It's Ova.

We're leaving on a jet plane, Don't know when we'll be back again.........


(Against my better judgment) My blogmates and I have decided to jump ship and move to blogsome (with everyone else) so from now on you can find us at http://songbirds.blogsome.com. Chops (our resident html specialist) did such a wonderful job setting it up I guess I really can't complain.


Off to greener pastures..... See you over there!

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The Birthday Monkey

It's 12:38am and I am still at work....bleh!!!!!!

......365 more days till 30 (and Puerto Rico!)

(No special reason for the picture, I just like it.)

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LAZY WAY OUT (another meme)

*Stolen from this blogger*

Accent - California (I like guess, like, that is like, like, what you would hella call it.)
Bra size - 36D.
Chore I hate - Washing dishes
Dad's name - Franklin
Essential make-up - Anything by Mac or Nars.
Favorite perfume - Burberry Weekends (at the moment)
Gold or Silver? - Both
Hometown - San Francisco Ca
Insomnia - Well if sleeping all day and not at night counts then yes.
Job Title - Cop sitter.
Kids -Not yet...maybe never.
Living Arrangement - ALONE!!!!
Mom's Birthplace - Shreveport
Number of Sexual Partners - Yeah, like I'm gonna answer that.
Overnight Hospital Stays - When I was 6 I had my adenoids (sp?) removed...Do they even do that anymore?
Phobia - Missing out on anything (events, food, sales, gossip, concerts, life, you name it) oh, and spiders!
Favorite Quote - (it changes on a daily bases) Don't fall in love with someone's potential. ~Marama. I have a wee problem with project dating but I'm working on it.
Religion - Christian. I'm a bible thumper.
Siblings - Two younger brothers.
Two I'm tagging - Coley and Ja-me.
Unnatural hair colors I've worn - Purple, Blue, Red, Green...highschool was a bad time for me.
Vegetable I refuse to eat - All vegetables excluding asparagus and broccoli.
Worst habit - *sigh* Sleeping to much and passing gas in public. (I'm working on the 2nd issue).
X-rays I've had - Dental.
Yummy foods I make - Steak and most meat's (although Chops might have other opinions about my fish)
Zodiac sign - Libra (October 7 to be exact.) but I don't believe in all that astrology crap.

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Catch Up.

*This is the follow up to the previous post about my home buying nightmare.*

Sooooo where did we leave off? Oh yes, the fire. I found out the day after I had all the locks changed that a fire had destoryed half of the building the night before. The fire stopped about 10 Ft from my front door. Luckily the smoke smell killed the stench that the the squatter left behind. With all of his crap out on the deck I painted, cleaned, packed, cleaned, had the carpet ripped out, cleaned, changed the fixtures, cleaned, oh and did I mention cleaned. (I had lots of help from my blogmates, Coley, Dana, Sassyx, and several family members.)

After playing phone tag with the squatter's brother I was able to get authorization to dump all of the crap he left behind (which cost me$400). They agreed to pay for the removal costs if I would allow them to go through the storage unit (which I did). I finished painting and planned to officially move in the following week.

The day before the move I stopped to drop off a few items and found a note on the front door. It said that the city would be doing asbestos abatement (due to the fire) and that my hallway was off limits for the next week. I had already hired movers and changing the move date was out of the questions. Damn! Damn! Damn!

The next day the movers arrive (5 1/2 hours late) and begin loading my furniture. Only one of the three movers spoke English and he had the nerve to have an attitude because he thought my bedroom furniture was to large. I have no idea how he planned to fit and entire apartment into a truck the size of a large van but I guess you get what you pay for. Half way through the loading process he asks me "What would you rather have...your couch or your bed?" I. Lost. It (for the 12th time). What would I rather have??!!!! I want both dumb ass!!! He then offers to take my bed and half of my couch (it has a lounge attached to it). WTF am I gonna do with half a couch. He ended up charging me and extra $25 to take my bed apart and left the dresser mirror behind. I tried to give him directions to the new address but he asked if he could follow me instead. I agreed without knowing that the trucks top speed was 40 mph (going downhill). Anytime I exceeded that speed I lost the movers. I have never been cussed out so many times while driving in my entire life.

We arrived at my new place and found the hallway entrance covered in plastic with toxic agent warning signs hanging everywhere. Thank God my door was just outside of the quarantined area and the unloading went smoothly. After an hour the mover tells me that they were having a problem getting the top of my bed up the stairs (the canopy section). I said fine and assumed that they would continue to try. Another hour later he (the english speaking one) comes to the door and say "All done!" Whoo-Hooo! I was exhausted and ready to call it a day. I walked around to make sure everything was accounted for and noticed that my bed was missing. I asked him:

Me: "Where is my bed?
Mover: "Oh, I think it's out front."
Me: "Okay, so are you gonna get it?"
Mover: "No."
Me:"No?!!!"
Mover: "No".
Me: "Well why not!?"
Mover: "I told you we were having a problem getting it up the stairs."


I was to tired to fight and didn't know what else to say so I walked away to sulk. I gave some thought to trying to kick his ass but then I realized that perhaps that wasn't the best idea since he was quite a bit larger than I am. Eventually Coley and the others took over.

Coley:"So what are you gonna do? Leave it in front of the building?"
Mover: "Yep."
Coley: "You have to try to get it up here another way."
Mover: Getting into his buffalo I'm gonna kick your ass stance, "Are you saying that it's my fault that it doesn't fit?"
Coley: "No! But you have to try getting it up another way!"

Mover: (yawning) "I don't have the equipment, maybe I'll come back tomorrow."

Coley: "No you won't, you'll try now! Come on I'll show you how to do it."

Mover: "It's not gonna work but whatever."

After a lot of persuading the movers pushed the railing up to the balcony and we pulled it up to the 2nd floor. The movers grudgingly re-assembled the bed and left. After all of that they had the nerve to look surprised when I didn't give them a tip.

