Damn, Damn, Damn!

I though Lambchops post about ticket master was a bit extreme but tonight I realized that she was right. Ticket master is the spawn of satan!!!! I had planned to see Goapele at Yoshi's tonight but apparently Ticket Master had other plans for my evening. I arrived at the venue 2 hours early because I wanted to have dinner and a few drinks before the show. Plus, if present your ticket prior to dinning they automatically hold seat for you in the front seating area. Anyway I arrive, give them my credit card and get wonderful news from the host. He condescendingly says "Okay, so how did you get your tickets again? (pause) because we have no record of it." So I think to myself maybe I gave him the wrong credit card...lets try another one. Well needless to say that wasn't the one either. I ask him to check the computer to confirm that my ticket was not for another night or another show. He rolls his eyes, checks the computer, then turns around and says "Your names not even in the computer and the show is sold out so it's up to you to figure it out" and hands back my credit card. Okay, so at this point I'm trying to convince myself that bitch slapping him would not be a good idea and I'm biting my tongue so that I don't say anything un-lady like. My dinner reservation was scheduled for 8:15 and it was 8:10 so I decided to go to dinner and try calling the credit card companies. I called every credit card company I could think of and none of them had a record of any charges from ticket master. I know I'm forgetful sometimes but damn!!! I know I would not have forgotten to buy the tickets. Well after the 6th shot of Sake I was feeling a little better and decided that I would just watch the show (minus the sound) at the bar (which I later discovered was a very bad idea). Several shots later I left the bar and headed home and no I wasn't driving.

So I get home and decide to blog about it and what do I find!?!!!!! Wouldn't you know it...the receipt for the tickets. And what did it say?!!! Today’s date and 10:00pm. It seems that ticket master had a flub and never actually charged my account and never forwarded my name to Yoshi’s so no show for me. BITCHES!!!!!!!

So here I sit on my couch angry, sick and pissed off.
Also FYI sushi and excessive Sake is a very very bad idea even if it seems like a good idea at the time.

Thank You
~B.E.G~

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Almost 100 Things

Okay....I'm jumping on the band wagon and doing the "100 things" thing.

