Sunday, January 23, 2005


"La Bufadora"
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Dogs for sale....Yep they are in a birdcage.
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Water
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On the deck!
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Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Confidence is soooo sexy!

Praise be to God! I woke up this morning and realized it wasn't a dream! I really AM on vacation! Woohoo!!!

I just got up and it's almost 11am. Lovin it! My friend D is out at work until 3pm today so I have her place to myself. I just put in "The Corrs" cd and I'm ready to tell you about yesterday.

So I slept late yesterday and when I did get up all I could think about was food. I walked to the store and wanted to buy so much but I had to remember I had to walk the 3 blocks back to D's house. I was really nervous because I usually don't even walk down my own residential street, but I was pretty sure that I could make it. Now if you added another block or two to that I probably would be dead in a ditch somewhere around here because I overestimated my physical condition.

I pretty much just ate and ate and re-watched Napoleon Dynamite while D was working from home all day. At about 7pm she had to go audit an acting class (did I tell you she was an very talented aspiring actress?). When she got back about 10pm we rushed to make it out to Vince to go to this Jazz restaurant (live band!!).

See that's what I love about LA. You can go out any night of the week and expect the club/restaurant to be open until about 2am! This would be an excellent thing in the bay, specifically for BEG (the vampire worker).

The club was excellent! I loved the ambiance (oohh la la) and I loved the band. The club was multicultural (which I love) and way smaller than Yoshis (Oakland) but it was able to hold a good deal of diners, drinkers and eclectic dancers.

When D and I walked in there was a large group of guys standing at the door. They obviously realized just how fierce we were cause they all kept staring as we made our way through the crowd to the restroom (I had my hair in twist outs and D is so fly with her bald head!).

We ate dinner and watched the show. We made sure not to sit too close together as not to give off the impression of being lesbian lovers (probably would have given us a lot of play though).

I really had to admire these very "fair" folks in the front row. They were just moving and swaying and dancing as much as possibly allowed in their chairs. Though they were severely off beat they did their thing! Without a care in the world they let it all go! That's really cool.

There was this guy across from our table who I felt was looking at us, so I glanced at him and was just shocked at how attractive he was. I have to admit that it's very rare that I see "fair" guys that I'm attracted to other than on the TV or movie screen, but this guy was really "W'hot". He had dark hair and a really great profile (italian I think). I didn't want to look directly at him because I didn't want to catch his eye. I'm firm believer that you need to see the whole face before making a decision on whether to flirt (reference Blacksheeps song "strobe light honey"). So I asked Dawn to see if she could get a better look from where she was sitting - discreetly. At first she said that he was "w'hot" but then she said she got a good frontal look and it was very deceiving, so that was the end of that. I finally saw for myself that she was right, but man was his "profile" w'hot.

So as the end of the night began to loom, D and I were approached by some guys that I had peeped watching us from the bar earlier. The guys found a booth directly behind us and the more outgoing one turned and asked us "Did you guys eat here? Was the food good?"

Now let me say that this was a very retarded thing to ask because as I said, I saw them watching us shovel our faces with food on and off all night, so they knew dang well we ate there. Secondly, the restaurant was no longer serving food as it was about 1am and they close at 2am, so why the hell do you want to know if the food is good NOW???

Anyways, the guys name is Kwasi (he's from Ghana- African) and his very quiet, very drunk friend's name is Joe. Kwasi was a riot. He told us that his last name was Kunta Kinte. We didn't believe him at first but then he kept on saying it was true, so eventually we were like "Oh. Sorry. Well isnt that nice". Then he said his full name was Kwasi Mandingo Kunta Kinte. At that point I realized that he was severely deranged in need of a good therapist.

D and Kwasi seemed to kick it off, talking about different countries and the like so I excused myself to the restroom since I'd been holding it for a looooong time. When I got back the scene was the same. D and Kwasi talking intently while Joe sat there on the side looking lost, abandoned and defeated (poor thing).

When I sat back down D decided to go to the restroom too. When she left Kwasi got all close to me and started asking me personal questions. I asked him about what he did for a living and what was his passion. He works as a Business Analyst during the work day and a photographer when he's off. We talked about passion for awhile and laughed a lot. Later on during the conversation he asked me what type of shoes I had on. I said boots and he decided to put his hand on my ankle and work his way up to my knee (supposedly to determine how long the boot was). He told me that I know I shouldn't have worn the long boots cause they're way too sexy (Riiiiiight. That's only a little bit cornier than his opening line).

He asked me about my "boyfriend/children" situation and I told him I had 5 kids. He told me that's soooo sexy and he wanted to get my number. Hell, maybe my ex-boyfriends current wife was onto something there! He told me he had 7 kids and we should combine and have our own village. I just went along with it cause I knew he had to be kidding. He then told me that we could allow inbreeding in our little village. Once again an alarm went off in my head that this guy, though he seems really cool, is a total freak. I had to be honest and tell him his comment made me very uncomfortable and I was becoming very concerned about his mental health.

