Meet Me With No Panties On....Audio Post

This is the Songbirds first ever audio post! It was pre-recorded some months ago with all four Songbirds on the line (all talking at one point or another), and has now been transferred onto our blog!

Pretty much, if this post doesnt make you laugh, it'll scare the hell out of you because now you'll hear with your own ears just how insane we can get! And it's only the beginning....

"Original Lyrics"

I was layin in the bed just as nice as you please

When I heard a knock at the door

I reached around and I put my robe on

And I said, "This my house!

I aint got to wear no robe!"

So I took the robe off

I got on up out the bed and walked over to the door

And opened it just as wide as you please

And you know what I told that boy?

I said, "Meet me...meet me...meet me with no panties on!"

Okay I know this post sounded waaaay too crazy, but realize that we warned you in our title, "Four lovely (and utterly insane) caged birds...."

I really doubt that you'll be able to figure out who the "main" Songbird is on this post! You'd be surprised! LOL!

A ~SONGBIRDS~ Collaboration

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AWW HELL TO THE NAW!! (Chops Date File #1)

SPECIAL NOTE: PLEASE TAKE MY SONGBIRD 7/19 POLL ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE BLOG! A friend posed this question to me regarding her boyfriend of 6 months. He has never displayed any "gay" tendencies, but he is very very affectionate with everyone. Recently after dinner with him and his long time guy buddy (also straight), she witnessed her boyfriend giving his buddy a warm hug and a quick peck (kiss) on the lips. She made it very clear that he always gets aroused when in intimate settings with her, so much so that she cant even really fathom that he may not be fully straight. She's pretty convinced that he's just an affectionate guy! Please let me know what you think and if possible add a comment in the polls "comment space" or our chat box after you vote so I can understand where you're coming from. THANKS!!!
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Okay lovely people, you know the drill. I've highlighted the main points for those of you with a short attention span. Feel free to read the whole thing if you like :-)

**Please note that I have coined the phrase, "Aww Hell To The Naw" from the lovely and eloquent Mrs. Whitney Houston on the new reality show "Being Bobby Brown"**
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It was a very hot day on Saturday. I met up with a group of friends at the Greek Theater in Berkeley to enjoy a 9 hour Jazz Festival, with top artists such as Rachelle Ferrell, Laylah Hathaway, Kem, and Boney James!
Now, I dont want to sound pompous...what the hell! I was looking Goowd (better than good)! I had my hair all did up in spirals with a flower to the side, my pretty Aztec looking knee length skirt with my semi-dressy brown wife beater shirt on! Beg, can you say HAWT!!
So, at a certain point I headed down toward the bottom level near the stage (our group was sitting at the very tip top of the theater -closest to the hot blazing sun). I had to watch Rachelle Ferrell do her thing up close!
After watching her performance I began to make my way back up to the grassy area a billion miles away from the stage area. On the way up I noticed that the only men I seemed to be attracting were of the "geriatric era". You know, the ones 10 minutes away from needing you to bathe them and change their poopie diapers.
Anyways, I was blocking attacks all the way back to our set up on the hill when I saw someone I thought looked interesting. He had a nice frame (physically fit), nice face (which was partially covered by his hat). He had on jean shorts, tennis shoes, and this nice looking sleeveless sweater vest deal. He and his friend approached me and we all started to laugh about silly stuff, and of course I entertained them with my off-kilter wit.
The guy's friend's name, well, let's call him Brown. Well, Brown was really cool. He looked to be in his mid-30's. He happened to know all of the women I had met up with (they're all African American bay area lawyers) because he too is a lawyer.
His friend (the one in the hat), let's call him Slippery-G (you'll see why later) started to try to holla, so since I was beginning to get back out there on the "scene" I decided to throw the digits his way. We hung out the rest of the day, talking and laughing. It was fun! He told me how much he loved the movie, "Groundhogs Day" (one of my favorite movies EVER) and I told him how much I loved Whiskey. I'm just kidding. I wouldnt tell him that on the first day!! LOL!!

During our conversation he showed what a funny guy he was! He was telling me about how he didnt think anyone should ever mix wine and punch. He then started listing out all of the different drinks someone COULD mix, but not wine and punch. Then he quickly added, "Not that I'm a wino or anything." I must've laughed soooo hard! He was so good that he pretended with a straight face like he didnt know why I was laughing! I said, "You didnt say, 'not that I'm a drunk, or alcoholic'! No, you said, not that I'm a wino! Who says that today??!!! LOLOLOLOLOL!!!" He then started laughing along with me! Classic!