1) I really enjoy sleeping.
2) I really, REALLY enjoy sleeping.
3) I am severely lactose intolerant.
4) I still eat ice cream, cheese, and drink milk. (My friends and co-workers aren't to happy about that)
5) This is much harder than I thought it would be.
6) I play guitar. (but not very well so I'm taking lessons)
7) I also sing...Hence the songbirds title.
8) I would like to learn to play sitar,piano, and violin. (in that order)
9) I am a bible believing Christian.
10) I tried to drown Lambchop when we were dorm roommates.
11) She lived obviously.
12) There are 8 pockets in the pants I'm wearing right now. They are hideously ugly.
13) I wear the same pants 4-5 days a week. ( for work)
14) No, I don't work in fast food smart ass.
15) I could really use a nap.
16) I locked (or started locking) my hair 3 months ago and it is growing way to slowly.
17) I planned to be married by 26 but at 28 I'm happy I'm not.
18) I hate my job but love the life it affords me.
19) My favorite song is " Come Inside" by INTRO. (ahhh....memories)
20) I originally started blogging on typepad but they didn't have spell check so I moved to
blogger.
21) Guess that means I am (and have always been) terrible at spelling.
22) Spell check is my best friend.
23) Are you still reading?
24) I have never dated outside of my race.
25) As of late I have been slightly curious about trying it.
26) But then again maybe not...I really love black men.
27) I am confident.
28) I am insecure.
29) Loud people really really annoy me.
30) I have a dry sense of humor.
31) I have had 3 1/2 boyfriends since 16.
32) My last relationship lasted 8 1/2 years.
33) Insecure/weak men also annoy me.
34) I think I might be emotionally stunted.
35) My father died slowly for 20 years.
36) Somehow I was still surprised when he died.
37) I love all types of music.
38) Yep, even country. (well maybe not love but like)
39) I really love vocal jazz.
40) Sometimes I feel like I have lived my whole life waiting for the next "big thing" or event.
41) I think I need to join bloggers and blog readers anonymous ( if such a thing exists).
42) I am overly concerned about what other people think of me.
43) I have a 64 1/2 Mustang that I have been planning to restore (after crashing it) for several
years.
44) I don't speak ebonics but I can understand it.
45) Gay men generally don't like me.
46) I'm not really sure why.
47) I have 2 brothers and no sisters.
48) I am the oldest.
50) I was named after a popular type of alcohol. (yeah... my parents weren't very creative).
51) I think my mom is gorgeous and I hope I inherited the same genes.
52) My brothers and I are like night and day although we all look alike.
53) I dislike rude and inconsiderate people.
54) I can't remember the last time I had sex and so far I don't miss it.
55) Ohhh....Was that to much info.
56) To bad!
57) I plan to remain celibate until marriage.
58) I have a very short attention span.
59 ) During conversations I only want the facts, anything extra I tune out. ( side effect of my job
I suppose)
60) I am shy. ( most people never notice)
61 ) I never wanted to have kids but I've been thinking about it lately.
62) The problem is.... kids would cut into my sleeping time.
63) I am more of a listener than a talker.
64) Wow...You're really still there.
65) I sleep all day and stay up all night.
66) In my early 20's "I was young and runnin wild" as Nas's father said.
67) I would love to see a sunset.
68) I really want to go to Fiji.
70) I have had Tuesday- Wednesday- Thursday off for 4 years.
71) I really really really really really really really really really hate that.
72) I think my youth is passing me by.
73) I don't miss the club scene at all anymore.
74) Did I mention that drunk men also irritate me.
75) All of my goals in life have changed at least twice.
76) I am very indecisive
77) No I'm not.
78) Yes I am.
79) See !!!
80) I have only been sloppy drunk once in my life. (okay maybe 3 times)
81) Generally unless you know me well you would never know if I was drunk.
82) I can do several tongue tricks.
83) I have a shopping addiction.
84) I charge things more often than I should.
85) I have been told that I am a very nice person.
86) I would give you the shirt off my back if you really needed it.
87) I think bras are unnecessary. (especially in summer)
88) As I have gotten older ( and larger) I have realized that they have some value.
89) I was a very late bloomer. ( in some areas) :-)
90) I like to read, and knit, and eat, and dance. ( but not at the same time)
91) I have a severe cussing problem.
92) I can't thing of anything I'm afraid of except squirrels...nasty little rats with fluffy tails.
93) I am not a writer and yet I blog....Imagine that.
94) Although, I do write songs.
95) I am very blessed.
96) I love my church even though I only get to go occasionally. (I wish I could go more often)
97) I would be nothing without God.
98) I don't understand atheists.
99) I'm spent.

Chops and J I'm calling you out!

~BEG~

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My Money Melts!

Hiddie Ho!

I promised BEG I'd blog about our girls night out last Thursday, and I will...tomorrow.

First I have to vent (yup, more outta me). I'm actually feeling so much better than last week. I'm no longer PMS'n and the world seems brighter with every passing second. Only, I'm a little disappointed. Have you ever started out the day with a full agenda, then something shiny catches your eye and the rest of your day is spent counting pennies, IOU slips, sellable socks, toe rings and anything else you deem remotely valuable in order to attain said shiny object? That's pretty much how my day went today.

The PLAN:
1. Up at 8am
2. Gym by 930am
3. Back by 10:30-11am
4. House cleaning till 12pm
5. Rehearsal at 2pm
6. Visit with the folks at 6:30pm
7. Meet up with visiting cousin at 8pm
8. Home about 10pm to prepare for gig tomorrow

My day actually went like this:
1. Up at 9am
2. Signed up for Netflix 2 week trial at 10am (that's when I got this GREAT idea. I'll buy a DVD Recorder and finally get rid of all those space consuming VHS Tapes, AND I can dub the all of the rented DV...uhh...umm...I'm just going to use the recorder to dub my paid for VHS Tapes...and that's it.)
3. Internet surfing for DVD Recorders till 1:30pm
4. Rehearsal at 2:30pm (I'm chronically late)
5. Best Buy store #1 at 6:30p
6. Best Buy store #2 at 7:30p
7. Best Buy store #3 at 8:30p (where I purchased my new Sony DVD Recorder!)
8. Home at 10pm
9. Guilt call to BEG (my over-spending accountability partner)
10. Shameful - nay - despicable cursing relapse at 10:15pm when I discovered I purchased the wrong DVD-Recordable disks!!! ^%$#!!*&^%&%#&^&^&*!!!!

