Late-aholic Relapse/ I Take it Back / Catch-a-Date?

It's been waayyyy too long!

What got me on fire to start blogging again was when Ja-me told me she was reading the SB Blog Book that BEG had paid to be put together from our old posts. She asked me a question about where my head was at back then and I had to look in my written journal from 2004 to figure it out. That got me to reading our blog and longing for that sense of community we had back in 2004-2005.

I miss TheSaga, Bruthacode, Will, Curvy, C2A, ManNMotion, Melliferous, Coley, Dee, Shawn, Butta, Hustleman, Rainmayun, WIP, JezChill....and so many more!! the laughs and deep experiences we shared have a way of knitting people together. After reading over a few of the old posts and our blog family comments, I started longing to start this all up again! Although a majority of our blogger pals are long gone...my hope is to make some new pals...maybe somehow reconnect with a few of the old. I also love being able to look back and laugh at the past events, see how we've grown, and just how truly insane we all are...lol!

I have so much to catch up on!!! Where to start...where to start?? Okay, I'll just jump into today, and backtrack as time permits.


Late-aholic Relapse
This morning I woke up at about 9am, though my plan was to get up at 7am so that I could wash my hair and be on time for work for once this week. See, after a few days it's about the size of a small planet and my fear is that if I let it get much bigger, one of my enemies (killer house spiders) will attempt to nest in it for a better vantage point, and kill me from within.

Since I had to be at work by 11am, one would assume that I would forgo the hair washing until the evening...but something in me always says, "I can make it all work! I can do it all". I've been able to suppress this little voice for a good while now, but I've noticed over the last few weeks that I've begun to have a Lateness relapse. Needless to say, I decided to move forward with the hair washing and didn't get to work until about 12pm!! I really have to get a handle on this whole lateness issue....it's a disease.


I take it back
So when I checked my facebook today (which I rarely do anymore), I noticed that I had a message from this guy, "B", from church. A little back-info: about two months ago he stopped me in church and told me he knew someone who wanted to meet me, and that he would contact me about it later. First I walked away thinking he meant about music, since we had spoken about that earlier, but then I started to get the feeling he meant "romantically", and I was curious. Not curious enough to contact him about it, just curious to know which it was...music or romantic?

Fast forward to today. I looked at my FB messages and saw one from him. This is what it said: "Hey there, lady. My friend who wanted to meet you backed out. Haha.[....] See you at church."

Ummmm....WTFlip?? So, let me see if I understand this correctly. You hit me up 2 months later to tell me that your friend changed his mind about meeting me??? Maybe I'm being a little sensitive about it, but to me, his message is totally unnecessary. That's like saying to a person in passing that you only barely know, "Yo, my friend thinks you're pretty!" Then coming to them months later and saying, "upon further examination of your face, my friend wanted me to tell you "I take it back". Sadly, you are not as pretty as he had originally thought. My bad. Have a nice day!!" LOL!

I mean, I could see if I ASKED him about his friend within the last 2 months! But no...not at all. I actually forgot all about it. I just feel that he should have just let that ship continue on out to sea undisturbed. Maybe I'm reading too much into this?


Catch-A-Date?
So (why do I always start sentences this way? lol!), dating has been non-existent these past months, mainly due to my work, school, and music schedule. I'm starting to forget what a date is! So I'm planning on taking extreme measures! How extreme, I'm not sure just yet, but I'm kicking around some suggestions I received from friends.

1) Hanging out at lounges and basket ball games.
Pros: Fun environment! Apparently there's an urban legend that sporting events are like a daters buffet.

Cons: First of all I'll need someone to translate...second of all, aren't women who go to sports events for dates viewed as prowlers? IDK about this one. I would like to go to a game for kicks tho!


2) Plenty of fish online dating site
Pros: It's free!

Cons: You get what you pay for. Plus I hear rumors that this site is specifically hot for guys who JWF (aka...just wanna get down with the dirty get down). One of my girls went on here and though this is how she met her current beau, she had to go thru a handful all who...and I kid you not....had NO JOB, NO MONEY, NO HOME, NO DESIRE TO BATHE. No friggin way.


3) Match.com
Pros: The people on here are paying to be....I'd assume they aren't just out for a cheap drill...one would think. Also, I hear they have actual Match Meet up's now where you go and mingle with other peeps on the site in your area...great way to find out if someone's got the crazy eye before passing on personal info via the internet!

Cons: I really have a problem with the idea of being recognized in the street or at a gig by someone online. This already happened once! See I HAVE been online before, but as a lookee-loo, I never went out with anyone. But once I went with my cousin to her best friend, D's, bday party. D's ex-bf was there. I never said anything other than, "Hi, nice to meet you." Somehow he came across me online and started sending me requests to hang out near my house! He said something like, "Since we're both lonely lets go walk around the lake and get coffee...etc TOMORROW at 8." Ummmm....WTFlip?

I responded that I was sorry, but I was NOT interested. I know you're probably thinking, "why not, you want a date, don't you??!!!" Well let's see....it very well may have been the uni-bomber vibe he was giving off.

Plus, there's a difference between being single and being desperate. Sometimes you just want to get out and meet folks...as a Single, you may get a lil lonely from time to time, but I think that's normal for everyone...including married folk. Being single does NOT mean DESPERATE!!

All that being said, I'm considering doing the Match thing since BEG said she would do it with me. My plan is to blog the hell out of this experience so that I can say, "I did it for posterity...I did it for the blog!" LOL! But if I come up missing.................................

START BLOGGING NOW BEG!!!!

Always in love....It's my first day back! Whoohoo!!!
Chops~

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The Joy Of Being A FREAK MAGNET!

And the party never stops....

Seein' as how the other birds have been stricken mute, I'll go again.

As per my last post, I have just recently moved into a new apartment that I absolutely LOVE! The longer I'm here the more I adore it.

I was really blessed with the moving process and I met the tenants on both sides of me and they were all very cool. The neighbors on my left side are 2 gay men in the mid to late 40's bracket who live together, but I dont think they're really out of the closet since one of them refers to his mate as his "brother". I dont know, maybe this is a new term for life partner, or significant other in the gay community. Either way, they seemed really cool.

As a matter of fact, the first one that I met was Que-ball (the bald one). He happened to be coming down his stairs when I was moving a large piece of furniture up the 3 flights of stairs with one of my dearest gal-pals, Moe.

On Que's way down he stopped and asked if we needed his help. We both said, "sure!" and dropped the large item on the ground so that he could carry it on up the stairs for us (hell, if he was offering we were takin'!). His heart was really in the right place, it really was, but unfortunately his body wasn't cooperating.

As soon as Que laid both arms around the furniture, he let out this blood curdling, girly-I'm being chased by the zombie dancers in the Michael Jackson thriller video- scream! My girl Moe and I were startled, and asked him if he was okay. He just replied, "Tendinitis".

We told him to forget about it and picked up the large furniture again and started up the next flight of stairs. He stopped us again in our tracks expressing how much he wanted to help us, and um...maybe his "brother" could help..."Oh, no. That's right, my brother has a broken foot." (Lovers spat maybe???)

We told Que not to worry about it, I mean, we had made it this far, we could certainly make the move on our own. He insisted on guiding us up the stairs. I'm still trying to understand the point of this. We both have eyes, we both have feet that function, our motor skills are top notch at this point in our lives, why the hell would we need someone to tell us we're about to come upon another flight of stairs, or that my front door is directly behind me??? Pointless.

Anyway, Que "helped" us with that item and then left. A few hours later I met his partner (brother), who introduced himself. He came up and told me his name and the name of his son. Then he said, "Um, I think you already met my, um, um...."

