An Ode To Black Chicken Man

The following song is an ode to Black Chicken Man (click HERE to read up on him. It should be sung with the "Oh Christmas Tree" melody (you know the old Christmas carol: "O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree! How are thy leaves so verdant! O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree, How are thy leaves so verdant!
Not only in the summertime, But even in winter is thy prime.
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree, How are thy leaves so verdant! O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree, Much pleasure doth thou bring me!")
My Ode To Chicken Man:

-Oh Chicken Man, Black Chicken Man, I itch when you are near me
-Oh Chicken Man, Black Chicken Man, your body smells like fe-ces (excrement)

-Your hair is wet, and drenched in sweat
-You like to rub, our hands in it

-Oh Chicken Man, Black Chicken Man, You're stinky and you're vi-le

-Oh Chicken Man, Black Chicken Man, You are so in de-nial

-You love to strut, your Chicken dance
-We wish you'd wash, your stinkin' pants

-Oh Chicken Man, Black Chicken Man, your fingers smell like bi-le

-Oh Chicken Man, Black Chicken Man, your dirty hands need di-al

-There's dirt under your finger nails

-There's fungi growing under there

(optional ending: You may well be a nice guy,

but your smell burns my freakin' eyes)

-Oh Chicken Man, Black Chicken Man, I itch when you are near me!

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So Beg and I went to our salsa lesson on Tuesday and unfortunately we were unable to escape the Black Chicken Man. I hesitate to speak of it because the very thought makes me want to puke.

Well, I got stuck with him for what seemed like a lifetime. I held my breath the entire time and I tried my best not to look at his hands (which happened to be ridden with dirt and some sort of sludge). I thought I had made it through without any really bad issues until he decided he wanted to try a move from last week.

Last weeks class was a much more intimate lesson where the guy would place the girls arms over his head and onto his neck (all sexy-like). Before I knew what was happening this dirty fool had taken my arms and slid it all through his dirty, stank-nasty, sweaty hair and onto his equally nasty, stank-sweaty neck.

I snatched my hand back and told him I had completely forgotten how to dance entirely and moved away. Luckily it was finally time to switch up partners.

I ran to Beg and told her I had to step out for a few and quickly made my way to the bathroom where I thoroughly scrubbed the skin off of my hands, arms, and for good measure I included my shoulders and neck (just in case the critters on him happened to make their way onto me).

I still think he's in love with Beg since he kept asking me about whether I went to Vegas with her (I think he was trying to corroborate her story). She's in denial about that though.

I love salsa! It's so much fun! Anyone who hasn't tried it should!

Oh! I'm so excited! Tonight is the Maroon 5 concert!!! Yahooooooo!

Always in love...unless you have the hygiene of a diseased wart-hog and have the nerve to touch another living being (animal or human) with your foul smelling, sweaty, stank-funk-nasty hands!! You disgust me!!!

Lambchop~

Posted in: Chops' Posts