He could make his voice sound like he was from the south. He made it sound like an old southern preacher. I could see how it could get annoying if it was real, but I loved how he would clown around and start preaching in the middle of his sentences! What a jokester!!

So at the end of the festival we said our goodbyes and he promised to call me the next day in order to see when we can hook up before Tuesday (he had to fly to Europe for a week or two on business).

The next day I received Slippery-G's call. I'm not going to lie, his "funny" preacher voice was becoming a little annoying, but I let that go. He called to see if I wanted to hook up with him and go to the movies or something. I said cool. We ended up meeting up (a few cities away from my own) at Starbucks. I got there first so I ordered myself a Refresh tea and called Beg for some company.

As Beg can recount, I began to get a little nervous. I was really starting to get cold feet for obvious reasons. I started to panic, but Beg calmly reminded me that if he ended up being a freak I never had to talk to him again after today. Comforting enough.

As her reassuring words began to truly sink down into my subconscious, I looked out the Starbucks window to my right and I saw someone that closely resembled Mr. Slippery-G. I had to look a few times because this guy really resembled him, but it COULD'NT be him! I mean, for one thing, this guy was dressed like a 50+ year old man "trying" to look "hip". He was wearing a long silk shirt, tailored silky slacks, and the tipper...with shoes that closely resembled moccasins! You know, those soft leather slipper-like shoes that many of the 50+ generation wear? Yeah, well this guy was wearing the hell out of them.

I looked out the window at the guy a third time as he slowly approached the Starbucks and to my surprised the guy waved at me! What the HELL??? I went into shock, and started rambling into the phone, "Oh my goodness! It think that's him! How old IS HE????" AWW HELL TO THE NAW!!
Beg did what she could to calm me down before he walked through the door, then she hung up. Slippery-G walked up to me and gave me a big hug. We sat for a minute and talked about what we would do next. We decided to go to the movies to see "Wedding Crashers" (funny flick!).
As we walked to the theater (a few blocks down) I noticed that he walked with a limp. Not the hip replacement type of limp, but the, "I used to think I was a pimp" type of limp. I let that go too...for the moment. I had already made my mind up that I was ready to end the date because he was absolutely the opposite of what he portrayed the day before!

Anyway, on the way up the stairs to find a good seat, Slippery-G fell face first onto the stairs! His slippery slipper shoes were obviously not cutting it! LOL! Now I know it's mean to laugh, but if you would've seen how that man went down you would've been howling too!! The rest of the theater did! He was fine though, he made just one comment, "You werent supposed to see that." DUHH!! LOL!

We settled down in the theater and the flick started. It was cool for a second until the first funny incident occurred in the movie. Have you ever been annoyed by that ONE person in the audience right behind you that cackles like a doped up hyena, or maybe they sound like a cracked-out baboon? I have a good hunch it could've been my date "Mr. Slippery-G." He was so annoying that I wanted to take him out back and flog him.

Let's see if I can explain the laugh. Um. Okay. So it started out high pitched, like a little girl screeching at the top of her lungs, then it lowered into a kind of belching/shivering sound. It was one of the most horrendous sounds EVER!! People kept turning around and staring at us. I tried to pretend I wasnt with him, but every time he screamed...I mean, laughed, he would put his hand on my knee and pat it like he was close to falling down again and needed my knee to keep him in an upright position. I honestly felt violated and wanted to put that drink holder arm down between us as a barrier.

After the movie, as I was making my way towards the stairs Slippery-G asked me to wait up because, "Wow! I've gotta get the circulation back in my legs!! Ha Ha Ha!"

I laughed at that and kept walking thinking it was a joke, but when I turned around this fool was actually doing mini-squats in the movie theater isle to get his blood flowing again!! AWW HELL TO THE NAW!!

Now some people may say I'm just way too nice, but I just didnt see anyway to leave at that point without hurting his feelings, so when he asked if we could get something to eat at TGI Fridays, I said, "Um...okay I guess."

