
Jesus is my Lord and Savior
I still make A LOT of mistakes, but thank God for grace and forgiveness!
I'm obsessed with electronics
I dont really know very much about fashion labels or designers
I just know what looks good on me
I'm not usually very girly,
but I do have my extreme girly days
I LOVE the guitar,
my interest really got peaked when I saw my good friend Paul Fox (aka Foxy) play the guitar when I first joined the band
I think Paul was the greatest guitar player EVER
Paul died in a car accident on the way to one of our gigs in December
I was devastated...I still am
But I'm not crying anymore
I think BEG is a great guitar player too!
I have 5 guitars (1 Yamaha acoustic, 1 electric bass, 2 electric fender guitars, and 1 Martin Backpacker guitar)
My first electric guitar was from Paul
I won the electric bass (I won 2), the acoustic, a Yamaha Motif 6 keyboard and some other stuff when I won the John Lennon Songwriting contest and these other contests a few years ago
I love writing music
I love singing
I love performing
I love all movies - except horror movies
I especially love comedies!
My favorite ice cream is Daiquiri Ice
My second favorite is Chocolate ice cream
I'm severely lactose intolerant
but I cant seem to stop drinking Jamba Juice (it has yogurt in it)
I love all music (classical, jazz, blues, some country, alternative rock...etc)
especially music with guitars in them
I've begun to dislike today's R&B
It's not very innovative or unique and the lyrics usually suck...my opinion only
I love to eat!
I eat every 30 mins (or more dependant on what the tape worm wants)
I love to talk
I love my friends
When I have a good friend I try very hard to keep the connection strong for years and years
I love dogs
I never really liked cats - but they're starting to grow on me
...still, I never want to own one
I love my mom
but she's a serious nag
when I was about 17 she thought I was gay
when I was 20 she thought I was a prostitute
when I was 24 she thought I was a whore
I was a virgin until 21
today she thinks I want to be a nun
but I dont
I just dont want to date right now
I guess because I have so much on my plate
and I want to accomplish certain things before I settle down
plus I'm VERY picky when it comes to dating
Plus I'm celibate (God reasons)
My dad wasnt around much growing up
he's coming around now that he's older and lonely
I'm pretty conservative to most peoples standards
but I'm not a prude
I hate when people stare at me in traffic
"You lookin at me? I said, you lookin at me??"
I would never date a guy I met in a club
I actually dont really like going to clubs anymore
I stopped liking clubs about 4 years ago
I used to go a lot when I was 15-17 and I was in a dance trio for a rap group
I used to be in the army
I went in just out of high school
mainly because my family is a military family
My lola (grandma in tagalog) and grandfather had 14 kids
They met in the Philippines when my grandfather was in the military
I miss them soooo much
My favorite pet's name was Apricot
she was a toy poodle
she died when I was in high school
we thought she was pregnant,
but it turned out she actually had a stomach tumor
I cried for days and days
I love the Quiznos Sub commercial with the singing rats
I want to get married one day
but not today
I want to have kids one day
but definitely not today
I sometimes feel a tug to start dating again
but the thought of all the time and effort necessary to sustain a healthy relationship turns me off
plus all the inevitable drama that comes with it
I can draw portraits of people from pictures
I like to do it, but it's not my passion
I think I should've went to school to be an engineer
I have a lot of insecurities
but I'm secure in my insecurities
I decided to go natural (no more perms) some years ago
I love my natural hair now
but I refuse to give up hair dye!
Boris Kodjoe is BEAUTIFUL!!
I'm obsessed with TV
I think tv is the Spawn of Satan
I once tried to push BEG down the stairs in college (after she tried to drown me)
I love road trips
especially driving in the wee hours of the morning
I love being silly with my girls
I want a burrito now
No, I want Chinese
No, I definitely want a burrito
Let me add that I have a slight fear of midgets
because of Mr. Circus Midget - every time I see midgets I think they're planning to swarm around my legs, and begin biting and gnawing on my ankles

I'm thru with this. Ja-me, you better do this now!!!

I'm going back to practicing Barre Chords.

Always in love....unless you plan on gnawing on my ankles.

Lambchop~

The Truth Hurts

2005-03-01T15:49:00.000-08:00

I was having one of those "deep" conversations with a friend today. It
was one of those things where the truth slaps you in the face while your
guard was down. Almost like if you fart and you don't think it smells
tooooo bad until someone walks into it and this sudden look of death
comes across their face. Yea, somethin like that. Now I'm really
frustrated and it really SUCKS!!! I guess the bottom line is this, I
know that what this person said holds soommmeeee truth to it, but,
wellll....I don't want to accept it! The fact of the matter is that I
can still rationalize this thing till they caint take it no mo'. I can
not accept the truth of this situation right now because it conflicts
with my very existence in life. This is soooo not fair! So I have
decided this....I will never ever ever ever discuss anything with anyone
ever again. That way, I will never have to worry about such minor
realities.

That's it! Problem solved. Whew....that was a close one, I feel much
better now. The actual thought of facing the truth made me feel really
dirty, like I do when I have not had my eyebrows done.

So until next time, holla atcha gurl!

Queen Of The Midget Men

2005-03-01T00:14:00.000-08:00

Hey BEG. I'm finally blogging so you can stop leaving me those vulgar and rude messages - thank you very much.... On second thought, keep the vulgar, lose the rude :-)

FYI >> I'm adding a few links to this post, so click on any underlined words<<

I'm beginning to wonder if my ex - Mr.Waste Of Space Circus Midget - left a scent or stain on me (sorta like when a dog pisses on a tree so everyone knows he was there - you get the point). Reason being is that ever since we split the only guys that I seem to be attracting are of the midget variety. Now, dont get me wrong. As I've stated in almost all of my posts, I have NO PROBLEM WITH THE VERTICALLY CHALLENGED. Unfortunately, I am jaded so I probably wont be dating anyone under 5'4 again (I'm 5'6) - probably. I'll never say never (I said I'd never date a midget before I dated the freak)...but I CAN say that it's most unlikely.

I have a dozen examples of why I'm beginning to consider myself the Queen of the Midget Men, but I'll just focus on the one that I have to deal with daily - my coworker....lets call him Smeagol.

Smeagol has apparently been into me since he started in our department. I'm a P.M. for a C.C. company (the third Spawn of Satan), and I seem to ALWAYS have a crap load of work to do, whereas he (and others) seem to have the time to take leisure walks all over the office and chat with various individuals for hours at a time....but I digress.

