3:56 PM
Chops
After reading Ja-me's post I can tell that this week is going to be a challenge. I'm feeling sooooo out of it. I've been stuck in this whirlwind of emotions and I'm sick of it. I've been brooding over past expectations for my current life. I cant help but feel very disappointed.
How the hell did I get here? I wont get into any deep details, but let me tell you that I cant allow myself to believe that my purpose in life is to rot away in this rat cage. Dont get me wrong-I truly do appreciate all of my blessings, but so much is missing.
I wanted....hell, I WANT more for my life. I dont care to be a billionaire (though I wouldnt complain if I were), I just want my job to be my passion, to be financially comfy and if possible meet someone who isn’t completely deranged. I dont think I'm asking for too much.
I know that 28 isn’t very old, but I just get older and older from here, and I cant imagine my life like this for another 10+ years. I'd like to get out of this rat box full of the living dead and LIVE the life I dream! Alas, my pocket book reminds me that my youthful mistakes have stolen my future. Dayum. That sucks.
Well I'm sure that eventually God will reveal the reason I'm still doing basically the same thing 9 years later, why I'm not fulfilled, why I cry sometimes just visualizing my future.
The upswing is that I have my friends. I thank God for them. But life has a tendency to get more and more hectic. I'm finding that more of my few close friends are getting married, having kids, and moving away. They rarely have much time for their single friends (as it should be), so I find myself fearing life long loneliness (I know that I'm never truly alone with God, but these are my thoughts and feelings for this moment).
At this very moment I'm imagining myself at 45. All of my friends are busy with their large loving families - And there I am, devastatingly gorgeous, sitting at a park talking to the squirrel I've named Mr. Snappy. Mr. Snappy and I will have our daily walks in the park and long talks about life and love. We'll have the occasional fight over food sharing...you know, normal stuff - that is until he decides that I'm too dependant on him and he runs away, forcing me to chase him down and barbecue him. The future's looking bleak y'all.
Always in love...unless you tell the animal rights organization that I may or may not barbecue a small squirrel in my demented and lonely 40's.
Lambchop~
P.S. Please note that these are fleeting thoughts and feelings. I do not have any intention of really barbecuing squirrels...this afternoon. But if I ever did it would totally be in self-defense. Go here for more information....KILLER SQUIRRELS. Please look at all of the links to discover the truth!!!
Posted in: Chops' Posts
7 comments:
Lambchop your delivery is hilliarious.
I think you have to speak what you want into existence. Before I met my guy I was telling people about the person I was seeing, down to the detail.
I wasn't seeing anyone, so that may be wacky, but for everything I've ever wanted I plan for it like I know it's coming. I get myself ready and don't doubt.
I posted in my blog earlier tonight and, after reading your post, I wonder if it was meant for you to read.
As for squirrels, they are not my friends. I have a pecan tree in my back yard and they spend all summer over here eating my nuts and making crazy noise running on my roof.
Just goes to show that you never know what kind of crazy comments you'll get when you blog.
Well, what is your passion? Answer this question. What would you wake up on a Saturday morning for? Whatever is important enough to get you out of bed on a Saturday is obviously your passion. Now go seek it.
First time commentor stopping in. Intriguing post. My best friend is going through something very similar to what you are experiencing. Lack of passion at the job, her love life in a virtual holding pattern, faith in God is very strong but questions which path God will place before her, her closest friends, me included have gotten married and moved on and she's very attractive.
And while she asks me why is it this way with her, (Why?Why?Why? as she likes to joke around about) I simply noted that I didn't have any easy answer for her, nor one that would be adequate for her question. At the end of the day for me I think resiliency and faith were etched as my foundation for a better tomorrow when I once asked similar questions. That and what Gian mentioned about finding that what is passionate to you in life and embracing it and moving forward. Keep the faith luv. Take care.
Girl I sure hope you find your purpose, Lord knows I hope I find mine. So, like you, I'm working on it to...'though my body can't tolerate a full course diet of Squirel meat...lol. *wink*
But in the meantime I'll pray for ya though. Well. You and me really. lol. :)
I think I missed the part where you explained what was keeping you from having what you want...
Suck it up, my friend.
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Brutha-Free:
I talked to a few others in this age group (nearing 30) and the consensus is about the same - this is a time for reflection and general dissatisfaction. My 30+ friends also confirm that this is just another one of life's stages - comparable to a midlife crisis!
call 2 arms:
Hey girl! Thanks for the positivity! Question...is your post on Kodjoe true??? Inquiring minds HAVE to know!
mannmotion:
Thanks for that. I read your post and it truly did speak volumes to me. Right on time brotha...right on time!
Hey G:
My passion is my music. Luckily I've known that pretty much all my life. I am working towards making it my full time job. Oh, and boy do I love it! I get up early and stay up late Saturday and Sundays for it :-)
Luke Cage:
Thanks for visiting our blog and for the words of support and wisdom! Luckily I'm cool with my single status right now! Oh - I'm feeling your blog!
Coley:
LOL! BEG told me you pretty much held an intervention for her because you thought this post was from her! LOL! I am the demented one!! I alone!!
Dayrell:
Girl, I wasnt going to EAT the squirrel, I was only going to BBQ it! I'll be praying for you too!
Puddleglum:
Thanks for support!
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