"BROTHER?" I finished for him.

"Uh, yeah." He replied. Then he waddled on up the stairs (broken foot) and left me to complete my move.

Now I wont lie and say that I wasnt a bit glad that my closest neighbors were gay (= not interested in me!). I'm a naturally paranoid person (which I'm working on) and I'm always sure that most guys have ulterior motives when feigning friendship with women. When you least expect it, the catch you off guard by going in for the kill (=sexual innuendo, unsolicited attempts at fondling body parts!). Needless to say, I was quite pleased!

So imagine my surprise today when I walked up and found a yellow note stuck to my door (which is directly across from theirs). Ja-me just happened to be with me helping me move yet another load of crap into my already cramped apartment.

I read the letter to myself then passed it on to Ja-me to experience for herself. I'll let you do the same (word for word with a couple of personal thoughts that I had while reading it, as well as interpretations, reading between the lines):

"Hello Chops,
I'm Que, your neighbor across from you. Just dropping a line to say hello. I hope you are settled in by now. (***Chop's thought: "He really should have stopped right here"***)

When I first saw you I could not help but notice how beautiful you are and it made me want to get to know you to see how equally beautiful you probably are on the inside (=You're cute. I want to screw you and see if you're still cute afterwards).

If you are not presently involved in a relationship, I would like to take you out to dinner or go to San Francisco and enjoy it's beautiful (***Chop's though: "No, this isnt a typo, I write it how I see it"***) while we walk talk and get to know each other (=If you want, I can spend some money on you, you know...wine and dine you so you realize how great I am, then we can screw or I'll take what I spent on you out of your a$$.)

My number is 1-800-psycho-undercover-stalker. Have a blessed day!(= I can hear you playing Christian music through the wall and I think this'll probably get me to first base.)
And by the way, you have a very nice Volvo.... (***Chops thought: WTF??!!!!"***) (=I've been watching your every move. Dont think for a second that you're alone. I'm making a people coat out of human skin, and may or may not be interested in trying out yours, while I quote: "It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again!" from the movie "Silence of the lambs")
Que"

So I guess my initial impression was completely incorrect. I suppose he's not gay and that his "brother" is really his brother. Hmmmm. My bad. This really sucks. It really sucks because now I realize that this fool has been watching me. He obviously knows my comings and goings. Somehow he knows the car I drive (which he so freakishly brought up for no logical reason other than to freak me the hell out), and he obviously knows I'm single since I just moved in and havent had many men over (which is going to change immediately for appearance sake).

Unfortunately we share a few walls too. My bathroom wall is also his bathroom wall I think, and my living room wall is another one of his walls. It also sucks because now I'm really paranoid about this fool watching me come and go out of his doors peep hole, and listening to my conversations. I never noticed how thin the walls were until now! I can hear him walking around!!

Well if I run into him I plan on just being up front. "I got your letter, and I'm flattered, but I'm not interested. I think you're really cool though and like I said, it was really flattering! Ummmm I gotta go walk my friends chia-pet now, so ummmm, bye!" We'll see how this all turns out.

Why the hell do I attract such freaks and weirdos??!!! I swear, I must have a sign that illuminates whenever a freak comes my way that reads, "I love freaks! Please come stalk me, harass me, be my big ol' suga-daddy!!"

That's it. I'm moving to Tibet.

Always in love...unless you're a stalker freak with tendinitis who doesnt have the back bone to be a man and approach the stalkee head on. Instead you lurk in the shadows like a sissy prick. Freak!

Lambchop~

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Not Dead....Just Moving!!!

TAKE THE NEW SONGBIRDS POLL 9/16

We hear ya Grasshoppah!! Please calmly place the shank on the ground and slowly back away from the weapon!!

No, we're not dead, or sick, or in rehab (except for maybe one of the songbirds)!

Beg and I have been moving, and Ja-me has been looking for a place to move...ScorpioK has been taking care of her 30 common law kids. But I think the hiatus is finally over!!

A Quick Stale (old and dated news) Update (note that I'm rush typing so it's gonna be choppy):

Beg has been getting settled in her new condo. The squatters stuff is finally gone and she just bought a kitten which she's named Napoleon Dynamite (she can go into details on how she was told by ScorpioK that the kitten was a girl, but turns out it's either a boy or a hermaphrodite).

Ja-me has been working like a big dawg, finally admitted to her shopping addiction, and is almost ready for the next step...doing something about it!

ScorpioK has taken on what seems to me to be about 30 kids in addition to her one natural born...you're better than me girl!

And me...well, I've moved to a new apartment and I LOVE it! I now live only 5 minutes away from work and about 20 minutes away from Beg.

Other Stale News:

A few weeks ago I went to the circus with Ja-me and her 2 little ones. My, oh my, what a time we had!

We saw all the animals first, and it was so cute the way her kids were so amazed by the elephants! Adorable! Then we went into the arena early to see the acrobats and the pre-show Ring Master do their thing up close and personal.

As soon as we made our way down onto the arena floor I noticed that the pre-show ring master was all up in my grill. For a minute I thought maybe he wanted to induct me into the circus life as one of the circus freaks, but he soon made it clear he was just enamored.

Every time I glanced behind me to where he was commentating he was gawking at me. Next thing I know I started noticing the circus midgets staring at me!! I thought I had outgrown midgets!!!

As I was experiencing the clown show with Ja-me's youngest I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and this decent looking tall black man was standing there. Our conversation:

• TBM: "Excuse me beautiful. I think that man with the microphone is trying to get your attention. I thought he was looking at me, but now I see he was actually looking at you."
• ME: "Oh. I see." (giving a quick glance in the direction of the pre-show ringmaster)
• TBM: "Is she your sister?" ( motioning at Ja-me)
• ME: "No, we're friends."
• TBM: " She's GORGEOUS!!"
• ME: "I know!"
• TBM: "I just wanna grab her hair and pull it!!!"
• ME: (a bit startled and concerned that he may be an escaped mental patient prone to hair pulling and biting strangers) "Ummm. What's your name?" (so that I'd have plenty of details to provide to the authorities)
• TBM:"Oh! I'm Knott. What's yours?" (his name has been altered)
• ME: "I;m Chops and that's J" (He introduced himself to Ja-me)
• TBM: "Where are y'all sitting?" (I pointed it out) "Oh. I'm sitting near you guys I think."

We said our goodbyes and then moved along.

When we had gotten back to our seats I noticed that the pre-show ringmaster kept saying happy birthday to someone with the same name as me, but I paid him no mind. Ja-me finally informed me that every time he wished a "very special happy birthday to Chops" he was staring dead in my face. I looked up and lo and behold he was! I just laughed and pointed in his direction that I "got it". How the hell did he know my name????

Finally the show started and the parade of animals came trotting out with all of the Other performers and here comes pre-show ringmaster trotting down the path on his horse looking like a black Will Rogers! LOL! He just had to stop right in front of our section and do a special side step and wave with a big ol' cheese! LOL! I was just laughing my arse off!

Once the show was underway the new ringmaster appeared and it took about a good 15 minutes for me to realize that the new ringmaster was actually Knotts!! Apparently they were tag teaming us. I guess it's what they do... in every new city seek out cuties in the audience and hope that they're ringmaster groupies.

At intermission I dragged Ja-me and the kids out to the concession stand to avoid a chance encounter with the pre-show ringmaster. At the condiments table I noticed once again that everyone was staring in my direction. I turned around and yup, pre-show ringmaster was standing there behind me in all of his glittery ringmaster glory.