Smeagol's always finding reasons to walk past my personal rat box (cubicle) to stop in and say, "Hi!" It would okay if the buck stopped there, but no. He then takes it upon himself to launch a long ass conversation about nothing. The man can talk about nothing like no man I've ever known. During our long conversations about nothing, he finds a way to slip in very personal questions and comments (I dont have much time to go into details, but I'll fill you in later).

The most recent encounter:
"Hi Lambchop (he uses my real name)! You're always soooo busy! Are you busy now?"
"Uhhhh, yeah. Why? What's up?" (Silly me thinking it could possibly be a work related conversation)
"You look really nice. I really like your hair (it was curly that day). I prefer it straight though...dont ever cut it."
"Huh?"

Up to this point I was still staring at my computer screen attempting to feign super business and avoid one of his long drawn out conversations about NOTHING. I finally looked up at him and almost choked on my own tongue! I'm not attracted to him AT ALL but today was worse than ever! His face was all ashen and pale, his eyes were bugging out, and his lips were surrounded by a faint red ring.

I cant even describe in mere words the way he looked. It was just painful not to stare at that red ring around his lips. The first thought that came to mind was...could it be a new wild and highly mutated string of the Bubonic Plague? I'm at a loss. It was just nasty. So I averted my eyes as much as possible until he finally got his Lambchop fix and left.

The next day he came by again and to my chagrin the ring around his lip was even darker than the day before!! How in the hell did that happen??? I am sooo confused, and not just a little bit afraid.

Now, I'm not talking bad about people with publicly visible diseases, but if you do have one of those diseases or what "looks" like one of those diseases, it's probably best if you dont try to get your mack on while your disease is active. Be a true playa and wait until your disease is in remission.

Yesterday it was worse than ever. I'm seriously waiting to see if his lips will actually fall off. Hell, he may just morph into a fly like Jeff Goldblum in the movie "The Fly". If he does, I'll be sure to blog about it if I get out of the office alive.

On another note, it's really interesting the different way in which a white guy approaches women in comparison to black guys. Sometimes its sooo refreshing and sweet, and sometimes it's just all wrong. I'll talk more about that in my next post.

Always in love...unless you have an active venereal disease, are breathing all up in my face, and refuse to cover your red scabby ring surrounded mouth with your hands when you cough...ohhh you're so nasty!!!

Lambchop~

Mommy's Boy

2005-02-28T12:31:00.000-08:00

Mother's of the world today, pay close attention. Please understand that how you choose to raise your children can be very detrimental to them as well as those who have to tolerate them! I realize when our children are young we want to love them immensely, however, they still have to be prepped for this thing called life.

Now, I do not have a son of my own so I can only speak to the fact that eventually little boy's grow up to be "Men" (at least that's what we hope for). And eventually that "Man" then becomes lets just say a "significant other" for a lack of better terms.

I can deal with the fact that we are all flawed to some extent. It would be ridiculous for me to believe that I or anyone else is absolutely perfect, next to Jesus of course.

I would like to say that it is safe to assume that most women look for certain qualities in a man. Those being: Honesty (for the most part), trust worthiness (for the most part), Independence, humbleness, a provider, a protector, understanding & friendship and not exactly in that order. I do not believe any of that is too much to ask for, especially considering the MANY hats that women wear. Bear in mind this is not Men vs. Women, this is still about momma's boys.

As a "significant other" it is NOT my responsibility to pick up where dear mother left off…Hell NO! Nor is it my responsibility to raise you the way you should have been raised in the first dayum place! I need a MAN not a little boy!!!! Last I checked it was not feasibly possible for me to birth you considering the age difference.

Here are a few hints for those of you who may not be sure if in fact you are a momma's boy:
When you don’t get your way you throw a tantrum.
When you don’t get your way, you run and tell mommy and she makes it all better.
When you want something/anything you run and tell mommy and she makes it happen.
When you a grown azz man and your momma still washin your dayum clothes!
WHEN YOU COMPLETELY DEPEND ON ANYONE AND EVERYONE TO MAKE YOUR LIFE A FLIPPIN WALK IN THE PARK!!!

****Ladies, please run for your life if you see him coming! Run as fast as those stiletto heels will allow!!!!****

Sighhhh…..Okay, on a more positive note, I got to see Norman Brown Saturday nite and he is UNBELIEVABLE!!!!

Holla Atcha Gurl

Damn, Damn, Damn!

2005-02-25T02:56:00.000-08:00

I though Lambchops post about ticket master was a bit extreme but tonight I realized that she was right. Ticket master is the spawn of satan!!!! I had planned to see Goapele at Yoshi's tonight but apparently Ticket Master had other plans for my evening. I arrived at the venue 2 hours early because I wanted to have dinner and a few drinks before the show. Plus, if present your ticket prior to dinning they automatically hold seat for you in the front seating area. Anyway I arrive, give them my credit card and get wonderful news from the host. He condescendingly says "Okay, so how did you get your tickets again? (pause) because we have no record of it." So I think to myself maybe I gave him the wrong credit card...lets try another one. Well needless to say that wasn't the one either. I ask him to check the computer to confirm that my ticket was not for another night or another show. He rolls his eyes, checks the computer, then turns around and says "Your names not even in the computer and the show is sold out so it's up to you to figure it out" and hands back my credit card. Okay, so at this point I'm trying to convince myself that bitch slapping him would not be a good idea and I'm biting my tongue so that I don't say anything un-lady like. My dinner reservation was scheduled for 8:15 and it was 8:10 so I decided to go to dinner and try calling the credit card companies. I called every credit card company I could think of and none of them had a record of any charges from ticket master. I know I'm forgetful sometimes but damn!!! I know I would not have forgotten to buy the tickets. Well after the 6th shot of Sake I was feeling a little better and decided that I would just watch the show (minus the sound) at the bar (which I later discovered was a very bad idea). Several shots later I left the bar and headed home and no I wasn't driving.

So I get home and decide to blog about it and what do I find!?!!!!! Wouldn't you know it...the receipt for the tickets. And what did it say?!!! Today’s date and 10:00pm. It seems that ticket master had a flub and never actually charged my account and never forwarded my name to Yoshi’s so no show for me. BITCHES!!!!!!!

So here I sit on my couch angry, sick and pissed off.
Also FYI sushi and excessive Sake is a very very bad idea even if it seems like a good idea at the time.

Thank You
~B.E.G~

Almost 100 Things

2005-02-20T01:55:00.000-08:00

Okay....I'm jumping on the band wagon and doing the "100 things" thing.

