Wednesday, July 13, 2005

GIRL FIGHT!

***First of all I suppose Ja-me and I owe Chops a very small apology for not announcing her birthday to the blog world (bad blog-mates!) but she seems to have handled it quite nicely herself.***

Chops has already talked about the beginning of her birthday so I'll cover the end....

Sunday, July 3rd (late night)

So after singing for a few hours and going to dinner(Chops will talk about that later..I think) we headed to "da club". In our usual fashion we arrived and hour later than originally planned at 12am (or right on schedule in CP time...LOL) Normally this particular club wouldn't have been crowded but it was the day before the 4th of July so it was packed. Luckily we knew one of the bouncers at the door and with a little encouragement and a small bribe (that chops has sworn me to secrecy about) we convinced him to let us all in. As soon we walked through the doors we realized that going to a club that was filled to capacity may not have been the brightest idea. After 15 minutes of pushing and shoving drunk, nasty, sweaty people we found the bathroom. We then had the pleasure of waiting another 15 minutes to get to the bathroom door (keep in mind clubs in CA close at 1:30-2:00 am and we had already wasted 30 minutes).


(Sidenote #1- Can someone please tell me when butt cleavage became the hot new thing? Half the females in the club had there cracks out for all the world to see. Guess that's just more proof that I've outgrown the hip-hop club scene.)

Okay, back to the story... While Je-Me and I stood in line the rest of the group went to get drinks. The two chicks in front of us were kissing and having a competition to see who could get their a** to shake the fastest while the guy behind us practically fell over trying to see the show. When it was finally my turn to use the bathroom a group of girls walked into the (single stall) bathroom ahead of me. I'm usually not a confrontational person but I had some (bathroom) business to take care of so I walked in with them. I tried to nicely encourage them to leave the but they were drunk and weren't trying to hear it. At this point I was thinking I haven't had a fight since I was 12 years old, there are several of them and only 2 of us, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna ruin my outfit fighting in a bathroom. Suddenly the guy in line behind us came into the bathroom talking s**t to the group of girls. I though that it was rather odd that a guy was in the women's bathroom but I was glad that I didn't have to deal with them anymore. As the drunk girls left I realized that the person I though was a male was actually a female. The rest of the girls I came with were also back from the bar and standing in the hallway (sans earrings and any other jewelry that could have gotten in the way during). I slammed the door (because I was in a hurry to get to the toilet) and then I heard screaming and banging. Apparently the drunk girls were mad that I had slammed the door and were arguing with the girls that I came with. By the time I exited the bathroom everything had settled down and one of the drunk girls came over and apologized.

After narrowly avoiding a fight we walked directly into another one. Two guys and a bouncer were fighting near one of the exit door so we ran down a flight of stairs to a blocked off hallway to avoid being crushed by the crowd upstairs. When the fight was over we found the (less crowded) Reggae room and sat down near a window. One of the guys who had been fighting was passed out in the middle of the street surrounded by cops. We though he was dead but after a few minutes he got up. We spent the rest of the night dancing with vertically and aesthetically challenged men (most of the cute men were more interested in the other guys at the club than the women).

(Question #2- Why are so many reggae songs just remakes of hip-hop/ R&B songs that have been played to death on the radio?)

Since no one was hungry after leaving the club we decided to find something else to do. One of Chops' co-workers suggested that we go to her cousins house party. My last house party experience was not a positive one but since everyone else wanted to go I went along. When we arrived someone noticed that all of the vehicles parked in front of the house were old school- low riders or Harleys. As we walked inside we noticed that most of the people in attendance had tattoos (on their necks and faces) and were wearing scarves. The only furniture in the house was a fold up chair, a big screen TV, and a China cabinet with a 40 oz. of Budweiser prominently displayed on the top shelf. Needless to say we were all a bit nervous and ended up leaving after 15 minutes. The whole experience made me wish I had paid closer attention during Spanish class.

Anyway....Happy 25 for the 4th time Chops!