I was immediately mesmerized by the beautiful greyish-red hue of his caked on makeup (it's so sexy when you feel like you could cut it with a knife), not to mention the way the long chunky strands of his S-curl laid waxed to the side of his head. I tried to keep my composure, but I admit it, I squirreled a little.

He told me that he'd been trying for so long to get my attention but that I wasnt paying him any mind. Then he asked if the kids were mine, I said no. Then he told Ja-me that Knotts sends her a big fat sloppy wet kiss on the back of her neck!!! Ja-me kind of laughed it off, but I could tell she was disgusted!!

He then asked my age and if I was single. I didnt want to lie so I answered honestly. The problem with this is that it makes it very difficult NOT to hurt peoples feelings one way or another. Anyway, then he asked if I had a number, and I said yes. He waited a beat or two then asked if he could have the number. I said, "Umm. I guess so."

I know you're wondering why I gave my number even though I was obviously not interested. This is the deal. I was interested in finding out how he ended up in the circus and I was also trying this new "thing" where you go out with ALMOST anyone at least once. I began to rethink this new "thing" as soon as the digits were in his hands.

He asked if I was busy after the show at about 945pm. I told him I didnt know. He said he'd call. And he did, at 1140 pm (notorious booty call hours). Of course I didnt answer the call. That's soooo disrespectful! He called again at 12am, then again at 1245am.

The next morning he called at 10am, then again at 12pm, then again at 4pm. After the 4pm call I think a few of the midgets gathered together, tackled him, and wrestled the phone out of his hands, cause he hasnt called since.

New dating lesson>>>
It's best to inform the person that you arent "available" if you arent interested. That way you arent lying - you really arent available...to him. Plus, if you blatantly say that you arent attached but you dont want to give them your number you'll have to deal with the follow up inquisition and run the risk of being called a b*tch.

Yup. Next time I wont even give the number cause now I'm stuck screening phone calls for the next month and feeling horrible that his ego may be bruised. After all, he's a ringmaster! A woman would be crazy to pass on that!!

In a rush so more lata.

Always in love unless you're a man with an extra long S-curl that you have the tendency to flip around like a horse thereby spraying innocent bystanders in the eye with your curl activator.

P.S. The pre-show ringmaster did seem cool from our 2 second conversation, but honestly the worst turn off was that he and his friend were so cool with talking dirty-ish to Ja-me right in front of her kids. That's a no-no. Common sense must be lacking.

Lambchop (Chops)~

Pics I love:














Please peep the guy in the background who posed with us for this picture and came up afterwards to see how he looked!!! Can anyone find Waldo?














Us at the Raheem Devon concert in SJ, CA

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Momma don't Play....

Thanks to Shawn for providing this wonderful display of active parenting!!

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Young And Stupid Aint Just A Phrase

I guess you've noticed that we've been on a bit of a blogger break lately. I personally haven’t wanted to look at a computer outside of work!!

The other day my cousin brought up an incident that occurred back when I was a young fool in the Army and I guess I'll share.

You know the drill - read the bold if you dont have time to read it all right now.



Army Dayz~
I went into the army right out of high School. I guess it was mainly because almost all of my family had been in the military and I was next in line. It wasn’t anything that I particularly thought about, it was just something I knew I was going to do...sort of expected.

Anyways, it was rough being away from home so long, but I got used to it. My first few days in boot camp I met a 40 year old sergeant - let's call him Sgt. Pops. Prior to my going into the military my mom and ex-stepfather had went through and ugly break up (more on that lata), so when I met Sgt. Pops, for some reason (I'll blame it on my youthful ignorance) I was convinced they would be GREAT together! I had even shown him a picture of my mom and he commented that she was gorgeous!
Sgt. Pops was always looking out for me. Whenever I'd get into trouble he'd offer to bail me out. I didn’t get into trouble much, but if I ever did he was always there to offer to help me out (I never accepted though).

He was always doing stuff for me that I'd never gotten from a father figure before. He was just a really cool guy and I saw him like a father. On one particular occasion he told me that I could come down to the Sergeants office in order to get a quick TV fix (we weren’t allowed access to TV's). I was sooooo excited I almost soiled myself!! LOL!

So after lights out, at approximately 11pm, I snuck my silly ass down there thinking I would get to watch a few shows and have some cool conversation with my "Pops". I can honestly say, thinking back on it, that was one of the stupidest decisions I've made in my life (a fact that Beg reminds me of often).

So I skipped my happy little naive butt down there and met up with "Pops". He gave me a hug and told me to sit on the couch. I sat down and immediately turned towards the TV. I remember asking him why the TV was on mute, and he just looked at me and smiled. I really started to feel uncomfortable at that point, but I just shrugged it off thinking I was being paranoid.

Sgt. Pops sat down beside me and put his arm around my shoulder and hugged me deep. I swear, at that point I began to freak out inside. I couldn’t believe what was happening, but then I kept second thinking it and trying to rationalize out why he was being so touchy feely.
Then the sergeant started to lunge at me. I pulled back but he was much stronger than me, and I was quickly realizing that he was easily going to overtake me. Tears started to fall and I wanted to start to scream but I was petrified, and when he saw this he told me to “Relax”. Just as he had started up again, God happened.

I tell you, God is sooooo good. As he was lunging at me about to do God knows what to me, there was a sound in the hall outside the door. Sgt. Pops got up, and went to the door to check it out. When he came back he told me to go up to my bunk and wait for him to come and get me, since he thought another sergeant had arrived early.

I ran back up to my bunk, covered my head under my blankets, and began to weep. I cried like a baby and I prayed like mad woman until I passed out from exhaustion.

I believe it was about an hour later that I heard someone moving around in the room. I peeked out from a crack in my blanket and saw Sgt. Pops waking up the private across from me (there were about 8 or 10 girls to a room – I was part of the last all girl Company). He thought it was me!!!

My fellow private (who I affectionately called Pooty-Booty, due to excessive flatulence) woke up and asked the sergeant what he wanted. He realized he had the wrong person and couldn’t risk her seeing him with me, so he told her to go back to sleep and he left the room.

Now a lot of you may say that I should've run to the top of the food chain and sung like a freaking canary on his sick ass, but consider this. I was a young, naive, emotionally jacked up kid. I was hella far from my family, I wanted to go home, and I didn’t believe that anyone would believe me if I told them what had went down. What's worst is that I really thought it was my fault. I thought that if I told anyone I would've gotten into trouble, and I would've ended up stuck there for much longer than I was already assigned to be, or maybe even go to jail (it was against the law for Sergeant to get with Privates).

The next day (and from that point forward) I avoided Sgt. Pops like the plague. He would try to corner me sometimes, but I always made sure I was with another private whenever he was around. At one point he asked me to be the mother of his kids (he had a 5 year old, 8 year old, and 15 year old!!) in front of another Private!!! I told him “HELL NO!” and he really didn’t bother me much after that.

Eventually Sgt Pops got his. Apparently he was screwing quite a few privates in my Company. Girls talk, so it finally got out and he had to go to court or something over it. I'm not sure what became of Sgt. Pops, but I'm sure he was removed from the base and reprimanded. There were just too many girls with too much dirt on him (I hear some of them thought they loved him and that he loved them...sad).

Always in love...unless you target and take advantage of extremely young naive girls, and in the process damage their self-worth and self-esteem.

Chops~

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Meet Me With No Panties On....Audio Post

This is the Songbirds first ever audio post! It was pre-recorded some months ago with all four Songbirds on the line (all talking at one point or another), and has now been transferred onto our blog!

Pretty much, if this post doesnt make you laugh, it'll scare the hell out of you because now you'll hear with your own ears just how insane we can get! And it's only the beginning....