At TGI Fridays we got a booth that he said was, "Too soft and cushy for me!" I laughed, but at this point I was sick of pretending to be amused by him. In order to avoid the uncomfortable silence I asked him a few questions about his life and he went on a tangent for at least 2 hours talking about himself. I think I could have actually soiled myself, fallen asleep, and disappeared under the table and he would've kept on talking about how wonderful he was and how bay area women are so sadidy and how they keep thinking they're "Champagne", but not realizing they're actually "lemon water." Whatever the hell that means!

Next we started talking about relationships and he asked about my last serious relationship. I told him a little about my ex, Mr Jacka$$ Circus Midget (for details go HERE , then go HERE for P2)I asked if he had ever been married before. He told me that he had been married for 3 years before divorcing. I asked why they divorced and he said it was because they married when they were, "Really, really, really young." I asked how old he was when he had gotten married and he said "26."

Now, I thought it was odd that he considered 26 to be "really, really, really young." I think it's young but not that young! That's only 3 years younger than m...er...I mean Beg. This comment sparked my ultimate curiosity.

I continued my probe and asked if he had any kids in that marriage and he got really uncomfortable. He answered that he had a daughter before getting married. I asked how old she was. He completely turned his head and looked guiltily in the other direction. I repeated my question and he finally answered..."TWENTY-FIVE YEARS OLD!!!" AWW HELL TO THE NAW!!

I nearly gagged on my lemon water!!! I found a way to choke out the question, "Well how old are you?????????!!!!!!"



Once again I had to ask him twice before he would look me in the eye and tell me. "I'M FORTY-FIVE YEARS OLD!!!"

Now anyone who's dealt with the "OG-TBY-AHOG-TDA" (Old Gangstas Tryna Be Young And Hit On Girls their Daughters Age) crew, you know that when they say 45 years old they really mean between 50 and 55 years old. AWW HELL TO THE NAW!!

Now my eyes were bugging out of my head at this point and I was really about to lose my lunch. Somehow I found the strength to keep it down though. I was out with a guy just a few hairs younger than my own father!!! The more I looked at him I was noticing #1 It's totally possible to have mistaken him for much younger (most African American people age very gracefully) and #2 How much I wanted to kick him in his basket head for being so deceiving!!

I pushed my anger aside and I asked him a very important question, "HOW OLD DO YOU THINK I AM???" To my relief and dismay he answered, "Mid to late twenties."

I say to my relief because I was beginning to think I was starting to look much older than my years, and I was dismayed because his answer meant that he was really on the prowl for young tenderoni's the same age as his daughter!!! Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

Dinner ended shortly after his "coming out", and when he walked me to my car he handed me his card so that I could email (aww) him (hell) while (to) he (the) was (naw!) on (ew) his (ew) business (ew) trip (ew) in (ew) Europe (ew)!!! I told him I'd be in contact and gave him a "C" shaped hug (intended to keep any body part -except the arms- from touching the other parties father-like body), and we parted ways.

Overall I had a very horrible date and it really has me apprehensive about ever doing it again! I'm still grossed out and I dont know how to make this creepy feeling inside go away! Ewwwwww!

So any-who, at least I know now that when he said "wino", when he needed to push the blood back down to his lower half after the show, when he started sounding like an old southern preacher, that he wasnt kidding around. So I guess he's not funny at all.


I dont know if I'll have any other dating files after this one for awhile. I'm pretty grossed out. We shall see. Excuse me. I have to bathe again to wash the old daddy-dirty off.

Always in love...unless you have the nerve to try to learn all about the younger culture, dress like the younger culture, hang with the younger people, hit on the younger women, and cant seem to make it up the stairs at the theater because you're wearing women's moccasins!! They have orthopedic shoes that work much better and you'll have the security of knowing that your feet will remain firmly planted on the floor...unless that hip goes out again! LOL! Jerk.

P.S. I apologize to any "mature" men or women that may have been reading this post and were inadvertently offended. 55 really isnt that old. But if you're 55, lurking around in the shadows, preying on younger women, while intentionally being elusive about your age and pretending to be a MUCH younger man, you deserve to be called a dirty old geezer, and you should have your jello privileges revoked for at least a year, and only one diaper changing a month. That'll teach you! But for the rest, I have nothing but love and respect for you!

***REMEMBER TO VOTE AND COMMENT ON THE SONGBIRD 7/19 POLL!!! THANKS!****

Lambchop (Chops)~

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SELF LOVE ADDICTION

I don't really have a problem in this area but just in case you do I thought these tips might be helpful (lol). This is just part of a list that came from your friendly neighborhood Mormons on overcoming masturbation additction. I found it here.