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

R.I.P

REST IN PEACE J.SPENCER

Friday, July 08, 2005

Chop's Birthday File #1...Gay On My Birthday

QUICK QUESTION: I really would like to know what happened to Curvy's blog. Anyone with details please let me know!!
On to the post.........................
I'm going to break up the events/exploits of my birthday in separate files, otherwise I'll never get to it!! So this post accounts for the morning of my birthday (July 3rd). I've appropriately labeled it "Gay on my birthday". You'll see why....
Sunday, July 3rd:
My attempts to go to church at 8:30am failed since I didnt get to sleep until about 5am (the night before I celebrated my birthday early by going Salsa dancing in the City with my girl Moe, Kris and Jrod. We had so much fun!!)!
My mom and H (step-dad) got to the house at about 11am to take Kris and I to breakfast. As soon as my mom walked into the house she was nagging me about running late (she should be used to it by now!).
When we got to the restaurant everything was cool. She talked to Kris about life and I talked to H about my cousin. Then it happened. What always happens. She brought up my NOT being in a relationship.
reenactment of the conversation:
Chops: "Yeah, It's really cool that TT (cousin) is traveling a lot even though she's not really happy with the amount of time she's away from home...."
Mom: "So speaking of that, why aren't you dating anyone Chops?
H: "On that note I'm going to the bathroom." (He gets up swiftly with a look of utter discomfort on his face)
Chops: "I gotta go to the bathroom too."
Mom: "No you dont, Chops! We have to talk about this!"
Chops: "Yes, I do. Bye."
I stayed in that tiny bathroom as long as I possibly could, knowing that mom would drill the hell out of Kris before my return. I wanted to tell Kris not to say anything, but I thought, "screw it"!
When I got back it seemed like the moment had passed, everyone was cool again, and it was time to go. But of course, once we got back into the car it started up again....
Mom: "Chops, why dont you want to date anyone? Why aren't you dating? Are you gay?"
Chops: "You know what? Yes. I'm gay. Now can we move on?" (Kris laughs out loud)
Mom: "Really Chops. What's the problem? Dont you like guys? I cant imagine why you aren't dating anyone. You dont want to be alone and barren...tons of cats and all that. You know, H and I wont be around forever to keep you company."
Chops: "I told you. I'm gay. I dont want to date men. I only want women." (Kris' really howling now!)
Mom: (flustered and upset) Fine then! Fine! You're gay! I'll hook you up with Mari then! She's gay and she'll be glad to hear that you are too. You can be together...all gay and doing gay stuff! (H turning up the radio in order to disperse this craziness. He looks as though he's having a very unprofessional enema.)
Mom: "TURN THAT RADIO DOWN NOW!!"
Chops: "No. Mari is way too old for me. I like 'em young and tender."
Mom: "Age isn't important Chops! I'm going to hook you and Mari up since you're GAY!" (mom just about screaming at me)
Kris: (joining in to make light of the situation) "I could hook you up with a friend of mine. She's gay too!"
Chops: "Cool, Kris. Is she cute? I only like 'em cute!"
Mom: (beyond pissed off) "Fine then, Fine!!! You're gay! Fine! Be gay!!" (turns her head, and refuses to speak to me for the rest of the ride home)
Back at home when she left she gave me this half ass'd hug and then went to Kris and gave her this big loving hug. LOL! She was pissed all day. H kind of apologized under his breath. LOL! No worries though. I thought it was funny! At least she didnt bring up Beg's name again! LOL!
My mom thought Beg and I were lesbian lovers since we started going to "Salsa" lessons and all these other clubs together. She once asked me if Beg and I go to clubs where they let, "Girls dance with other girls real close like." My mom is seriously in need of help!
To clear it up, my mom really doesn't think I'm gay. She just wants to push me to a point where I'll go out and date someone...ANYONE!! But once I do what she wants, she'll have a fit because the guy I settle for isn't good enough! Crazy! She also knows Beg isn't gay. She's known Beg since we were in Jr. High and knows that she isn't gay...and knows if she was gay she wouldn't be interested in me, and vice versa.
Needless to say, my birthday morning was not the highlight of my day. It does get better though so keep an eye out for follow up birthday files!
*** SPECIAL NOTE: Let me just state for the record that I am NOT gay. Beg is NOT gay. Ja-me is NOT gay. Kris is NOT gay. Also, my mom is really a sweet woman overall. She's just very adamant about my being happy, and is convinced that I cant be REALLY happy unless I'm with a man. She just doesnt realize that I'm happy now! ~~~ Oh! No noodles were harmed in the making of this post.
Always in love...unless you keep hounding me about being gay, then wont accept it when I tell you what you obviously want to hear (whether it's true or not)!!!
Lambchop (AKA) Chops~