He told me he was inbred, and was totally serious. He said his dad married his first cousin and they produced him. Unconsciously I started to inch away from him. Not that it would have been his fault, but he might have an extra leg or foot or something worse hidden somewhere out of direct view. Of course he was just messing with me.

But anyway, D finally got back from the restroom and a very short conversation she had with silent, drunk Joe. I asked Kwasi to take a picture of D and me and he willingly obliged. He was really into it and took like a billion pictures (almost all of which I surprisingly looked HORRIBLE. I'd love to blame it on the photographer but I cant...can I?). I took a few pics of D, Kwasi and Joe and then Joe took some pics of D, Kwasi and I. Kwasi kissed D on the cheek in one pic and kissed me on the cheek in another. I told him he must mistakenly think he's a pimp. He didnt laugh. Very disturbing.

Finally we left and he asked for our numbers. I gave him my home # cause I rarely answer that phone anyway. It's not that I didn't think he was cool but I think he had some serious underline issues. I gave him the right number though cause he was really nice and as a friend I think he would be really cool. But if he turns into a stalker I can program my phone accordingly (a constant issue for me - just because I must attract the crazies).

D and I talked on the way home about guys. The mutual consent was that confidence is the key. Kwasi was a good looking guy. He was dark chocolate and he had really pretty eyes. When I saw him earlier he didn't do anything for me, but when he went out on a limb (a very corny limb) and approached us with this respectful confidence I had to say I was very intrigued and attracted. Joe wasn't as confident. He pretty much let his friend dominate the entire conversation with TWO women! I'm sorry, you can be a good friend and let your boy have a try at the girl he's been eyeing, but TWO girls? C'mon now. He left poor Joe looking like the odd man out. That's just ridiculous. I didn't find Joe attractive but I think that he would at least have been mildly attractive if he'd have been more confident. This is probably an ongoing issue with him. Hope he gets it together!

So D said she was waaay attracted to Kwasi physically, but wouldn't date him. I said I was attracted to his confidence, and still wouldn't date him. Something about a man who could or could not be named Mandingo Kunta Kinte, could or could not have a pesky shoe fetish, could or could not have 7 kids, could or could not be into inbreeding his future kids, and could or could not himself be a product of inbreeding just doesn't do it for me. I guess I'll keep on waiting for Boris.

So for all you guys out there (normal or not), remember when you see what you want, go for it. Just be VERY respectful and kind. Even guys who most girls consider not very attractive can get a big boost because they didnt just gawk at the girl, but they actually approached her respectively. Now, after that's done, the key is knowing when to walk away. Don't stick around trying to monopolize her whole night unless she makes it VERY clear she doesn't want you to leave. Besides, mysterious is just as sexy as confidence....notice I said mysterious, not underhanded and dog-like. This doesn't mean you shouldn't give her your home number and months after the relationship has started still not let her see your place or meet anyone you know. That's not mysterious, that's just plain stupid.

Enough rantings. I can sum this whole blog up by saying confidence is soooooo sexy!

Have a blessed work week y'all. I'll have a great vacation week! Don't hate.


BEG - D said there was some ethiopian restaurant in SF like the one I went to last night. We gotta try it.

Ja-me - did you finish the book? That Rebecca is off the hook!

P.S. I love my girl with my whole heart. She's like a sister to me, but I'm getting soooo sick of her eating off of my plate I could scream! At dinner she took her used fork and rolled it around my entire plate to get an ample amount of lettuce and ceasar dressing on it. Luckily I was just about done anyway. Man that's sick! The thing that gets me is that like me, some people arent cool with that. And being that this is true you would think more people would be considerate enough to ask before they take it upon themselves to soil your good food with thier germ infested slobber. I repeat that I have no problem sharing, just not off of my plate. I'll buy you one so we both can enjoy our meal in peace. AAAHHHH!

Always in love (unless....well you know)
Lambchop~



Monday, January 10, 2005

Finally

The grinch has officially left the building. I can't even begin to express my excitement right now!!! In exactly 6 1/2 hours my vacation begins. For almost 2 full weeks I will get to trade in my vampire membership for a normal existence. Do you know what that means! Sleeping at night instead of during the day. Going out on weekends to places where I am not 1 of the 4 people on the dance floor (that are usually unemployed or otherwise impaired). I'll actually know what day of the week it is for a change (usually what you consider Tuesday is my Fridays and what you consider Fridays is my Monday unless I am working one of my off days which makes my Tuesday...... well, let's just say I'm usually all fu*ked up). It also means not panicking every time the damn phone rings because I'm worried that I'm being called in to work. Maybe I'll actually try ignoring caller ID for a while. ( On second thought perhaps I'd better not) Anyway I am happy, happy, happy!