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A Guide to Self-Control:

1. Never touch the intimate parts of your body except during normal toilet processes.

2. Avoid being alone as much as possible. Find good company and stay in this good company.

3. If you are associated with other persons having this same problem, YOU MUST BREAK OFF THEIR FRIENDSHIP. Never associate with other people having the same weakness. Don't suppose that two of you will quit together, you never will. You must get away from people of that kind. Just to be in their presence will keep your problem foremost in your mind. The problem must be taken OUT OF YOUR MIND for that is where it really exists. Your mind must be on other and more wholesome things. Ja-me I don't think we can be friends anymore...Sorry.

4. When you bathe, do not admire yourself in a mirror. Never stay in the bath more than five or six minutes -- just long enough to bathe and dry and dress AND THEN GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM into a room where you will have some member of your family present.

5. When in bed, if that is where you have your problem for the most part, dress yourself for the night so securely that you cannot easily touch your vital parts, and so that it would be difficult and time consuming for you to remove those clothes. By the time you started to remove protective clothing you would have sufficiently controlled your thinking that the temptation would leave you. Guess I better invest in some pajamas.

6. If the temptation seems overpowering while you are in bed, GET OUT OF BED AND GO INTO THE KITCHEN AND FIX YOURSELF A SNACK, even if it is in the middle of the night, and even if you are not hungry, and despite your fears of gaining weight. The purpose behind this suggestion is that you GET YOUR MIND ON SOMETHING ELSE. You are the subject of your thoughts, so to speak.

7. Never read pornographic material. Never read about your problem. Keep it out of mind. Remember -- "First a thought, then an act." Oh, you better stop reading right now then!

The thought pattern must be changed. You must not allow this problem to remain in your mind. When you accomplish that, you soon will be free of the act.

Suggestions:

1. When the temptation to masturbate is strong, yell STOP to those thoughts as loudly as you can in your mind. It is important to turn your thoughts away from the selfish need to indulge.
Chops if you hear me yelling "stop" at anytime during the next few days don't wonder why.

2. Follow a program of vigorous daily exercise. The exercises reduce emotional tension and depression and are absolutely basic to the solution of this problem. Double your physical activity when you feel stress increasing.

3. Change in behavior and attitude is most easily achieved through a changed self-image. Spend time every day imagining yourself strong and in control, easily overcoming tempting situations.

4. Be outgoing and friendly. Force yourself to be with others and learn to enjoy working and talking to them. Use principles of developing friendships found in books such as How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.

5. Be aware of situations that depress you or that cause you to feel lonely, bored, frustrated or discouraged. These emotional states can trigger the desire to masturbate as a way of escape. Plan in advance to counter these low periods through various activities, such as reading a book, visiting a friend, doing something athletic, etc.

6. Make a pocket calendar for a month on a small card. Carry it with you, but show it to no one. If you have a lapse of self control, color the day black. Your goal will be to have no black days. The calendar becomes a strong visual reminder of self control and should be looked at when you are tempted to add another black day. Keep your calendar up until you have at least three clear months. Yes, avoid "black" days at all costs! Better yet, avoid everything black.

7. A careful study will indicate you have had the problem at certain times and under certain conditions. Try and recall, in detail, what your particular times and conditions were. Now that you understand how it happens, plan to break the pattern through counter activities.

8. In the field of psychotherapy there is a very effective technique called aversion therapy. When we associate or think of something very distasteful with something which has been pleasurable, but undesirable, the distasteful thought and feeling will begin to cancel out that which was pleasurable. If you associate something very distasteful with your loss of self-control it will help you to stop the act. For example, if you are tempted to masturbate, think of having to bathe in a tub of worms, and eat several of them as you do the act.

9. During your toileting and shower activities leave the bathroom door or shower curtain partly open, to discourage being alone in total privacy. Take cool brief showers.

10. Arise immediately in the mornings. Do not lie in bed awake, no matter what time of day it is. Get up and do something. Start each day with an enthusiastic activity.