1) I really enjoy sleeping.
2) I really, REALLY enjoy sleeping.
3) I am severely lactose intolerant.
4) I still eat ice cream, cheese, and drink milk. (My friends and co-workers aren't to happy about that)
5) This is much harder than I thought it would be.
6) I play guitar. (but not very well so I'm taking lessons)
7) I also sing...Hence the songbirds title.
8) I would like to learn to play sitar,piano, and violin. (in that order)
9) I am a bible believing Christian.
10) I tried to drown Lambchop when we were dorm roommates.
11) She lived obviously.
12) There are 8 pockets in the pants I'm wearing right now. They are hideously ugly.
13) I wear the same pants 4-5 days a week. ( for work)
14) No, I don't work in fast food smart ass.
15) I could really use a nap.
16) I locked (or started locking) my hair 3 months ago and it is growing way to slowly.
17) I planned to be married by 26 but at 28 I'm happy I'm not.
18) I hate my job but love the life it affords me.
19) My favorite song is " Come Inside" by INTRO. (ahhh....memories)
20) I originally started blogging on typepad but they didn't have spell check so I moved to
blogger.
21) Guess that means I am (and have always been) terrible at spelling.
22) Spell check is my best friend.
23) Are you still reading?
24) I have never dated outside of my race.
25) As of late I have been slightly curious about trying it.
26) But then again maybe not...I really love black men.
27) I am confident.
28) I am insecure.
29) Loud people really really annoy me.
30) I have a dry sense of humor.
31) I have had 3 1/2 boyfriends since 16.
32) My last relationship lasted 8 1/2 years.
33) Insecure/weak men also annoy me.
34) I think I might be emotionally stunted.
35) My father died slowly for 20 years.
36) Somehow I was still surprised when he died.
37) I love all types of music.
38) Yep, even country. (well maybe not love but like)
39) I really love vocal jazz.
40) Sometimes I feel like I have lived my whole life waiting for the next "big thing" or event.
41) I think I need to join bloggers and blog readers anonymous ( if such a thing exists).
42) I am overly concerned about what other people think of me.
43) I have a 64 1/2 Mustang that I have been planning to restore (after crashing it) for several
years.
44) I don't speak ebonics but I can understand it.
45) Gay men generally don't like me.
46) I'm not really sure why.
47) I have 2 brothers and no sisters.
48) I am the oldest.
50) I was named after a popular type of alcohol. (yeah... my parents weren't very creative).
51) I think my mom is gorgeous and I hope I inherited the same genes.
52) My brothers and I are like night and day although we all look alike.
53) I dislike rude and inconsiderate people.
54) I can't remember the last time I had sex and so far I don't miss it.
55) Ohhh....Was that to much info.
56) To bad!
57) I plan to remain celibate until marriage.
58) I have a very short attention span.
59 ) During conversations I only want the facts, anything extra I tune out. ( side effect of my job
I suppose)
60) I am shy. ( most people never notice)
61 ) I never wanted to have kids but I've been thinking about it lately.
62) The problem is.... kids would cut into my sleeping time.
63) I am more of a listener than a talker.
64) Wow...You're really still there.
65) I sleep all day and stay up all night.
66) In my early 20's "I was young and runnin wild" as Nas's father said.
67) I would love to see a sunset.
68) I really want to go to Fiji.
70) I have had Tuesday- Wednesday- Thursday off for 4 years.
71) I really really really really really really really really really hate that.
72) I think my youth is passing me by.
73) I don't miss the club scene at all anymore.
74) Did I mention that drunk men also irritate me.
75) All of my goals in life have changed at least twice.
76) I am very indecisive
77) No I'm not.
78) Yes I am.
79) See !!!
80) I have only been sloppy drunk once in my life. (okay maybe 3 times)
81) Generally unless you know me well you would never know if I was drunk.
82) I can do several tongue tricks.
83) I have a shopping addiction.
84) I charge things more often than I should.
85) I have been told that I am a very nice person.
86) I would give you the shirt off my back if you really needed it.
87) I think bras are unnecessary. (especially in summer)
88) As I have gotten older ( and larger) I have realized that they have some value.
89) I was a very late bloomer. ( in some areas) :-)
90) I like to read, and knit, and eat, and dance. ( but not at the same time)
91) I have a severe cussing problem.
92) I can't thing of anything I'm afraid of except squirrels...nasty little rats with fluffy tails.
93) I am not a writer and yet I blog....Imagine that.
94) Although, I do write songs.
95) I am very blessed.
96) I love my church even though I only get to go occasionally. (I wish I could go more often)
97) I would be nothing without God.
98) I don't understand atheists.
99) I'm spent.

Chops and J I'm calling you out!

~BEG~

My Money Melts!

2005-02-19T23:24:00.000-08:00

Hiddie Ho!

I promised BEG I'd blog about our girls night out last Thursday, and I will...tomorrow.

First I have to vent (yup, more outta me). I'm actually feeling so much better than last week. I'm no longer PMS'n and the world seems brighter with every passing second. Only, I'm a little disappointed. Have you ever started out the day with a full agenda, then something shiny catches your eye and the rest of your day is spent counting pennies, IOU slips, sellable socks, toe rings and anything else you deem remotely valuable in order to attain said shiny object? That's pretty much how my day went today.

The PLAN:
1. Up at 8am
2. Gym by 930am
3. Back by 10:30-11am
4. House cleaning till 12pm
5. Rehearsal at 2pm
6. Visit with the folks at 6:30pm
7. Meet up with visiting cousin at 8pm
8. Home about 10pm to prepare for gig tomorrow

My day actually went like this:
1. Up at 9am
2. Signed up for Netflix 2 week trial at 10am (that's when I got this GREAT idea. I'll buy a DVD Recorder and finally get rid of all those space consuming VHS Tapes, AND I can dub the all of the rented DV...uhh...umm...I'm just going to use the recorder to dub my paid for VHS Tapes...and that's it.)
3. Internet surfing for DVD Recorders till 1:30pm
4. Rehearsal at 2:30pm (I'm chronically late)
5. Best Buy store #1 at 6:30p
6. Best Buy store #2 at 7:30p
7. Best Buy store #3 at 8:30p (where I purchased my new Sony DVD Recorder!)
8. Home at 10pm
9. Guilt call to BEG (my over-spending accountability partner)
10. Shameful - nay - despicable cursing relapse at 10:15pm when I discovered I purchased the wrong DVD-Recordable disks!!! ^%$#!!*&^%&%#&^&^&*!!!!

I really have a problem with electronics. I Love 'em way too much. Electronics are to me what clothes are to Ja-me, and furniture is to BEG. I love it all, printers, computers, cd players, dvd players, vcr's, electric guitars, keyboards, speakers, heaters, pocket pc's...pretty much anything you need to plug in . I get all antsy and excited just thinking about them!! Get your mind outta the gutter BEG.