Think that's the end of the story? Of course not! A couple of days ago I left for work and found 6 police officers in the hallway. After some snooping I found out that my next door neighbor decided to end his life in his living room. (I wondered why his TV had been on non-stop for the last 4 days). Apparently he had been there for several days before anyone found him. Ewwww! Also, the squatter has decided not to reimburse me the $1007.58 he owes me. I guess I'll be taking a trip to small claims court.

In other news I got a kitten that seems to like swimming in the toilet. Yep, that's about it.

*Birthday countdown!!!!.....9 days to go!*

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KATRINA

Hurricane Katrina Relief

I am so overwhelmed with emotions for the victims of hurricane Katrina that I don't know what to say. You can donate to the red cross online here or make a donation by phone at 1-800-HELP-NOW. Please be sure to specify that you are donating to hurricane relief.

I'm sending my prayers and lots of love to everyone affected by this tragic event.

....I'll update about the house drama on my next post.

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Welcome Home?

THE GOOD NEWS: Praise God!!!! I am finally a home (condo) owner!!!! Thanks for all of your nice thoughts and prayers.

THE BAD NEWS: In some strange way he was right...I either have a roommate or a squatter, you decide.

ARE YOU CURIOUS ABOUT THE PICTURES? First I have a question for you... Do you think that a man who cuts up his boxers with a pocket knife, then leaves them in the middle of the living room floor should be allowed to roam the streets freely or should someone give him a nice white jacket (with very long sleeves), a mask, and a padded room?

SHORT EXPLANATION: The above pictures are what I was greeted with as I walked into my new residence for the first time. The top picture is the filthy couch I talked about in the prior post, the one on the left is a picture of a tire and a vacuum left in one of the hallway closets, and the one on the right is a pair of the previous owner's boxers that I think he either left as a threat or a gift...I'm not really sure.

LONG EXPLANATION: By the grace of God I was able to get all of the missing paperwork in by the deadline and close escrow on time. I arrived fifteen minutes early for my walk through (which is a miracle in itself according to most of my friends). As I walked towards the door I got the feeling that things were not going to go as smoothly as my realtor originally led me to believe. The first thing I noticed was that the blinds were closed (in the middle of the day). As we walked through the door I was once again overcome by that terrible odor. As I went into the kitchen I was surprised to see that the previous owner had made a pitiful attempt at cleaning. All of the garbage was picked up off the floor and most of his tattered filthy furniture was gone. My realtor was under the impression that the previous owner was finally gone but....Of course not! He was once again asleep on the nasty couch (see above picture). When his realtor arrived he got up and stated that he was in the process of moving out and that he would be completely out by 9am the next day. He also made sure to point out everything that needed to be repaired (it was an as-is sale) in a somewhat coherent manner. So, the walk through wasn't all that great with him as a shadow but I figured it could have been worse right???

IT GETS WORSE: The next day my realtor calls and says the magic words, "Come get the keys it's yours!" I filled out the last of the mountains of paperwork, got my keys, and excitedly headed to my new home. Problem #1: None of my keys fit any of the door locks. Problem #2: I didn't get a remote to the gate. Problem #3: I didn't get a key to the mailbox (and have no idea where it is). To say that I was upset would be an understatement but instead of freaking out I called a locksmith and went shopping for new flooring. An hour and $300 dollars later the locksmith picked the door lock, replaced several locks and let me in.....or should I say broke in. Welcome home.

IT GETS WORSER (yes, I know that isn't a word) : The first thing I noticed when I walked in was a tire and a vacuum cleaner stacked in the hall closet (see above left picture). Then I walked into the bathroom and found a wet towel on the sink, open deodorant (I'm not sure why it was open because it's evident that he never used it) and a plugged in electric razor. I looked in all of the cabinets and closets and found out that the garbage I thought he had disposed of was simply hidden in new spots. He had actually moved more of his belongings in since my walk through instead of moving things out. Idiot! I also started getting nervous because I thought he was possibly hiding somewhere in the area. As I walked into the living room I saw that his couch (see middle picture) was still there but he was nowhere to be found. I. WAS. FURIOUS. I called my realtor and lost it.

IT GETS WORSER-ER:I won't bore you with all the details but I will say that I have one huge mess on my hands. According to my realtor the previous owners realtor can't seem to find him. He took his money and ran. She has been able to contact one of his brother who says he will pay for the costs of disposing of the crap that was left behind but he refuses to put it in writing. I wanted to dump it all but according to the local police I have to store that jackasses belongings for a minimum of 30 days and make reasonable allowances for him to pick it up if he so chooses. I planned on painting, pulling out the carpet, and remodeling the bathroom before moving in but that is going to be hard with all of his crap laying around. I'm also nervous that he will show up again once I actually move in. I feel like my whole life is up in the air right now so I guess only time will tell how this all works out......Off to the gun store.


YOU'RE KIDDING RIGHT?????- Today my mom called to tell me that she and my uncle were going to bag up all of the crap that the freak left behind and put it on my deck until I figure out what I'm going to do. She said that when she arrived a fire fighter advised her that half of the building burned down last night but the fire stopped right before it reached my unit. I wonder if Mr.Cranker set the fire. I also found out that I have a storage unit that I was never advised about. Apparently it was padlocked and he has possibly been living in it. Somebody pinch me please......

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I asked for it.

After (another) very long hiatus this gifted blogger's post has inspired me to start writing again.

So, a while back I mentioned that I was trying to decide if I should buy a home close to my job, further out, or not at all. The biggest problem was that it is almost impossible to purchase a house in the bay area (in a decent neighborhood) for under $500K. Even the smallest hole in the wall studio is just under $300k. I have terrible road rage so a 4 hour (round trip) commute was out of the question. I finally decided that any city within 30-40 minutes of my job was acceptable.