"Original Lyrics"

I was layin in the bed just as nice as you please

When I heard a knock at the door

I reached around and I put my robe on

And I said, "This my house!

I aint got to wear no robe!"

So I took the robe off

I got on up out the bed and walked over to the door

And opened it just as wide as you please

And you know what I told that boy?

I said, "Meet me...meet me...meet me with no panties on!"

Okay I know this post sounded waaaay too crazy, but realize that we warned you in our title, "Four lovely (and utterly insane) caged birds...."

I really doubt that you'll be able to figure out who the "main" Songbird is on this post! You'd be surprised! LOL!

A ~SONGBIRDS~ Collaboration

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AWW HELL TO THE NAW!! (Chops Date File #1)

SPECIAL NOTE: PLEASE TAKE MY SONGBIRD 7/19 POLL ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE BLOG! A friend posed this question to me regarding her boyfriend of 6 months. He has never displayed any "gay" tendencies, but he is very very affectionate with everyone. Recently after dinner with him and his long time guy buddy (also straight), she witnessed her boyfriend giving his buddy a warm hug and a quick peck (kiss) on the lips. She made it very clear that he always gets aroused when in intimate settings with her, so much so that she cant even really fathom that he may not be fully straight. She's pretty convinced that he's just an affectionate guy! Please let me know what you think and if possible add a comment in the polls "comment space" or our chat box after you vote so I can understand where you're coming from. THANKS!!!
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Okay lovely people, you know the drill. I've highlighted the main points for those of you with a short attention span. Feel free to read the whole thing if you like :-)

**Please note that I have coined the phrase, "Aww Hell To The Naw" from the lovely and eloquent Mrs. Whitney Houston on the new reality show "Being Bobby Brown"**
*******************************************************

It was a very hot day on Saturday. I met up with a group of friends at the Greek Theater in Berkeley to enjoy a 9 hour Jazz Festival, with top artists such as Rachelle Ferrell, Laylah Hathaway, Kem, and Boney James!
Now, I dont want to sound pompous...what the hell! I was looking Goowd (better than good)! I had my hair all did up in spirals with a flower to the side, my pretty Aztec looking knee length skirt with my semi-dressy brown wife beater shirt on! Beg, can you say HAWT!!
So, at a certain point I headed down toward the bottom level near the stage (our group was sitting at the very tip top of the theater -closest to the hot blazing sun). I had to watch Rachelle Ferrell do her thing up close!
After watching her performance I began to make my way back up to the grassy area a billion miles away from the stage area. On the way up I noticed that the only men I seemed to be attracting were of the "geriatric era". You know, the ones 10 minutes away from needing you to bathe them and change their poopie diapers.
Anyways, I was blocking attacks all the way back to our set up on the hill when I saw someone I thought looked interesting. He had a nice frame (physically fit), nice face (which was partially covered by his hat). He had on jean shorts, tennis shoes, and this nice looking sleeveless sweater vest deal. He and his friend approached me and we all started to laugh about silly stuff, and of course I entertained them with my off-kilter wit.
The guy's friend's name, well, let's call him Brown. Well, Brown was really cool. He looked to be in his mid-30's. He happened to know all of the women I had met up with (they're all African American bay area lawyers) because he too is a lawyer.
His friend (the one in the hat), let's call him Slippery-G (you'll see why later) started to try to holla, so since I was beginning to get back out there on the "scene" I decided to throw the digits his way. We hung out the rest of the day, talking and laughing. It was fun! He told me how much he loved the movie, "Groundhogs Day" (one of my favorite movies EVER) and I told him how much I loved Whiskey. I'm just kidding. I wouldnt tell him that on the first day!! LOL!!

During our conversation he showed what a funny guy he was! He was telling me about how he didnt think anyone should ever mix wine and punch. He then started listing out all of the different drinks someone COULD mix, but not wine and punch. Then he quickly added, "Not that I'm a wino or anything." I must've laughed soooo hard! He was so good that he pretended with a straight face like he didnt know why I was laughing! I said, "You didnt say, 'not that I'm a drunk, or alcoholic'! No, you said, not that I'm a wino! Who says that today??!!! LOLOLOLOLOL!!!" He then started laughing along with me! Classic!

He could make his voice sound like he was from the south. He made it sound like an old southern preacher. I could see how it could get annoying if it was real, but I loved how he would clown around and start preaching in the middle of his sentences! What a jokester!!

So at the end of the festival we said our goodbyes and he promised to call me the next day in order to see when we can hook up before Tuesday (he had to fly to Europe for a week or two on business).

The next day I received Slippery-G's call. I'm not going to lie, his "funny" preacher voice was becoming a little annoying, but I let that go. He called to see if I wanted to hook up with him and go to the movies or something. I said cool. We ended up meeting up (a few cities away from my own) at Starbucks. I got there first so I ordered myself a Refresh tea and called Beg for some company.

As Beg can recount, I began to get a little nervous. I was really starting to get cold feet for obvious reasons. I started to panic, but Beg calmly reminded me that if he ended up being a freak I never had to talk to him again after today. Comforting enough.

As her reassuring words began to truly sink down into my subconscious, I looked out the Starbucks window to my right and I saw someone that closely resembled Mr. Slippery-G. I had to look a few times because this guy really resembled him, but it COULD'NT be him! I mean, for one thing, this guy was dressed like a 50+ year old man "trying" to look "hip". He was wearing a long silk shirt, tailored silky slacks, and the tipper...with shoes that closely resembled moccasins! You know, those soft leather slipper-like shoes that many of the 50+ generation wear? Yeah, well this guy was wearing the hell out of them.

I looked out the window at the guy a third time as he slowly approached the Starbucks and to my surprised the guy waved at me! What the HELL??? I went into shock, and started rambling into the phone, "Oh my goodness! It think that's him! How old IS HE????" AWW HELL TO THE NAW!!
Beg did what she could to calm me down before he walked through the door, then she hung up. Slippery-G walked up to me and gave me a big hug. We sat for a minute and talked about what we would do next. We decided to go to the movies to see "Wedding Crashers" (funny flick!).
As we walked to the theater (a few blocks down) I noticed that he walked with a limp. Not the hip replacement type of limp, but the, "I used to think I was a pimp" type of limp. I let that go too...for the moment. I had already made my mind up that I was ready to end the date because he was absolutely the opposite of what he portrayed the day before!

Anyway, on the way up the stairs to find a good seat, Slippery-G fell face first onto the stairs! His slippery slipper shoes were obviously not cutting it! LOL! Now I know it's mean to laugh, but if you would've seen how that man went down you would've been howling too!! The rest of the theater did! He was fine though, he made just one comment, "You werent supposed to see that." DUHH!! LOL!

We settled down in the theater and the flick started. It was cool for a second until the first funny incident occurred in the movie. Have you ever been annoyed by that ONE person in the audience right behind you that cackles like a doped up hyena, or maybe they sound like a cracked-out baboon? I have a good hunch it could've been my date "Mr. Slippery-G." He was so annoying that I wanted to take him out back and flog him.

Let's see if I can explain the laugh. Um. Okay. So it started out high pitched, like a little girl screeching at the top of her lungs, then it lowered into a kind of belching/shivering sound. It was one of the most horrendous sounds EVER!! People kept turning around and staring at us. I tried to pretend I wasnt with him, but every time he screamed...I mean, laughed, he would put his hand on my knee and pat it like he was close to falling down again and needed my knee to keep him in an upright position. I honestly felt violated and wanted to put that drink holder arm down between us as a barrier.

After the movie, as I was making my way towards the stairs Slippery-G asked me to wait up because, "Wow! I've gotta get the circulation back in my legs!! Ha Ha Ha!"