11. Keep your bladder empty. Refrain from drinking large amounts of fluids before retiring.

12. Reduce the amount of spices and condiments in your food. Eat as lightly as possible at night. huh?

13. Wear pajamas that are difficult to open, yet loose and not binding.

14. Avoid people, situations, pictures or reading materials that might create sexual excitement.

15. It is sometimes helpful to have a physical object to use in overcoming this problem. A Book of Mormon, firmly held in hand, even in bed at night has proven helpful in extreme cases.

16. In very severe cases it may be necessary to tie a hand to the bed frame with a tie in order that the habit of masturbating in a semi-sleep condition can be broken. This can also be accomplished by wearing several layers of clothing which would be difficult to remove while half asleep. hmmmm, ties...great idea!

17. Set up a reward system for your successes. It does not have to be a big reward. A quarter in a receptacle each time you overcome or reach a goal. Spend it on something which delights you and will be a continuing reminder of your progress. I guess that means a porn mag would be a bad idea.

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This post was written in humor and is not intended to offend anyone. I thank God that unlike the Mormon faith my salvation is not based on my own merits, failures, achievements, or shortcomings. If it was I would be on a very short one way trip to the "hot place" as Chops calls it.

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GIRL FIGHT!

***First of all I suppose Ja-me and I owe Chops a very small apology for not announcing her birthday to the blog world (bad blog-mates!) but she seems to have handled it quite nicely herself.***

Chops has already talked about the beginning of her birthday so I'll cover the end....

Sunday, July 3rd (late night)

So after singing for a few hours and going to dinner(Chops will talk about that later..I think) we headed to "da club". In our usual fashion we arrived and hour later than originally planned at 12am (or right on schedule in CP time...LOL) Normally this particular club wouldn't have been crowded but it was the day before the 4th of July so it was packed. Luckily we knew one of the bouncers at the door and with a little encouragement and a small bribe (that chops has sworn me to secrecy about) we convinced him to let us all in. As soon we walked through the doors we realized that going to a club that was filled to capacity may not have been the brightest idea. After 15 minutes of pushing and shoving drunk, nasty, sweaty people we found the bathroom. We then had the pleasure of waiting another 15 minutes to get to the bathroom door (keep in mind clubs in CA close at 1:30-2:00 am and we had already wasted 30 minutes).


(Sidenote #1- Can someone please tell me when butt cleavage became the hot new thing? Half the females in the club had there cracks out for all the world to see. Guess that's just more proof that I've outgrown the hip-hop club scene.)

Okay, back to the story... While Je-Me and I stood in line the rest of the group went to get drinks. The two chicks in front of us were kissing and having a competition to see who could get their a** to shake the fastest while the guy behind us practically fell over trying to see the show. When it was finally my turn to use the bathroom a group of girls walked into the (single stall) bathroom ahead of me. I'm usually not a confrontational person but I had some (bathroom) business to take care of so I walked in with them. I tried to nicely encourage them to leave the but they were drunk and weren't trying to hear it. At this point I was thinking I haven't had a fight since I was 12 years old, there are several of them and only 2 of us, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna ruin my outfit fighting in a bathroom. Suddenly the guy in line behind us came into the bathroom talking s**t to the group of girls. I though that it was rather odd that a guy was in the women's bathroom but I was glad that I didn't have to deal with them anymore. As the drunk girls left I realized that the person I though was a male was actually a female. The rest of the girls I came with were also back from the bar and standing in the hallway (sans earrings and any other jewelry that could have gotten in the way during). I slammed the door (because I was in a hurry to get to the toilet) and then I heard screaming and banging. Apparently the drunk girls were mad that I had slammed the door and were arguing with the girls that I came with. By the time I exited the bathroom everything had settled down and one of the drunk girls came over and apologized.

After narrowly avoiding a fight we walked directly into another one. Two guys and a bouncer were fighting near one of the exit door so we ran down a flight of stairs to a blocked off hallway to avoid being crushed by the crowd upstairs. When the fight was over we found the (less crowded) Reggae room and sat down near a window. One of the guys who had been fighting was passed out in the middle of the street surrounded by cops. We though he was dead but after a few minutes he got up. We spent the rest of the night dancing with vertically and aesthetically challenged men (most of the cute men were more interested in the other guys at the club than the women).

(Question #2- Why are so many reggae songs just remakes of hip-hop/ R&B songs that have been played to death on the radio?)