I won't go into detail about the homes and condos that my realtor showed me but suffice it to say that most of the places within my budget were crap, crap, and more crap. Anyway, after a whole lot of searching I found a place that looked like it had potential. My realtor and I let ourselves in to what was suppose to be a vacant unit. The first thing I noticed was a terrible odor (kind of like burnt Bologna and Mayonnaise) that I attributed to the lack of ventilation but boy was I wrong. Stretched out on the dirtiest living room couch I've ever seen was a naked, fat, greasy, pasty white man sleeping the day away. Once he was up and dressed my realtor asked him a series of questions regarding why he was there. He looked at her grunted, scratched himself and walked out the front door without ever saying a word. I suppose the average person would consider a naked fat man a bad omen or some other crap but hey this is California and affordable property is hard to come by so... let's just say I put in my offer immediately after leaving.

(perhaps I should clarify...Strange things happen to me on a daily bases so I took the dirty naked man as a good sign... No Chops I was and am not sexually attracted to fat naked white men.)

I'd heard so many horror stories about problems with loans and other first time buyer issues that I was expecting the worst but oddly enough I hadn't experienced any problems until today. My realtors assistant called (and woke me up) all upset and said that I had to submit several documents that I've had trouble tracking down within 14 hours. Ummm Kay so I'm suppose to get all this shit together in the next 14 hours (it was 6pm when he called) and I'm on my way to work a 10 hour shift so you do the math. Yeah, that's gonna happen. NOT!! He then called two additional time to reiterate the importance of my compliance in this matter.

Later that evening (or I guess I should say a few hours ago) my realtor called to inform me that the reason for her assistants frantic state was that the freak I'm buying the condo from is a cranker (meth-user). During a drug induced stupor he convinced himself that my realtor is actually with the DA's office and is conducting some type of investigation on him. He thinks that when we viewed the residence we were actually looking for drugs and drug paraphernalia (which is funny because the only things in his house were the filthy couch four tires and a whole lot of garbage). He even claims that he saw her at the local court house following him around. He has also decided that if my loan does not fund by tomorrow he is going to pull the unit off the market and cancel the entire deal(even though he can't really do that).

Somehow in the next few hours I've got to figure out how to get the necessary paperwork (without leaving my job), fill it out, get it to my agent, sleep for a few hours, and do a walk though at 1:00pm (even though I don't get off work until 5AM) BLECH!!! Hopefully that wack- job of an owner won't be there for the walk through but with my luck....

Anyway, please send your prayers and good thought my way cause I'm gonna need um. Thanks.

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SELF LOVE ADDICTION

I don't really have a problem in this area but just in case you do I thought these tips might be helpful (lol). This is just part of a list that came from your friendly neighborhood Mormons on overcoming masturbation additction. I found it here.

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A Guide to Self-Control:

1. Never touch the intimate parts of your body except during normal toilet processes.

2. Avoid being alone as much as possible. Find good company and stay in this good company.

3. If you are associated with other persons having this same problem, YOU MUST BREAK OFF THEIR FRIENDSHIP. Never associate with other people having the same weakness. Don't suppose that two of you will quit together, you never will. You must get away from people of that kind. Just to be in their presence will keep your problem foremost in your mind. The problem must be taken OUT OF YOUR MIND for that is where it really exists. Your mind must be on other and more wholesome things. Ja-me I don't think we can be friends anymore...Sorry.

4. When you bathe, do not admire yourself in a mirror. Never stay in the bath more than five or six minutes -- just long enough to bathe and dry and dress AND THEN GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM into a room where you will have some member of your family present.

5. When in bed, if that is where you have your problem for the most part, dress yourself for the night so securely that you cannot easily touch your vital parts, and so that it would be difficult and time consuming for you to remove those clothes. By the time you started to remove protective clothing you would have sufficiently controlled your thinking that the temptation would leave you. Guess I better invest in some pajamas.

6. If the temptation seems overpowering while you are in bed, GET OUT OF BED AND GO INTO THE KITCHEN AND FIX YOURSELF A SNACK, even if it is in the middle of the night, and even if you are not hungry, and despite your fears of gaining weight. The purpose behind this suggestion is that you GET YOUR MIND ON SOMETHING ELSE. You are the subject of your thoughts, so to speak.

7. Never read pornographic material. Never read about your problem. Keep it out of mind. Remember -- "First a thought, then an act." Oh, you better stop reading right now then!

The thought pattern must be changed. You must not allow this problem to remain in your mind. When you accomplish that, you soon will be free of the act.

Suggestions:

1. When the temptation to masturbate is strong, yell STOP to those thoughts as loudly as you can in your mind. It is important to turn your thoughts away from the selfish need to indulge.
Chops if you hear me yelling "stop" at anytime during the next few days don't wonder why.

2. Follow a program of vigorous daily exercise. The exercises reduce emotional tension and depression and are absolutely basic to the solution of this problem. Double your physical activity when you feel stress increasing.

3. Change in behavior and attitude is most easily achieved through a changed self-image. Spend time every day imagining yourself strong and in control, easily overcoming tempting situations.

4. Be outgoing and friendly. Force yourself to be with others and learn to enjoy working and talking to them. Use principles of developing friendships found in books such as How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.

5. Be aware of situations that depress you or that cause you to feel lonely, bored, frustrated or discouraged. These emotional states can trigger the desire to masturbate as a way of escape. Plan in advance to counter these low periods through various activities, such as reading a book, visiting a friend, doing something athletic, etc.

6. Make a pocket calendar for a month on a small card. Carry it with you, but show it to no one. If you have a lapse of self control, color the day black. Your goal will be to have no black days. The calendar becomes a strong visual reminder of self control and should be looked at when you are tempted to add another black day. Keep your calendar up until you have at least three clear months. Yes, avoid "black" days at all costs! Better yet, avoid everything black.

7. A careful study will indicate you have had the problem at certain times and under certain conditions. Try and recall, in detail, what your particular times and conditions were. Now that you understand how it happens, plan to break the pattern through counter activities.

8. In the field of psychotherapy there is a very effective technique called aversion therapy. When we associate or think of something very distasteful with something which has been pleasurable, but undesirable, the distasteful thought and feeling will begin to cancel out that which was pleasurable. If you associate something very distasteful with your loss of self-control it will help you to stop the act. For example, if you are tempted to masturbate, think of having to bathe in a tub of worms, and eat several of them as you do the act.