I really have a problem with electronics. I Love 'em way too much. Electronics are to me what clothes are to Ja-me, and furniture is to BEG. I love it all, printers, computers, cd players, dvd players, vcr's, electric guitars, keyboards, speakers, heaters, pocket pc's...pretty much anything you need to plug in . I get all antsy and excited just thinking about them!! Get your mind outta the gutter BEG.

Unfortunately I dont get to play with my new DVD Recorder tonight, but I guess this is just another lesson in the area of patience... God knows I need to get better with that one.

Oh! Ja-me, have you (or anyone else) ever heard of "Ali G"? He's a white gangsta-rapper wanna-be from the U.K. (an actor), but he actually looks like he's Middle Eastern to me. Anyways, when I was at Best Buy store #3, the guy who helped me reminded me of him! I had this very strong urge to talk with my "British" accent, but I didnt want to offend him, plus he hadnt yet found the recorder I wanted, and I didnt want to piss him off before he got me my "precious". "It's ours and we wants it!" (havent you seen Lord of The Rings?)

Always in love...unless you look like Smeagol from the Lord of the Rings and try to take my precious, pretty precious Sony DVD Recorder...sneaky little hobbitses...wicked, tricksy, false hobbitses!

Lambchop~

Happy Gilmore Quote-
Shooter: "I eat pieces of sh*t like you for breakfast!"
Happy Gilmore: "You eat pieces of sh*t for breakfast?"

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The Spawn of Satans Twin Revealed!

I just needed to vent right now. I bought tickets to a concert on ticket Master and requested the BEST SEATS AVAILABLE. The stupid thing showed me tickets and I bought them thinking they were indeed the best. Then on a whim I decided to check again and found even BETTER tickets!!! !&#&$($#))$*%R&%&%)$)#_!!!

I am so pissed right now! I called ticket master and they said they couldnt help me - @#%%#*&(^%%%$%#^U&!!! I'm really pissed. All they had to do is switch me to the better seats! A click of a button would have been all it took. Same price, better tickets. The rat bastards.

Now that I've vented I'll let it go...#@$()&*_)&)**&*%@#*$#@$)_#)$#%$#%($%(*%&_+(*&O)_%$#@%$*)%$*^%%#@!!!!!

Okay, now I'll let it go.
Stupid Monkey Phunks.
TICKET MASTER IS THE SPAWN OF SATANS TWIN SATINA.

I'm in a foul and crabby mood, so I'm not sending anything out in love right now...especially if you're the phunkin jerk who created the insanely strict rules at Ticket Master, an unfeeling-uncaring employee at Ticket Master, an advocate for Ticket Master, a relative of a Ticket Master employee, a relative of a Ticket Master advocate, a friend of a Ticket Master employee, a friend of a Ticket Master advocate, the neighbor of a Ticket Master employee...etc.

BLAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Lambchop~

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Check Your Seats

I don't know if it's just the area I live in or what the problem is but it seems that the world is being taken over by freaks. Not your average run of the mill freaks mind you. I'm talking about the unusual, fantasize about having sex with stuffed animals freaks. The kind that I seem to have a special gift for attracting. Case in point...I was commuting home from San Francisco on B.A.R.T minding my own business. I was sitting near the separator doors in a completely empty train. As the train pulled into the next station an elderly Chinese man (at least 75 years old) got on the train and sat down in the seats across from me. I was studying and didn't bother to look up at him but I did wonder why he would sit so close to me when all of the other seats were available. (I hate that by the way) Anyway, I continued to study but noticed out of the corner of my eye that he was fidgeting quite a bit. I thought he was just trying to get comfortable but I guess I was wrong. A few minutes into the ride he says to me in broken English "rook aah me" . I figured he couldn't be talking to me ( plus I had no idea what he was saying). He repeated his odd phrase a few more time each time a bit louder. At this point I was irritated that he had interrupted my studying and I finally realized that "rook aah me" meant "look at me" so I looked up and saw way more wrinkled flesh than I ever though possible on a human being. He was in full swing ...Whacking away...beating his meat...chocking the chicken, you get the point. I was completely shocked and sat there in a daze just long enough for him to finish his business and leave a nice little puddle on the seat next to him. The train then pulled into the station and he got off (again). Immediately after this incident a crowd of people pushed onto the train and before I could say anything a women in a really nice suit sat in the puddle. Moral of the story....If you take public transportation check the seats before you sit down. That's all for today.