Unfortunately I dont get to play with my new DVD Recorder tonight, but I guess this is just another lesson in the area of patience... God knows I need to get better with that one.

Oh! Ja-me, have you (or anyone else) ever heard of "Ali G"? He's a white gangsta-rapper wanna-be from the U.K. (an actor), but he actually looks like he's Middle Eastern to me. Anyways, when I was at Best Buy store #3, the guy who helped me reminded me of him! I had this very strong urge to talk with my "British" accent, but I didnt want to offend him, plus he hadnt yet found the recorder I wanted, and I didnt want to piss him off before he got me my "precious". "It's ours and we wants it!" (havent you seen Lord of The Rings?)

Always in love...unless you look like Smeagol from the Lord of the Rings and try to take my precious, pretty precious Sony DVD Recorder...sneaky little hobbitses...wicked, tricksy, false hobbitses!

Lambchop~

Happy Gilmore Quote-
Shooter: "I eat pieces of sh*t like you for breakfast!"
Happy Gilmore: "You eat pieces of sh*t for breakfast?"

The Spawn of Satans Twin Revealed!

2005-02-16T11:07:00.000-08:00

I just needed to vent right now. I bought tickets to a concert on ticket Master and requested the BEST SEATS AVAILABLE. The stupid thing showed me tickets and I bought them thinking they were indeed the best. Then on a whim I decided to check again and found even BETTER tickets!!! !&#&$($#))$*%R&%&%)$)#_!!!

I am so pissed right now! I called ticket master and they said they couldnt help me - @#%%#*&(^%%%$%#^U&!!! I'm really pissed. All they had to do is switch me to the better seats! A click of a button would have been all it took. Same price, better tickets. The rat bastards.

Now that I've vented I'll let it go...#@$()&*_)&)**&*%@#*$#@$)_#)$#%$#%($%(*%&_+(*&O)_%$#@%$*)%$*^%%#@!!!!!

Okay, now I'll let it go.
Stupid Monkey Phunks.
TICKET MASTER IS THE SPAWN OF SATANS TWIN SATINA.

I'm in a foul and crabby mood, so I'm not sending anything out in love right now...especially if you're the phunkin jerk who created the insanely strict rules at Ticket Master, an unfeeling-uncaring employee at Ticket Master, an advocate for Ticket Master, a relative of a Ticket Master employee, a relative of a Ticket Master advocate, a friend of a Ticket Master employee, a friend of a Ticket Master advocate, the neighbor of a Ticket Master employee...etc.

BLAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Lambchop~

Check Your Seats

2005-02-15T05:43:00.000-08:00

I don't know if it's just the area I live in or what the problem is but it seems that the world is being taken over by freaks. Not your average run of the mill freaks mind you. I'm talking about the unusual, fantasize about having sex with stuffed animals freaks. The kind that I seem to have a special gift for attracting. Case in point...I was commuting home from San Francisco on B.A.R.T minding my own business. I was sitting near the separator doors in a completely empty train. As the train pulled into the next station an elderly Chinese man (at least 75 years old) got on the train and sat down in the seats across from me. I was studying and didn't bother to look up at him but I did wonder why he would sit so close to me when all of the other seats were available. (I hate that by the way) Anyway, I continued to study but noticed out of the corner of my eye that he was fidgeting quite a bit. I thought he was just trying to get comfortable but I guess I was wrong. A few minutes into the ride he says to me in broken English "rook aah me" . I figured he couldn't be talking to me ( plus I had no idea what he was saying). He repeated his odd phrase a few more time each time a bit louder. At this point I was irritated that he had interrupted my studying and I finally realized that "rook aah me" meant "look at me" so I looked up and saw way more wrinkled flesh than I ever though possible on a human being. He was in full swing ...Whacking away...beating his meat...chocking the chicken, you get the point. I was completely shocked and sat there in a daze just long enough for him to finish his business and leave a nice little puddle on the seat next to him. The train then pulled into the station and he got off (again). Immediately after this incident a crowd of people pushed onto the train and before I could say anything a women in a really nice suit sat in the puddle. Moral of the story....If you take public transportation check the seats before you sit down. That's all for today.

Happy Valentines Day

2005-02-14T03:52:00.000-08:00

So, I was lucky enough to see the fabulous Jill Scott do her thing at the Paramount last week. She was (of course) wonderful. I being the non-emotional person that I am was almost brought to tears during several of the songs but we won't tell anybody about that will we. It's funny, I haven't been out in Oakland in God knows how long but I swear everyone I saw looked familiar. Yep, all the usual character were there; the bartender girl with the big nose, the dude with the gold grill and finger waves, the chick with the tired broke down weave, I think you get the point. Anyway, I was surprised to find that there wasn't a single naked (or almost naked) female in the entire theater. I guess Ms.Scott must have inspired quite a few bay area folks to cover up for a change.

I was late to the concert (as usual) so I missed the opening act (Martin Luther) but the friends I met there said he gave an aight performance. When Steve and I got to our seats the show was just about to begin. Thank God the person sitting in front of me was short so I actually had a great view of the stage. (See chops short people are good for some things!) Unfortunately I also had a great view of some girl who decided she was going to become part of the show. From the moment Jill took the stage until the end of the concert this girl danced and sang every song (at the top of her lungs). Last time I checked my ticket said "Jill Scott" but I guess someone forgot to inform Ms.Thang. Overall it was a nice night.

So, it's Valentines day once again and as usual I don't have an "official" Valentine. I'm actually kinda glad I don't. That just means my cheap ass doesn't have to buy a gift for anyone. Perhaps I'll use the money I normally spend on my significant other to buy something for myself (like I don't do that enough already). Whooo hooo! Another excuse to spend money. I don't know why so many of my friends dislike this holiday. " Blehhhh I don't have a man, everybody hates me, nobody like me, blah, blah, blah!" I am so sick of hearing that ish. I'm just happy I don't have to pretend I'm excited about a cheap present(and even more excited that I don't have to deal with someone trying to get some ass all night long).

Oh well....Happy Valentines day to all you lovers out there!

Rambling

2005-02-09T08:28:00.000-08:00

Bare with me today, I have a few too many thoughts running through my head. The fact that I also have a migraine is not helping, so maybe this will.