9. During your toileting and shower activities leave the bathroom door or shower curtain partly open, to discourage being alone in total privacy. Take cool brief showers.

10. Arise immediately in the mornings. Do not lie in bed awake, no matter what time of day it is. Get up and do something. Start each day with an enthusiastic activity.

11. Keep your bladder empty. Refrain from drinking large amounts of fluids before retiring.

12. Reduce the amount of spices and condiments in your food. Eat as lightly as possible at night. huh?

13. Wear pajamas that are difficult to open, yet loose and not binding.

14. Avoid people, situations, pictures or reading materials that might create sexual excitement.

15. It is sometimes helpful to have a physical object to use in overcoming this problem. A Book of Mormon, firmly held in hand, even in bed at night has proven helpful in extreme cases.

16. In very severe cases it may be necessary to tie a hand to the bed frame with a tie in order that the habit of masturbating in a semi-sleep condition can be broken. This can also be accomplished by wearing several layers of clothing which would be difficult to remove while half asleep. hmmmm, ties...great idea!

17. Set up a reward system for your successes. It does not have to be a big reward. A quarter in a receptacle each time you overcome or reach a goal. Spend it on something which delights you and will be a continuing reminder of your progress. I guess that means a porn mag would be a bad idea.

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This post was written in humor and is not intended to offend anyone. I thank God that unlike the Mormon faith my salvation is not based on my own merits, failures, achievements, or shortcomings. If it was I would be on a very short one way trip to the "hot place" as Chops calls it.

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GIRL FIGHT!

***First of all I suppose Ja-me and I owe Chops a very small apology for not announcing her birthday to the blog world (bad blog-mates!) but she seems to have handled it quite nicely herself.***

Chops has already talked about the beginning of her birthday so I'll cover the end....

Sunday, July 3rd (late night)

So after singing for a few hours and going to dinner(Chops will talk about that later..I think) we headed to "da club". In our usual fashion we arrived and hour later than originally planned at 12am (or right on schedule in CP time...LOL) Normally this particular club wouldn't have been crowded but it was the day before the 4th of July so it was packed. Luckily we knew one of the bouncers at the door and with a little encouragement and a small bribe (that chops has sworn me to secrecy about) we convinced him to let us all in. As soon we walked through the doors we realized that going to a club that was filled to capacity may not have been the brightest idea. After 15 minutes of pushing and shoving drunk, nasty, sweaty people we found the bathroom. We then had the pleasure of waiting another 15 minutes to get to the bathroom door (keep in mind clubs in CA close at 1:30-2:00 am and we had already wasted 30 minutes).


(Sidenote #1- Can someone please tell me when butt cleavage became the hot new thing? Half the females in the club had there cracks out for all the world to see. Guess that's just more proof that I've outgrown the hip-hop club scene.)

Okay, back to the story... While Je-Me and I stood in line the rest of the group went to get drinks. The two chicks in front of us were kissing and having a competition to see who could get their a** to shake the fastest while the guy behind us practically fell over trying to see the show. When it was finally my turn to use the bathroom a group of girls walked into the (single stall) bathroom ahead of me. I'm usually not a confrontational person but I had some (bathroom) business to take care of so I walked in with them. I tried to nicely encourage them to leave the but they were drunk and weren't trying to hear it. At this point I was thinking I haven't had a fight since I was 12 years old, there are several of them and only 2 of us, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna ruin my outfit fighting in a bathroom. Suddenly the guy in line behind us came into the bathroom talking s**t to the group of girls. I though that it was rather odd that a guy was in the women's bathroom but I was glad that I didn't have to deal with them anymore. As the drunk girls left I realized that the person I though was a male was actually a female. The rest of the girls I came with were also back from the bar and standing in the hallway (sans earrings and any other jewelry that could have gotten in the way during). I slammed the door (because I was in a hurry to get to the toilet) and then I heard screaming and banging. Apparently the drunk girls were mad that I had slammed the door and were arguing with the girls that I came with. By the time I exited the bathroom everything had settled down and one of the drunk girls came over and apologized.

After narrowly avoiding a fight we walked directly into another one. Two guys and a bouncer were fighting near one of the exit door so we ran down a flight of stairs to a blocked off hallway to avoid being crushed by the crowd upstairs. When the fight was over we found the (less crowded) Reggae room and sat down near a window. One of the guys who had been fighting was passed out in the middle of the street surrounded by cops. We though he was dead but after a few minutes he got up. We spent the rest of the night dancing with vertically and aesthetically challenged men (most of the cute men were more interested in the other guys at the club than the women).

(Question #2- Why are so many reggae songs just remakes of hip-hop/ R&B songs that have been played to death on the radio?)

Since no one was hungry after leaving the club we decided to find something else to do. One of Chops' co-workers suggested that we go to her cousins house party. My last house party experience was not a positive one but since everyone else wanted to go I went along. When we arrived someone noticed that all of the vehicles parked in front of the house were old school- low riders or Harleys. As we walked inside we noticed that most of the people in attendance had tattoos (on their necks and faces) and were wearing scarves. The only furniture in the house was a fold up chair, a big screen TV, and a China cabinet with a 40 oz. of Budweiser prominently displayed on the top shelf. Needless to say we were all a bit nervous and ended up leaving after 15 minutes. The whole experience made me wish I had paid closer attention during Spanish class.

Anyway....Happy 25 for the 4th time Chops!

