4:20 PM
Chops
QUICK QUESTION: I really would like to know what happened to Curvy's blog. Anyone with details please let me know!!
On to the post.........................
I'm going to break up the events/exploits of my birthday in separate files, otherwise I'll never get to it!! So this post accounts for the morning of my birthday (July 3rd). I've appropriately labeled it "Gay on my birthday". You'll see why....
Sunday, July 3rd:
My attempts to go to church at 8:30am failed since I didnt get to sleep until about 5am (the night before I celebrated my birthday early by going Salsa dancing in the City with my girl Moe, Kris and Jrod. We had so much fun!!)!
My mom and H (step-dad) got to the house at about 11am to take Kris and I to breakfast. As soon as my mom walked into the house she was nagging me about running late (she should be used to it by now!).
When we got to the restaurant everything was cool. She talked to Kris about life and I talked to H about my cousin. Then it happened. What always happens. She brought up my NOT being in a relationship.
reenactment of the conversation:
Chops: "Yeah, It's really cool that TT (cousin) is traveling a lot even though she's not really happy with the amount of time she's away from home...."
Mom: "So speaking of that, why aren't you dating anyone Chops?
H: "On that note I'm going to the bathroom." (He gets up swiftly with a look of utter discomfort on his face)
Chops: "I gotta go to the bathroom too."
Mom: "No you dont, Chops! We have to talk about this!"
Chops: "Yes, I do. Bye."
I stayed in that tiny bathroom as long as I possibly could, knowing that mom would drill the hell out of Kris before my return. I wanted to tell Kris not to say anything, but I thought, "screw it"!
When I got back it seemed like the moment had passed, everyone was cool again, and it was time to go. But of course, once we got back into the car it started up again....
Mom: "Chops, why dont you want to date anyone? Why aren't you dating? Are you gay?"
Chops: "You know what? Yes. I'm gay. Now can we move on?" (Kris laughs out loud)
Mom: "Really Chops. What's the problem? Dont you like guys? I cant imagine why you aren't dating anyone. You dont want to be alone and barren...tons of cats and all that. You know, H and I wont be around forever to keep you company."
Chops: "I told you. I'm gay. I dont want to date men. I only want women." (Kris' really howling now!)
Mom: (flustered and upset) Fine then! Fine! You're gay! I'll hook you up with Mari then! She's gay and she'll be glad to hear that you are too. You can be together...all gay and doing gay stuff! (H turning up the radio in order to disperse this craziness. He looks as though he's having a very unprofessional enema.)
Mom: "TURN THAT RADIO DOWN NOW!!"
Chops: "No. Mari is way too old for me. I like 'em young and tender."
Mom: "Age isn't important Chops! I'm going to hook you and Mari up since you're GAY!" (mom just about screaming at me)
Kris: (joining in to make light of the situation) "I could hook you up with a friend of mine. She's gay too!"
Chops: "Cool, Kris. Is she cute? I only like 'em cute!"
Mom: (beyond pissed off) "Fine then, Fine!!! You're gay! Fine! Be gay!!" (turns her head, and refuses to speak to me for the rest of the ride home)
Back at home when she left she gave me this half ass'd hug and then went to Kris and gave her this big loving hug. LOL! She was pissed all day. H kind of apologized under his breath. LOL! No worries though. I thought it was funny! At least she didnt bring up Beg's name again! LOL!
My mom thought Beg and I were lesbian lovers since we started going to "Salsa" lessons and all these other clubs together. She once asked me if Beg and I go to clubs where they let, "Girls dance with other girls real close like." My mom is seriously in need of help!
To clear it up, my mom really doesn't think I'm gay. She just wants to push me to a point where I'll go out and date someone...ANYONE!! But once I do what she wants, she'll have a fit because the guy I settle for isn't good enough! Crazy! She also knows Beg isn't gay. She's known Beg since we were in Jr. High and knows that she isn't gay...and knows if she was gay she wouldn't be interested in me, and vice versa.
Needless to say, my birthday morning was not the highlight of my day. It does get better though so keep an eye out for follow up birthday files!
*** SPECIAL NOTE: Let me just state for the record that I am NOT gay. Beg is NOT gay. Ja-me is NOT gay. Kris is NOT gay. Also, my mom is really a sweet woman overall. She's just very adamant about my being happy, and is convinced that I cant be REALLY happy unless I'm with a man. She just doesnt realize that I'm happy now! ~~~ Oh! No noodles were harmed in the making of this post.
Always in love...unless you keep hounding me about being gay, then wont accept it when I tell you what you obviously want to hear (whether it's true or not)!!!
Lambchop (AKA) Chops~
Posted in: Chops' Posts
5 comments:
First....I was wonderin' where Curvy was my damn self. I thought my link was wrong, so I stopped by here to get connected.....same blogger BS poppin' up. So....anybody know where Ms. Curvy is?? Folks can't be leavin' us like that. *humph*
Second, Happy belated birthday. I thought my mother was the only psycho about me datin'. My mother just pushes and pushes. I don't think she won't be happy until I pop out a baby.....no matter what she says about my career. *sigh* Mothers are funny.
Parents are a trip sometimes.
wow... my parents are bad, but not nearly that bad. and you're younger than me!
so when can we go out???? ;)
I think you're all gay, but if you ever decide to go back to the home team let me know and I'll see if I can recommend any suitors:)
Seriously, I know how annoying this is. maybe you can do what I did - create a diversion. I gave this guy permission to marry my sister and they did a few months later, then she got pregnant, then she had the baby, and just about the time my mom started asking questions again, my sister got pregnant again. And all this after I told my mom years ago that my sister was gay because I was tired of her asking if I knew if she was dating. Ain't life grand?
OMG. I've been off the blog scene running up and down the coast and changing jobs and schools and apartments. But anyway, I can really relate to this! Sometimes I feel like walking out into the street and saying, "Hey you. Will you marry me?", JUST TO SHUT EVERYBODY UP!!!!!!!!!
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