I laughed at that and kept walking thinking it was a joke, but when I turned around this fool was actually doing mini-squats in the movie theater isle to get his blood flowing again!! AWW HELL TO THE NAW!!

Now some people may say I'm just way too nice, but I just didnt see anyway to leave at that point without hurting his feelings, so when he asked if we could get something to eat at TGI Fridays, I said, "Um...okay I guess."

At TGI Fridays we got a booth that he said was, "Too soft and cushy for me!" I laughed, but at this point I was sick of pretending to be amused by him. In order to avoid the uncomfortable silence I asked him a few questions about his life and he went on a tangent for at least 2 hours talking about himself. I think I could have actually soiled myself, fallen asleep, and disappeared under the table and he would've kept on talking about how wonderful he was and how bay area women are so sadidy and how they keep thinking they're "Champagne", but not realizing they're actually "lemon water." Whatever the hell that means!

Next we started talking about relationships and he asked about my last serious relationship. I told him a little about my ex, Mr Jacka$$ Circus Midget (for details go HERE , then go HERE for P2)I asked if he had ever been married before. He told me that he had been married for 3 years before divorcing. I asked why they divorced and he said it was because they married when they were, "Really, really, really young." I asked how old he was when he had gotten married and he said "26."

Now, I thought it was odd that he considered 26 to be "really, really, really young." I think it's young but not that young! That's only 3 years younger than m...er...I mean Beg. This comment sparked my ultimate curiosity.

I continued my probe and asked if he had any kids in that marriage and he got really uncomfortable. He answered that he had a daughter before getting married. I asked how old she was. He completely turned his head and looked guiltily in the other direction. I repeated my question and he finally answered..."TWENTY-FIVE YEARS OLD!!!" AWW HELL TO THE NAW!!

I nearly gagged on my lemon water!!! I found a way to choke out the question, "Well how old are you?????????!!!!!!"



Once again I had to ask him twice before he would look me in the eye and tell me. "I'M FORTY-FIVE YEARS OLD!!!"

Now anyone who's dealt with the "OG-TBY-AHOG-TDA" (Old Gangstas Tryna Be Young And Hit On Girls their Daughters Age) crew, you know that when they say 45 years old they really mean between 50 and 55 years old. AWW HELL TO THE NAW!!

Now my eyes were bugging out of my head at this point and I was really about to lose my lunch. Somehow I found the strength to keep it down though. I was out with a guy just a few hairs younger than my own father!!! The more I looked at him I was noticing #1 It's totally possible to have mistaken him for much younger (most African American people age very gracefully) and #2 How much I wanted to kick him in his basket head for being so deceiving!!

I pushed my anger aside and I asked him a very important question, "HOW OLD DO YOU THINK I AM???" To my relief and dismay he answered, "Mid to late twenties."

I say to my relief because I was beginning to think I was starting to look much older than my years, and I was dismayed because his answer meant that he was really on the prowl for young tenderoni's the same age as his daughter!!! Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

Dinner ended shortly after his "coming out", and when he walked me to my car he handed me his card so that I could email (aww) him (hell) while (to) he (the) was (naw!) on (ew) his (ew) business (ew) trip (ew) in (ew) Europe (ew)!!! I told him I'd be in contact and gave him a "C" shaped hug (intended to keep any body part -except the arms- from touching the other parties father-like body), and we parted ways.

Overall I had a very horrible date and it really has me apprehensive about ever doing it again! I'm still grossed out and I dont know how to make this creepy feeling inside go away! Ewwwwww!

So any-who, at least I know now that when he said "wino", when he needed to push the blood back down to his lower half after the show, when he started sounding like an old southern preacher, that he wasnt kidding around. So I guess he's not funny at all.


I dont know if I'll have any other dating files after this one for awhile. I'm pretty grossed out. We shall see. Excuse me. I have to bathe again to wash the old daddy-dirty off.

Always in love...unless you have the nerve to try to learn all about the younger culture, dress like the younger culture, hang with the younger people, hit on the younger women, and cant seem to make it up the stairs at the theater because you're wearing women's moccasins!! They have orthopedic shoes that work much better and you'll have the security of knowing that your feet will remain firmly planted on the floor...unless that hip goes out again! LOL! Jerk.

P.S. I apologize to any "mature" men or women that may have been reading this post and were inadvertently offended. 55 really isnt that old. But if you're 55, lurking around in the shadows, preying on younger women, while intentionally being elusive about your age and pretending to be a MUCH younger man, you deserve to be called a dirty old geezer, and you should have your jello privileges revoked for at least a year, and only one diaper changing a month. That'll teach you! But for the rest, I have nothing but love and respect for you!

***REMEMBER TO VOTE AND COMMENT ON THE SONGBIRD 7/19 POLL!!! THANKS!****

Lambchop (Chops)~

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Chop's Birthday File #1...Gay On My Birthday

QUICK QUESTION: I really would like to know what happened to Curvy's blog. Anyone with details please let me know!!
On to the post.........................
I'm going to break up the events/exploits of my birthday in separate files, otherwise I'll never get to it!! So this post accounts for the morning of my birthday (July 3rd). I've appropriately labeled it "Gay on my birthday". You'll see why....
Sunday, July 3rd:
My attempts to go to church at 8:30am failed since I didnt get to sleep until about 5am (the night before I celebrated my birthday early by going Salsa dancing in the City with my girl Moe, Kris and Jrod. We had so much fun!!)!
My mom and H (step-dad) got to the house at about 11am to take Kris and I to breakfast. As soon as my mom walked into the house she was nagging me about running late (she should be used to it by now!).
When we got to the restaurant everything was cool. She talked to Kris about life and I talked to H about my cousin. Then it happened. What always happens. She brought up my NOT being in a relationship.
reenactment of the conversation:
Chops: "Yeah, It's really cool that TT (cousin) is traveling a lot even though she's not really happy with the amount of time she's away from home...."
Mom: "So speaking of that, why aren't you dating anyone Chops?
H: "On that note I'm going to the bathroom." (He gets up swiftly with a look of utter discomfort on his face)
Chops: "I gotta go to the bathroom too."
Mom: "No you dont, Chops! We have to talk about this!"
Chops: "Yes, I do. Bye."
I stayed in that tiny bathroom as long as I possibly could, knowing that mom would drill the hell out of Kris before my return. I wanted to tell Kris not to say anything, but I thought, "screw it"!
When I got back it seemed like the moment had passed, everyone was cool again, and it was time to go. But of course, once we got back into the car it started up again....
Mom: "Chops, why dont you want to date anyone? Why aren't you dating? Are you gay?"
Chops: "You know what? Yes. I'm gay. Now can we move on?" (Kris laughs out loud)
Mom: "Really Chops. What's the problem? Dont you like guys? I cant imagine why you aren't dating anyone. You dont want to be alone and barren...tons of cats and all that. You know, H and I wont be around forever to keep you company."
Chops: "I told you. I'm gay. I dont want to date men. I only want women." (Kris' really howling now!)
Mom: (flustered and upset) Fine then! Fine! You're gay! I'll hook you up with Mari then! She's gay and she'll be glad to hear that you are too. You can be together...all gay and doing gay stuff! (H turning up the radio in order to disperse this craziness. He looks as though he's having a very unprofessional enema.)
Mom: "TURN THAT RADIO DOWN NOW!!"
Chops: "No. Mari is way too old for me. I like 'em young and tender."
Mom: "Age isn't important Chops! I'm going to hook you and Mari up since you're GAY!" (mom just about screaming at me)
Kris: (joining in to make light of the situation) "I could hook you up with a friend of mine. She's gay too!"
Chops: "Cool, Kris. Is she cute? I only like 'em cute!"
Mom: (beyond pissed off) "Fine then, Fine!!! You're gay! Fine! Be gay!!" (turns her head, and refuses to speak to me for the rest of the ride home)
Back at home when she left she gave me this half ass'd hug and then went to Kris and gave her this big loving hug. LOL! She was pissed all day. H kind of apologized under his breath. LOL! No worries though. I thought it was funny! At least she didnt bring up Beg's name again! LOL!
My mom thought Beg and I were lesbian lovers since we started going to "Salsa" lessons and all these other clubs together. She once asked me if Beg and I go to clubs where they let, "Girls dance with other girls real close like." My mom is seriously in need of help!
To clear it up, my mom really doesn't think I'm gay. She just wants to push me to a point where I'll go out and date someone...ANYONE!! But once I do what she wants, she'll have a fit because the guy I settle for isn't good enough! Crazy! She also knows Beg isn't gay. She's known Beg since we were in Jr. High and knows that she isn't gay...and knows if she was gay she wouldn't be interested in me, and vice versa.
Needless to say, my birthday morning was not the highlight of my day. It does get better though so keep an eye out for follow up birthday files!
*** SPECIAL NOTE: Let me just state for the record that I am NOT gay. Beg is NOT gay. Ja-me is NOT gay. Kris is NOT gay. Also, my mom is really a sweet woman overall. She's just very adamant about my being happy, and is convinced that I cant be REALLY happy unless I'm with a man. She just doesnt realize that I'm happy now! ~~~ Oh! No noodles were harmed in the making of this post.
Always in love...unless you keep hounding me about being gay, then wont accept it when I tell you what you obviously want to hear (whether it's true or not)!!!
Lambchop (AKA) Chops~