Since no one was hungry after leaving the club we decided to find something else to do. One of Chops' co-workers suggested that we go to her cousins house party. My last house party experience was not a positive one but since everyone else wanted to go I went along. When we arrived someone noticed that all of the vehicles parked in front of the house were old school- low riders or Harleys. As we walked inside we noticed that most of the people in attendance had tattoos (on their necks and faces) and were wearing scarves. The only furniture in the house was a fold up chair, a big screen TV, and a China cabinet with a 40 oz. of Budweiser prominently displayed on the top shelf. Needless to say we were all a bit nervous and ended up leaving after 15 minutes. The whole experience made me wish I had paid closer attention during Spanish class.

Anyway....Happy 25 for the 4th time Chops!

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R.I.P

REST IN PEACE J.SPENCER

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Chop's Birthday File #1...Gay On My Birthday

QUICK QUESTION: I really would like to know what happened to Curvy's blog. Anyone with details please let me know!!
On to the post.........................
I'm going to break up the events/exploits of my birthday in separate files, otherwise I'll never get to it!! So this post accounts for the morning of my birthday (July 3rd). I've appropriately labeled it "Gay on my birthday". You'll see why....
Sunday, July 3rd:
My attempts to go to church at 8:30am failed since I didnt get to sleep until about 5am (the night before I celebrated my birthday early by going Salsa dancing in the City with my girl Moe, Kris and Jrod. We had so much fun!!)!
My mom and H (step-dad) got to the house at about 11am to take Kris and I to breakfast. As soon as my mom walked into the house she was nagging me about running late (she should be used to it by now!).
When we got to the restaurant everything was cool. She talked to Kris about life and I talked to H about my cousin. Then it happened. What always happens. She brought up my NOT being in a relationship.
reenactment of the conversation:
Chops: "Yeah, It's really cool that TT (cousin) is traveling a lot even though she's not really happy with the amount of time she's away from home...."
Mom: "So speaking of that, why aren't you dating anyone Chops?
H: "On that note I'm going to the bathroom." (He gets up swiftly with a look of utter discomfort on his face)
Chops: "I gotta go to the bathroom too."
Mom: "No you dont, Chops! We have to talk about this!"
Chops: "Yes, I do. Bye."
I stayed in that tiny bathroom as long as I possibly could, knowing that mom would drill the hell out of Kris before my return. I wanted to tell Kris not to say anything, but I thought, "screw it"!
When I got back it seemed like the moment had passed, everyone was cool again, and it was time to go. But of course, once we got back into the car it started up again....
Mom: "Chops, why dont you want to date anyone? Why aren't you dating? Are you gay?"
Chops: "You know what? Yes. I'm gay. Now can we move on?" (Kris laughs out loud)
Mom: "Really Chops. What's the problem? Dont you like guys? I cant imagine why you aren't dating anyone. You dont want to be alone and barren...tons of cats and all that. You know, H and I wont be around forever to keep you company."
Chops: "I told you. I'm gay. I dont want to date men. I only want women." (Kris' really howling now!)
Mom: (flustered and upset) Fine then! Fine! You're gay! I'll hook you up with Mari then! She's gay and she'll be glad to hear that you are too. You can be together...all gay and doing gay stuff! (H turning up the radio in order to disperse this craziness. He looks as though he's having a very unprofessional enema.)
Mom: "TURN THAT RADIO DOWN NOW!!"
Chops: "No. Mari is way too old for me. I like 'em young and tender."
Mom: "Age isn't important Chops! I'm going to hook you and Mari up since you're GAY!" (mom just about screaming at me)
Kris: (joining in to make light of the situation) "I could hook you up with a friend of mine. She's gay too!"
Chops: "Cool, Kris. Is she cute? I only like 'em cute!"
Mom: (beyond pissed off) "Fine then, Fine!!! You're gay! Fine! Be gay!!" (turns her head, and refuses to speak to me for the rest of the ride home)
Back at home when she left she gave me this half ass'd hug and then went to Kris and gave her this big loving hug. LOL! She was pissed all day. H kind of apologized under his breath. LOL! No worries though. I thought it was funny! At least she didnt bring up Beg's name again! LOL!
My mom thought Beg and I were lesbian lovers since we started going to "Salsa" lessons and all these other clubs together. She once asked me if Beg and I go to clubs where they let, "Girls dance with other girls real close like." My mom is seriously in need of help!
To clear it up, my mom really doesn't think I'm gay. She just wants to push me to a point where I'll go out and date someone...ANYONE!! But once I do what she wants, she'll have a fit because the guy I settle for isn't good enough! Crazy! She also knows Beg isn't gay. She's known Beg since we were in Jr. High and knows that she isn't gay...and knows if she was gay she wouldn't be interested in me, and vice versa.
Needless to say, my birthday morning was not the highlight of my day. It does get better though so keep an eye out for follow up birthday files!
*** SPECIAL NOTE: Let me just state for the record that I am NOT gay. Beg is NOT gay. Ja-me is NOT gay. Kris is NOT gay. Also, my mom is really a sweet woman overall. She's just very adamant about my being happy, and is convinced that I cant be REALLY happy unless I'm with a man. She just doesnt realize that I'm happy now! ~~~ Oh! No noodles were harmed in the making of this post.
Always in love...unless you keep hounding me about being gay, then wont accept it when I tell you what you obviously want to hear (whether it's true or not)!!!
Lambchop (AKA) Chops~

