Queen Of The Midget Men

Hey BEG. I'm finally blogging so you can stop leaving me those vulgar and rude messages - thank you very much.... On second thought, keep the vulgar, lose the rude :-)

FYI >> I'm adding a few links to this post, so click on any underlined words<<

I'm beginning to wonder if my ex - Mr.Waste Of Space Circus Midget - left a scent or stain on me (sorta like when a dog pisses on a tree so everyone knows he was there - you get the point). Reason being is that ever since we split the only guys that I seem to be attracting are of the midget variety. Now, dont get me wrong. As I've stated in almost all of my posts, I have NO PROBLEM WITH THE VERTICALLY CHALLENGED. Unfortunately, I am jaded so I probably wont be dating anyone under 5'4 again (I'm 5'6) - probably. I'll never say never (I said I'd never date a midget before I dated the freak)...but I CAN say that it's most unlikely.

I have a dozen examples of why I'm beginning to consider myself the Queen of the Midget Men, but I'll just focus on the one that I have to deal with daily - my coworker....lets call him Smeagol.

Smeagol has apparently been into me since he started in our department. I'm a P.M. for a C.C. company (the third Spawn of Satan), and I seem to ALWAYS have a crap load of work to do, whereas he (and others) seem to have the time to take leisure walks all over the office and chat with various individuals for hours at a time....but I digress.

Smeagol's always finding reasons to walk past my personal rat box (cubicle) to stop in and say, "Hi!" It would okay if the buck stopped there, but no. He then takes it upon himself to launch a long ass conversation about nothing. The man can talk about nothing like no man I've ever known. During our long conversations about nothing, he finds a way to slip in very personal questions and comments (I dont have much time to go into details, but I'll fill you in later).

The most recent encounter:
"Hi Lambchop (he uses my real name)! You're always soooo busy! Are you busy now?"
"Uhhhh, yeah. Why? What's up?" (Silly me thinking it could possibly be a work related conversation)
"You look really nice. I really like your hair (it was curly that day). I prefer it straight though...dont ever cut it."
"Huh?"

Up to this point I was still staring at my computer screen attempting to feign super business and avoid one of his long drawn out conversations about NOTHING. I finally looked up at him and almost choked on my own tongue! I'm not attracted to him AT ALL but today was worse than ever! His face was all ashen and pale, his eyes were bugging out, and his lips were surrounded by a faint red ring.

I cant even describe in mere words the way he looked. It was just painful not to stare at that red ring around his lips. The first thought that came to mind was...could it be a new wild and highly mutated string of the Bubonic Plague? I'm at a loss. It was just nasty. So I averted my eyes as much as possible until he finally got his Lambchop fix and left.

The next day he came by again and to my chagrin the ring around his lip was even darker than the day before!! How in the hell did that happen??? I am sooo confused, and not just a little bit afraid.

Now, I'm not talking bad about people with publicly visible diseases, but if you do have one of those diseases or what "looks" like one of those diseases, it's probably best if you dont try to get your mack on while your disease is active. Be a true playa and wait until your disease is in remission.

Yesterday it was worse than ever. I'm seriously waiting to see if his lips will actually fall off. Hell, he may just morph into a fly like Jeff Goldblum in the movie "The Fly". If he does, I'll be sure to blog about it if I get out of the office alive.

On another note, it's really interesting the different way in which a white guy approaches women in comparison to black guys. Sometimes its sooo refreshing and sweet, and sometimes it's just all wrong. I'll talk more about that in my next post.

Always in love...unless you have an active venereal disease, are breathing all up in my face, and refuse to cover your red scabby ring surrounded mouth with your hands when you cough...ohhh you're so nasty!!!

Lambchop~

Posted in: Chops' Posts