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Monterey Files - Exhibit #1 - "Sugar Bear"

Okay I know this is sooooo late, but I wanted to give some excerpts from our Monterey trip! I'll try to do a new one every few days. This is #1...the Sugar Bear incident.

So the main reason I had suggested we go to Monterey for our Meatfest Getaway is because I had to sing at the Monterey Blues Festival that Friday. The performance went really well and I had a blast!

After we left the stage I said my goodbyes to my band members (this was the last time we'll ever perform together) and then went out to find Ja-me and Beg. We walked around a bit and I had a lot of folks coming up to me and saying hi and how the band did such a good job!

Then an older black kat came up to me and shook my hand. He was tall, dressed in ancient gear, and was missing about 85% of his teeth. He told me his name was Sugar-bear from the Chi-lites. He was hilarious. This was pretty much how the conversation went:

Sugar: "Girl you got natural talent. I can help you. I dont know if you know who I am, but I'm Sugarbear from the Chi-Lites"

Me: "I know the Chi-Lites! You guys are great!"

Sugar: "Yeah. I used to be in there but we broke up over some bullsh*t! Anyways, I can help you. I'm going back out to Amsterdam soon I can get you out there. I'm doing it big. You know I hate to admit it but I used to date Chaka Kahn back in the day and we broke up over some bullsh*t! But that's another story. But yeah, I can get you to Amsterdam."

Me: "So are you saying you need a back up singer?"

Sugar: "You aint listening to what I'm telling you!!! I told you, I dated Chaka Kahn! I'm saying I been to Diana Ross' house!!! Daina Ross' house!! You hear what I'm telling you??? Do you???"

Me: (a little frightened at his outburst) "Uh...yeah. I hear you."

Sugar: "So take this number and call me cause I can get you out in Amsterdam. I got connections all over. This number is to my place in Santa Barbara though."

Me: "So you live in Santa Barbara?"

Sugar: "You aint listening to what I'm telling you!!! I said I'm from here to Amsterdam, baby!! Here to Amsterdam!!! Amsterdam!! I'm a writer, producer, artist. All of that! I've been in Diana Ross' house!! AMSTERDAM...!!!"

BEG & Ja-Me insited that I mention that above his phone number he wrote his name and right beneath it he wrote in chicken scratch, "Ex Chi-lite". LOL!

Hmmm. Now is it just me or is he overly excited about Amsterdam?? Anyways. That was Exhibit #1. More lata.

Always in love...unless you get really close to my face while you're talking and you're missing hella teeth so you have absolutely no spit control!!!

Lambchop~

FYI>> I call our outings Meatfests because we all have meat nicknames that no one uses but me. Beg is Bacon, I'm Lambchop, Ja-me is Porkchop, and our silent member Kris is Veal. Now you can all wash your dirty little minds and start out fresh and clean! LOL!

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July 3rd...Happy Birthday to ME!!!!

Yippie! Made it to another birthday! Another year older! I had a great birthday weekend. I'll tell you about it lata. Just wanted to thank Ja-me and Beg for coming out yesterday and hanging with me and my other friends to celebrate my b-day! Hope you had fun, and I'm glad we didnt have to fight them girls in the bathroom after all!

Always in love...unless you try to run up on one of my girls and we have to scuffle!!
Lambchop~

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEEEEE!!!!

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Monterey Meatfest Pics Part 2

And More Pics....

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Pictures from our Monterey Meatfest!

This is the first of many photos we took in Monterey! It was soooo much fun. I'm sure you can tell from our pictures! Enjoy....

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Lambchops Answers PART 2 (FINAL)

ManNMotion asked...
1. What are your real names? My name is Peaches n'herb

2. What are your addresses? 555 Peaches n'herb lane

3. What are your credit card numbers and expiration dates? 54545555 n'Herb

Dee asked...
1: how did you 3 meet? I think this was covered in Part 1 of my answers.

2: how long have you been friends? Oh Lawd! I think Begs right...about 16 years

3: what keeps the friendship going? Once again, Begs right, definitely medication.

Call 2 Arms asked...
1. Have you already told us why you tried to kill each other in college? Hmmm. I remember that we just had this really weird love hate relationship...like siblings. I remember Beg trying to drown me, and then I remember attempting to push her down a flight of stairs (I caught her before she actually went down though). There wasnt any one thing in particular, just two crazy kids who've known each other waaaaay too long growing up together.

2. Were you dormmates? Yup. In summer bridge. Then when I went off to Basic Training she got an apartment with the psycho. I ended up moving in with them until the whole attempting to kill each other deal started up again. Then I moved into the dorms.

3. Was being dormmates being fun? When it was fun, it was REALLY fun. When it was bad, it was REALLY bad.

4. What's the longest any of you have fallen out and/or not spoken to each other? See Beg's answer cause I cant even remember. I do know that the longest time that Beg and I didnt talk was due to our deciding (okay, me deciding) that we shouldnt sing together anymore.

5. Were you bridesmaids in Ja-me's wedding? Yup! Of course!!

6. Who will be each of your maid's of honor? I dont think I'll have a maid of honor, but if I did I'd have to be my dear friend Moe (whom I've known about 17 years). I honestly couldnt choose between Beg, Jame and Kris (the quiet songbird).

7. Do you like girlfriends? I LOVE Girlfriends!

8. If so whose character are you? We all discussed this at great lengths and I think I'd be a cross between Joan and Lynn (80% Joan and 20% Lynn). Like Lynn I jump around from hobby to hobby and I'll probably only be there for a minute, then I'll move on to the next. In all other ways I favor Joan (her neurotic behavior, boyfriend drama's, etc)

Jez Chill asked...
1> What is your SSN? 555n'herb

2> What is your bank's routing # & checking account #? 555n'herb & 555peaches

3> What is your pin #? PNH (numerical values)

The Saga asked...
1) What could porn actors possibly do for fun during their time off? Vacation in a monastery (LOL!!)