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Happy Valentines Day

So, I was lucky enough to see the fabulous Jill Scott do her thing at the Paramount last week. She was (of course) wonderful. I being the non-emotional person that I am was almost brought to tears during several of the songs but we won't tell anybody about that will we. It's funny, I haven't been out in Oakland in God knows how long but I swear everyone I saw looked familiar. Yep, all the usual character were there; the bartender girl with the big nose, the dude with the gold grill and finger waves, the chick with the tired broke down weave, I think you get the point. Anyway, I was surprised to find that there wasn't a single naked (or almost naked) female in the entire theater. I guess Ms.Scott must have inspired quite a few bay area folks to cover up for a change.

I was late to the concert (as usual) so I missed the opening act (Martin Luther) but the friends I met there said he gave an aight performance. When Steve and I got to our seats the show was just about to begin. Thank God the person sitting in front of me was short so I actually had a great view of the stage. (See chops short people are good for some things!) Unfortunately I also had a great view of some girl who decided she was going to become part of the show. From the moment Jill took the stage until the end of the concert this girl danced and sang every song (at the top of her lungs). Last time I checked my ticket said "Jill Scott" but I guess someone forgot to inform Ms.Thang. Overall it was a nice night.

So, it's Valentines day once again and as usual I don't have an "official" Valentine. I'm actually kinda glad I don't. That just means my cheap ass doesn't have to buy a gift for anyone. Perhaps I'll use the money I normally spend on my significant other to buy something for myself (like I don't do that enough already). Whooo hooo! Another excuse to spend money. I don't know why so many of my friends dislike this holiday. " Blehhhh I don't have a man, everybody hates me, nobody like me, blah, blah, blah!" I am so sick of hearing that ish. I'm just happy I don't have to pretend I'm excited about a cheap present(and even more excited that I don't have to deal with someone trying to get some ass all night long).

Oh well....Happy Valentines day to all you lovers out there!

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NADA

I got nothing. Nada. Nothing to say, hence the lack of posts. Since my last few weeks have consisted of work, sleep, school, sleep, work, work, gym, work, school, (I think you get the point) I have nothing interesting to share with the group today. I guess I could discuss this weeks “strange but true” work stories such as the man with the dildo and pantyhose in his fanny pack (which I will discuss at a later date) or the women who says she gets information directly from God regarding criminals that she would be more than happy to share if we would simply supply her with a free cell phone, or perhaps I could just talk about some of the many times I was called a bitch by a disgruntled caller but you know what? I really don't feel like it right now. Chops, although I have thoroughly enjoyed your post about Mr.Bastardo the circus midget I do hope this unhealthy obsession of yours (with revenge) is at its end (If not I have quite a few creative retaliatory suggestions for you) :-). Anyway, that's my dime.

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The Empire Strikes Back Against The Worthless Jacka$$ Circus Midget!!

The Empire (me) has struck back against the Worthless Jacka$$ Circus Midget!! (Go HERE to get caught up)

Okay, well maybe "struck back" isn’t completely accurate. The point is that new information is now available regarding my quest to regain membership with my gym.

I called the gym's corporate offices last week and got confirmation that Mr. Circus Midget indeed cancelled me just as the local gym had stated. I was also informed that "it" inquired about a possible refund on MY membership, but since we had the membership since 2002 we were way past the refund date. Now how sick is that?? Have you ever met anyone as freakin' cheap and miserly as that? I actually have some additional insight into "its" sickness that I'll write about later in this post.

So I ask the corporate rep whether she would be able to send me ALL of the information in writing so I can take "it" to court. She said she wasnt supposed to, so in desperation I gave her a brief synopsis of my experience. After she finished gasping in awe at the dastardly bastardness of Mr. Circus Midget she told me to hold on. When she returned she told me that she was going to pretend that I was still on the account and that she would move me over to my own account with the same exact terms as before. I dont have to pay a thing! She told me that what Mr. Circus Midget did was horrible, and that this way I wont have to deal with "it" at all. The only downside is that "it" got away with not having to pay for "its" wife's (Mrs. Waste Of Space Circus Midget) membership, AND "it" thinks "it" got away with screwing me over.