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Monterey Files - Exhibit #1 - "Sugar Bear"

Okay I know this is sooooo late, but I wanted to give some excerpts from our Monterey trip! I'll try to do a new one every few days. This is #1...the Sugar Bear incident.

So the main reason I had suggested we go to Monterey for our Meatfest Getaway is because I had to sing at the Monterey Blues Festival that Friday. The performance went really well and I had a blast!

After we left the stage I said my goodbyes to my band members (this was the last time we'll ever perform together) and then went out to find Ja-me and Beg. We walked around a bit and I had a lot of folks coming up to me and saying hi and how the band did such a good job!

Then an older black kat came up to me and shook my hand. He was tall, dressed in ancient gear, and was missing about 85% of his teeth. He told me his name was Sugar-bear from the Chi-lites. He was hilarious. This was pretty much how the conversation went:

Sugar: "Girl you got natural talent. I can help you. I dont know if you know who I am, but I'm Sugarbear from the Chi-Lites"

Me: "I know the Chi-Lites! You guys are great!"

Sugar: "Yeah. I used to be in there but we broke up over some bullsh*t! Anyways, I can help you. I'm going back out to Amsterdam soon I can get you out there. I'm doing it big. You know I hate to admit it but I used to date Chaka Kahn back in the day and we broke up over some bullsh*t! But that's another story. But yeah, I can get you to Amsterdam."

Me: "So are you saying you need a back up singer?"

Sugar: "You aint listening to what I'm telling you!!! I told you, I dated Chaka Kahn! I'm saying I been to Diana Ross' house!!! Daina Ross' house!! You hear what I'm telling you??? Do you???"

Me: (a little frightened at his outburst) "Uh...yeah. I hear you."

Sugar: "So take this number and call me cause I can get you out in Amsterdam. I got connections all over. This number is to my place in Santa Barbara though."

Me: "So you live in Santa Barbara?"

Sugar: "You aint listening to what I'm telling you!!! I said I'm from here to Amsterdam, baby!! Here to Amsterdam!!! Amsterdam!! I'm a writer, producer, artist. All of that! I've been in Diana Ross' house!! AMSTERDAM...!!!"

BEG & Ja-Me insited that I mention that above his phone number he wrote his name and right beneath it he wrote in chicken scratch, "Ex Chi-lite". LOL!

Hmmm. Now is it just me or is he overly excited about Amsterdam?? Anyways. That was Exhibit #1. More lata.

Always in love...unless you get really close to my face while you're talking and you're missing hella teeth so you have absolutely no spit control!!!

Lambchop~

FYI>> I call our outings Meatfests because we all have meat nicknames that no one uses but me. Beg is Bacon, I'm Lambchop, Ja-me is Porkchop, and our silent member Kris is Veal. Now you can all wash your dirty little minds and start out fresh and clean! LOL!

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July 3rd...Happy Birthday to ME!!!!

Yippie! Made it to another birthday! Another year older! I had a great birthday weekend. I'll tell you about it lata. Just wanted to thank Ja-me and Beg for coming out yesterday and hanging with me and my other friends to celebrate my b-day! Hope you had fun, and I'm glad we didnt have to fight them girls in the bathroom after all!

Always in love...unless you try to run up on one of my girls and we have to scuffle!!
Lambchop~

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEEEEE!!!!

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