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R.I.P

REST IN PEACE J.SPENCER

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Perception

Cloud 9

We live from the head down and not the feet up
And I'm adorned with the crown that's making this up
And I'm fine under cloud 9

Yes I wear the lamb's wool, the feet of burned brass
And the wool defies gravity like the nature of a gas
And I'm fine under cloud 9

Twist my cloud and it rain
And when it rains it pours
And the energy will absorb
Power for the metaphysical one

Happy to be nappy, I'm black and I'm proud
That I have been chosen to wear the conscious cloud
And I'm fine under cloud 9

I be a chameleon and wear it bone straight
But it's so much stronger when it's in its natural state
And I'm fine under cloud 9

Twist my cloud and let it rain
And when it rains it pours
And the energy will absorb
Power for the metaphysical one

-Donnie-

About 5 months ago I drastically changed what I look like. I cut off all of my permed hair and went natural. Prior to the "big chop" I'd had hair styles ranging from weaves to pixie cuts, braids to bobs, and everything in between. I'd never had any problems with men (specifically black men because I don't date anything else). I guess I still don't have any problems (with men) but since the first day of my big change I've attracted a completely different type of person. I'm generally attracted to the conservative yet well rounded type. Kind of your middle of the road guy. The type that is comfortable in a conservative jazz club or at a hole in the wall bar. Most of my previous guys have been financially and (somewhat) mentally stable. Prior to the change I didn't realized how much my hair was affecting who I attracted.

Lately it seems that every weed smoking, starving artist, laying down tracks, my car is in the shop, vegetarian fool on earth wants to hook up. I have no issues with any of those lifestyles however they aren't my cup of tea. I don't smoke weed , I respect anyone who is perusing a dream but let's be realistic you need to have a job until your dream takes off! I love meat...Live cows make me hungry! And if you don't have a car how are you gonna take me out??? (Yes I have a car but I do have some expectation of a man) It pisses me off that people automatically assume that I am a poetry writing, incense burning, tie-dye wearing, coffee shop addict simply because of my hair style. Once again I have no beefs with those types of people either but it is so frustrating!!!!! Interestingly enough I also seem to be attracting a lot more non-black men lately. I have no idea what that's about.

I expected things to change a little when I changed my hair but damn!! I didn't realize that embracing who God made me by not chemically altering my hair would affect my social life so drastically! A decision to simplify my life has opened my eyes to a whole realm of issues that I never realized existed. All of that said, I love my hair and have no intentions of changing it.

Blehhhh!!!!!!!!!.........I'm tired of ranting but I'm far from done so I'll revisit this issue when I'm a little calmer.

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Actually, I have one more thing to say since we're on the dating topic. I helped a friend sign up for one of those online dating services a few days ago. (I already tried that and it's really not for me...Anyway) While browsing through the available men we notice an irritating trend. Several of the men's profiles showed that they dated every race accept African American/Black. Even more irritating were the black men who dated every race accept their own. WTF is that about! How and why would you exclude members of your own race as potential mates. Self hatred is so ugly! One even had the audacity to say that the reason he is not interested in dating black women is because we are overly aggressive, gold diggers, conniving, and not feminine. He was at least 6 shades darker that I am so I know both of his parents are black (yes, I know that really doesn't mean anything but his profile confirmed my belief). I wonder what he thinks of his mother. Actually I don't give a damn. If I ever run into him I think I'll take my non-aggressive, not interested in your money b**ch, not into game playing, very feminine self and slap the shit out of him. Just kidding! (kind of)

Wow, *sigh* I feel so much better now.

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People are SO crazy!

Strange things I've heard at work this month:

- (from a female caller) Help! My balls are stuck in my Vagina and I can't get them out! ( In case you're wondering she wasn't talking about the toy kind...Not that I would know anything about that anyway)

- Get out here right away, a moose just pooped on my front lawn and I think it's coming back.
(FYI....I work on an island so needless to say there are no moose in the area)

- I need an ambulance...Someone threw bleach in my refrigerator and now my throat and my twat are burning!

- Help, My heart just exploded!

- (caller on 911 ) I need help immediately! My right contact is stuck in my eye.

I could go on but I think that's enough for now.

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No more lists!

Well, I thought we were done with the list thing but apparently not....Thanks Coley.
Without further ado...."10 things I love list" (in no particular order)

- Sleeping for hours in a big bed on 1000 count Egyptian Cotton sheets
- Calla lilies
- Listening to Jazz during thunderstorms (preferably in front of a fireplace)
- God
- Hot nights
- That tired/relaxed feeling after a hard workout
- Strong Black Men
- Singing/playing guitar by candlelight
- Spending time with family and friends
- Sushi and Sake at Yoshis

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B.E.G'S ANSWERS (THE REST)

ManNmotion

What are you real names? What are your addresses? What are your credit card numbers and expiration dates? Okay, It's official you have issues!!! We have one answer for all of your questions....If you tell us yours we'll tell you ours. :-)

Dee

1) How did you meet? I met chops in a Jr.High math class. I met Ja-me in a gymnastics class a year later. They will elaborate later.

2) How long have you been friends? Almost *gulp* 16 years.

3) What keeps the friendships going? A lot of insanity, and medication.


Call2Arms

1) Why did you try to kill each other in college? Well, after watching a documentary on unusual ways to die I decided to pour water up Chop's noise while she was sleeping to see what would happen. I'm sure she had done something to piss me off but I can't seem to remember what it was. As you can see, she woke up during the process and foiled my plans. Chops will elaborate on the why part....or should I say she will tell you what her warped little brain remembers about it.

2) Were you dorm mates? Yes, during a one month transitional high school to college program we were dorm mates. The experience taught me an invaluable lesson which is, if we value our lives we will never live together again. I also realized that I couldn't stomach living in a room the size of a shoe box. After the program ended I promptly moved off campus into an apartment with someone I later realized was a psychopath. (another bad decision on my part).

3) Was being dorm mates fun? Yep, we had a great time...when we weren't fighting.

4) What's the longest you've gone without speaking? During Ja-me's first year of marriage we rarely heard from her. She was doing the bonding with her husband/ newlywed thing I suppose. She actually called us a few time to tell us not to call because she was having a "special" weekend with her husband and she didn't want to be disturbed. Chops and I went 6 months without speaking after a big fight. I'll let her elaborate on that as well.

5) Where you bridesmaids in Ja-me's wedding? Yep. (pictures to follow)

6) Who will be your maids of honor? If I'm ever blessed enough to find someone I would want to marry I wouldn't have a maid of honor, only bridesmaids (no hurt feeling and everyone could share the responsibilities).