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Monterey Files - Exhibit #1 - "Sugar Bear"

Okay I know this is sooooo late, but I wanted to give some excerpts from our Monterey trip! I'll try to do a new one every few days. This is #1...the Sugar Bear incident.

So the main reason I had suggested we go to Monterey for our Meatfest Getaway is because I had to sing at the Monterey Blues Festival that Friday. The performance went really well and I had a blast!

After we left the stage I said my goodbyes to my band members (this was the last time we'll ever perform together) and then went out to find Ja-me and Beg. We walked around a bit and I had a lot of folks coming up to me and saying hi and how the band did such a good job!

Then an older black kat came up to me and shook my hand. He was tall, dressed in ancient gear, and was missing about 85% of his teeth. He told me his name was Sugar-bear from the Chi-lites. He was hilarious. This was pretty much how the conversation went:

Sugar: "Girl you got natural talent. I can help you. I dont know if you know who I am, but I'm Sugarbear from the Chi-Lites"

Me: "I know the Chi-Lites! You guys are great!"

Sugar: "Yeah. I used to be in there but we broke up over some bullsh*t! Anyways, I can help you. I'm going back out to Amsterdam soon I can get you out there. I'm doing it big. You know I hate to admit it but I used to date Chaka Kahn back in the day and we broke up over some bullsh*t! But that's another story. But yeah, I can get you to Amsterdam."

Me: "So are you saying you need a back up singer?"

Sugar: "You aint listening to what I'm telling you!!! I told you, I dated Chaka Kahn! I'm saying I been to Diana Ross' house!!! Daina Ross' house!! You hear what I'm telling you??? Do you???"

Me: (a little frightened at his outburst) "Uh...yeah. I hear you."

Sugar: "So take this number and call me cause I can get you out in Amsterdam. I got connections all over. This number is to my place in Santa Barbara though."

Me: "So you live in Santa Barbara?"

Sugar: "You aint listening to what I'm telling you!!! I said I'm from here to Amsterdam, baby!! Here to Amsterdam!!! Amsterdam!! I'm a writer, producer, artist. All of that! I've been in Diana Ross' house!! AMSTERDAM...!!!"

BEG & Ja-Me insited that I mention that above his phone number he wrote his name and right beneath it he wrote in chicken scratch, "Ex Chi-lite". LOL!

Hmmm. Now is it just me or is he overly excited about Amsterdam?? Anyways. That was Exhibit #1. More lata.

Always in love...unless you get really close to my face while you're talking and you're missing hella teeth so you have absolutely no spit control!!!

Lambchop~

FYI>> I call our outings Meatfests because we all have meat nicknames that no one uses but me. Beg is Bacon, I'm Lambchop, Ja-me is Porkchop, and our silent member Kris is Veal. Now you can all wash your dirty little minds and start out fresh and clean! LOL!

Monday, July 04, 2005

July 3rd...Happy Birthday to ME!!!!

Yippie! Made it to another birthday! Another year older! I had a great birthday weekend. I'll tell you about it lata. Just wanted to thank Ja-me and Beg for coming out yesterday and hanging with me and my other friends to celebrate my b-day! Hope you had fun, and I'm glad we didnt have to fight them girls in the bathroom after all!

Always in love...unless you try to run up on one of my girls and we have to scuffle!!
Lambchop~

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEEEEE!!!!

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Monterey Meatfest Pics Part 2

And More Pics....





Pictures from our Monterey Meatfest!

This is the first of many photos we took in Monterey! It was soooo much fun. I'm sure you can tell from our pictures! Enjoy....








Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Perception

Cloud 9

We live from the head down and not the feet up
And I'm adorned with the crown that's making this up
And I'm fine under cloud 9

Yes I wear the lamb's wool, the feet of burned brass
And the wool defies gravity like the nature of a gas
And I'm fine under cloud 9

Twist my cloud and it rain
And when it rains it pours
And the energy will absorb
Power for the metaphysical one

Happy to be nappy, I'm black and I'm proud
That I have been chosen to wear the conscious cloud
And I'm fine under cloud 9

I be a chameleon and wear it bone straight
But it's so much stronger when it's in its natural state
And I'm fine under cloud 9

Twist my cloud and let it rain
And when it rains it pours
And the energy will absorb
Power for the metaphysical one

-Donnie-


About 5 months ago I drastically changed what I look like. I cut off all of my permed hair and went natural. Prior to the "big chop" I'd had hair styles ranging from weaves to pixie cuts, braids to bobs, and everything in between. I'd never had any problems with men (specifically black men because I don't date anything else). I guess I still don't have any problems (with men) but since the first day of my big change I've attracted a completely different type of person. I'm generally attracted to the conservative yet well rounded type. Kind of your middle of the road guy. The type that is comfortable in a conservative jazz club or at a hole in the wall bar. Most of my previous guys have been financially and (somewhat) mentally stable. Prior to the change I didn't realized how much my hair was affecting who I attracted.

Lately it seems that every weed smoking, starving artist, laying down tracks, my car is in the shop, vegetarian fool on earth wants to hook up. I have no issues with any of those lifestyles however they aren't my cup of tea. I don't smoke weed , I respect anyone who is perusing a dream but let's be realistic you need to have a job until your dream takes off! I love meat...Live cows make me hungry! And if you don't have a car how are you gonna take me out??? (Yes I have a car but I do have some expectation of a man) It pisses me off that people automatically assume that I am a poetry writing, incense burning, tie-dye wearing, coffee shop addict simply because of my hair style. Once again I have no beefs with those types of people either but it is so frustrating!!!!! Interestingly enough I also seem to be attracting a lot more non-black men lately. I have no idea what that's about.

I expected things to change a little when I changed my hair but damn!! I didn't realize that embracing who God made me by not chemically altering my hair would affect my social life so drastically! A decision to simplify my life has opened my eyes to a whole realm of issues that I never realized existed. All of that said, I love my hair and have no intentions of changing it.

Blehhhh!!!!!!!!!.........I'm tired of ranting but I'm far from done so I'll revisit this issue when I'm a little calmer.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Actually, I have one more thing to say since we're on the dating topic. I helped a friend sign up for one of those online dating services a few days ago. (I already tried that and it's really not for me...Anyway) While browsing through the available men we notice an irritating trend. Several of the men's profiles showed that they dated every race accept African American/Black. Even more irritating were the black men who dated every race accept their own. WTF is that about! How and why would you exclude members of your own race as potential mates. Self hatred is so ugly! One even had the audacity to say that the reason he is not interested in dating black women is because we are overly aggressive, gold diggers, conniving, and not feminine. He was at least 6 shades darker that I am so I know both of his parents are black (yes, I know that really doesn't mean anything but his profile confirmed my belief). I wonder what he thinks of his mother. Actually I don't give a damn. If I ever run into him I think I'll take my non-aggressive, not interested in your money b**ch, not into game playing, very feminine self and slap the shit out of him. Just kidding! (kind of)

Wow, *sigh* I feel so much better now.

Sunday, June 05, 2005

People are SO crazy!

Strange things I've heard at work this month:

- (from a female caller) Help! My balls are stuck in my Vagina and I can't get them out! ( In case you're wondering she wasn't talking about the toy kind...Not that I would know anything about that anyway)

- Get out here right away, a moose just pooped on my front lawn and I think it's coming back.
(FYI....I work on an island so needless to say there are no moose in the area)

- I need an ambulance...Someone threw bleach in my refrigerator and now my throat and my twat are burning!

- Help, My heart just exploded!

- (caller on 911 ) I need help immediately! My right contact is stuck in my eye.

I could go on but I think that's enough for now.

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