After using every excuse in the book I made my return to the gym. First I told myself I'd go back after it stopped raining but it's been raining off and on for three weeks now. I decided to take the direct approach by getting dressed and driving to the gym without thinking about it unfortunately, when I got there I couldn't seem to get my lazy ass out of the car. What finally motivated me you may ask?? Well, I made the mistake of trying to squeeze into some jeans I hadn't worn in a while and sad to say...... after a few hours I couldn't feel my left foot (lack of circulation) . So, my first (and only) workout so far was terrible. I started out on a treadmill next to a 70 year old man. After jogging for 15 minutes I was sweating profusely and panting like a dog in heat (sad I know). The guy next to me was running faster than I was and hadn't even broken a sweat. Bastard! Anyway, after completing 35 of the 45 minutes I planned to run I finished my pathetic attempt at a workout and headed home. For some unknown reason I was in pain the next day. Figures.

Since this is my last day at work for a while I guess I'll end it with a call. (This call was taken by another dispatcher so this is my interpretation.)

Caller: (Enraged male caller) I am sick of this. I know you fu**ed my brother!"

Dispatcher:(confused) "Sir, do you know who you just called?"

Caller: "Don't play games with me!"

Dispatcher: (irritated) "Sir, this is the police department."

Caller: " I know you f**ked him, I saw the stains on the sheets! Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about."

Dispatcher: (amused) "Sir, you dialed the wrong number this is the police department."

Caller: "Whatever!! Don't call me anymore. It's over between us!" (caller hangs up)

END CALL.

To Lambchop: "I like her ban(k)gs."
To Je-Me: "Eat the food Tina!"

Saturday, January 08, 2005

Explanation

I suppose a small explanation is in order. You may (or may not) have noticed that this blog has acquired two additional contributors. For the last year this blog has been authored solely by B.E.G. I originally started blogging to document the strange occurrences in my daily life however I felt it was time for a change. Due to hellatious schedules and lifestyle changes my co-conspirators and I have found it extremely difficult to keep up with each others lives......So, I figured why not try a group blog. The three of us have been friends since high school (almost 15 years.....Damn I'm getting old). We have been through kids, marriages, ups, downs, relationships, fights, all the usual BS I guess. Anyway until further notice this blog will have 3 authors.

1) B.E.G- The original writer....no further explanation needed.

2) Je-me- The married mommy with a terrible shopping addiction. (she has several other problems but I won't put all her business in the street)

2) Lambchop- I'm not sure why she chose to call herself lambchop but so be it. I can't even begin to explain her so I'll let her do it herself.

Consider yourself warned!

Friday, January 07, 2005

Friends that hurt Friends

I am now officially a blogger! Thanks B.E.G. for adding me as a team member. Your persuasion techniques failed when attempting to get me to create my OWN blog account, so I thought I'd throw you a friggin bone.

Anyways. This is going to be short since I'm trying to pack for my trip to L.A./Encenada!!! I'm probably the worst packer in the free world so it's going to take a long time and it's going to be horrible....Envision a slow, agonizing death.

So B.E.G. my first blog is about you. How could you hurt me like this?? How could you possibly think that I would say anything to slander your character on your (now "our") blog?? Do you think I'd tell the world about your special hiding places? Or maybe about your many fetishes? Of course NOT! I'd never do anything like that!

You, my very old friend, are a FRIEND THAT HURTS FRIENDS. You suck. But for some reason I still love you like a baby turtle. You do have your good points.

Back to packing. What the hell do I pack??? Oh trick it! I'll just try to fit my whole wardrobe into my suitcase and seal it with duct tape....yup....That'll do pig - that'll do. And I wonder if I can get my Martin Backpacker Guitar onto the plane tomorrow? It's a travel guitar but it's pretty long. Oh well. We shall see.

Always in Love...except when I dont like you...
Lambchop!

To BEG:
"Is he whot (hot)?"


King Of The Hill Phrases Of The Night
:
"You ready to gimmie my hoe back?"
"From now on the only woman I'm pimpin' is Lady Propane, and I'm trickin' her out all over this town."

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Doldrums

I am so not impressed with the new year. I don't know what I actually expected but I know this ain't it. Okay, perhaps somewhere way back in the recesses of my mind I expected to wake up in a hotel suite in the Seychelles next to Charles Woodson (my love slave, he-he) , where I would spend the day lounging, eating, f....ooohh better leave that out, and shopping. Realistically I know things don't change without a lot of hard work and planning but you can't blame a girl for hoping. I just can't seem to figure out what my problem is. I spent New Years Eve at church with my mom, brother, and nephew and had a great time. By the grace of God I was allowed the night off from work (which in my line of work is virtually impossible). I have a roof over my head, a drivable car, and food in my belly (perhaps a little too much) so why am I in such a crappy mood. I think it started a little before the Christmas holidays and I just can't seem to shake it. I feel like something is going to happen/change soon although I don't know exactly* what that will mean. I do hope it's a positive change. Well, enough polluting the world with my negativity....I'll be back when I have something positive to say.**

*The spell check keeps changing this word to ejaculate..........I'm not really sure why.....Just thought you might want to know.

** I have a terrible migrane so I can't think straight and it took me almost 2 hours to type this.

PS: Happy Frickin*** New Year. (again)

***Ok last thing I promise. The spell check also suggested I change this word to Foreskin.

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