Black Women: (and maybe this relates to black people in general) Why is that when black women see each other, no matter where they are or what time of day it is, the first thing we do is what? Look at each other from head to toe.... Why is that? Why is it sooo impossible for us to be happy for one another? Why do we feel like "caint nobody know my business"? (that might go hand in hand with the 'why is it impossible for us to be happy for one another') Why do we think we know EVERYTHING? Why do we not want to learn and experience new things? Why is it everytime it looks like we are about to have a positive role model, someone comes out the woodwork talkin bout how they were touched inappropriately 50 million years ago? What exactly is "good hair"? Why is it so impossible to help each other? Why is it that somebody always ' got a problem/issues'? WHY CAINT WE ALL JUS GET ALONG???????????
I know that this does not pertain to ALL black women, but this is just something I get to see daily.

B.A.R.T: (Bay Area Rapid Transit) Why do all the wierdo's sit by me? Why do people get an attitude when they have to share a seat that was originally made for two people NOT one? Why do people talk so dayum loud on their cell phones as if they were at home? Why when sharing a seat, a man feels that he has the right to stretch out and get comfortable ALL IN MY SPACE? Didn't you know you did not have enough money to exit the gate before you got off the train? Why do people wait until they get to the gate to start looking for their ticket? Why do people with hot trashy smelly breath feel the need to breathe with their mouth open? Why do people with not enough deodorant or none at all feel the need to stand holding on to the high rail, therefore exposing everyone to their funk? Why do people feel the need to strike up conversations with complete strangers and never shut up? Why when it's freezing cold outside, there is that one girl with open toe sandals on?

Scary Movies: Why do I still watch them? Better yet, why do I still watch them with all the lights on in the house and screaming at the top of my lungs?

Questions: Why do people say that there is no such thing as a "stupid " question???????????

Baby Phat: Why do some girls/women take that term literally when they wear the clothing? Why do they have on baby phat with all their "baby phat" hanging out for the world to see?

The Unsung Jackson: Why does Stoney Jackson from listentoleon's blog look like Nelly with an S-curl?

Okay, I guess that's about it for now. Honestly, I could go on for days about this topic, however I am not trying to create a re-remix of Jada Kisses "Why".

Holla atcha gurl!!!

NADA

2005-02-09T02:21:00.000-08:00

I got nothing. Nada. Nothing to say, hence the lack of posts. Since my last few weeks have consisted of work, sleep, school, sleep, work, work, gym, work, school, (I think you get the point) I have nothing interesting to share with the group today. I guess I could discuss this weeks “strange but true” work stories such as the man with the dildo and pantyhose in his fanny pack (which I will discuss at a later date) or the women who says she gets information directly from God regarding criminals that she would be more than happy to share if we would simply supply her with a free cell phone, or perhaps I could just talk about some of the many times I was called a bitch by a disgruntled caller but you know what? I really don't feel like it right now. Chops, although I have thoroughly enjoyed your post about Mr.Bastardo the circus midget I do hope this unhealthy obsession of yours (with revenge) is at its end (If not I have quite a few creative retaliatory suggestions for you) :-). Anyway, that's my dime.

The Empire Strikes Back Against The Worthless Jacka$$ Circus Midget!!

2005-02-07T09:36:00.000-08:00

The Empire (me) has struck back against the Worthless Jacka$$ Circus Midget!! (Go HERE to get caught up)

Okay, well maybe "struck back" isn’t completely accurate. The point is that new information is now available regarding my quest to regain membership with my gym.

I called the gym's corporate offices last week and got confirmation that Mr. Circus Midget indeed cancelled me just as the local gym had stated. I was also informed that "it" inquired about a possible refund on MY membership, but since we had the membership since 2002 we were way past the refund date. Now how sick is that?? Have you ever met anyone as freakin' cheap and miserly as that? I actually have some additional insight into "its" sickness that I'll write about later in this post.

So I ask the corporate rep whether she would be able to send me ALL of the information in writing so I can take "it" to court. She said she wasnt supposed to, so in desperation I gave her a brief synopsis of my experience. After she finished gasping in awe at the dastardly bastardness of Mr. Circus Midget she told me to hold on. When she returned she told me that she was going to pretend that I was still on the account and that she would move me over to my own account with the same exact terms as before. I dont have to pay a thing! She told me that what Mr. Circus Midget did was horrible, and that this way I wont have to deal with "it" at all. The only downside is that "it" got away with not having to pay for "its" wife's (Mrs. Waste Of Space Circus Midget) membership, AND "it" thinks "it" got away with screwing me over.

I'm a little torn about this. I thank God soooo much for blessing me to have received favor from the gym corporate headquarters and I know that I really dont want to deal with the Circus Freak ever again - but I really have a problem with "it" even thinking "it" got over on me. I want "it" to suffer - in "its" wallet that is. "Its" money is "its" heart so that's where I would like for "it" to suffer. I do have another idea for payback, but I cant very well request that God shrink "it" anymore than "it" already is. I mean, I'm not sadistic.

If I didnt know that God had everything worked out already I wouldnt be able to help but be a little disappointed. I mean, "its" a complete rats a$$ and "its" got this HIGH paying job, and "it" just sold "its" first house as a real estate agent. "Its" prospering and I'm wondering whether or not there's a future for me in the Pimp & Hoe business (as the Pimp of course).

I keep fantasizing on how God'll deal with "it" . I do pray for "it" so I guess "it" could change and "its" heart be renewed and "it" become a better person (or thing) through it all. On the other hand, "it" could loose everything "it" owns and end up having to be my Hoe who I will most definitely slap around and disrespect every opportunity I get.... Naw. I am so completely kidding. I do not in anyway support the exploitation and degradation of Hoes. They have feelings and rights just like the rest of us. Respect the Hoe.

Anywho... I wanted to show just how very selfish, stingy and cheap my ex-a$$ wipe the Circus Midget actually is. The best example is the whole paying child support issue. "Its" daughter (until recently) lived back south so "it" only saw her on special occasions and holidays though "it" did talk to her daily.

Instead of paying child support "it" decided to be a total chickens a$$ and set up a checking account for "its" daughter. In theory this sounds nice and generous, but not when "it" makes "its" babies momma call "it" and beg "it" for money whenever their daughter needs things like shoes or supplies. In my mind "its" just as bad as those guys who completely shun their fatherly responsibilities.

The mother of your child has to raise the kid, shape the kids mind, feed them, rear them, deal with all their kid crap and attitude, worry about bullies, work, go to school, attempt to have a life of her own...etc. If I was a babies momma I'd be damned if I would ever "beg" the father for money. If you dont wanna pay willingly, I'll take it by force...you tight fisted peon piece of crap.

