No more lists!

Well, I thought we were done with the list thing but apparently not....Thanks Coley.
Without further ado...."10 things I love list" (in no particular order)

- Sleeping for hours in a big bed on 1000 count Egyptian Cotton sheets
- Calla lilies
- Listening to Jazz during thunderstorms (preferably in front of a fireplace)
- God
- Hot nights
- That tired/relaxed feeling after a hard workout
- Strong Black Men
- Singing/playing guitar by candlelight
- Spending time with family and friends
- Sushi and Sake at Yoshis

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Lambchops Answers PART 2 (FINAL)

ManNMotion asked...
1. What are your real names? My name is Peaches n'herb

2. What are your addresses? 555 Peaches n'herb lane

3. What are your credit card numbers and expiration dates? 54545555 n'Herb

Dee asked...
1: how did you 3 meet? I think this was covered in Part 1 of my answers.

2: how long have you been friends? Oh Lawd! I think Begs right...about 16 years

3: what keeps the friendship going? Once again, Begs right, definitely medication.

Call 2 Arms asked...
1. Have you already told us why you tried to kill each other in college? Hmmm. I remember that we just had this really weird love hate relationship...like siblings. I remember Beg trying to drown me, and then I remember attempting to push her down a flight of stairs (I caught her before she actually went down though). There wasnt any one thing in particular, just two crazy kids who've known each other waaaaay too long growing up together.

2. Were you dormmates? Yup. In summer bridge. Then when I went off to Basic Training she got an apartment with the psycho. I ended up moving in with them until the whole attempting to kill each other deal started up again. Then I moved into the dorms.

3. Was being dormmates being fun? When it was fun, it was REALLY fun. When it was bad, it was REALLY bad.

4. What's the longest any of you have fallen out and/or not spoken to each other? See Beg's answer cause I cant even remember. I do know that the longest time that Beg and I didnt talk was due to our deciding (okay, me deciding) that we shouldnt sing together anymore.

5. Were you bridesmaids in Ja-me's wedding? Yup! Of course!!

6. Who will be each of your maid's of honor? I dont think I'll have a maid of honor, but if I did I'd have to be my dear friend Moe (whom I've known about 17 years). I honestly couldnt choose between Beg, Jame and Kris (the quiet songbird).

7. Do you like girlfriends? I LOVE Girlfriends!

8. If so whose character are you? We all discussed this at great lengths and I think I'd be a cross between Joan and Lynn (80% Joan and 20% Lynn). Like Lynn I jump around from hobby to hobby and I'll probably only be there for a minute, then I'll move on to the next. In all other ways I favor Joan (her neurotic behavior, boyfriend drama's, etc)

Jez Chill asked...
1> What is your SSN? 555n'herb

2> What is your bank's routing # & checking account #? 555n'herb & 555peaches

3> What is your pin #? PNH (numerical values)

The Saga asked...
1) What could porn actors possibly do for fun during their time off? Vacation in a monastery (LOL!!)

2) Why do people who know the least know it the loudest? To illustrate what bad breading can produce.

3) If women ran the Pentagon, would missiles and submarines be shaped differently? Too easy. Women would've invented a whole new bread of war artillery. Most likely invisible with a powerful punch.

Proactiff asked...
1. What's your favorite snack? Svenhards Butterhorns!!

2. Which do you prefer: Ann Taylor, Banana Republic, BCBG or another designer in particular? I'm not really into brands, hell, I'm not really into clothes in general (until late) but I guess since I've actually bought clothes from Banana Republic, I'd have to say that would be it.

3. What are your shoe sizes? 9 1/2 (yes, I'm the black Olive Oyle)

4. TIA.Bonus Question: How in the world does one AFFORD to live in California if not on a movie star's "Black Card" budget? I'm still trying to figure this one out - see Begs answer. I have a question for you (which may be a stupid one), what does TIA mean???

A.H.ROSTAMI asked...
1. Do marry a man who does'nt believe in God at all, but he loves you very much? My answer mirrors Begs answer exactly.

2. What is your opinion about the movie "the passion of Christ" - I thought it was amazing. In my opinion it stayed to the point, that Jesus Christ bore the weight of our sins/transgressions for the sake of our salvation. I thought it was tasteful and I was crying like a baby by the end. Like Beg said, I felt so loved and so unworthy. The movie visually showed me what I've read in the Bible and brought a whole new perspective evoked so much emotion.


Thanks for the questions! I'm glad it's over though, cause I've got stuff going on that I wouldnt mind blogging about right about now.

Always in love...and that's it!

Lambchop~

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B.E.G'S ANSWERS (THE REST)

ManNmotion

What are you real names? What are your addresses? What are your credit card numbers and expiration dates? Okay, It's official you have issues!!! We have one answer for all of your questions....If you tell us yours we'll tell you ours. :-)

Dee

1) How did you meet? I met chops in a Jr.High math class. I met Ja-me in a gymnastics class a year later. They will elaborate later.