I'm a little torn about this. I thank God soooo much for blessing me to have received favor from the gym corporate headquarters and I know that I really dont want to deal with the Circus Freak ever again - but I really have a problem with "it" even thinking "it" got over on me. I want "it" to suffer - in "its" wallet that is. "Its" money is "its" heart so that's where I would like for "it" to suffer. I do have another idea for payback, but I cant very well request that God shrink "it" anymore than "it" already is. I mean, I'm not sadistic.

If I didnt know that God had everything worked out already I wouldnt be able to help but be a little disappointed. I mean, "its" a complete rats a$$ and "its" got this HIGH paying job, and "it" just sold "its" first house as a real estate agent. "Its" prospering and I'm wondering whether or not there's a future for me in the Pimp & Hoe business (as the Pimp of course).

I keep fantasizing on how God'll deal with "it" . I do pray for "it" so I guess "it" could change and "its" heart be renewed and "it" become a better person (or thing) through it all. On the other hand, "it" could loose everything "it" owns and end up having to be my Hoe who I will most definitely slap around and disrespect every opportunity I get.... Naw. I am so completely kidding. I do not in anyway support the exploitation and degradation of Hoes. They have feelings and rights just like the rest of us. Respect the Hoe.

Anywho... I wanted to show just how very selfish, stingy and cheap my ex-a$$ wipe the Circus Midget actually is. The best example is the whole paying child support issue. "Its" daughter (until recently) lived back south so "it" only saw her on special occasions and holidays though "it" did talk to her daily.

Instead of paying child support "it" decided to be a total chickens a$$ and set up a checking account for "its" daughter. In theory this sounds nice and generous, but not when "it" makes "its" babies momma call "it" and beg "it" for money whenever their daughter needs things like shoes or supplies. In my mind "its" just as bad as those guys who completely shun their fatherly responsibilities.

The mother of your child has to raise the kid, shape the kids mind, feed them, rear them, deal with all their kid crap and attitude, worry about bullies, work, go to school, attempt to have a life of her own...etc. If I was a babies momma I'd be damned if I would ever "beg" the father for money. If you dont wanna pay willingly, I'll take it by force...you tight fisted peon piece of crap.

The following are things I hated about dating the waste of space Mr. Circus Midget:

1) Mr. Circus midget was too freaky. Once while relaxing on the sofa watching tv with "it" I couldnt help but to marvel at how "its" feet stopped at the middle of my calf. This makes one feel that they are cuddling with a small child and thoughts of pedophilia come to mind (eewwww!!!)

2) In theaters it is customary in the beginning of a relationship for the guy to wrap his arm around the gals shoulders. Unfortunately because Mr. Circus Midget's arms couldnt fully reach around I had to sit on the edge of my chair turned slightly away from the big screen just so that "it" could feel like a man. I had a crick in my neck by the end of the flick.

3) Mr. Circus Midget and I went to a concert where it is customary for a guy to stand behind the gal with his arms wrapped around her waist in a lovingly romantic embrace. Unfortunately it isn't so romantic when you KNOW the guy cant see around you and so he has to keep popping his head out to the side to get a glimpse of the stage pretending he can see just fine. It also wasnt very romantic when I had to end up standing behind "it" with my arms wrapped around "its" waist...

4) Most women love high heel shoes (I'm one of 'em) and most men (short and tall) love to see women wearing high heels. Once Mr. Midget and I had to go to a friends engagement party and I decided to wear heels again (after a long hiatus). When "it" met me at the front door "it" stared at my shoes for a long time. Then "it" started jumping up and down and flailing "its" arms around while yelling, "Are you tryin' to embarrass me or something?" It appears that Mr. Circus Midget wasnt as confident as it originally portrayed during the lovey-dovey stage (dirty bastard). "It" ended up walking in front of me the entire party and "it" refused to hold my hand all night.

5) The whole "heels" thing is a big issue to me. I stopped wearing them when I started dating "it" I guess because I could tell "it" had a problem with them. If "it" would've been more secure I probably would've continued wearing them. My feeling is that if "it" wasnt confident enough to let me be me and wear heels, then maybe "it" wasnt confident enough to be with a taller woman. Maybe "it" should've stuck with action figure sized women so that "it" could look like a freaking basketball player.

6) When holding hands with Mr. Circus Midget I hated that his hands were sooo much smaller than mine. It was like holding a young boys hands...read #1 again (eewww!!)