7) Do you like Girlfriends? If so which character are you? When I'm actually off work during the hours the show airs I love it. I would probably be a cross between Lynn and Toni.

Jez Chill

1) What are your SSN's, Bank checking and routing info, and pin numbers? You get the same answer as MNM....Actually,I should give you my checking account number so you can make a few deposits.... Especially since you live outside of Cali now so you should have plenty of money!!

The Saga

Okay...First of all I would like to say great questions! You and MNM are quite entertaining.

1) What could porn actor possibly do for fun during their time off? Well I tried to contact R.Kelly via email but he refused to come out of his closet so I'm not really sure but perhaps you could ask this guy.

2) Why do people who know the least know it the loudest? Hmmm, Once again you got me, but I know someone you could ask.

3) If women ran the Pentagon, would missiles and submarines be shaped differently? I'm not touching that one.....I'll leave it for Ja-me and Chops.


Proactiff

Your welcome!

1) What's your favorite snack? Ohhh, another food question!! Well my favorites snacks are Frosted Mini Wheat cereal and Turkey bacon (sorry, I know you are veggi person) or Asparagus.

2) Which do you prefer: Ann Taylor, Banana Republic, BCBG or another designer in particular? While I love shopping and clothes I'm not really into brand names. If I had to choose from the provided options it would have to be BCBG. I love their clothes and they also have really cute shoes, my favorite thing to shop for!!!

3) What's your shoe size? I wear between a 7 and a 7 1/2 . I will gladly provide my P.O Box for anyone who's interested in sending gifts. :-)

4)How does one afford to live in Cali? I haven't figured it out yet, I'll let you know if I do......Just kidding. I've lived in California all of my life so I'm use to the cost of living. I have accepted that (as a 1 income household/single person) I have to settle for a little less (property wise) if I want to live anywhere near my job. The upside is that I love the ethnic diversity in the Bay Area and would never want to live anywhere that wasn't. I can drive two hours in any direction and find any climate or environment I want (snow, desert, city, country etc...) Also, if I ever decide to move out of state I can buy a good sized home for the same price as a one bedroom condo here.

A.H.ROSTAMI

1) Would you marry a man who does not believe in God, but loves you very much? It is very important to me that the man I marry have a strong relationship with God so the answer is NO, I would not. As old fashioned as this may sound I believe that a women should be submissive towards her husband and for me to take on that role I need to be 100% certain that the choices and decision he (and we) make for our family line up with the principals and morals I believe in. (When I say submissive I don't mean in a whatever you say goes type of way..... I have opinions about everything and I am not the type to hold my tongue and bow down. I simply mean that I would be respectful of his opinions [as he would be of mine] and that ultimately he would get the final say in most situations...Hey I'm trying!) When (and if) I have children I intend to raise them as Christians.....that would be rather hard to do if my husband did not have the same desires. Lastly I believe that most people who have a relationship with God have a good understanding of what love truly is and in turn will love me the way God intended. I could go on but I'm sure Ja-me and Chops will cover the rest.

2) What is your opinion about the movie "The passion of Christ"? It was very hard for me to watch that movie because I don't like to see violence in any form. However, I realize that my salvation is directly tied into the suffering that Jesus had to endure so that I would not be condemned to Hell for eternity. I am usually non-emotional but after watching the movie I felt sad and loved because it clearly shows how much God sacrificed for little ole me.

Thanks for asking!

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B.E.G's Answers (half of them)

G perspective-

Getting married? I am a private person so unless something amazing happens (dating wise) I usually don't talk about it....Now to the question. I was engaged to a man that I'd been in an 8 year relationship with (mistake #1). After 8 months of being engaged I realized that he was not the person for me, nor was I for him. Over the years we grew into each other but were never truly compatible. He was 12 years older than me and we had different life goals, different expectation of marriage, different backgrounds and several other issues that made marriage a bad choice so I ended it. I do hope to find that special person someday but the clock hasn't started ticking (yet). As I've gotten older my expectations for a mate have drastically changed and to be honest most of the people I've dated thus far have fallen short. I'm happy being single and I don't want to go from happy to miserable just to say that I have a husband.

1) How'd we meet? I met chops in a Jr. High math class, I met Ja-me a year later.

2) Who is closest? We have gone through fazes when we were closer to one person or another. Sometimes it does cause stress but there is never an odd one out because there are actually four of us (the fourth person does not blog with us). We all have completely different
personalities so I guess we deal with whoever matches our mood at the time.

3) Separate friends? We all have separate groups of friends and most of them get along...except Ja-me's friends, they make Chops and I a little nervous.

Brutha Code-

1) First Kiss? One word, "Terrible!" I was 15 and I met this guy at an event called Festival at the Lake in Oakland (that has since been cancelled due to folks acting ignorant). Anyway he came over one day when I was home alone to " hang out" for a few hours. I spent most of the day avoiding him because I knew that I would have to kiss him at some point and was scared shitless. When I finally convinced him to leave he grabbed me and tried to kiss me. Before I knew what was happening his nasty little tongue was darting around my lips like a snake trying to get into a hole. I pulled away and pretended that I had to use the bathroom. When I came out he tells me "You are a terrible kisser! That is the worst I've ever had." He left a few minutes later......I think I've improved since then.

2) Favorite Pre 80's song? It's a toss up, Voyage to Atlantis (Isley Brothers...I think that came out before 1980) or You Are My Starship (Norman Connors)

3) Trips? Last place: Vegas ( doesn't really count as a trip) Next place: Trip from Monte Carlo to Athens.