2) How long have you been friends? Almost *gulp* 16 years.

3) What keeps the friendships going? A lot of insanity, and medication.


Call2Arms

1) Why did you try to kill each other in college? Well, after watching a documentary on unusual ways to die I decided to pour water up Chop's noise while she was sleeping to see what would happen. I'm sure she had done something to piss me off but I can't seem to remember what it was. As you can see, she woke up during the process and foiled my plans. Chops will elaborate on the why part....or should I say she will tell you what her warped little brain remembers about it.

2) Were you dorm mates? Yes, during a one month transitional high school to college program we were dorm mates. The experience taught me an invaluable lesson which is, if we value our lives we will never live together again. I also realized that I couldn't stomach living in a room the size of a shoe box. After the program ended I promptly moved off campus into an apartment with someone I later realized was a psychopath. (another bad decision on my part).

3) Was being dorm mates fun? Yep, we had a great time...when we weren't fighting.

4) What's the longest you've gone without speaking? During Ja-me's first year of marriage we rarely heard from her. She was doing the bonding with her husband/ newlywed thing I suppose. She actually called us a few time to tell us not to call because she was having a "special" weekend with her husband and she didn't want to be disturbed. Chops and I went 6 months without speaking after a big fight. I'll let her elaborate on that as well.

5) Where you bridesmaids in Ja-me's wedding? Yep. (pictures to follow)

6) Who will be your maids of honor? If I'm ever blessed enough to find someone I would want to marry I wouldn't have a maid of honor, only bridesmaids (no hurt feeling and everyone could share the responsibilities).

7) Do you like Girlfriends? If so which character are you? When I'm actually off work during the hours the show airs I love it. I would probably be a cross between Lynn and Toni.

Jez Chill

1) What are your SSN's, Bank checking and routing info, and pin numbers? You get the same answer as MNM....Actually,I should give you my checking account number so you can make a few deposits.... Especially since you live outside of Cali now so you should have plenty of money!!

The Saga

Okay...First of all I would like to say great questions! You and MNM are quite entertaining.

1) What could porn actor possibly do for fun during their time off? Well I tried to contact R.Kelly via email but he refused to come out of his closet so I'm not really sure but perhaps you could ask this guy.

2) Why do people who know the least know it the loudest? Hmmm, Once again you got me, but I know someone you could ask.

3) If women ran the Pentagon, would missiles and submarines be shaped differently? I'm not touching that one.....I'll leave it for Ja-me and Chops.


Proactiff

Your welcome!

1) What's your favorite snack? Ohhh, another food question!! Well my favorites snacks are Frosted Mini Wheat cereal and Turkey bacon (sorry, I know you are veggi person) or Asparagus.

2) Which do you prefer: Ann Taylor, Banana Republic, BCBG or another designer in particular? While I love shopping and clothes I'm not really into brand names. If I had to choose from the provided options it would have to be BCBG. I love their clothes and they also have really cute shoes, my favorite thing to shop for!!!

3) What's your shoe size? I wear between a 7 and a 7 1/2 . I will gladly provide my P.O Box for anyone who's interested in sending gifts. :-)

4)How does one afford to live in Cali? I haven't figured it out yet, I'll let you know if I do......Just kidding. I've lived in California all of my life so I'm use to the cost of living. I have accepted that (as a 1 income household/single person) I have to settle for a little less (property wise) if I want to live anywhere near my job. The upside is that I love the ethnic diversity in the Bay Area and would never want to live anywhere that wasn't. I can drive two hours in any direction and find any climate or environment I want (snow, desert, city, country etc...) Also, if I ever decide to move out of state I can buy a good sized home for the same price as a one bedroom condo here.

A.H.ROSTAMI

1) Would you marry a man who does not believe in God, but loves you very much? It is very important to me that the man I marry have a strong relationship with God so the answer is NO, I would not. As old fashioned as this may sound I believe that a women should be submissive towards her husband and for me to take on that role I need to be 100% certain that the choices and decision he (and we) make for our family line up with the principals and morals I believe in. (When I say submissive I don't mean in a whatever you say goes type of way..... I have opinions about everything and I am not the type to hold my tongue and bow down. I simply mean that I would be respectful of his opinions [as he would be of mine] and that ultimately he would get the final say in most situations...Hey I'm trying!) When (and if) I have children I intend to raise them as Christians.....that would be rather hard to do if my husband did not have the same desires. Lastly I believe that most people who have a relationship with God have a good understanding of what love truly is and in turn will love me the way God intended. I could go on but I'm sure Ja-me and Chops will cover the rest.