The following are things I hated about dating the waste of space Mr. Circus Midget:

1) Mr. Circus midget was too freaky. Once while relaxing on the sofa watching tv with "it" I couldnt help but to marvel at how "its" feet stopped at the middle of my calf. This makes one feel that they are cuddling with a small child and thoughts of pedophilia come to mind (eewwww!!!)

2) In theaters it is customary in the beginning of a relationship for the guy to wrap his arm around the gals shoulders. Unfortunately because Mr. Circus Midget's arms couldnt fully reach around I had to sit on the edge of my chair turned slightly away from the big screen just so that "it" could feel like a man. I had a crick in my neck by the end of the flick.

3) Mr. Circus Midget and I went to a concert where it is customary for a guy to stand behind the gal with his arms wrapped around her waist in a lovingly romantic embrace. Unfortunately it isn't so romantic when you KNOW the guy cant see around you and so he has to keep popping his head out to the side to get a glimpse of the stage pretending he can see just fine. It also wasnt very romantic when I had to end up standing behind "it" with my arms wrapped around "its" waist...

4) Most women love high heel shoes (I'm one of 'em) and most men (short and tall) love to see women wearing high heels. Once Mr. Midget and I had to go to a friends engagement party and I decided to wear heels again (after a long hiatus). When "it" met me at the front door "it" stared at my shoes for a long time. Then "it" started jumping up and down and flailing "its" arms around while yelling, "Are you tryin' to embarrass me or something?" It appears that Mr. Circus Midget wasnt as confident as it originally portrayed during the lovey-dovey stage (dirty bastard). "It" ended up walking in front of me the entire party and "it" refused to hold my hand all night.

5) The whole "heels" thing is a big issue to me. I stopped wearing them when I started dating "it" I guess because I could tell "it" had a problem with them. If "it" would've been more secure I probably would've continued wearing them. My feeling is that if "it" wasnt confident enough to let me be me and wear heels, then maybe "it" wasnt confident enough to be with a taller woman. Maybe "it" should've stuck with action figure sized women so that "it" could look like a freaking basketball player.

6) When holding hands with Mr. Circus Midget I hated that his hands were sooo much smaller than mine. It was like holding a young boys hands...read #1 again (eewww!!)

Now I take full responsibility for sticking in there so long with all my qualms about "it", but in my defense...oh hell. I have no excuse.

Enough outta me.

Always in love...unless you refuse to be responsible and pay child support to the mother/mothers of your child/children.

Lambchop~

Once again I must reiterate the P.S. from my other post:

P.S. I apologize to anyone who considers themselves a midget, dwarf or "vertically challenged" individual who may have been reading this post and were inadvertently offended. I have nothing but love for you all! My ex-circus midget boyfriend was an a$$hole because of his character not because of his height.

Happy Belated Groundhogs Day!!!

2005-02-04T13:59:00.000-08:00

I forgot to post for Groundhogs day on February 2nd!! BEG & I celebrated but didn't post - shame on us.

This is a quote from my all time favorite movie EVER...GROUNDHOGS DAY!!! It stars Bill Murray (genius comedy actor) and Andie MacDowell. If you haven't seen the movie PLEASE DO! It came out in 1993 and is about a cynical weatherman who's forced to continuously re-live the worst day of his life until he learns to become a better person. It's hilarious!

Quote background-
Phil (Bill Murray) delivers this monologue at Hobblers Knobb during the Groundhogs (Punxsutawney Phil) prediction ceremony. Phil (Bill Murray) has grown tired and depressed of reliving groundhogs day over and over again in Punxsutawney, PA (one of my favorite quotes of the movie):

"This is pitiful. A thousand people freezing their butts off waiting to worship a rat. What a hype. Groundhogs Day used to mean something in this town - they used to pull the hog out, and they used to eat it. You're hypocrites! All 'a ya! You got a problem with what I'm saying Larry? Untie your tongue and you come out here and talk. Am I upsetting you princess? You know if you wanna prediction about the weather, you're askin' the wrong Phil. I'll give you a winter prediction. It's gonna be cold...it's gonna be grey...and it's gonna last you for the rest of your life."

In case you were curious, go here to find out the real life Punxsutawney Phil's weather prediction.

Happy Belated Groundhogs Day!!!

Always in love...especially on Groundhogs Day!!!
Lambchop~

Calm Down, Shut Up, & Quit Trippin!!

2005-02-04T11:03:00.000-08:00

I decided to share this with everyone today. I know we tend to use this as a method of venting our many frustrations, but we do recognize who our Lord and Savior is. Yes we are flesh and will never walk a perfect line, but God will always be our numero uno!

1. Calm down, shut-up, and quit trippin'!
Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God."So many times we make situations more than they are due to our anxiety. CALM DOWN! God has your life under control. He knows how to handle even these seemingly complex situations with ease. Then, SHUT UP! Stop having pity parties and talking about your "business"all the time. Don't you know that the power of death and life is in the tongue? Stop speaking negative things into existence in your life and others. QUIT TRIPPIN'! When you look at your situations through your eyes, you often read more into the situation than what's there. It's not as bad as you think.

2. Be courageous!
2 Timothy 1:7 - "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of Love, and of a sound mind." Fear is not of God. Have the courage to step out on faith and do the seemingly impossible. Start your own business, go into the ministry, apply for that promotion, anything that you've been afraid to do and you know that God has called you to do-DO!

3. Have confidence!
Philippians 4:13 - "I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me." Remember, greater is He that's within you than he that's in the world. You have the power of the most High God working in you, and you have His Son steadily making intercession for you. You have nothing to worry about! Walk with your head up! You say you have low self-esteem; somebody told you that you'd never amount to anything the devil is a liar! Know that you are somebody not because Jesus said it, but because you are a child of The King!

4. Walk in the VICTORY!
Romans 8:28 - "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose." Do I need to say anything else? The jury has been out and the verdict is in - YOU WIN! In your finances - YOU WIN! On your job - YOU WIN! In your relationships - YOU WIN! In your health - YOU WIN!!! God has already worked it out for you. It may not come the way you think it should come, but remember - CALM DOWN, SHUT UP, AND QUIT TRIPPIN'! He's working it out for YOUR" good. Be blessed!!! Do not ask the Lord to guide your footsteps if you are not willing to move your feet. Think About it.

Love ya!

*** I'm sure we will be back to our usual complaining, but today and everyday, we know that God is always in control***

Holla atcha gurl!!!!