2) Why do people who know the least know it the loudest? To illustrate what bad breading can produce.

3) If women ran the Pentagon, would missiles and submarines be shaped differently? Too easy. Women would've invented a whole new bread of war artillery. Most likely invisible with a powerful punch.

Proactiff asked...
1. What's your favorite snack? Svenhards Butterhorns!!

2. Which do you prefer: Ann Taylor, Banana Republic, BCBG or another designer in particular? I'm not really into brands, hell, I'm not really into clothes in general (until late) but I guess since I've actually bought clothes from Banana Republic, I'd have to say that would be it.

3. What are your shoe sizes? 9 1/2 (yes, I'm the black Olive Oyle)

4. TIA.Bonus Question: How in the world does one AFFORD to live in California if not on a movie star's "Black Card" budget? I'm still trying to figure this one out - see Begs answer. I have a question for you (which may be a stupid one), what does TIA mean???

A.H.ROSTAMI asked...
1. Do marry a man who does'nt believe in God at all, but he loves you very much? My answer mirrors Begs answer exactly.

2. What is your opinion about the movie "the passion of Christ" - I thought it was amazing. In my opinion it stayed to the point, that Jesus Christ bore the weight of our sins/transgressions for the sake of our salvation. I thought it was tasteful and I was crying like a baby by the end. Like Beg said, I felt so loved and so unworthy. The movie visually showed me what I've read in the Bible and brought a whole new perspective evoked so much emotion.


Thanks for the questions! I'm glad it's over though, cause I've got stuff going on that I wouldnt mind blogging about right about now.

Always in love...and that's it!

Lambchop~

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Lambchops Answers (PART 1)

Tha G Perspective asked....

1. Have you ever been married? No, I've never been married (*whew*).
2. If not what's the closest you've been? The closest was my jack ass circus midget of an ex-boyfriend, "Mr. Circus Midget". He had been hounding me about how he KNEW he wanted to marry me from the day he realized he loved me (a year before we actually started dating) and that he was just waiting for ME. Shortly after I gave in he started acting up. First off he was going to give me the USED ring that his ex-fiance had been given years prior (there were scratches and dulled platinum on the band from almost a years wear and tear). Then he started acting funny like I was trying to trap HIM into marrying ME!! I didn't even bring up marriage first!! He's completely looney tunes (notice this is present tense). To read up about my last woes with the circus freak go HERE-1 and then HERE-2 for the sequel.

1. How did you all come to know each other? Beg and I met in 8th grade in our math class. She and I had to sit next to each other. I remember sitting there, disliking her at first sight, watching in disgust as she sat there sucking on aspirin (yes... I said concentrated ASPIRIN) like it was a freaking jolly rancher. I realized then that I could never be friends with a freak. My, how things change!
   I met Ja-me sometime in Elementary school. I was in the 6th and she was in the 5th. I don't remember how we met, I just remember her always being in my life. We got closer in Jr. High, then closest in High School. We must've been drawn to each other since we both had messed up home lives!
2. Are any two of you closer with each other, and has this ever brought about jealousy in the odd one out? I have to lean towards Beg's answer. There's a 4th Songbird who has yet to become part of this blog (maybe soon?) so whenever two are closer the other two happen to also start hanging out more as well. I do recall a time in High School, though. I think it must've been our Jr. year. We all became cheerleaders and I (being the rebel weirdo that I am) decided I didn't want to be apart of that mindless materialistic bunch of "widgets" so I quit (had something to do with the Captain wanting everyone to buy these expensive a$$ plain white shoes, when I'd already bought some very economical plain white shoes. I yelled at her and possibly threatend her. Shortly after this incident I decided I wasn't the "cheerleader" type). So I did end up feeling a bit like the odd one out since they (the other 3) had that in common, but I've always been a drifter and would hang out with tons of different people all the time so it wasn't that bad :-)
3. Do any of you have separate groups of friends and if so do they get along with this group? Oh yeah! We all have separate groups of friends. For the most part, they all know about each other even if they haven't actually met. The ones that have met have gotten along mainly because we pick and choose the ones we think will have something in common and wont be frightened at how psycho we act when we (the songbirds) get together.
   

The Brutha Code asked...

1. What was your first kiss like? I had to chew on this question for a bit. See, I wanted to say my first kiss was in kindergarten but Beg said that it really didn't count (hater). So I'd have to say my first kiss was at 17 years old in the high school Science building with my first official boyfriend (whom I would deny knowing if I saw him in the street). It was a great kiss only because I didn't really have much to compare it to, plus I was soooo in "like" with him and excited to have a boyfriend that I think if he had burped in my mouth I would've thought it was cute...odd, but cute (I'm really exaggerating!!).
2. Favorite song that came out before 1980? Wow. I have a few. I'm glad you asked - The Knack: My Sharona, The Doobie Brothers: What a fool believes, Chic: Le Freak, KC and the Sunshine Band: That's the Way I Like It, Sister Sledge: We Are Family, Marvin Gaye: What's Going On.......and on and on and on.
3. Last and next you place you traveled: Last place I traveled to was Encenada (go HERE to see a post on it). Next place? Probably to Hawaii to visit my sister.
4. Plan to travel to? I plan to go back to France and to visit England. I really would like to go to Puerto Rico (I think we're going there for both Beg & my 30th bday!)
   
   
   

Miki asked...

1. What turns you off the most in a man? Conceit, Bad Breath, Humorlessness, Materialistic, Circus Midget Freakiness, hands smaller than mine, Circus Midget Complex (aka - short-mans complex), Overly sensitive....did I mention Circus Midget Freakiness???
2. What character trait is most important to you when choosing a friend? A loving personality who loves to laugh, doesn't let the petty things in life deteriorate a good friendship, accepts me for who I am, doesnt try to manipulate others, and is giving (Ja-me...gimme $20 please).
3. What is you favorite dessert? Chocolate Cake, Dutch Apple Pie, Chocolate Ice Cream, Svenhards Butter Horns, Daiquiri Ice, Chocolate Cookies, Mrs. Fields Cinnamon & Sugar Cookies, Watchamacallit Candy Bar, Pure Cane Sugar on the rocks straight from the box..... Yes, I know I'll most likely be obese with high blood pressure and diabeties by the age of 35. Beg & Ja-me will have to wheel me to the car and I'll travel everywhere on the hood or maybe on the flat bed of the uhaul. I have no problem with that... STOP JUDGING ME...unless you wouldnt mind helping to hose me down at bath time when I reach 600 pounds and cant lift my own arms!!!! LOL :)
   

coley asked...

1. When can I hear you sing? Beg has my cd. Tell her to play it for you. I'll sing for you when I see you again and the opportunity presents itself.
2. What is your biggest regret so far in life? Hooking up with my ex-Jacka$$ Mr. Circus Midget (still a little jaded)
3. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Oh Lawd! Hell if I know. My life is drastically different than what I'd planned. Every time I make a plan I change my mind once I get what I thought I wanted, or I grow and decide that it's not really what I need. So I guess I really cant say. I see myself as being alive, but even that's not promised!!
4. What's your Favorite restaurant? Love these food questions!! Lemme see... Benihana (Japanese), Red Lobster, Casa Orozco (Mexican), Buca di beppo (Italian).... to name a few from the top.

So this is the first half of my answers. If you have any additional questions let us know! More later.
Always in love...unless you refuse to help Beg & Ja-me hose me down when I'm 600 pounds in need of a serious washing and you call yourself my FRIEND. Jerk.
Lambchop~

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Salsa Files....