2) What is your opinion about the movie "The passion of Christ"? It was very hard for me to watch that movie because I don't like to see violence in any form. However, I realize that my salvation is directly tied into the suffering that Jesus had to endure so that I would not be condemned to Hell for eternity. I am usually non-emotional but after watching the movie I felt sad and loved because it clearly shows how much God sacrificed for little ole me.

Thanks for asking!

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Lambchops Answers (PART 1)

Tha G Perspective asked....

1. Have you ever been married? No, I've never been married (*whew*).
2. If not what's the closest you've been? The closest was my jack ass circus midget of an ex-boyfriend, "Mr. Circus Midget". He had been hounding me about how he KNEW he wanted to marry me from the day he realized he loved me (a year before we actually started dating) and that he was just waiting for ME. Shortly after I gave in he started acting up. First off he was going to give me the USED ring that his ex-fiance had been given years prior (there were scratches and dulled platinum on the band from almost a years wear and tear). Then he started acting funny like I was trying to trap HIM into marrying ME!! I didn't even bring up marriage first!! He's completely looney tunes (notice this is present tense). To read up about my last woes with the circus freak go HERE-1 and then HERE-2 for the sequel.

1. How did you all come to know each other? Beg and I met in 8th grade in our math class. She and I had to sit next to each other. I remember sitting there, disliking her at first sight, watching in disgust as she sat there sucking on aspirin (yes... I said concentrated ASPIRIN) like it was a freaking jolly rancher. I realized then that I could never be friends with a freak. My, how things change!
   I met Ja-me sometime in Elementary school. I was in the 6th and she was in the 5th. I don't remember how we met, I just remember her always being in my life. We got closer in Jr. High, then closest in High School. We must've been drawn to each other since we both had messed up home lives!
2. Are any two of you closer with each other, and has this ever brought about jealousy in the odd one out? I have to lean towards Beg's answer. There's a 4th Songbird who has yet to become part of this blog (maybe soon?) so whenever two are closer the other two happen to also start hanging out more as well. I do recall a time in High School, though. I think it must've been our Jr. year. We all became cheerleaders and I (being the rebel weirdo that I am) decided I didn't want to be apart of that mindless materialistic bunch of "widgets" so I quit (had something to do with the Captain wanting everyone to buy these expensive a$$ plain white shoes, when I'd already bought some very economical plain white shoes. I yelled at her and possibly threatend her. Shortly after this incident I decided I wasn't the "cheerleader" type). So I did end up feeling a bit like the odd one out since they (the other 3) had that in common, but I've always been a drifter and would hang out with tons of different people all the time so it wasn't that bad :-)
3. Do any of you have separate groups of friends and if so do they get along with this group? Oh yeah! We all have separate groups of friends. For the most part, they all know about each other even if they haven't actually met. The ones that have met have gotten along mainly because we pick and choose the ones we think will have something in common and wont be frightened at how psycho we act when we (the songbirds) get together.
   

The Brutha Code asked...

1. What was your first kiss like? I had to chew on this question for a bit. See, I wanted to say my first kiss was in kindergarten but Beg said that it really didn't count (hater). So I'd have to say my first kiss was at 17 years old in the high school Science building with my first official boyfriend (whom I would deny knowing if I saw him in the street). It was a great kiss only because I didn't really have much to compare it to, plus I was soooo in "like" with him and excited to have a boyfriend that I think if he had burped in my mouth I would've thought it was cute...odd, but cute (I'm really exaggerating!!).
2. Favorite song that came out before 1980? Wow. I have a few. I'm glad you asked - The Knack: My Sharona, The Doobie Brothers: What a fool believes, Chic: Le Freak, KC and the Sunshine Band: That's the Way I Like It, Sister Sledge: We Are Family, Marvin Gaye: What's Going On.......and on and on and on.
3. Last and next you place you traveled: Last place I traveled to was Encenada (go HERE to see a post on it). Next place? Probably to Hawaii to visit my sister.
4. Plan to travel to? I plan to go back to France and to visit England. I really would like to go to Puerto Rico (I think we're going there for both Beg & my 30th bday!)
   
   
   

Miki asked...

1. What turns you off the most in a man? Conceit, Bad Breath, Humorlessness, Materialistic, Circus Midget Freakiness, hands smaller than mine, Circus Midget Complex (aka - short-mans complex), Overly sensitive....did I mention Circus Midget Freakiness???
2. What character trait is most important to you when choosing a friend? A loving personality who loves to laugh, doesn't let the petty things in life deteriorate a good friendship, accepts me for who I am, doesnt try to manipulate others, and is giving (Ja-me...gimme $20 please).
3. What is you favorite dessert? Chocolate Cake, Dutch Apple Pie, Chocolate Ice Cream, Svenhards Butter Horns, Daiquiri Ice, Chocolate Cookies, Mrs. Fields Cinnamon & Sugar Cookies, Watchamacallit Candy Bar, Pure Cane Sugar on the rocks straight from the box..... Yes, I know I'll most likely be obese with high blood pressure and diabeties by the age of 35. Beg & Ja-me will have to wheel me to the car and I'll travel everywhere on the hood or maybe on the flat bed of the uhaul. I have no problem with that... STOP JUDGING ME...unless you wouldnt mind helping to hose me down at bath time when I reach 600 pounds and cant lift my own arms!!!! LOL :)
   

coley asked...