Attack of the Worthless Jack@$$ Circus Midget

2005-02-03T16:47:00.000-08:00

This post is about my jack @$$ circus midget of an ex-boyfriend - I'll call him Mr. Circus Midget as he was quite shorter than me and has the worst case of short mans complex I've ever seen.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
PLEASE NOTE THAT SOME VERY STRONG LANGUAGE WILL BE USED IN THIS POST. VERY NEGATIVE REFERENCES WILL BE MADE AGAINST A VERTICALLY CHALLENGED, CRAPPY EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING. PLEASE DO NOT CONTINUE ON IF YOU CANT HANDLE THE EXTREME EMOTIONAL OUTBURSTS OF A WOMAN SCORNED. I'M NOT USUALLY THIS VULGAR OR CRUEL AND WILL DEFINITELY PRAY FOR PEACE ON THIS SITUATION BEFORE BED, BUT I'M HUMAN AND I HAVE FEELINGS THAT MUST BE PURGED. FOR EVERYONE WHO CAN HANDLE IT...READ ON AND EXPERIENCE MY FRUSTRATION WITH THIS NOTORIOUS BASTARD._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Today after work I was feeling really stressed so I decided to go to the gym. I haven’t gone for awhile but I've been ramping up to go and today was going to be my new start! Well I went into my local branch, and to my surprise that @$$hole Mr. Circus Midget had cancelled my membership!!! What a phucking d%ck!

The branch manager told me that Mr. Circus Midget went into another branch and cancelled my membership so that he didnt have to pay big bucks to get his new ghetto fabulous surly wife (that's a hoe 'nother story) a gym membership.

Of all the foul, crappy, underhanded, sneaky, evil, weasel-like sh*t-headed things to do! I am so freaking angry I could crap rubber duckies and razor blades. After all the sh*t I did for that selfish-stingy-cheap-monkey phuck-infinitesimal piece of crap! I had to endure him treating me like crap, stalking me for almost a year (almost daily 1, 2 and 3am calls to all my phones 1 & 1/2 years after we broke up), cussing me out when I finally called him to tell him to please stop calling me and waking me up every weekday morning, etc.

I actually wouldn’t trip off of his actions if he had bought the membership for me and I was just living off of his dime for these last 3 years, but that isn’t the case. We signed up for our membership as a couple. He wanted to pay with his credit card and asked that I pay him with a check for the full price of my membership ($650.00). So he didn’t do anything financially for me (as was the case throughout our relationship). So the fact that he would have the phucking audacity to cancel my membership without even telling me and add his dead-beat wife in my place is just driving me to shake. So pretty much I'm paying for his wife to go to the gym! I didn’t marry that heifer! What a bastard.

When we were together I paid for EVERYTHING. Anything we did I paid for myself and most times paid for him too because I was soooo in lu-u-uv (stupidity at it's best). I just enjoy doing things for the people I love with the thought that they'd do it for me too if they could (sucker).

Even though I was struggling I tried to help him out financially because he had a daughter and a house and he always complained about how much money he was shelling out on his responsibilities - "Babe, can you just pay for "this" or "that" cause you love me?"

He makes waaaaay more money than me...I'm talking like at least $50,000 more than me a year and I don’t own property, I'm hella broke and I'm trying to figure out which one of my lovely friends houses I can "borrow" some food from (Ja-me...whatcha cooking tonight gurl?).

Unfortunately, because he was "Primary" on the gym membership account he had the right to do what he did, but thank GOD for checks! I found my carbon copy of the check I wrote him and now I can order the endorsed check be faxed to me in the morning. That'll get his warped a$$!

Ja-me was the first person I told when I found out. She sweetly offered to ride up to his house with me (with her kids in the back seat) and kick his midget a...well, I wont go into any details.
Another friend offered to fill up balloons with eggs and egg his house, car etc. Yet anther friend suggested we fill up balloons with cat crap and throw them at his house. My cousin offered to go to his house and break every other bone in his body. But the best yet was my girl BEG. She offered to find a way to have all his utilities cut off and I think she may have said something about burning his house down...or maybe that's just what I wanted to hear.

If I was a different person I would totally have done at least one of the suggested retaliations on that midget jerk, but I'm not. Instead I'll just send him a certified letter and request he either reimburse my $650.00 or put me back on the account and let the gym's corporate headquarters separate our account (which is what he should've done in the first place). I'll give him 30 days then I'm going to take him to court. I'm sure that'll surprise the hell out of him since he thinks that I'm too nice to do anything about it.

I've been praying for him and will continue to. I don’t wish any ill will for him even though I'm still very very very upset about how messed up he is. I really just want what's rightfully mine...my freaking gym membership.

They need to dedicate the drink "Slow Screw Against The Wall" to me, cause I really feel like he's been slowly screwing me over for the last 5 years.

I feel a little better now, but like a sufferer of tourettes syndrome I might blow up again, so I better sign off now. I really pray there are at least a few decent men left in this world!

Always in love...unless you're an underhandedly cruel jerk of a circus dwarf who takes advantage of those less fortunate than you then pisses on their good intentions and faith in the male species.
Lambchop~

P.S. I apologize to any midgets or dwarfs that may have been reading this post and were inadvertently offended. I have nothing but love for you all! My ex-circus midget boyfriend was an a$$hole because of his character not because of his height.

Sista from Anotha Planet

2005-02-03T09:08:00.000-08:00

Does anyone remember that movie "Brother from another Planet"? If so, then you will remember his unnaturally long azz toe nails too, ewwww grosss.

Okay, now that we have all officially gotten over our mushy phase, it is back to biotching!

Help me understand a few things...where exactly is it written that when you get married and have a few (and by few, I only mean two) be be's, your identity will be taken over by this fact alone and you become this alien who lives on a planet with the "others" and could not possibly understand anyone else's plight who may not have a complete family or one at all????????????? Sorry, as Fabulous would say...breathe, oooooo

This seems to be an issue that I can't shake. So I will make two very brief points on what I am talking about that annoys the hell outta me. I mean it reallllyyyyyy gets under my skin & eats away at my fles...well u get the picture.

1.) Ja-Me: yea, you know her, she's the "wife and mommy"

Now where do I start with this one? First off, I believe that my birth certificate gives me a first, middle, and last (subject to changes) name, which starts our individual identity. I DO NOT recall my birth certificate EVER saying :

First Name: Wifey Middle Name: Mommy Last Name: Death Sentence

WTF! I don't even like those people, I just pretend to so they will give me a little breathing room every now & then so I won't go 51/50. Had I known that having my family would completely strip me of my most inner being, I would have NEVER signed up for the job. You have worked all your life to become a pretty decent human being, but at the end of the day your life's work is summed up into two words....wife & mommy...... I'm just disgusted, so I will move on to point number two.

2.) "I can't talk to Ja-Me about it because she is married...."