Now I take full responsibility for sticking in there so long with all my qualms about "it", but in my defense...oh hell. I have no excuse.

Enough outta me.

Always in love...unless you refuse to be responsible and pay child support to the mother/mothers of your child/children.

Lambchop~

Once again I must reiterate the P.S. from my other post:

P.S. I apologize to anyone who considers themselves a midget, dwarf or "vertically challenged" individual who may have been reading this post and were inadvertently offended. I have nothing but love for you all! My ex-circus midget boyfriend was an a$$hole because of his character not because of his height.

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Happy Belated Groundhogs Day!!!

I forgot to post for Groundhogs day on February 2nd!! BEG & I celebrated but didn't post - shame on us.

This is a quote from my all time favorite movie EVER...GROUNDHOGS DAY!!! It stars Bill Murray (genius comedy actor) and Andie MacDowell. If you haven't seen the movie PLEASE DO! It came out in 1993 and is about a cynical weatherman who's forced to continuously re-live the worst day of his life until he learns to become a better person. It's hilarious!

Quote background-
Phil (Bill Murray) delivers this monologue at Hobblers Knobb during the Groundhogs (Punxsutawney Phil) prediction ceremony. Phil (Bill Murray) has grown tired and depressed of reliving groundhogs day over and over again in Punxsutawney, PA (one of my favorite quotes of the movie):

"This is pitiful. A thousand people freezing their butts off waiting to worship a rat. What a hype. Groundhogs Day used to mean something in this town - they used to pull the hog out, and they used to eat it. You're hypocrites! All 'a ya! You got a problem with what I'm saying Larry? Untie your tongue and you come out here and talk. Am I upsetting you princess? You know if you wanna prediction about the weather, you're askin' the wrong Phil. I'll give you a winter prediction. It's gonna be cold...it's gonna be grey...and it's gonna last you for the rest of your life."

In case you were curious, go here to find out the real life Punxsutawney Phil's weather prediction.

Happy Belated Groundhogs Day!!!

Always in love...especially on Groundhogs Day!!!
Lambchop~

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Attack of the Worthless Jack@$$ Circus Midget

This post is about my jack @$$ circus midget of an ex-boyfriend - I'll call him Mr. Circus Midget as he was quite shorter than me and has the worst case of short mans complex I've ever seen.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
PLEASE NOTE THAT SOME VERY STRONG LANGUAGE WILL BE USED IN THIS POST. VERY NEGATIVE REFERENCES WILL BE MADE AGAINST A VERTICALLY CHALLENGED, CRAPPY EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING. PLEASE DO NOT CONTINUE ON IF YOU CANT HANDLE THE EXTREME EMOTIONAL OUTBURSTS OF A WOMAN SCORNED. I'M NOT USUALLY THIS VULGAR OR CRUEL AND WILL DEFINITELY PRAY FOR PEACE ON THIS SITUATION BEFORE BED, BUT I'M HUMAN AND I HAVE FEELINGS THAT MUST BE PURGED. FOR EVERYONE WHO CAN HANDLE IT...READ ON AND EXPERIENCE MY FRUSTRATION WITH THIS NOTORIOUS BASTARD._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Today after work I was feeling really stressed so I decided to go to the gym. I haven’t gone for awhile but I've been ramping up to go and today was going to be my new start! Well I went into my local branch, and to my surprise that @$$hole Mr. Circus Midget had cancelled my membership!!! What a phucking d%ck!

The branch manager told me that Mr. Circus Midget went into another branch and cancelled my membership so that he didnt have to pay big bucks to get his new ghetto fabulous surly wife (that's a hoe 'nother story) a gym membership.

Of all the foul, crappy, underhanded, sneaky, evil, weasel-like sh*t-headed things to do! I am so freaking angry I could crap rubber duckies and razor blades. After all the sh*t I did for that selfish-stingy-cheap-monkey phuck-infinitesimal piece of crap! I had to endure him treating me like crap, stalking me for almost a year (almost daily 1, 2 and 3am calls to all my phones 1 & 1/2 years after we broke up), cussing me out when I finally called him to tell him to please stop calling me and waking me up every weekday morning, etc.