1. When can I hear you sing? Beg has my cd. Tell her to play it for you. I'll sing for you when I see you again and the opportunity presents itself.
2. What is your biggest regret so far in life? Hooking up with my ex-Jacka$$ Mr. Circus Midget (still a little jaded)
3. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Oh Lawd! Hell if I know. My life is drastically different than what I'd planned. Every time I make a plan I change my mind once I get what I thought I wanted, or I grow and decide that it's not really what I need. So I guess I really cant say. I see myself as being alive, but even that's not promised!!
4. What's your Favorite restaurant? Love these food questions!! Lemme see... Benihana (Japanese), Red Lobster, Casa Orozco (Mexican), Buca di beppo (Italian).... to name a few from the top.

So this is the first half of my answers. If you have any additional questions let us know! More later.
Always in love...unless you refuse to help Beg & Ja-me hose me down when I'm 600 pounds in need of a serious washing and you call yourself my FRIEND. Jerk.
Lambchop~

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B.E.G's Answers (half of them)

G perspective-

Getting married? I am a private person so unless something amazing happens (dating wise) I usually don't talk about it....Now to the question. I was engaged to a man that I'd been in an 8 year relationship with (mistake #1). After 8 months of being engaged I realized that he was not the person for me, nor was I for him. Over the years we grew into each other but were never truly compatible. He was 12 years older than me and we had different life goals, different expectation of marriage, different backgrounds and several other issues that made marriage a bad choice so I ended it. I do hope to find that special person someday but the clock hasn't started ticking (yet). As I've gotten older my expectations for a mate have drastically changed and to be honest most of the people I've dated thus far have fallen short. I'm happy being single and I don't want to go from happy to miserable just to say that I have a husband.

1) How'd we meet? I met chops in a Jr. High math class, I met Ja-me a year later.

2) Who is closest? We have gone through fazes when we were closer to one person or another. Sometimes it does cause stress but there is never an odd one out because there are actually four of us (the fourth person does not blog with us). We all have completely different
personalities so I guess we deal with whoever matches our mood at the time.

3) Separate friends? We all have separate groups of friends and most of them get along...except Ja-me's friends, they make Chops and I a little nervous.

Brutha Code-

1) First Kiss? One word, "Terrible!" I was 15 and I met this guy at an event called Festival at the Lake in Oakland (that has since been cancelled due to folks acting ignorant). Anyway he came over one day when I was home alone to " hang out" for a few hours. I spent most of the day avoiding him because I knew that I would have to kiss him at some point and was scared shitless. When I finally convinced him to leave he grabbed me and tried to kiss me. Before I knew what was happening his nasty little tongue was darting around my lips like a snake trying to get into a hole. I pulled away and pretended that I had to use the bathroom. When I came out he tells me "You are a terrible kisser! That is the worst I've ever had." He left a few minutes later......I think I've improved since then.

2) Favorite Pre 80's song? It's a toss up, Voyage to Atlantis (Isley Brothers...I think that came out before 1980) or You Are My Starship (Norman Connors)

3) Trips? Last place: Vegas ( doesn't really count as a trip) Next place: Trip from Monte Carlo to Athens.

Miki-

1) Biggest turn offs in a man?....hmmm, lack of ambition, laziness, low self confidence, excessive body hair.
2) Important Character traits in friends? Reliability and trustworthiness
3) Favorite Desert? Cinnamon Bun from Cinnabon yummy! *drooling*

Coley-

1) Why aren't you affectionate? Is there a child hood horror story that I don't know about? Child hood horror story....Well I wouldn't call it that. My father was very sick when I was born and was suppose to pass away by the time I was three. He actually lived until I was 20 and for all twenty years I watched him die. I decided that being emotional was a waste of time so I learned to suppress all emotion and be the "strong one" in the family. For me that meant no displays of emotion (hugging included). I have since learned to be affection with males (probably overly affectionate) but not females. I'm not sure why that is but I'm learning to feel my feelings and all that kind of crap.

1) Any regrets? While my life hasn't been all fun and games my experiences make me who I am today so I really don't have any regrets (except the chili cheese fries I just ate......bleeeech!).