Miki-

1) Biggest turn offs in a man?....hmmm, lack of ambition, laziness, low self confidence, excessive body hair.
2) Important Character traits in friends? Reliability and trustworthiness
3) Favorite Desert? Cinnamon Bun from Cinnabon yummy! *drooling*

Coley-

1) Why aren't you affectionate? Is there a child hood horror story that I don't know about? Child hood horror story....Well I wouldn't call it that. My father was very sick when I was born and was suppose to pass away by the time I was three. He actually lived until I was 20 and for all twenty years I watched him die. I decided that being emotional was a waste of time so I learned to suppress all emotion and be the "strong one" in the family. For me that meant no displays of emotion (hugging included). I have since learned to be affection with males (probably overly affectionate) but not females. I'm not sure why that is but I'm learning to feel my feelings and all that kind of crap.

1) Any regrets? While my life hasn't been all fun and games my experiences make me who I am today so I really don't have any regrets (except the chili cheese fries I just ate......bleeeech!).

2) Where do I see myself in 5 years? Well I guess I should have a fully planned out scripted response to this question but I don't. I think I'm a go with the flow type person. Perhaps I'll be married with a kid, or maybe I'll still be single traveling the world. I guess I'm open...... All I know is that I will be happy with wherever God takes me in life.

3)Favorite restaurant? Another toss up between MECCA and Thanh Long (Not as pretentious as Crustations and the food is better.) Farallon is a close third..can you tell I luv to eat!

Okay, well blogger just deleted half of my post so I'm gonna go smash my computer now. I'll re-answer the rest later.

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Any questions?

None of us have anything exciting or interesting to say right now so we've decide to follow in the footsteps of several other bloggers and do the 3 questions thing. We will either take a picture (if possible) of what you request or answer most questions so ask away! Also, if we don't get any requests this post will be deleted.... Just like it never happened.

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Dancing Queen

"You’re a teaser, you turn ’em on. Leave them burning and then you’re gone. Looking out for another, anyone will do You’re in the mood for a dance And when you get the chance.

You are the dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen (twenty eight) Dancing queen, feel the beat from the tambourine. You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the dancing queen..."

-Abba-

It's official. The newly crowned, hands down, dancing queen*/ It girl of the year is Lambchops! *and the crowd goes wild* Not only can she, sing (very well), write songs, play guitar, and hack into a computer systems like nobody's business (but you didn't hear that from me) apparently she can dance too.

I needed a change of pace so I decided to take a salsa class and invited Chops to join me. She was a bit apprehensive in the beginning but with a little coaxing she gave in. The first class was very slow and geared towards what I will call the "rhythmically challenged" so we decided to stick around and take the intermediate class. The 2nd class was a bit more our speed but I felt that we still needed to take the beginning class to learn the basic steps. Chops thought that we should either discontinue the classes all together or find an advanced class. The fact that Chicken Man was in both of the classes didn't ’t help the situation much either.

We decided to take both classes for the first month and then move to advanced later. Not to toot our own horns but we were two of the best (female) dancers in the class (which really isn’t saying much now that I think about it). Then something strange happened. In one of my many attempts to elude Chicken Man I left Chops sitting alone in the dance studio. As I came back from my 4th trip to bathroom (in 15 minutes) I found Chops sitting next to one of the few (attractive) good dancers in the class. I wasn’t sure if they were having a casual conversation or if it was a hook-up type thing. I didn’t want to be a c**k blocker so I sat a few chairs away and listened in while pretending to make a call on my cell phone. Well it seems that “Cuban Salsa” (that’s what Chops calls him because she no idea [to this day] what his name is) wanted her to be his “dance partner”. We still aren’t exactly clear what that means but after trying to wiggle her way out of it she finally agreed.

Fast forward to last week. Another day, another class. Once again I was doing my best to avoid Chicken Man after class. Chops was dancing with this Indian guy and I noticed they were (or should I say he was) talking quite a bit. Chops looked a little stressed but continued to dance. A few minutes later she walks over with a confused look, bites her lip, and says, “I think I have another dance partner.” Isn’t that kinda like two timing? (I think that’s what we called it in Jr. High LOL) No need to tell you that she didn’t know this ones name either. So now I’m baffled because Chops has a problem with commitment (it is rare that she commits to anything) and a very busy schedule yet somehow she plans to fit 2 bands, a full time job, church, and 2 “dance partners” into her life. Interesting.

Okay, so now you’re all caught up. Last night, after a month of classes we decided that it was time to test out our new skills. We went here for salsa night and of course the first person we ran into was the teacher from our class. We decided that avoidance would be the best plan and headed to the bar. After a drink or two for courage we worked our way back toward the dance floor. (I forgot to mention that while at the bar we made friends [and I use that term loosely] with some old fool who said he was going to teach us how to dance. I ignored him but Chops being the social person that she is was chatting away.) Just as I finished my drink the guy from the bar came over looking for someone to dance with. Chops hadn’t finished her drink so she pushed me towards him and laughs. Before I knew what was happening I was dancing with someone who I think was a distant relative of Chicken Man because he did the same strange foot shuffling/scratching thing while dancing. Thank God it was a short song and I promptly sat down once it ended. The next song started immediately and Chops was nowhere in site. I though that she had gone to bathroom so I decided to watch the dancers. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed a very good dancer spinning and twirling around. She looked a little like Chops but without my glasses I’m as blind as a bat so I wasn’t sure. At the end of the song this person walked over to my table and to my surprise it was her. She always did well in class but somehow she turned into a professional when she got up in da club (or perhaps it was just the whisky). Her three additional “dance partner” offers that night seemed to think she was a pretty good dancer too. The rest of the night went well and we both had a great time but you what, I think it was a set up. She feigned disinterest in the begging then let loose when it was show time.

Oh well, at least I’ll be entertained while she tries to keep all her new “dance partners” (or the rainbow coalition as I call them) satisfied and separated.

*Sorry Kell you’ve been de-throwned…for now anyway.

~B.E.G~

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???????????

What the heck?

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Rebuttal/Defense

*********Before reading this please read prior post by Lambchop: "Murder Attempts & Rhythmless Salsa?"**********

Rebuttal / Defense
April 7, 2005

To Whom It May Concern,

First and foremost I categorically deny any and all accusations made by my accuser (AKA Chops). Furthermore, I demand that any further defamation of my character cease and desist or legal action will be taken. At no time have I attempted or considered assaulting, molesting, hurting, murdering or otherwise harming my accuser. I would also like to present evidence substantiating my innocence in this matter.