I actually wouldn’t trip off of his actions if he had bought the membership for me and I was just living off of his dime for these last 3 years, but that isn’t the case. We signed up for our membership as a couple. He wanted to pay with his credit card and asked that I pay him with a check for the full price of my membership ($650.00). So he didn’t do anything financially for me (as was the case throughout our relationship). So the fact that he would have the phucking audacity to cancel my membership without even telling me and add his dead-beat wife in my place is just driving me to shake. So pretty much I'm paying for his wife to go to the gym! I didn’t marry that heifer! What a bastard.

When we were together I paid for EVERYTHING. Anything we did I paid for myself and most times paid for him too because I was soooo in lu-u-uv (stupidity at it's best). I just enjoy doing things for the people I love with the thought that they'd do it for me too if they could (sucker).

Even though I was struggling I tried to help him out financially because he had a daughter and a house and he always complained about how much money he was shelling out on his responsibilities - "Babe, can you just pay for "this" or "that" cause you love me?"

He makes waaaaay more money than me...I'm talking like at least $50,000 more than me a year and I don’t own property, I'm hella broke and I'm trying to figure out which one of my lovely friends houses I can "borrow" some food from (Ja-me...whatcha cooking tonight gurl?).

Unfortunately, because he was "Primary" on the gym membership account he had the right to do what he did, but thank GOD for checks! I found my carbon copy of the check I wrote him and now I can order the endorsed check be faxed to me in the morning. That'll get his warped a$$!

Ja-me was the first person I told when I found out. She sweetly offered to ride up to his house with me (with her kids in the back seat) and kick his midget a...well, I wont go into any details.
Another friend offered to fill up balloons with eggs and egg his house, car etc. Yet anther friend suggested we fill up balloons with cat crap and throw them at his house. My cousin offered to go to his house and break every other bone in his body. But the best yet was my girl BEG. She offered to find a way to have all his utilities cut off and I think she may have said something about burning his house down...or maybe that's just what I wanted to hear.

If I was a different person I would totally have done at least one of the suggested retaliations on that midget jerk, but I'm not. Instead I'll just send him a certified letter and request he either reimburse my $650.00 or put me back on the account and let the gym's corporate headquarters separate our account (which is what he should've done in the first place). I'll give him 30 days then I'm going to take him to court. I'm sure that'll surprise the hell out of him since he thinks that I'm too nice to do anything about it.

I've been praying for him and will continue to. I don’t wish any ill will for him even though I'm still very very very upset about how messed up he is. I really just want what's rightfully mine...my freaking gym membership.

They need to dedicate the drink "Slow Screw Against The Wall" to me, cause I really feel like he's been slowly screwing me over for the last 5 years.

I feel a little better now, but like a sufferer of tourettes syndrome I might blow up again, so I better sign off now. I really pray there are at least a few decent men left in this world!

Always in love...unless you're an underhandedly cruel jerk of a circus dwarf who takes advantage of those less fortunate than you then pisses on their good intentions and faith in the male species.
Lambchop~

P.S. I apologize to any midgets or dwarfs that may have been reading this post and were inadvertently offended. I have nothing but love for you all! My ex-circus midget boyfriend was an a$$hole because of his character not because of his height.

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Love Fest 2005 - Theme Song

Hey BEG & Ja-me - I have a new post dedicated to the Love Fest for 2005. Please read it and if possible put on Peter Cetera's song "Glory of Love" from the Karate Kid soundtrack.

I have decided that this should be Love Fest 2005's theme song...with important CAPITALIZED changes that eliminate any insinuation of lesbian lovin'.

This is just a theme song. I still very much enjoy the company of men :-)
________________________________________________
"Tonight it's very clear as we're ALL STANDIN' here
There's so many things I wanna say
I will always love you IN A NON-LESBIAN WAY, I would never leave you alone

Sometimes I just forget, say things I might regret
It breaks my heart to see you cryin'
I don't wanna lose you AS A NON-LESBIAN FRIEND, I could never make it alone

I am a NON-LESBIAN FRIEND who will fight for your honor
I'll be the NON-LESBIAN FRIEND you're dreamin' of
We'll live forever, knowin' together
That we did it all for the glory of NON-LESBIAN FRIEND love

You keep me standing tall, you help me through it all
I'm always strong when you're beside me
I have always needed you AS A NON-LESBIAN FRIEND, I could never make it alone