2) Where do I see myself in 5 years? Well I guess I should have a fully planned out scripted response to this question but I don't. I think I'm a go with the flow type person. Perhaps I'll be married with a kid, or maybe I'll still be single traveling the world. I guess I'm open...... All I know is that I will be happy with wherever God takes me in life.

3)Favorite restaurant? Another toss up between MECCA and Thanh Long (Not as pretentious as Crustations and the food is better.) Farallon is a close third..can you tell I luv to eat!

Okay, well blogger just deleted half of my post so I'm gonna go smash my computer now. I'll re-answer the rest later.

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Any questions?

None of us have anything exciting or interesting to say right now so we've decide to follow in the footsteps of several other bloggers and do the 3 questions thing. We will either take a picture (if possible) of what you request or answer most questions so ask away! Also, if we don't get any requests this post will be deleted.... Just like it never happened.

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Salsa Files....

You all must know by now that I'm notorious for lengthy posts! So I'm going to try to make the bolded lines deal a regular thing for all of you with attention spans like Beg & Ja-me! So if you dont really want to read the whole thing, just read the bolded lines for an overview, then come back later to read the whole thing!!


Beg, you left out so much from your last post! Go HERE to read it.


First off Beg is also an excellent dancer (singer, song writer, guitar player, not to mention having the uncanny ability to shop for 4 + hours straight at forever 21!) . She's being way too modest. She seems to believe she's just an average dancer, but one of our fellow students (who I consider to be an expert) told me that we both are pretty good when you consider how long we've actively been learning.


The night we went to tha Down Low club in Berkeley, Beg and I both ended up having to dance with our instructor. It was soooo nerve racking! He kept telling me to relax and have fun. I responded by yelling at him, "How can I relax?? I'm dancing with my freakin' teacher!!! STOP JUDGING ME!!!" He told me he wasnt judging me, but I'm no fool!

Beg told me that when she danced with the instructor he kept turning away from her to laugh! I know that's not true because I was watching and she did great!

Oh! One last note on Club night last week - we both danced with this little hyper guy. When he was dancing alone he was quite impressive. It's when he had to interact with others that we had the problem. I cant even explain how he was dancing! I cant do him justice! All I can say is that he was constantly on his tippy-toes swirling around and doing some sort of jerky "I'm hopped up on X" movements.

It was so confusing that I ended up accidentally scratching him in the eye, stepping on his foot, and hitting him in the head with my elbow. It must've looked like he was being attacked on the dance floor. At one point he yelled, "MY EYE!!! MY EYE!!!"

Now onto my dance partner(s):
(A recount of the events that occurred)

Cuban Salsa Guy~
Beg is completely on the money as far as the fact that my first dance partner is one of the few...lets just say he was probably the only attractive male in our class.

On the last day of class, Beg went to the restroom in order to escape from Chicken Man for the umpteenth time. While she was gone Salsa guy walked over to talk to me. He asked me if I wanted to go out and practice what we've learned sometimes. He mentioned that he had been wanting to ask me since the first day of class but he kept forgetting. Riiiight.

By that time Beg had come back and was sitting with her cell phone glued to her face...now I know that she was faking it!! I turned to her and told her that Salsa guy and I were gonna be dance partners. We then exchanged numbers.

This is the tricky part. He suggested we exchange numbers. I gave him my number, and I told him my name (in case he'd forgotten) as well as the spelling. He turned to look at me intently and said, "I know your name Chops" (of course he used my real name). I was blown. Did that mean I was supposed to know his???

He called my phone so that I could save his number. I began the process of saving his number, and when it was time to enter his name I turned to look at him expectantly. He proceeded to talk about other stuff as though the exchange had been completed. I sat there baffled. I closed my phone without adding his name and continued the conversation.

I realize that I'm a complete and utter dork for not asking him for his name, so constant reminders from blog world friends is not necessary....welcome, but not necessary.

So Cuban Salsa Guy and I began to get a little better acquainted. He told me he used to play guitar in a Cuban band (this is why Beg thinks he's Cuban) and that he was majoring, or had majored in Music. I thought this was really cool since I love music and guitar. I'm thinking he could give me some extra pointers (on the guitar freaks!).

On the way home I saved Cuban Salsa's guys number under "Salsa". Sad, huh? Well the worst part is that he just called me yesterday while I was rushing to go to the Maroon 5 concert. I was excited. I admit it. I was finally going to know this mans name! I let the call go to voicemail since I was running so late and I didnt want to be rude on the phone. Little did I know....my freaking voicemail was full!!! How sick is that!! My voicemail is filled with friends and family (mainly Beg) leaving song telegrams! They're hilarious and I dont want to delete them!!

So now I gotta either wait to see if he'll call again, or call him myself and run the risk of not knowing his name for lord only knows how much longer! I would feel like an idiot asking for his name now!!! It's too late!