Hmmmm....okay, hmmmmm, I I I'm not sure where exactly to start with this one. Did I wake up one day after marriage a different specie? Just because I am "married" I can no longer understand any dilemma unless it deals with marriage? Well phuck it, let's just sum it up to simple conversation. The only thing that I am capable of doing is speaking about married life every second of every day. Anything outside of that realm of conversation, I have no comprehension whatsoever!!!!

So at the end of the day, I have decided that I truly am "Sista from Another Planet" (without the toenails of course) hell, some days I even lose myself in married with kids. Do not get me wrong, I DO love my family, but I think I will post a picture of myself on the milk cartons...HAVE YOU SEEN ME? If so please Contact....ME so I can pick that heifer up....Thanks

Holla atcha gurl!!

Love Fest 2005 - Theme Song

2005-02-01T11:48:00.000-08:00

Hey BEG & Ja-me - I have a new post dedicated to the Love Fest for 2005. Please read it and if possible put on Peter Cetera's song "Glory of Love" from the Karate Kid soundtrack.

I have decided that this should be Love Fest 2005's theme song...with important CAPITALIZED changes that eliminate any insinuation of lesbian lovin'.

This is just a theme song. I still very much enjoy the company of men :-)
________________________________________________
"Tonight it's very clear as we're ALL STANDIN' here
There's so many things I wanna say
I will always love you IN A NON-LESBIAN WAY, I would never leave you alone

Sometimes I just forget, say things I might regret
It breaks my heart to see you cryin'
I don't wanna lose you AS A NON-LESBIAN FRIEND, I could never make it alone

I am a NON-LESBIAN FRIEND who will fight for your honor
I'll be the NON-LESBIAN FRIEND you're dreamin' of
We'll live forever, knowin' together
That we did it all for the glory of NON-LESBIAN FRIEND love

You keep me standing tall, you help me through it all
I'm always strong when you're beside me
I have always needed you AS A NON-LESBIAN FRIEND, I could never make it alone

I am a NON-LESBIAN FRIEND who will fight for your honor
I'll be the NON-LESBIAN FRIEND you've been dreamin' of
We'll live forever, knowin' together
That we did it all for the glory of NON-LESBIAN FRIEND love

Like a NON-LESBIAN FRIEND in shining armor from a long time ago
Just in time I will save the day
Take you to OUR NON-LESBIAN FRIEND castle far away

I am a NON-LESBIAN FRIEND who will fight for your honor
I'll be the NON-LESBIAN FRIEND that you're dreamin' of
Gonna live forever, knowin' together
That we did it all for the glory of NON-LESBIAN FRIEND love"

Always in love...especially if you love the Karate Kid theme song!
Lambchop~

Relationships

2005-02-01T11:23:00.000-08:00

Since we are being sentimental on this Beautiful Bright & Sunny (woo whoo) day, I figured I would jump on the band wagon of love.

God is so good and ALWAYS right on time.

Just yesterday I was biotching and complaining about how draining relationships were. Marriage, parenting, friendships, siblings, employers, etc.. Sometimes, well who am I kidding, most of the time, six days out of the week, dayum near every fricking second of the day....it can be so overwhelming trying to make sure that those around you are happy and for the most part at a peaceful state, that we tend to forget about ourselves.

I have truly realized that I want those in my life to be happy, but I have also realized how much our happiness comes from within. I can only do so much, but the truth of the matter is, it's primarily your responsibility. Now they say "Happiness is what you make it", but how true is that? Let's look at money...money brings about happiness (and shopping :-), but does it bring contentment? Does it bring self satisfaction? Gratification? Materialistically, YES. Temporarily, YES.

I believe that happiness comes from wholeness. I believe that the only real way to achieve true happiness comes from "Relationships". Our relationship with God, with our significant other, our children, our siblings, our friends, etc... Yes it can be draining at times, however each should bring something so fulfilling to our lives that it makes us want to continue on the roller coaster of life. There is nothing temporary about any relationship because of the lessons that we have learned and taken away from each of them.

So I say all this in response to the past few blogs in regards to our friendship. Yes B.E.G., we are both/all learning to be more open with our emotions. This is so important because everyone needs to know how they are impacting someone's life. We need to know when we have reached a rough spot in order to correct it. But it is just as important in knowing when we are making a difference.

sniffle sniffle, I love you guys!! We have learned sooo much from one another, and been through sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much :-) together that it makes our relationship a strong one.

oookayyy, enuff of the mushy crap.....Lambchop, if you call my line 1 mo' gain while I am actually trying 2b sentimental and not biotchy for a change, I will block your number......AND STOP SITTING ON MY LINE, HANG UP THE DAYUM PHONE!!!!

B.E.G., Lambchop and I have voted you to be the official caller of K.K., so send her our love. Smooches!!!

Till next time, holla atcha gurl!!!

Response to BEG - Love Fest 2005

2005-02-01T11:09:00.000-08:00

I think this is way too long for a comment so I made it a post to you BEG -
(Oh! I put new pictures in the flickr photo album on the right - from when we were younger)

OMG! BEG I am seriously tearing up over here. I'm not even joking. That was beautiful and I am so glad I had the opportunity to hear (see) it without forcing it out of you :-)

Honestly though, you know that you're a big-big part of my life. As hard as I've tried to get away from you (oh how I've tried), I just can’t seem to do it. You're a great friend. Even through our fights and homicide attempts you've always been there for me too.

I guess this is a good time to thank you (again) for always writing to me when I was in the army; keeping me up on the latest crew trash; being there for me through every break up (remember the day you took me to the beach when I broke up with the over stuffed Pillsbury Dough Boy and we sang our old tunes to the sea, or how you took me in for a few days when I ended my quest to begin a family with that midget in the circus?). You're always supportive of your crazy friend and I appreciate it.

You have a heart of gold my friend, brains of a boar with the attention span of a fly, but a heart of gold none the less. In all seriousness though, I'm blessed every day that I get to be a part of your exciting and humorous life.

I guess I realized a long time ago that long after our husbands have died from our horrible cooking and we're decaying at an alarming rate, we'll be rooming together still trying to find new ways of drowning one another. Ah, good times...good times.

Love you BEG aka Bacon. You're more talented and beautiful than you'll ever even know, sis. You really do inspire me. And don’t worry. Everyone knows you have yet to get over your hugging and touching phobia.

(You know I love you too Ja-me, but since I talk to you hourly I'll tell you in a few :)

Who's turn is it to call KK aka Kris? Tell her I love her too!

Always in love...unless you disrespect my girls.
Lambchop~