I am a NON-LESBIAN FRIEND who will fight for your honor
I'll be the NON-LESBIAN FRIEND you've been dreamin' of
We'll live forever, knowin' together
That we did it all for the glory of NON-LESBIAN FRIEND love

Like a NON-LESBIAN FRIEND in shining armor from a long time ago
Just in time I will save the day
Take you to OUR NON-LESBIAN FRIEND castle far away

I am a NON-LESBIAN FRIEND who will fight for your honor
I'll be the NON-LESBIAN FRIEND that you're dreamin' of
Gonna live forever, knowin' together
That we did it all for the glory of NON-LESBIAN FRIEND love"

Always in love...especially if you love the Karate Kid theme song!
Lambchop~

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Response to BEG - Love Fest 2005

I think this is way too long for a comment so I made it a post to you BEG -
(Oh! I put new pictures in the flickr photo album on the right - from when we were younger)

OMG! BEG I am seriously tearing up over here. I'm not even joking. That was beautiful and I am so glad I had the opportunity to hear (see) it without forcing it out of you :-)

Honestly though, you know that you're a big-big part of my life. As hard as I've tried to get away from you (oh how I've tried), I just can’t seem to do it. You're a great friend. Even through our fights and homicide attempts you've always been there for me too.

I guess this is a good time to thank you (again) for always writing to me when I was in the army; keeping me up on the latest crew trash; being there for me through every break up (remember the day you took me to the beach when I broke up with the over stuffed Pillsbury Dough Boy and we sang our old tunes to the sea, or how you took me in for a few days when I ended my quest to begin a family with that midget in the circus?). You're always supportive of your crazy friend and I appreciate it.

You have a heart of gold my friend, brains of a boar with the attention span of a fly, but a heart of gold none the less. In all seriousness though, I'm blessed every day that I get to be a part of your exciting and humorous life.

I guess I realized a long time ago that long after our husbands have died from our horrible cooking and we're decaying at an alarming rate, we'll be rooming together still trying to find new ways of drowning one another. Ah, good times...good times.

Love you BEG aka Bacon. You're more talented and beautiful than you'll ever even know, sis. You really do inspire me. And don’t worry. Everyone knows you have yet to get over your hugging and touching phobia.

(You know I love you too Ja-me, but since I talk to you hourly I'll tell you in a few :)

Who's turn is it to call KK aka Kris? Tell her I love her too!

Always in love...unless you disrespect my girls.
Lambchop~

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Love Fest 2005

Since one of my goals for this year is to open up emotionally I figure this is as good a time as any to start. God has blessed me with many things in my life. My family, health, a job, etc...But one of the gifts I am most thankful for is my friends. Some people spend a lifetime without ever making a real connection with another person. I have been blessed with several close friends but today I will talk about two that I have known for over half my life. (Lambchop and Je-Me) I don't think either of them is aware of what an impact they have made in my life so I'll take this opportunity to tell them.

Je-ME: You are one of the strongest people I have ever met. (I know you are tired of hearing that but it's true so get over it.) When I am frustrated with life’s obstacles I think about all of the things I have not only seen you overcome but conquer and realize that I will overcome as well. You are an amazing mother, friend, wife, daughter, and woman of God, and I am blessed to have a person like you in my life. Even though adult life does not permit us to hang out like we use to (on Fletcher!!) when we do get the chance it's like we never missed a beat. I look forward to the years ahead and know that we will always be connected. (I'll even help you find your denture cause we know your gonna need them) I luv ya girl. (And no, not in a sick and twisted way!)

Lambchop:(It really disturbs me to call you that) You are one of the most supportive people in my life (when you're listening :-). Even though we've been through ups (Eros), and downs (End of Eros), and ups (College roommates), and downs (trying to drown each other), and ups (Hot Tub Parties), and downs (Traffic court Evasion) You have always been there for me and I value that more than you will ever know. You are selfless, giving, forgiving, talented, and beautiful and I luv you like a baby turtle. I can only hope that some day my walk with God will be as strong as yours. I am SO blessed and thankful to have you as my sister in Christ and in life. (When we are old I promise not to pass gas and blame it on you)

I Luv you guys.....There, I said it so don't bother me about it anymore Lamachop. Also don't expect the no hugging rule to change anytime soon either. (Unless I have been drinking then all bets are off)

PS: I guess I could have included K.K in this post but she doesn't have a computer so she wouldn't read it anyway.

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