Indian Salsa Guy is different because he knew to spell his name out. See! No problems there! I dont know when I'm going to be able to find time to practice with both guys. I just have no clue.

This Sunday was supposed to be the day I go dancing with Cuban Salsa Guy, but I forgot it's Mothers Day, so I gotta let him know soon. I dont know if I should call him to reschedule. I would rather wait till he calls again and let him announce himself. Oh Lawd! What the hell should I do???

I didnt want to end it this way, but there it is. I just wanted to expound on Beg's post.

Always in love...unless you arrogantly think that you're so memorable and important that your name could never be forgotten by semi-strangers! You missed the hint... me telling you my name again is the ultimate hint!!! I miss the days of the pen and the pad, when people would simply shove the pad & pen into the other persons hand and tell them to write all their info down!!

Lambchop~

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Dancing Queen

"You’re a teaser, you turn ’em on. Leave them burning and then you’re gone. Looking out for another, anyone will do You’re in the mood for a dance And when you get the chance.

You are the dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen (twenty eight) Dancing queen, feel the beat from the tambourine. You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the dancing queen..."

-Abba-

It's official. The newly crowned, hands down, dancing queen*/ It girl of the year is Lambchops! *and the crowd goes wild* Not only can she, sing (very well), write songs, play guitar, and hack into a computer systems like nobody's business (but you didn't hear that from me) apparently she can dance too.

I needed a change of pace so I decided to take a salsa class and invited Chops to join me. She was a bit apprehensive in the beginning but with a little coaxing she gave in. The first class was very slow and geared towards what I will call the "rhythmically challenged" so we decided to stick around and take the intermediate class. The 2nd class was a bit more our speed but I felt that we still needed to take the beginning class to learn the basic steps. Chops thought that we should either discontinue the classes all together or find an advanced class. The fact that Chicken Man was in both of the classes didn't ’t help the situation much either.

We decided to take both classes for the first month and then move to advanced later. Not to toot our own horns but we were two of the best (female) dancers in the class (which really isn’t saying much now that I think about it). Then something strange happened. In one of my many attempts to elude Chicken Man I left Chops sitting alone in the dance studio. As I came back from my 4th trip to bathroom (in 15 minutes) I found Chops sitting next to one of the few (attractive) good dancers in the class. I wasn’t sure if they were having a casual conversation or if it was a hook-up type thing. I didn’t want to be a c**k blocker so I sat a few chairs away and listened in while pretending to make a call on my cell phone. Well it seems that “Cuban Salsa” (that’s what Chops calls him because she no idea [to this day] what his name is) wanted her to be his “dance partner”. We still aren’t exactly clear what that means but after trying to wiggle her way out of it she finally agreed.

Fast forward to last week. Another day, another class. Once again I was doing my best to avoid Chicken Man after class. Chops was dancing with this Indian guy and I noticed they were (or should I say he was) talking quite a bit. Chops looked a little stressed but continued to dance. A few minutes later she walks over with a confused look, bites her lip, and says, “I think I have another dance partner.” Isn’t that kinda like two timing? (I think that’s what we called it in Jr. High LOL) No need to tell you that she didn’t know this ones name either. So now I’m baffled because Chops has a problem with commitment (it is rare that she commits to anything) and a very busy schedule yet somehow she plans to fit 2 bands, a full time job, church, and 2 “dance partners” into her life. Interesting.

Okay, so now you’re all caught up. Last night, after a month of classes we decided that it was time to test out our new skills. We went here for salsa night and of course the first person we ran into was the teacher from our class. We decided that avoidance would be the best plan and headed to the bar. After a drink or two for courage we worked our way back toward the dance floor. (I forgot to mention that while at the bar we made friends [and I use that term loosely] with some old fool who said he was going to teach us how to dance. I ignored him but Chops being the social person that she is was chatting away.) Just as I finished my drink the guy from the bar came over looking for someone to dance with. Chops hadn’t finished her drink so she pushed me towards him and laughs. Before I knew what was happening I was dancing with someone who I think was a distant relative of Chicken Man because he did the same strange foot shuffling/scratching thing while dancing. Thank God it was a short song and I promptly sat down once it ended. The next song started immediately and Chops was nowhere in site. I though that she had gone to bathroom so I decided to watch the dancers. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed a very good dancer spinning and twirling around. She looked a little like Chops but without my glasses I’m as blind as a bat so I wasn’t sure. At the end of the song this person walked over to my table and to my surprise it was her. She always did well in class but somehow she turned into a professional when she got up in da club (or perhaps it was just the whisky). Her three additional “dance partner” offers that night seemed to think she was a pretty good dancer too. The rest of the night went well and we both had a great time but you what, I think it was a set up. She feigned disinterest in the begging then let loose when it was show time.