Prior to the accusers arrival at my residence she called and demanded that accommodations be made for her sleeping arrangements. She stated that she was very tired and needed a nap. She also said that the her “tape worm” was screaming, “It burns! It burns!” (in the voice of Smeagol from Lord of the Rings) because it was hungry and needed food. Chops then left her place of employment with a 20 minute estimated time of arrival. Being the good friend that I am, I defrosted some fish in preparation for this event. Chops has a history of tardiness and in her usual manner arrived 1 hour and 20 minutes after the conversation (at 6 pm…the exact time I planned to leave for class). She stormed into my residence without a hello, walked directly to the kitchen and yelled “Where’s my food women!” I explained that I didn’t want her food to get cold so I delayed cooking until her arrival. She then stomped off to my bedroom and slammed the door. Due to her tardiness I was forced to cook the meal at an accelerated rate causing a slight oversight on my part (baking would have taken longer than steaming). This factor is solely to blame for the under cooked condition of her fish, not any type of foul play or lack of cooking ability as originally indicated by my accuser. The girth around my mid-section should attest to my cooking abilities. Furthermore, I wish to submit that I never stated that I wished to kill my accuser, only that I was not totally opposed to the idea.

Next I wish to address the event in question at the Salsa club. I am not to blame for the unfortunate occurrences that evening. At no point did I sign a contract accepting responsibility for the welfare of the accuser. As stated by Chops I was dancing during the alleged assault perpetrated by “Mr. Galactic Enterprise”. I was unaware of the accusers disturbing situation and therefore unable to render any assistance (besides laughing). Chops also failed to mention the “Mr. Galactic Enterprise” weighed less than 105 lbs. soaking wet. My accuser is small but strong and wiry. I believe that if she was uncomfortable with the level of contact with “The Acorns” as she calls them she could have made good use of her knee (or foot/heel)as suggested by Kashasta. I submit that Chops possibly enjoyed the activity, then later realized she had been victimized. After this occurrence I ushered Chops to a couch where she did in fact proceed to curl into a ball and rock for the next 15-20 minutes. I interpreted this action as an attempt to come down from the orgasmic level of ecstasy she achieved during her “dance of love”. I did not at the time realize that she was in some strange form of shock.

Chops my dear, I owe you nothing! Nada! Got it. From this day forward your incessant demands for food shall go ignored. In fact…if you were starving and I had a full plate of uneaten/ unwanted food I would sooner throw it away than give it to you. Also, to ManNMotion…I think the torture of dancing with smelly, dirty nail/rough hand having, possible parole, “Chicken Man” more than makes up for anything I could have ever done to Chops (my feet still haven’t heeled from that terrible experience!).

This correspondence should address all topics covered in the accusers defamatory statement. Any further questions or comments should be directed to my legal team
C/O: I’ll sue your a**! At 111 You Suck Dr., Looser, Ca 55555.

Respectfully Submitted,
(Chops you know I luv ya!)

~B.E.G~

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Random

"I was just awakened by unfamiliar African American footsteps outside my window!" -anonymous citizen-

WTF kind of stupidity is that? What exactly do African American footsteps sound like? Is each step accompanied by a chorus of Little John's screaming "What!" Does the smell of chicken and watermelon waft through the air prior to said African Americans arrival? Common sense should tell you that it's normal to hear footsteps if you live in an apartment building...Some people are so ignorant!

Another short work story.... Apparently an elderly female (in her late 80's) has been spotted (on several occasions) choking and kicking ducks. Yep, you heard me right. Somehow she's been able to run them down, catch them, and then she chokes the shit out of em'. Maybe she's just catching dinner.

Last one (I promise), Some guy (who happened to be hospitalized and confined to a wheelchair) decided that he needed a drink...so what did he do? Call his nurse? Nope, to easy. Go to the bathroom and drink out of the faucet? No, wrong again. He decided to climb into his wheelchair, roll down to the nearest liquor store, and buy himself a bottle of Remy. Oh, I forgot to mention that he was wearing a grey jacket, his backless hospital gown, and nothing else. When approached by authorities he refused to go back to the hospital. Nice.

If you want to hear a dumb ass in action click here.

I'm stuck. I feel like I've been in a holding pattern for the last four years. Nothing changes. Same people, same places, same job, same shit I guess. I'M SO BORED!!! I'm not really complaining...Well I guess I am but damn, is this it? Anyway, to break up all the monotony I have decided to take salsa lessons. After my last attempt at salsa I don't harbor much hope for success but I guess I've got nothing to loose. I'm also starting marathon training this week.

Exactly how many times do you have to tell someone you're not interested before they get the point?

I think I've forgotten how to flirt (or perhaps I never knew how in the first place). I guess I should work on it since I've decided that my dating hiatus (scheduled to last until the end of the year) is officially over. I think spring fever is kicking in.

I may have mentioned at some point that I'm in the process of locking my hair. Well, four months have passed since I began this process and my hair refuses to lock. According to my not so knowledgeable loctician it's not coarse enough and he claims that he needs to add some synthetic hair for it to lock. That is utter BS! That would defeat the whole purpose of going Napptural. I decided that I was fed up with his incompetence and found another stylist. She's a little strange in an "all natural/ juices and berries" kind of way but from what I've heard she's good at what she does. Here we go again.

I am lovin the newest Zapp Mama Ancestry in Progress, Tweet It's Me Again (although not as much as the first), Teedra Moses Complex Simplicity, and Donnie The Colored Section CD's.

I'm considering moving almost 2 hour away from work (each way) so that I can afford to buy a new house. If I stay in the bay area all I can swing is a VERY very small older 1 bedroom condo. If I move outside of the bay I can afford a brand new 3 bed 2 bath.... decisions , decisions ...What do you think?

Part of the reason I haven't been writing much lately is that I don't have anything important to say. Can't you tell?

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