You all must know by now that I'm notorious for lengthy posts! So I'm going to try to make the bolded lines deal a regular thing for all of you with attention spans like Beg & Ja-me! So if you dont really want to read the whole thing, just read the bolded lines for an overview, then come back later to read the whole thing!!


Beg, you left out so much from your last post! Go HERE to read it.


First off Beg is also an excellent dancer (singer, song writer, guitar player, not to mention having the uncanny ability to shop for 4 + hours straight at forever 21!) . She's being way too modest. She seems to believe she's just an average dancer, but one of our fellow students (who I consider to be an expert) told me that we both are pretty good when you consider how long we've actively been learning.


The night we went to tha Down Low club in Berkeley, Beg and I both ended up having to dance with our instructor. It was soooo nerve racking! He kept telling me to relax and have fun. I responded by yelling at him, "How can I relax?? I'm dancing with my freakin' teacher!!! STOP JUDGING ME!!!" He told me he wasnt judging me, but I'm no fool!

Beg told me that when she danced with the instructor he kept turning away from her to laugh! I know that's not true because I was watching and she did great!

Oh! One last note on Club night last week - we both danced with this little hyper guy. When he was dancing alone he was quite impressive. It's when he had to interact with others that we had the problem. I cant even explain how he was dancing! I cant do him justice! All I can say is that he was constantly on his tippy-toes swirling around and doing some sort of jerky "I'm hopped up on X" movements.

It was so confusing that I ended up accidentally scratching him in the eye, stepping on his foot, and hitting him in the head with my elbow. It must've looked like he was being attacked on the dance floor. At one point he yelled, "MY EYE!!! MY EYE!!!"

Now onto my dance partner(s):
(A recount of the events that occurred)

Cuban Salsa Guy~
Beg is completely on the money as far as the fact that my first dance partner is one of the few...lets just say he was probably the only attractive male in our class.

On the last day of class, Beg went to the restroom in order to escape from Chicken Man for the umpteenth time. While she was gone Salsa guy walked over to talk to me. He asked me if I wanted to go out and practice what we've learned sometimes. He mentioned that he had been wanting to ask me since the first day of class but he kept forgetting. Riiiight.

By that time Beg had come back and was sitting with her cell phone glued to her face...now I know that she was faking it!! I turned to her and told her that Salsa guy and I were gonna be dance partners. We then exchanged numbers.

This is the tricky part. He suggested we exchange numbers. I gave him my number, and I told him my name (in case he'd forgotten) as well as the spelling. He turned to look at me intently and said, "I know your name Chops" (of course he used my real name). I was blown. Did that mean I was supposed to know his???

He called my phone so that I could save his number. I began the process of saving his number, and when it was time to enter his name I turned to look at him expectantly. He proceeded to talk about other stuff as though the exchange had been completed. I sat there baffled. I closed my phone without adding his name and continued the conversation.

I realize that I'm a complete and utter dork for not asking him for his name, so constant reminders from blog world friends is not necessary....welcome, but not necessary.

So Cuban Salsa Guy and I began to get a little better acquainted. He told me he used to play guitar in a Cuban band (this is why Beg thinks he's Cuban) and that he was majoring, or had majored in Music. I thought this was really cool since I love music and guitar. I'm thinking he could give me some extra pointers (on the guitar freaks!).

On the way home I saved Cuban Salsa's guys number under "Salsa". Sad, huh? Well the worst part is that he just called me yesterday while I was rushing to go to the Maroon 5 concert. I was excited. I admit it. I was finally going to know this mans name! I let the call go to voicemail since I was running so late and I didnt want to be rude on the phone. Little did I know....my freaking voicemail was full!!! How sick is that!! My voicemail is filled with friends and family (mainly Beg) leaving song telegrams! They're hilarious and I dont want to delete them!!

So now I gotta either wait to see if he'll call again, or call him myself and run the risk of not knowing his name for lord only knows how much longer! I would feel like an idiot asking for his name now!!! It's too late!

Indian Salsa Guy is different because he knew to spell his name out. See! No problems there! I dont know when I'm going to be able to find time to practice with both guys. I just have no clue.

This Sunday was supposed to be the day I go dancing with Cuban Salsa Guy, but I forgot it's Mothers Day, so I gotta let him know soon. I dont know if I should call him to reschedule. I would rather wait till he calls again and let him announce himself. Oh Lawd! What the hell should I do???

I didnt want to end it this way, but there it is. I just wanted to expound on Beg's post.

Always in love...unless you arrogantly think that you're so memorable and important that your name could never be forgotten by semi-strangers! You missed the hint... me telling you my name again is the ultimate hint!!! I miss the days of the pen and the pad, when people would simply shove the pad & pen into the other persons hand and tell them to write all their info down!!

Lambchop~

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An Ode To Black Chicken Man

The following song is an ode to Black Chicken Man (click HERE to read up on him. It should be sung with the "Oh Christmas Tree" melody (you know the old Christmas carol: "O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree! How are thy leaves so verdant! O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree, How are thy leaves so verdant!
Not only in the summertime, But even in winter is thy prime.
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree, How are thy leaves so verdant! O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree, Much pleasure doth thou bring me!")
My Ode To Chicken Man:

-Oh Chicken Man, Black Chicken Man, I itch when you are near me
-Oh Chicken Man, Black Chicken Man, your body smells like fe-ces (excrement)

-Your hair is wet, and drenched in sweat
-You like to rub, our hands in it

-Oh Chicken Man, Black Chicken Man, You're stinky and you're vi-le

-Oh Chicken Man, Black Chicken Man, You are so in de-nial

-You love to strut, your Chicken dance
-We wish you'd wash, your stinkin' pants

-Oh Chicken Man, Black Chicken Man, your fingers smell like bi-le

-Oh Chicken Man, Black Chicken Man, your dirty hands need di-al

-There's dirt under your finger nails

-There's fungi growing under there

(optional ending: You may well be a nice guy,

but your smell burns my freakin' eyes)

-Oh Chicken Man, Black Chicken Man, I itch when you are near me!

---------------------------------------------

So Beg and I went to our salsa lesson on Tuesday and unfortunately we were unable to escape the Black Chicken Man. I hesitate to speak of it because the very thought makes me want to puke.

Well, I got stuck with him for what seemed like a lifetime. I held my breath the entire time and I tried my best not to look at his hands (which happened to be ridden with dirt and some sort of sludge). I thought I had made it through without any really bad issues until he decided he wanted to try a move from last week.

Last weeks class was a much more intimate lesson where the guy would place the girls arms over his head and onto his neck (all sexy-like). Before I knew what was happening this dirty fool had taken my arms and slid it all through his dirty, stank-nasty, sweaty hair and onto his equally nasty, stank-sweaty neck.

I snatched my hand back and told him I had completely forgotten how to dance entirely and moved away. Luckily it was finally time to switch up partners.

I ran to Beg and told her I had to step out for a few and quickly made my way to the bathroom where I thoroughly scrubbed the skin off of my hands, arms, and for good measure I included my shoulders and neck (just in case the critters on him happened to make their way onto me).

I still think he's in love with Beg since he kept asking me about whether I went to Vegas with her (I think he was trying to corroborate her story). She's in denial about that though.

I love salsa! It's so much fun! Anyone who hasn't tried it should!

Oh! I'm so excited! Tonight is the Maroon 5 concert!!! Yahooooooo!

Always in love...unless you have the hygiene of a diseased wart-hog and have the nerve to touch another living being (animal or human) with your foul smelling, sweaty, stank-funk-nasty hands!! You disgust me!!!

Lambchop~

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