Oh well, at least I’ll be entertained while she tries to keep all her new “dance partners” (or the rainbow coalition as I call them) satisfied and separated.

*Sorry Kell you’ve been de-throwned…for now anyway.

~B.E.G~

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An Ode To Black Chicken Man

The following song is an ode to Black Chicken Man (click HERE to read up on him. It should be sung with the "Oh Christmas Tree" melody (you know the old Christmas carol: "O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree! How are thy leaves so verdant! O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree, How are thy leaves so verdant!
Not only in the summertime, But even in winter is thy prime.
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree, How are thy leaves so verdant! O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree, Much pleasure doth thou bring me!")
My Ode To Chicken Man:

-Oh Chicken Man, Black Chicken Man, I itch when you are near me
-Oh Chicken Man, Black Chicken Man, your body smells like fe-ces (excrement)

-Your hair is wet, and drenched in sweat
-You like to rub, our hands in it

-Oh Chicken Man, Black Chicken Man, You're stinky and you're vi-le

-Oh Chicken Man, Black Chicken Man, You are so in de-nial

-You love to strut, your Chicken dance
-We wish you'd wash, your stinkin' pants

-Oh Chicken Man, Black Chicken Man, your fingers smell like bi-le

-Oh Chicken Man, Black Chicken Man, your dirty hands need di-al

-There's dirt under your finger nails

-There's fungi growing under there

(optional ending: You may well be a nice guy,

but your smell burns my freakin' eyes)

-Oh Chicken Man, Black Chicken Man, I itch when you are near me!

---------------------------------------------

So Beg and I went to our salsa lesson on Tuesday and unfortunately we were unable to escape the Black Chicken Man. I hesitate to speak of it because the very thought makes me want to puke.

Well, I got stuck with him for what seemed like a lifetime. I held my breath the entire time and I tried my best not to look at his hands (which happened to be ridden with dirt and some sort of sludge). I thought I had made it through without any really bad issues until he decided he wanted to try a move from last week.

Last weeks class was a much more intimate lesson where the guy would place the girls arms over his head and onto his neck (all sexy-like). Before I knew what was happening this dirty fool had taken my arms and slid it all through his dirty, stank-nasty, sweaty hair and onto his equally nasty, stank-sweaty neck.

I snatched my hand back and told him I had completely forgotten how to dance entirely and moved away. Luckily it was finally time to switch up partners.

I ran to Beg and told her I had to step out for a few and quickly made my way to the bathroom where I thoroughly scrubbed the skin off of my hands, arms, and for good measure I included my shoulders and neck (just in case the critters on him happened to make their way onto me).

I still think he's in love with Beg since he kept asking me about whether I went to Vegas with her (I think he was trying to corroborate her story). She's in denial about that though.

I love salsa! It's so much fun! Anyone who hasn't tried it should!

Oh! I'm so excited! Tonight is the Maroon 5 concert!!! Yahooooooo!

Always in love...unless you have the hygiene of a diseased wart-hog and have the nerve to touch another living being (animal or human) with your foul smelling, sweaty, stank-funk-nasty hands!! You disgust me!!!

Lambchop~

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The Jerk!

Anyone who hasn't seen the jerk MUST SEE IT! I've loved this movie for as far back as I can remember. Steve Martin is a comic genius in my book.

Martin plays "Navin", a white man who was raised by a southern black family. He doesn't realize that he isn't black until he's an adult and his mom breaks it to him on his birthday (he finally figured out why his favorite meal was tuna fish salad on white bread with mayonnaise, a Tab (the drink) and a couple of Twinkies. LOL!!) . Upon finding out he's white he exclaims," You mean I'm going to stay this color?!!" He then decides to set out in search of his special purpose and to experience the wonders of the world!

Navin's (Steve Martin) first monologue tells it all:
(Our hero, Navin, is sitting at the bottom of a staircase, looking like a bum.)
Navin: "Huh? I am not a bum, I'm a jerk. I once had wealth, power, and the love of a beautiful woman. Now I only have two things. My friends and... uh... my thermos. Huh? My story? O.k. It was never for easy for me. I was born a poor black child. I remember the days sitting on the porch with my family singing and dancing, down in Mississippi."


Memorable Quotes from The Jerk (1979)

Navin R. Johnson: For one dollar I'll guess your weight, your height, or your sex.

Navin R. Johnson: Well I'm gonna to go then. And I don't need any of this. I don't need this stuff, and I don't need you. I don't need anything except this [picks up an ashtray]

Navin R. Johnson: and that's it and that's the only thing I need, is this. I don't need this or this. Just this ashtray. And this paddle game, the ashtray and the paddle game and that's all I need. And this remote control. The ashtray, the paddle game, and the remote control, and that's all I need. And these matches. The ashtray, and these matches, and the remote control and the paddle ball. And this lamp. The ashtray, this paddle game and the remote control and the lamp and that's all I need. And that's all I need too. I don't need one other thing, not one - I need this. The paddle game, and the chair, and the remote control, and the matches, for sure. And this. And that's all I need. The ashtray, the remote control, the paddle game, this magazine and the chair.

Mother: Navin, I'd love you if you were the color of a baboon's ass.

Navin R. Johnson: I was born a poor black child.

[first lines] Navin R. Johnson: Huh? I am not a bum. I'm a jerk. I once had wealth, power, and the love of a beautiful woman. Now I only have two things: my friends and... uh... my thermos. Huh? My story? Okay. It was never easy for me. I was born a poor black child. I remember the days, sittin' on the porch with my family, singin' and dancin' down in Mississippi.
[a sniper keeps missing Navin and hitting cans of motor oil]

Navin R. Johnson: He hates these cans. Stay away from the cans.

[Navin recites some wisdom]
Navin R. Johnson: Lord loves a workin' man; don't trust whitey; see a doctor and get rid of it.

Navin R. Johnson: [singing] I'm picking out a Thermos for you. Not an ordinary Thermos for you. But the extra best Thermos that you can buy, with vinyl and stripes and a cup built right in.
Navin R. Johnson: The new phone book's here. The new phone book's here. This is the kind of spontaneous publicity I need. My name in print. That really makes somebody. Things are going to start happening to me now.

Navin R. Johnson: [Speaking to Marie in bed while she sleeps] I know we've only known each other four weeks and three days, but to me it seems like nine weeks and five days. The first day seemed like a week and the second day seemed like five days. And the third day seemed like a week again and the fourth day seemed like eight days. And the fifth day you went to see your mother and that seemed just like a day, and then you came back and later on the sixth day, in the evening, when we saw each other, that started seeming like two days, so in the evening it seemed like two days spilling over into the next day and that started seeming like four days, so at the end of the sixth day on into the seventh day, it seemed like a total of five days. And the sixth day seemed like a week and a half. I have it written down, but I can show it to you tomorrow if you want to see it.

Mother: Navin, it's your birthday, and it's time you knew. You're not our natural-born child.
Navin R. Johnson: I'm not? You mean I'm gonna STAY this color?

Stan Fox: [Stan Fox's glasses keep slipping off] Damn these glasses.
Navin R. Johnson: Yes, sir. [to the glasses] I damn thee.

Navin R. Johnson: Why are you crying? And why are you wearing that old dress?
Marie: Because I just heard a song on the radio that reminded me of the way we were.
Navin R. Johnson: What was it?
Marie: "The Way We Were."

Navin R. Johnson: First I get my name in the phone book and now I'm on your ass. You know, I'll bet more people see that than the phone book.

Navin R. Johnson: [in bed] You look so beautiful and peaceful, you almost look dead. And I'm glad, because there's something I want to say that's always been very difficult for me to say. [pause], "I slit the sheet, the sheet I slit, and on the slitted sheet I sit." There. I've never been relaxed enough around anyone to say that.

Navin R. Johnson: I'm gonna bounce back and when I do I'm gonna buy you a diamond so big it's gonna make you puke.
Marie: I don't wanna puke.

Navin R. Johnson: Good things are gonna start happening to me now. [Crazy guy with gun scrolls through a phone book]
Sniper: Navin R. Johnson... Sounds like a typical asshole.

Motel Guest: Don't call that dog "lifesaver;" call him "shithead."

Navin R. Johnson: Now be totally honest. You do have a boyfriend don't you.
Marie: Kind of
Navin R. Johnson: I know this is our first date but do you think the next time you make love to your boyfriend you could think of me?
Marie: Well I haven't made love to him yet.
Navin R. Johnson: That's to bad. Do you think its possible that someday could make love with me and think of him.
Marie: Who knows maybe you and he could make love and you could think of me.
Navin R. Johnson: I'd be happy to be in there somewhere.

New Accounts Bank Manager: I will need two pieces of identification.
Navin R. Johnson: ah yes. I have my temporary driver's license - and - my astronaut application form... I didn't pass that though, I failed everything but the date of birth.

Marie: I don't care about losing all the money. It's losing all the stuff.

Sniper: Die, you random son of a bitch. [shoots at Navin]

[last lines] Navin R. Johnson: [voiceover] I was so glad to be going home. I remembered the days when I sang and danced with my family on the porch of the old house. But things change, and with all the additions to the family, we had to tear down the old house, even though we loved it. But we built us a bigger one.

Navin R. Johnson: Good Lord - I've heard about this - cat juggling! Stop! Stop! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Good. Father, could there be a God that would let this happen?

Hilarious!

Always in love...unless you're a sadistic freak who juggles cats!!
Lambchop~

The Script is HERE

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